Wow, I see to go in fits and starts with this fic. I'm going to try and be a little bit more regular about my updating because sooner or later Gamble and co. are going to come along and rip this back story to tiny little pieces so I need to get it done. Believe it or not, though, it's not writer's block that's preventing me from writing more. It's a combination of all the awesome fic out there distracting me, a sudden romantic interest (utterly unexpected), and research. I'm doing quite a bit of research for this fic, gods and their habits, time periods, historical figures. It gets a little distracting.
I'd also like to take a moment to thank my reviewers from the last chapter, especially the ones that I can't send a reply to; Hecatefan (awesome name there!), anon and Kay (yes there will be, a little later on), Tina and Sudoku (because your reviews always make me think and make me smile).
Chapter Ten: Kali.
By the time the situation with Joan of Arc begins, Gabriel has been romantically involved with Kali for nearly two hundred years. Those years have been both the best and the loneliest of his existence. He genuinely loves the goddess, has come to love her even though all this started as a way to get back at Hecate, and he thinks that she truly loves him. There is just one little detail: Kali only really knows the part of him that is Loki. She knows nothing of Gabriel.
He has spent twenty years considering the best way to tell her, always coming up with something and always backing out at the last moment. Gabriel contemplates on asking Hecate for help, after all she was instrumental in enabling this relationship in the first place, but he decides not to. It is not fair to put her in that position. Another reason that he does not tell Kali the truth, he does not want to put Hecate in danger should Kali take the news badly. It is that thought that keeps him from telling the woman he loves the truth on more than one occasion.
He covers his indecision with gifts and spontaneous showers of affection, moments of love so brilliant that he thinks it will consume him. His passion for this goddess seems to far outstrip that feeling that he has for Hecate, with Kali everything burns so brightly. Everything with Kali is strong, powerful, immediate. Hecate is a slow simmer, the distant longing on the edge of his awareness that makes him smother Kali in more affection. He wonders if his treatment of his lover is to compensate for the guilt he feels in allowing his feelings for Hecate to continue existing.
His worry over that all flies out the window when he hears about young Joan.
At first he is as willing as Anansi to laugh and poke fun at the mad little girl who claims to have had visions of God. Gabriel knows that his Father has no real interest in mankind's petty little war in France, so he cannot see any reason why she would have these visions. He cannot understand why she would claim to see the forms of manmade saints. He starts to become really concerned, however, when others mention that they have heard similar stories about her, when Zeus says that he has been told that the angels truly are talking to her. He worries more when Artemis tells them that she has seen the girl and that there is a light of grace about her.
When the English start rumours that she is a witch, Gabriel feels a sense of relief and at the same time of trepidation. This is something that Hecate will know the answer to whether Jeanne d'Arc, as she becomes known, belongs to the triple goddess, to Lillith or to any other goddess of witches. Unfortunately, she belongs to neither and he feels worry continue to build in him. If his brethren are interfering in this there is a strong possibility that he will be found out, discovered, and he cannot allow that. His concern distracts him, though he hopes that Kali has not noticed, and he turns to Hecate for comfort, friendship and advice because she is the only one who know the truth.
By the time everything is resolved he will wish that he had handled this differently.
SPN
Loki's interest in little Joan bothers Kali. She does not understand why her lover should be so interested in an upstart human girl who hears voices. Voices that the child claims are the voices of angels.
Loki has been tense since Anansi laughingly informed them of it months ago. He twitches at shadows and has not pulled a decent prank since that day. If Kali did not know better she would think that he was hiding from some imagined threat. He has also been spending longer with Hecate than he normally would. Usually he is too wrapped up in Kali and his jokes to have time for the Greek and that is how it should be.
Still, Kali wants answers and to that end she follows her lover on one of his many trips to see his friend, their friend. She half expects Anubis to be in on this, but he is nowhere to be seen. It makes the whole meeting seem more illicit, seem like Hecate and Loki are cheating on their respective partners and she trembles with the thought, the shame that it would bring.
She cloaks herself against detection when she arrives, shadowing herself in darkness and in death. It is still troubling when Loki looks at the place she is hiding with a frown on his face.
"What is it?" Hecate asks, following his line of sight and forcing Kali to deepen her hiding.
"I thought..." Loki pauses then turns back to his friend. "Nothing, this whole situation with Joan has me jumping at shadows."
"If you're that worried, go and look into it," Hecate replies. Even though she has slouched into the cushions as though she is bored, there is a tenseness to her voice that Kali thinks is misplaced.
"And if it is them?" Loki questions, the words are a demand, heated and raw. "Do you have any idea what they would do to us for this? For what you've helped me do?"
"Who's to say they would know I was the one to help you?"
"They would know, Hecate, they would know," Loki leans forward, his gaze intense as he speaks. "They might not realise it straight away, but my brethren are resourceful. Michael doesn't take defection lightly and they'd be as likely to kill you as me."
Loki's heated words leave Kali confused, cold. This is not the way that the trickster normally speaks, there is none of the warm menace in his tone as he tries to make his point. There is simply cold rage, a raw anger and fear that is far placed from the Loki that she knows. Her lover does not speak of brethren, he never makes reference to the family that abandoned and betrayed him. He does not even speak of his own children. Loki certainly does not have a powerful brother named Michael, in fact, Kali knows of only one group with a leader of that name.
Angels.
The thought is a foolish one and she dismisses it with a barely controlled huff. Loki is no angel, she knows that much, and has met enough of that species to be certain. Many of them are so stiff and formal, Loki is refreshingly free of the restraints of social etiquette. He cannot possibly be an angel.
"We have to be sure," Hecate tells him. "Eventually Kali's going to notice that something's not right with you."
"She hasn't said anything," Loki tries to assure Hecate but Kali can see that worried frown again as he looks in her general direction. It is as though he is trying to work out what he sensed earlier, as though he knows it is her. "I want to tell her."
"Tell her what?" Hecate demands and she must understand something in Loki's face that Kali cannot because she swears. "Don't even think about it! No! You think that Michael will react badly, Gabriel? You have no idea what she would do to you if she knew what you are." Kali recognises the name, naturally, because they all know the name of the Messenger, but she cannot quite reason why Hecate would use it here. She cannot quite grasp why she would call Loki by that name.
"I'm not an archangel anymore, Hecate, and we're in love. She deserves to know the truth."
"Kali loves Loki, Gabriel," there is pity in Hecate's voice as she speaks, as the pieces start to tumble into place in Kali's mind. "What we did, the way we merged you and Loki, the others wouldn't understand. Kali's my friend, but I would never trust her with something like this. It's too dangerous to do that."
"You think she'd turn on me?" Loki's, no, Gabriel's, voice is small, stunned and broken. He loves her, Kali realises, truly loves her with all his being, but he is not the creature that she set out to gain, not the god that she fell for. He is not really the one that she loves and that hurts too much to forgive. It hurts too much to ignore.
She leaves them, a whisper of flame and a flash of thought, taking herself back to the chamber that she shares with Loki. For the first time she sees just how little of him there is in that room.
Part of her wants to ignore the things that she has just heard, wants to brush it under the carpet and pretend that everything is as it should be. That part is squashed by the rest of her, the pieces that are shattered and broken from too many betrayals and too much lost love and hope. The part of her that is truly deserving of the moniker 'Kali the Destroyer' wants to tear him to pieces and display them for all to see should an angel of any level cross her. It is tempered by the love she has for Loki, the desire to see if he values his own life and his hidden identity more than he does her. She settles on the bed to wait for him.
When he arrives he looks haunted, frail in a way that she cannot understand. Angels are as stone, unmoving and implacable, heartless and cold. Gods have a wider emotional range, are able to understand that basic facet of humanity better and so they are able to take a great deal of pleasure in it. Over the years of existence, Kali has forgotten where the simulated emotions end and the real ones begin. None of her kind have ever looked so beaten down, though, none of them have ever seemed so worried.
As soon as Loki sees her, however, a false smile is plastered over his face and his eyes brighten. She can see it, now, for the mask that it is, a facade of happiness and emotion, and maybe he does feel something for her, but she cannot bring herself to believe it anymore. After an hour of quiet and meaningless conversation Kali realises that he is not going to talk to her about his meeting with Hecate. She realises that he is not going to tell her the truth that she discovered.
The goddess knows that she should confront him about what she has heard. She knows that she should ask him, demand the truth from him, but there is the piece of her that deals in the politics of her kind. By allowing Loki to pursue a relationship with her she has brought a rise of status for him, by leaving him she will throw him right to the bottom of the food chain once more. By not mentioning what she now knows she will be able to save the information until such a time as she can make better use of it. Until such a time as the powerful creatures finally embark upon that apocalypse which will ruin the world and an archangel will be of use to her one way or the other.
"What are we doing, Loki?" She asks him, interrupting the flow of ceaseless chatter.
"What do you mean?" He responds but it is in the cold tone that she heard him use when talking about Michael. It is almost like he has forgotten that he is not an angel here, he is Loki. He is Loki and Loki was a liar and a trouble maker. Loki is one that she should never have fallen for.
"This," she gestures to the room that screams of all her personality while there is none of his. The room decorated in pink, red, and gold silks, mirrors of brilliantly burnished copper cover one wall and leave a wavering reflection of them as Gabriel watches her. It is Gabriel that she is dealing with now, not Loki, never Loki, and Gabriel is infinitely more dangerous. Gabriel is unknown. "Us, Loki, we've done what we set out to achieve, why continue this charade?"
"Just what did you set out to achieve, Kali?" He demands, folding his arms over his chest even though he cannot meet her eyes. It is almost like he has prepared for this, that he expected the words to come one day.
"Distractions, chaos," she waves a hand negligently even though she knows she is tearing out her heart. "I've shaken up the power among us, risen just enough to make a difference in my importance among us. I have everything I need, Loki, and that means I no longer need you."
The words are hard, callous, designed to hurt and she sees that they do from the way that he falters. Certainly Gabriel has come to emulate Loki's arrogance perfectly, the trickster god would never have believed that a woman could walk away from him either.
"I want you to leave," she tells him. "I don't need you anymore, I have no reason to need you, you've served your purpose."
"I love you, Kali," he responds, not desperate, factual. It is a truth that cuts so viciously into her that she cannot help but throw something back that will hurt him even more.
"No, Loki, you don't. You've never been capable of it."
She does not have to wait long after that for him to vanish, taking his few belongings with him. Once she is alone, however, the strong facade crumbles and she feels a sob bubble in her chest. Gabriel is not the only one who betrayed her, she realises in that moment, Hecate has too.
Kali may not be able to hurt the hidden archangel anymore that she already has, but Hecate is fair game and will bear the brunt of the destroyer's vengeance.
I'll be honest, this chapter made me hurt a little bit for all of them; Kali, Hecate and Gabriel. It was also depressingly easy to write. Sad isn't it?
Artemis
