33. reaction (general deception pt 1)

I screamed.

I wasn't sure how loud or for how long, I just knew that the heart wrenching scream that echoed through my ears had left my own mouth. I was fully within my rights to scream, I would defend myself to the others later in the week. Blake was plummeting to his death, who wouldn't scream was the question. And although they all laughed and patted Blake on the back as he grinned at me, same as always, I hid a shudder at the thought that maybe, if it hadn't worked out, they wouldn't be patting his back, but closing his casket.

I dreamt that night of watching him fall from that cliff, a kelzack having cut his rope, leaving Blake to tumble past the cliff face, unbound and freefalling. I remember my heart stopping and something catching in my throat. It wasn't until moments later, when I was gasping for air, that I realized it had been my breath.

If it hadn't been for his reaction time, his quick thinking, Blake wouldn't have morphed so quickly and landed perfectly and safely on the ground, at least fifty feet down from my perch at the top. He shouted "Close one!" up to me, and I could hear the grin in his voice, and I felt an answering smile cross my lips. My initial reaction had been relief, gratitude, joy - just pure happiness at seeing him alive and whole.

When I went home that night, I showed the reaction that Blake would never see and that the guys would never understand. I sat down on my bed, cross legged and staring blankly at the window, seeing him fall again and again and again, until it was some sick movie, replaying in my mind.

I cried.