Chapter 11
There was a tension that came over the team after the young couple and Tony left the hellicarrier. A sense of unease, disappointment and distrust. No one had anticipated the horrors that lurked in Teyadarma's mind, all the pain and suffering. Of course, some of the abuse had been obvious from the onset, her behaviour and attitudes to the team eluding the truth, yet none of them had truly anticipated or prepared for the sheer brutality that she had endured.
Tortured, abused, molested, neglected…the list could go on. It was deeply shameful to realise that no matter what kind of monsters arose attempting to destroy the world, the true monsters were always humans. Humans destroying one another, preying on the weak and vulnerable. Humans commenting acts of evil that were incomparable, even to the like of Loki.
Steve hadn't let anyone near Teyadarma since the horror show, that was nearly a week ago. The easy trust that they had previously seemed to vanish, the sheer weight of his disappointment and distrust preventing many of them to even look at him. His normally carefree attitude was gone. His general disregard for what was done to him previously gone. In its place was a barrier, a wall of resentment that felt deserved. He hadn't said it outright, but they all knew what he was thinking. They could have intervened, they could have stopped this earlier.
Even Tony was no longer as approachable. He wasn't the easiest person to get along with to start with, but the familiarity and trust he had for his team was also gone. The seeds of resentment, even hatred, had been planted. Bruce was feeling the brunt of that barrier the most.
None of them knew what to do, how to make it up to them. The comradeship that founded their friendships and the comfort that allowed for their living together was pulled away from them. It felt as though they were walking on glass shards, piece by piece ripping away and piercing their team.
…..
Steve couldn't handle being away from Teya. He knew that he must have been grating at her nerves, frustrating her, but he couldn't help it. It felt as if he looked away, even for a moment then she would be taken away from him again.
For the most part, Teya didn't seem to notice or care. She was in this functioning comatose state, present but not really there. She would lie in bed almost all day, eating nothing until Steve had to force it down her throat. She wouldn't sleep, not until she physically couldn't stay away anymore. Then she would wake screaming bloody murder, recalling all the horrors that she was again forced to endure. It normally took Steve an hour to calm her down enough to stop thrashing around, trying to escape captures that had long since torn into her body and mind.
Put simply, it was killing Steve. His Teya, his kitten was even worse off that when she first came to him. He couldn't take seeing her like this. He was watching her mind slowly kill her, weakening her in its attempts to deal with the pain. This coupled with the message from the other… beings within her made Steve stress more.
Admittedly, the only possible good that came from this hellish experience was the slight improvement in Teyadarma and Tony's relationship. Following Steve home as he carried Teya's body off the carrier to Stark building to have Bruce look over her again, he too had rarely left her side. Even when Steve had been given the all clear to take her home by Bruce, who wasn't able to look either of them in the eye, Tony followed them to Steve's apartment.
Neither of them had addressed it, but Tony took to sleeping in Teya's room as she spent her wakeful and sleeping hours in Steve's room. His presence and his smell seeming to be the only thing keeping her in a calm-like state. During the day he would spend his hours on his laptop, looking into his daughter's records and files, trying to find out who was responsible for her hell. When he had located the monster that molested his six-year-old daughter, it had taken physical restraint by Steve to keep him from killing the bastard. Even then, it was only so that he too could join in on the fun of beating the monster to a pulp, but that wasn't something he could do at the moment and Steve didn't want Tony to do it all himself.
Teya had taken to his presence cautiously. The first two days she had cried and screamed, holding onto the band of her pants, with him even in the room. With Steve's insistence and reassurance a truce of sorts had been drawn. She no longer screamed so long as he was always at the end of the room, and she had a clear route to the door. It was slow going, but it was progress.
Steve was sitting in the kitchen, having a mug of coffee while he leant against the counter. Teya had just fallen asleep and he knew that it would only take a matter of time before she was screaming out in her sleep again. It was as though her mind was punishing her, making her relive her darkest moments, forcing her back into the reality she had only just escaped.
Tony made his way into the kitchen also, dark circles under his eyes, making him appear older than he was. Steve acknowledged his presence with a grunt, trying to concentrate on the rare moment of relative serenity that they were given. It felt as if they were in the eye of the storm, being given a few hours of respite before they were again thrust back into the raging hell. The quiet was appreciated.
Tony poured himself some coffee and stared at Steve. All his actions up to this point proved what he already suspected.
"You love her," he said, his voice neutral, almost as though he was stating a mere fact. To his credit, Steve barely reacted.
"Is it that obvious?"
"As obvious as it gets, pal. For al that it counts, I think that you'll be good for her. She seems to trust you. And even though I don't know her, not really, I think that she loves you too. You're the one she needs" he said, voice dropping as he looked deeper into Steve's eyes.
It went without saying that Tony would kill Steve if he hurt his daughter, he mightn't have been there when she needed it most, but he was here now. And he knew that that was all he could do. And despite the distance that she always required around him, Tony knew that he was making progress with Teyadarma. It was slow, painstakingly slow and cautious but he couldn't ask for anymore. Having seen what he had, he knew that she was making leaps.
She would never truly trust him, it was obvious. She had been hurt so deeply that he knew that she would never really be able to have normal relationships, with anyone. But when he saw her with Steve, he knew that even though they didn't have a normal relationship, they had each other. And for people like them, that was enough. In some ways, Steve and Teyadarma were one and the same. Pulled from the life they should have had and forced to live in another world, be exposed to things that they shouldn't have been. Steve had seen war, something that few of his other teammates could say. And whilst his war had been fought very differently, with different enemies and opponents, Teyadarma had also fought in her own war. Battling against her adversaries, fighting with her own weapons.
Steve was about to respond when he heard the first scream. It was low, short as if it had been cut off by someone, or something. He knew that in a few minutes the screams would be ear piercing and bone chilling. She would call out for her mother, Olivia… and now Steve. It killed him more when she did.
Putting his nearly empty cup down on the counter, Steve rushed to his room. Slipping into the room he made a beeline for the bed. Kneeling down at its side he tried to shake her awake, wanting to pull her out of the dream before it really took hold. Shaking her shoulder gently, he called her name.
"Teya, wake up. Kitten wakeup! It's just a dream, you're safe" he tried. Her screams increased in volume, so deep was she in her hell that she couldn't hear him. Feeling the desperation rise within him he did what came instinctually to him. Throwing caution to the wind, he gathered her in his arms and held her. Holding her arms at her side, he tried to keep her as still as he could. She often clawed at her skin, trying to get rid of phantom hands.
Whispering into her ear over and over that she was safe, that she was dreaming as she tried to wriggle out of his hold seem like the only thing that he could do. It was killing him to see her like this, helpless and hopeless. Slowly she began to come back to reality, pulling herself out of the clutches of the latest monster haunting her.
It took nearly fifteen minutes before she was awake again. They sat in silence for a moment before Steve loosened his arms from around her. It was that that broke the camels back it seemed. She started sobbing, tears streaking down her face as she cried. Not knowing what to do, unsure of what to do, Steve just sat there. Again, it was instinct that told him to try and comfort her.
Turning her around, he held her again. She had never cried like this before. He would wake her, and she would lay there panting after. Eventually, her breathing would calm and she would turn on her side away from him. This was different, she was so vulnerable and he knew that this was the moment that he could help her.
Holding her to his chest he rocked her back and forth as he tried to calm her, tried to reassure her that he was there for her. He wanted her to know that he would do all that he could to protect her. To keep her safe and he would not fail a second time. He desperately needed her to know that.
He softly hummed for her, trying to distract her. Some time later she stopped sobbing, her tears having died out. She just sat there, her hands fisted into Steve's shirt so tightly that her knuckles were white. She looked blankly in front of her before she turned to Steve and said her first words since the hellicarrier.
"I feel dirty. I feel so dirty, and no matter how hard I try I can't get it… them, off me. I can't get them off me" she said, voice quivering. Steve nodded looked down at her eyes, so young and so open. She was young, but she had been through what most didn't their whole lives.
"You know that I will never hurt you, that I will never fail you again, don't you?". She looked at him, still. His heart clenched, his breath stilled. She gave him a small nod. He breathed a sigh of relief, hope blossoming. Nodding his head also he gathered her in his arms and carried her to the joining bathroom. Setting her down on the toilet seat's lid, he knelt at her feet. Her hands still held his shirt, keeping him as close to her as she could.
"Do you trust me? I won't do anything that you don't want. I just thought that you might want a bath" he said. Again she nodded her consent. He too nodded. Getting to his feet, he was about to walk over to the tub before he heard her whimper. Her hands were holding him still and she shook her head, tears brimming at her eyes as she begged him to stay.
Dropping again to his knees he held her face in his hands as he pulled her in for a hug. His mouth near her ears he let her know that he wasn't going anywhere. He was just going to fill the tub. He stayed like that until he felt her hands lessen their hold and he got up. Holding her hand he reached for the taps and began to fill the tub. Walking over to the rack of towels he pulled one from the stack then returned to the tub to turn the taps off, all while still holding her hand. Coming to stand in front of her again, he slowly pulled her to her feet.
He reached the bottom of her shirt, stilling his hands when he felt the fabric between his fingers. Looking into her eyes he waited for her to signal that she was okay. Following her nod he pulled the shirt over her head, keeping his eyes on her face. He pulled her pant off also but decided that it would be best to leave her underwear on. Walking her over to the tub, he helped her in.
When she was seated comfortably, sat in the floor beside her and began to slowly wash her hands and arms. He didn't let his eyes look anywhere but her face and arms, not wanting her to think that he wanted something sexual to come from this act of caring for her. He just wanted to look after her, make her feel safe and wanted, not for her body or beauty (which she had, she was abundantly beautiful) but because of who she was.
It was as he began to wash her hair that tears slipped from her eyes. Never had anyone, any man, touched her so gently… so lovingly. Never had a man's hands been on her skin to simply take care of her, and not fulfil his own desires. She had never felt as loved or cared for.
The instant Steve noticed her tears, he stilled. She turned her head to look at him, and understanding the look of uncertainty he sent her, she again nodded her consent to continue. It wasn't lost on her that he wasn't doing anything without her say so and that he had stopped at the moment she started showing her tears. It was everything that she had ever wished people would do for her. Further proof that he was different, so much better than all the other men in her life.
Pausing a moment more, Steve returned to washing Teya's hair. Its length and weight increasing as it absorbed more water. Its colour deepening also. When he asked her if she wanted to lay back in the water he didn't receive a verbal reply. She simply moved forward enough to lie down so her hair too was submerged. It moved around her, rising and falling in parts as if it were alive. Rippling in the water, the red colour fanning out around her, making it appear as though blood were washing off her body.
They sat like that for a while, Steve running his fingers through the strands of her hair, claiming her with his gentle touch. Teya kept her eyes on him the whole time, not from distrust but from admiration and a deep sense of affinity. She felt that, in that moment, she belonged with him. That she was safe and at peace. It didn't matter that she knew Fury wouldn't let her go, or that the monster inside her was fighting for control. No, in that moment while she stared into his eyes she was completely at peace. No one would hurt her, he would never allow it.
When the water cooled too much for Steve to let her stay in any longer, he gently prompted her up and out of the bathtub. Grabbing the towel, which he had laid down on the sink, he opened it wide enough so that she could walk into it. Wrapping the towel around her, he hooked his arm under her legs and lifted her up and out of the tub, the water splashing as her feet broke the surface tension.
Holding her to his chest, the water from her hair soaking his shirt he carried her out into his room. Placing her on his bed he told her that he was going to grab another towel. Walking to the bathroom rack again, he thought about what he was supposed to do for her clothes. All hers were in her room despite the amount of time she spent in his. Rushing back, he stopped to look at her. She looked much better, he had to admit. Even though her eyes were dark and sunken in from lack of sleep, her skin almost sickly pale and her body folded in on itself. It was like looking at a shadow, no…a shell or skeleton. This person no matter how much it looked like his Teya wasn't her. He swore then that he would do everything he could to get her back to her original state, better even.
Walking back into her line of sight he softly wrapped the towel around her head. Taking a step back he scratched the back of his head. "I don't know what you want to do for clothes? All of yours are in your room, so if you want I could run and grab you something to wear". No sooner had he said it, she lunged at him, wrapping her arms around him and sobbing for him to not leave her, begging him to not leave her. Not knowing what to do, he wrapped her up in his arms and rocked her back and forth, reassuring her that he would never leave her.
Picking her up, almost like he would a child, he walked over to his dresser and pulled out a shirt and a pair of his boxers. He didn't think that she would be comfortable with him carrying her around the apartment in only wet underclothes and a towel, especially with Tony staying here. Taking her back over to the bed, he slowly pulled off her towel and not knowing what to do, he looked at her desperately. She understood what he was trying to say, but couldn't, so she unclipped her bra and pulled off her underwear. He was bright red and staring intently at her face.
Quickly he pulled the shirt over her hair, which had dried some and the towel having fallen off some time ago. It fell to just above her knees, allowing him to visibly relax. Again, Teya couldn't help but draw a comparison to all the other. He was nothing like them, he didn't stare at her figure or make her feel like a piece of meat. He was uncomfortable with her nudity, and she had an inkling that it was to do with her discomfort.
Pulling the boxers up her legs, Steve took a step back to allow her to adjust the clothes to better fit. They were his and naturally they were too big for her small frame. In a way he liked it, it was almost a form of possession. She belonged to him, and in his clothes, all others would know it too. That wasn't to say that he didn't belong to her, he did. With every fibre of his being, he was truly and utterly hers. They belonged to each other and no one would take that away from them.
Putting the wet clothes in the hamper, he stopped again by the bed. Not knowing what to do, he simply stood there. She was exhausted, the little action she had to do completely draining her of energy. Nodding to himself he put her under the covers, and again on instinct, he laid down beside her.
"Is this okay?"
Turning so that she was facing him, she gave him a small smile before moving closer to him. burying her face in his neck, she nodded before placing a small kiss at the juncture between neck and shoulder. "It's perfect".
They laid like that for almost an hour, both getting comfort from the others embrace. She felt calmer than she ever had, and she knew it had to do with him. She felt stronger too, more than she had in days. After a while, they both started to doze off.
"You never failed me, you know," Teya said, half asleep and voice soft. Steve perked up some, the silence they had disturbed by her words.
"You found me, and you tried so hard to get me out. You didn't stop trying. That's everything" she continued.
Voice thick with emotion, Steve replied. "It wasn't enough to save you from that. I couldn't get you out. I'll never forgive myself for that". All the self-loathing and despair riding to the surface. No matter what Steve blamed himself for what had happened.
"You tried and that's all that matters. I will forever be grateful for that…you did everything you could have" she said as she finally drifted off to sleep. Snuggling further into Steve she slept, unaware of the emotions bubbling within him. Hearing her say that she didn't blame him was euphoric. All the guilt that he had been carrying around with him for being unable to get her out of the glass hellhole was evaporating.
Closing his eyes, he too slowly drifted off. Arms wrapped around his kitten, he knew she was safe and well.
