Chapter 10 – Slipping away
It wasn't easy to sleep, knowing she was standing just two rooms away from me. I don't think we've ever slept apart when we were in the same house. We'd always be in bed, ready to sleep, and I'd turn to her side, whether we were on separate beds or on the same one, and say goodnight. She'd say it back, it was almost a formality, cause we both knew we weren't gonna be closing our eyes anytime soon. One of us would remember something she'd forgotten to tell the other, and a conversation would start, and pretty soon we'd be talking about what things were like when we were 9, or something the other one still didn't know, from when we were even younger, and hadn't met yet. An insignificant detail from a life that seemed so far away now. She'd tell me something about her mom's clothes, and I'd tell her something about what my parents were like when they were still parents. It was hard to believe there were still things we didn't know about each other, but there was always something. Whether it was her mom's favorite color, or the name of a teddy bear I'd gotten for Christmas one year. We loved talking about these things. I loved that every day there was something new I found out about her life, that made me know her better than anyone else could.
But this night, it didn't matter that her mom's favorite color was red, and that that was the reason she liked to keep her room the same color. It didn't matter that she was the only one who knew I once heard my parents fighting, and blaming their own problems on me, the 11-year-old who was listening to everything. None of it mattered, because even though I knew most of her past, lately I felt like her present was slipping away. I didn't know how the internship was going, I didn't know at what time she woke up, I didn't know if she liked her boss, or even if she planned on staying in LA even after summer was over. I didn't know why she was mad at Lucas. There was too much I didn't know, and it made me feel uneasy, cause I wasn't used to that. It scared me.
I left my thoughts drift, and I ended up falling asleep before I thought I would. When I woke up the next day, I turned to the other side and was more than surprised to see the familiar blond curls all over the pillow. Her face was turned to my side, her eyes closed in a peaceful sleep. I should be mad, I kept telling myself that. I didn't know why it was so important for me to be mad at her right now, but I knew it was. Probably because if I wasn't, I'd end up kissing her at that moment, while she still slept, and hoping she'd wake up and start kissing me back, leaving all the problems and complications behind. Before I knew it, I was touching her hair softly and smiling like an idiot. When she started to stir, I retreated and stayed in the same position as her, our eyes meeting as soon as she opened her own. She took my hand and placed it back on her head, almost unconsciously, silently asking me to keep stroking her hair. It always had a soothing effect on her. I smiled and couldn't help but do as she wanted.
"You stole my bed", I stated, making her laugh.
"Well, only half of it", she shrugged and we stood like that, just looking at each other, trying to read each other's minds, while my hand distractively brushed through her curly hair. It wasn't easy like it used to be, but we could still do it. She saw it in my eyes that I was happy she was there, I saw it in hers that she was happier at that moment than she had been for quite some time. Weeks, maybe. So why couldn't things be this simple with everything else, too?
"Nightmares?" I asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
She shook her head slightly. "Not really. But the conversation with Lucas didn't go so well, and I didn't wanna be alone."
"Why didn't you wake me up?" I raised my eyebrow. That was the drill, or at least it'd always been. Neither of us would mind to be woken up in the middle of the night if the other one needed to talk.
"Cause you were mad at me enough as it was."
"True", I said it before I could even think. She was a little taken aback by it. I took a deep breath and tried to fix it. We didn't need that, we didn't need to make the growing distance between us even wider. "But since we're both here anyway, you might as well tell me what's bothering you. What did Lucas say?"
"I think…" she started, and I felt that her tears weren't gonna take long to start forming, "I think he kinda broke up with me."
I stood still. Very, very still. I wanted to move, and say something, and ask more, but I simply couldn't. I had mixed feelings right now, and didn't know which of them to show and which to keep to myself. "What do you mean, 'kinda'? What did you say? Didn't say you say you were here with me?"
"No. I mean, I just said I was at a friend's, a female friend, and I'd stay the night and we'd talk in the morning. Then I said I was sorry, and that I was gonna make things right again, but he said he wasn't sure that was still possible", she let the tears come this time, and I immediately recognized what I felt. My heart broke for her. I couldn't be happy that they were having problems, not knowing she was feeling this way.
"Then I guess you should go back home right now and fix this. Don't you?" I looked at the ceiling while the words left my lips. I couldn't think much, cause if I did, I'd probably change my mind again.
"Yeah, I guess…" I recognized the insecurity in her voice, and almost said something to encourage her, but ended up remaining silent, selfishly hoping she would cave in to those insecurities and decide to stay.
But she got up instead, got her clothes that were hanging outside my closet, and made her way to the bathroom. When she got back, she had both her hands in her pockets, I was sitting by the bed, studying her expression.
"So…" she started, "Thanks, you know, for, taking care of me…" she looked at her own feet as the words left her lips. "I know you weren't exactly happy to do it."
I sighed and got up, gently wrapping my arms around her in a hug, surprising not only my blond friend, but also myself. She soon hugged me back and let her head rest comfortably on my shoulder.
"I wasn't happy about it cause it shouldn't be me taking care of you", she tensed at my words, but I wasn't being harsh. I softly pulled away and looked at her carefully, "It's you. You're the one who should take care of yourself. And it doesn't mean I don't care, Peyton, cause I do. It just means that I can't care for the both of us. No one can help you if you don't help them help you."
"I know", she nodded, even though she was still avoiding my gaze.
I sighed hard once again, knowing I'd soon regret the words that were about to leave my mouth. "You have to let Lucas help you. Cause you know things won't get better till you do."
She nodded again, and didn't say another word for a few minutes. "Will I see you again? Before you go back?"
Her question wasn't exactly easy to answer. It'd involve me, making a decision. Maintaining what I'd decided back home, before she came, or acknowledging it was too hard, and changing my mind.
"You've got my cell number and you know where I'm staying", I shrugged, deciding to let the decision up to her for once.
The small smile that formed on her lips indicated that we'd probably still see each other. She said goodbye and called a cab.
Next big thing on my to-do list was calling Vince and Julie's house. We met for lunch in a place nearby and they were totally cool with everything. Didn't even make many questions when they saw how uncomfortable I was with the whole situation.
"So… is she ok now?" Julie asked carefully, carrying two bags of clothes we'd been buying for the past hour and a half.
"I think so. She's just a little lost."
"So why are you here with me and not with your best friend, helping her find her way back?"
See, when I said before that the girl could be annoying, that's what I was talking about. Ok, maybe not really. The girl had a point. I mean, to her, who didn't know the entire story, it made all the sense in the world that I should be attached to my best friend, cause she needs help now. I couldn't blame Julie for asking. And by now she was already comfortable enough to ask me these kinds of questions.
"She needed some time with her boyfriend", I couldn't hide the hint of sadness at those words. And she noticed.
"Can he help her the way you can?"
"I hope so…" I sighed before turning back to the young girl beside me and raising my eyebrow, "And since when are so you perceptive?"
She shrugged, "Since always. Plus, you're not the only one with a troubled best friend", she faced me with a sad smile.
"Sorry, didn't know. You wanna talk about it?"
"Not right now", her expression soon changed back to happy, as if she'd just remembered she was on the streets, surrounded by a bunch of people, and was supposed to be smiling all the time. Just like I did. "But I do wanna take a look at those shoes", she pointed at the store across the street, and I followed her there, any sign of previous concern or fear once again well hidden behind a perfect smile.
Eight bags for her, three for me. That was the result of our little shopping spree. Old Brooke would've bought the triple of that, but my heart wasn't in it that day. That was why I decided to go back home as soon as Tom left Julie at her place.
When I got there and Janet told me there was a friend waiting for me in the living room, I took a deep breath and tried to get ready to see her again. A million thoughts flew through my head, as to what I should say now, and how to act around her. But I didn't have to decide any of that at the moment, and I didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing. Cause Peyton wasn't the one waiting for me. It was Vincent.
"Hey", I smiled, hugging him, "You've been here long? Should've called, you knew I was with Julie, right?"
"Yeah, I just… I got here like 10 minutes ago, and called Julie and she told me you'd dropped her off, so I figured you'd be home soon", his voice let out a bit of nervousness I wish I hadn't caught. Because that meant he was here to talk about the one thing I desperately needed to avoid.
"Oh… good, then. Any plans for tonight?"
"Actually…" he moved his fingers nervously, "That's kind of up to you."
There was still a tiny chance he wasn't gonna ask me out. Ok, who was I kidding? Of course he was gonna ask me out. But that didn't mean I couldn't pretend I was totally dense and still hadn't understood it.
"You mean, you're gonna let me choose the club we're going to tonight? Wow, that's new!" I joked.
"Not really… I was wondering if… if maybe you wanted to go out with me. I mean, just the two of us. We could go have dinner, maybe see a movie later on. I know you've been laying low in the party scenario lately, so…"
It's not easy to explain everything I felt at the same time. Peyton's face was the first one to come to my head. But then Lucas' face also came, and I remembered the tone on his voice when he talked about her, the loving way he looked at her, the smile on her face when she saw him, and I knew I needed to start getting over her. Or at least try. Cause until I went to California, I wasn't even trying. I was trying to deny those feelings, and the only thing it did for me was getting me drunk and sleeping with strangers. I needed to accept them once and for all, so that I could work on getting rid of them. And why not start right now?
"I'd like that", I finally replied, when I thought he was about to pass out because of my silence.
"Really?" his huge smile made me even more comfortable with the whole idea. "Cause you know, I wasn't sure, after everything that's happened, but I thought you could use a break from everything, and…"
"Vince…" I interrupted him, amused by his capacity of babbling, which almost matched mine, and turned a bit more serious, "You know you've been a life saver for me here, right? Last summer, and now. If I didn't have your place to run to, and a friend to talk to, I'm pretty sure I would've had a stroke by now."
I had more things to say, but couldn't, cause his kiss took me by surprise. But the biggest surprise was that I kissed him back, and this time I wasn't drunk or crazy, I simply felt like doing so. There was no denying he was a great kisser.
Before I knew it, he was kissing my neck and our hands were everywhere. It was different than being with those other guys. He was someone I trusted, someone I actually cared about, and I hadn't felt this way since Lucas. For a split second, Peyton was out of my mind. But it didn't last long. Because when I pulled away from his kiss just long enough to smile at him, I saw someone else standing by the doorway. And she looked even more embarrassed than I was.
Thank you guys, so much for the latest feedback. And you should know that it helped a lot, and my writer's block is now over! Well, at least for now it is. So, seeing as I didn't reply to any of the reviews (or at least I don't think I did), I'll leave you nice little messages here!
craftyns99: You got that right about Peyton being afraid to admit, or even acknowledge what she's feeling! It's gonna take a while, but she'll get there!
justawritier, E. Christianna and Brook-Lucas-Fan-23: Thank you so much for the support, and I hope you'll keep reading and enjoying the story.
TheLyricsThatComposeXMyLifeX: Well, my writer's block's cured for now, and I didn't need any tarot cards! LOL! But I'll keep that in mind in case it happens again, hehe! Awww I'm so honored that this is on your top 5 stories! I hope I won't disappoint you with the next chapters!
rain1657: I don't think I've ever cared so much about a story, and about writing it the best way I can, as I'm doing to this one. So it's good to know you think the characters have the depth I was hoping to bring to the story, and that the feelings are getting across. Of course Brooke's issues are at the spotlight a lot more, cause it's on her POV, but Peyton's will be better shown and explained, all in its time.
bohemianxx: Awww I'm glad I made you're rooting for them more than ever before! Your reviews always make me smile, and I'm not lying when I say I have the best reviewers ever! And since a lot of the people here are writers, too, I guess you all understood well why I hadn't updated before. Hope you're happy with the new update! Let me know!
Risen2Fall: One of my top reviewers! I missed getting pm's from you! But I just read yours and I'm so replying tomorrow! Anyway, the story... things are definitely going somewhere as from this chapter, and the next one's gonna be pretty intense, too, probably the most intense one so far. That was the part I was having problem continuing (next chapter), but it's all good now! I hope you're less distracted so that you can update again soon, cause I already miss your story!
chiggy1960: Breyton really is like that, isn't it? Full of angst and so much emotion. I'm happy I'm being able to show all that through this story, and that you think it's realistic. Exactly what I was going for! So thank you a lot!
paulinemcc: I feel like the worst person in the world cause I STILL haven't reviewed your story! Things are a little crazy, but I'll try and do that tomorrow, tops! So... I had a hard time writing the scene where Brooke tells Peyton to sleep in another room, cause I seriously didn't want that:p But you know by now that I'm all about the drama! So you're full on blaming Lucas, huh? I just wrote a chapter, like two or three chapters from now, I think, and you're definitely not gonna like the guy any better than you do now. If anything, you'll probably write like three paragraphs on how much you hate him on the review for said chapter! Ohhh and see? About Peyton sneaking into Brooke's room? When I read your review I was like: yay, she guessed it! Hope you liked it! Of course the kissing and making it all better still didn't happen, but just give it some time! And with that said, I'll politely ask you to update your story asap, cause I also miss it! See how I'm not threatening you anymore? Something called moderation, or something, read about it the other day and thought I should try! LOL!
lizbif: As always, your review rocked! You got Brooke's confused feelings right on spot. Brooke's really trying to be strong about everything, but at the same time it's not easy to let someone you love this much go, and she's learning it the hard way. So she's confused as to what to do, or even if she should think of Peyton first, and stick by her to help with the drugs and everything, or think of herself and walk away. And Alanis Morissette! I absolutely love You Owe Me Nothing In Return, and you're right, it fits the story and Brooke's character so well. And it probably already shows that she'll be there for her, no matter what, and even if it hurts her. The reviews certainly helped a lot in get this story going, they always do. And your reviews are always a huge part of this, so thanks!
Shawn-n-Bell: No need to apologize, I totally understand about being busy and almost going crazy because of it. I'm glad you found some time to come here and review, though. Best Breyton fic you've read? Wow, I'm feeling all proud of myself with those reviews lately. Thanks a lot for the support!
Special mention to Ally, cause I know she reads this but doesn't always get the time to review. Your support and your words always mean a lot to me. ;-) I read your e-mail, but I still didn't get the time to sit and reply properly, but I will. And I hope you're ok and that you're still reading.
That's it, you guys! I'm really hoping next chapter will be up in a week, tops, as usual! No more late updates!
