In My Veins

by:

A.K. Hunter

Chapter Eleven

"I know we all, we all got our faults. We get locked in our vaults and we stay,
but when you're gone all the colors fade." - Amos Lee, "Colors"


Alexis was exhausted. She'd been covering Lanie, who was away visiting family, so Alexis was back on homicide, but still covering cases from organized crime. Combining that with the fact that Perlmutter was overseeing her cases and liked to torture her by giving her extra paperwork, she'd been running on a few hours of sleep a night for almost an entire week running. It was getting to the point that coffee just wasn't enough to stave off the exhaustion.

Part of Alexis was glad to be so busy. When she was running from case to case, she didn't have to time to think about, well, anything except the case. And after the last few weeks, Alexis needed a break from thinking about things, from thinking about one person in particular.

The latest case, an organized crime call, had brought her down to Hell's Kitchen just after sunrise. They'd found a body, a known dealer for one of the gangs, next to a dumpster in a dirty alley. Like most cases, Alexis was the first one to the scene, with the exception of a couple uniformed officers who gave her plenty of space to work.

Alexis actually enjoyed the time with the scene before the detectives arrived and the investigation truly began. In those minutes when the crime scene was fresh and there weren't a bunch of people running around, Alexis felt like she could almost see what had really happened.

Their latest victim was laid out on the ground, his skin cold and pale. Alexis couldn't determine the cause of death right away. She pulled on her gloves and kneeled on the ground to inspect the body. There were no obvious injuries, no blood on the body. She checked his wrist for a pulse – nothing.

When she pressed her fingers against his carotid, she swore she felt something. She glanced around, looking for the nearest officer. There weren't any close by. She checked the victim's pulse again, and once more she felt a slight beat beneath her fingers.

Alexis yelled, "I need some help over-"

Before she could process it, the man jerked awake, knocking her on her back, his cold fingers clawing at her face and wrapping around her throat like a vice. Bulbous eyes with tiny, pinprick pupils stared down at her; indecipherable words flowed from the man's mouth. Alexis kicked at him, tried to pull his grip from her neck, but to no avail.

Her brain was thrown fully into panic mode. Had the officers heard her yell? Where were they?

She tried to scream but couldn't draw breath to do so. The face staring down at her was cold, devoid of emotion or remorse. Oh god, she was going to die in this dirty alley, strangled by a crazy man whose life she'd been trying to save.

Her lungs burned, protesting the lack of oxygen. It felt like her chest was being ripped apart. Though she knew that it must have only been seconds since the man had pinned her, the pain and panic made it feel like years.

Her attempts to fight were weakening to uncoordinated flails, and her vision was beginning to white out, a sure sign that her brain was deprived of oxygenated blood. The pain in her chest was beginning to dull, and Alexis struggled to remember what she'd been so afraid of...

"..."

Muddled sounds swam through her consciousness. Warmth moved through her body, and suddenly, she realized she was breathing. Her eyes jolted open to a world that was too bright and too loud. She couldn't process it.

She gasped, drawing in precious oxygen.

"Alexis?"

Warmth pressed in on either side of her face, and her gazed locked on a pair of brown eyes. She'd seen them before. They were familiar, somehow.

"There you are." The voice was deep, but gentle.

She tried to speak, tried make her voice work, but her bruised, swollen vocals chords refused to make a sound.

"There's an ambulance on the way. You're going to be okay, Alexis."

She had so many unanswered questions; there were so many things she wanted to say. "Thank you," for starters. But a bone-deep fatigue had settled in, and Alexis fought to keep her eyes open.

"You're safe now," the voice said.

Her eyes closed again, and Alexis slept.


When Alexis opened her eyes again, she was surrounded by friends. Her dad and grandmother sat next to the hospital bed. Kate and Javier spoke quietly in the corner of the room. Kevin wasn't there, and for a split second, Alexis was hurt by his absence. She ignored it.

"Hi," she said, her voice sounding like she had just eaten a handful of gravel.

Castle's arms were instantly around her. "When I got the call… I was so worried about you!"

"What happened?"

"Your 'vic' turned out to be a meth head on a bad trip," Javier said. "Guy was high as a kite when the uni's pulled him off of you. One of them had to perform CPR." The detective looked furious.

Alexis frowned. She vaguely remembered someone talking to her when she'd briefly regained consciousness. There was something familiar about that voice, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe they'd run into each other at crime scenes before?

The doctor pulled aside the curtain, interrupting Alexis' train of thought.

"Hello, Alexis. I'm Dr. Brown, I'm glad to see you awake. We just need to do some tests…"

Several hours later, Alexis was allowed to go home. The doctor had checked her oxygen levels several times, and had performed some basic neurological tests to make sure there wasn't any brain damage. Alexis was good on both accounts. She would have some swelling and bruising around her neck for several days, but had been assured that the marks would fade.

When Alexis arrived home, she went directly to the shower. There was dirt in her hair from the alley, and she needed to wash off any last speck of grime from that scene, if only for the sake of her sanity.

Alexis stood in front of the mirror, a towel wrapped around her body, her wet hair cascading down her back. Her neck looked awful. There were purple marks where the man's fingers had dug into her skin, and an angry, red ring ran from one side of her throat to the other.

She gingerly touched one of the darker imprints, wincing at how tender the mark was. Logically, Alexis knew the marks upon her neck were a physiological response. Capillaries are delicate; they tend to break under pressure, creating small pools of blood beneath the surface of the skin. Bruises.

It was just that simple, just a scientific reaction. The hickey Kevin had left on her neck a month earlier had followed the same rules of physiology. It was just a bruise, nothing more.

Except, that ring around her neck, that sensitive collar of broken blood vessels, had been left with the intent to kill. There was no comparison to Kevin's mark, an act of passion and tenderness, and Alexis couldn't just break it down into its scientific parts.

She had nearly died today.

Before now, Alexis had never truly appreciated how dangerous an M.E.'s job could be. And for just a second, she wondered if the risks were worth it. Did she really want to continue a job that put her in harm's way on a regular basis?

Alexis shook herself.

She was in shock. It wasn't the time to make a decision like that. She brushed out her hair and pulled on some comfortable clothes. After a moment of deliberation, she tied a light scarf around her neck, and then headed downstairs. She stopped short when she heard her father's voice.

"I can't let her do this."

"Rick, she's a grown woman. Today was a fluke. Nothing like that will ever happen to her at a scene again." Alexis recognized Kate's voice. They were talking about her.

"She could have died," her father said. The anguish in his voice brought tears to Alexis' eyes. She didn't want to listen any more. She continued down the stairs, making her footsteps purposely loud to announce her presence.

Her dad, Kate and Javier were sitting in the living room, their faces grim. Alexis sat down next to her dad, curling up against his side. He held her close, almost too tightly. Alexis didn't mind. They each needed the comfort that only the other could provide.

The group sat in silence for a moment before Alexis dared to ask, "Where's Kevin?"

The question had been in the back of her mind since she'd woken up in the hospital. As his absence continued, she'd grown more and more hurt. Yes, they were fighting, but she thought he at least cared enough to call. He had to know what had happened.

Javier looked between Kate and Castle for a moment before saying, "Today's the anniversary of Sarah's death."

Alexis' eyes widened. She hadn't realized. "Is he okay?"

Javier frowned, "I stopped by his place before coming to the hospital. He sounded like he was surviving. He wants space right now."

"Is that the best idea?"

"I'm going to check on him after we finish for the day."

Kate's phone rang. They were needed at a scene. Castle was determined to stay by Alexis' side, so Kate and Javier left after hugging Alexis and promising to keep Castle in the loop on the case.

"Do you think he's going to be all right?" Alexis asked her dad.

"I don't know, honey. Today I got a taste of what Ryan must go through on a daily basis," he said. "And I can't imagine how he's able to get out of bed in the morning."

She sighed, laying her head against her father's chest. "I'm okay, dad."

They sat together for a while, neither of them speaking. It was only after Alexis' stomach began to loudly complain that her father released his hold on her. They had ordered dinner from her favorite Italian place, and her dad left to pick it up, promising he'd be back soon.

Alexis sat on the couch for a while, determining whether or not to call Kevin. It had been nearly a month since their argument in the elevator. He'd actually tried to call her a couple times over the last few days, but she'd declined them all. She had no interest in talking to a man who treated how Kevin had.

You're still a kid.

His words made her want to curl into a ball and die, and her unkind remarks to him didn't offer any comfort.

But now she was worried about him, and the pain he was dealing with was bigger than the fallout from their moment of passion. She dialed his number. "Come on. Pick up."

It eventually went to voicemail. "Hi, Kevin. It's me… um, Alexis, that is. Please call me back."

She hung up, her stomach twisting with anxiety. Maybe she was over-thinking it, but something felt wrong. Why wouldn't he answer her call? Was he hurt? A knock at the door drew her back to the present.

Alexis opened the door and stepped back, letting her eyes and mind adjust to the newcomer, a young man brown eyes and blonde hair. She was floored with recognition.

"It's you."

The person in question smiled at her, his white teeth gleaming. The police uniform he wore did nothing to detract from how handsome he was. "You're looking much better."

Suddenly, all the puzzle pieces clicked together. She knew why his eyes and his voice had been so familiar to her that morning. She'd met him before. In fact, their last interaction before the crime scene had been rather up close and personal.

"It was you," she said again, feeling a bit like a broken record. She clarified. "You... were at the scene today. You saved my life."

He smiled sheepishly, as if it was all in a day's work. She then noticed that he had a small bouquet of flowers in his hand. He shifted them over, and held out a hand to her.

"I'm Liam."

"Alexis."

"I know."

She looked at him questioningly, and he dug in his pocket, pulling out her badge. She must have left it at the scene when the ambulance had taken her. "I'd heard rumors of the brilliant M.E. assistant, but I had no idea that you were her." He paused, "I've been trying to figure out how to track you down since that night at the club."

Alexis blushed at the memory. God, she'd been awful to him. And in return he'd saved her life and brought her flowers. There were no words to describe her embarrassment or gratitude.

He must have misread her silence, because he held out the flowers, saying, "A get well gift from the officers at the scene."

She took the bouquet, inhaling deeply. "Thank you."

Liam put his hands in his pockets, "Well, I guess I'll see you around." He started to head towards the elevator.

"Wait."

He paused, turning around.

Alexis bit her lip. "Would you like to come in?"

Liam smiled. "I'd like that very much."


One year.

It had been one year since Kevin woke up to Jenny's scream, a deep, soul-wrenching cry that he would never be able to erase from his mind. It had been one year since he entered the nursery to find his wife sobbing over the body of their six month old daughter, who had died sometime during the night. It had been one year since his world had shattered.

Kevin spent most of the anniversary in bed, a bottle of whiskey his only companion. Javie had come by first thing in the morning, but he'd been called away. Probably a murder. Since his partner had left, Kevin hadn't showered, shaved, or eaten. He'd just lain in bed, trying to recreate those moments before everything fell apart.

It had been early in the morning; he'd been out late the night before, catching criminals. He'd been tired all the time those days, but it was a good kind of tired. The kind of tired that comes from a life well-lived. He'd had no regrets, no fears. Life had been perfect.

Lying on the queen-sized bed that now only slept one, Kevin could almost remember what it had felt like in those moments before Jenny had gone to check on Sarah. Kevin had held his daughter the night before, marveling at her, this beautiful creation. She was so perfect. She looked like Jenny, with big blue eyes and blonde hair. He'd never imagined that it would be the last time he'd feel her heartbeat as he held her to his chest. Never dared to think that it would be last time he'd feel her tiny hands wrap around his fingers.

God, he missed her. She'd been so perfect, so full of wonder and promise. She was so smart, he could already tell. She could have been a doctor, or a musician. She had her whole life ahead of her, and it had been snuffed out too soon.

Kevin hadn't been prepared for the way it hurt. He hadn't been prepared for the tiny coffin, or the gravestone with her name carved into it. He hadn't been prepared for the way he couldn't feel anything besides the hole in his chest, the way he couldn't breathe under the weight of her absence.

His only solace came in the moments he was engrossed in a case. They weren't often, but the moments he spent running after a suspect, the pavement pounding beneath his feet, or the hours he spent pondering on the impossibilities of the mystery in front of him, those fleeting moments were the only times he had felt halfway human.

So, like a junkie craving a fix, he'd curled up inside those moments, desperate for something, anything to take the pain away.

Jenny was right. He'd been a shit husband.

Kevin took a pull from the bottle, his new best friend, and was disappointed to discover it empty. It was the last drop of alcohol he'd had in the apartment. Well, that wouldn't do. He sat up, letting his feet fall over the side of the bed and onto the floor. His limbs felt heavy and clumsy. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to go out. Wasn't Javie coming over soon? Maybe he'd bring some more liquor.

He checked the time on his phone, surprised to see he had missed a call from Alexis a couple hours before. He'd been trying for almost a week to talk to her. To try to explain himself. Kevin wondered absently if now was a good time to call. Except, he couldn't remember what he wanted to say to her.

He scrubbed his hands over his face, fighting to get his mind together. When he pulled his hands away, his gaze fell on a framed picture of Jenny, Sarah and himself. It had been taken only three weeks before Sarah's death. Kevin didn't recognize himself in the happy man in the picture. Suddenly, a heavy weight settled over his chest. He blinked away tears, his throat tight.

No, he definitely needed more alcohol. And he couldn't wait for Javie.

He staggered across the room, pulling on jeans and a baseball cap. Where were his shoes? It took quite a bit of effort, but the detective managed to get dressed and find his wallet. As he headed towards the bedroom door, his hand resting against the wall for balance, his phone lit up. He'd left it on the bed, but he could still see the display. Alexis was calling again.

He should get that. It was probably important.

Another wave hit him, almost knocking him off his feet. He took deep breaths, knowing somewhere in the back of his mind that nothing was physically wrong with him. He pulled himself upright again, stumbling out of his apartment.

Grief hurts. It's an emotional pain.

And the only cure for those fucking emotions is to stop feeling altogether.


Alexis was just falling asleep when her phone rang.

Despite the day's events, she'd been up late chatting with Liam, who had ended up staying for dinner. Her dad adored the young man, though his affection for Liam was likely due in no small part to the fact that he'd saved Alexis' life. It had been a great end to what started out as a terrible day, so when Liam had asked for Alexis' number, she'd given it to him. And when he'd asked her if she would like to go out with him later that week, she'd said yes.

There was a funny little tug in her heart when she'd agreed to go out with the young police officer, but Alexis had cheerfully ignored it. Kevin had made his choice weeks ago, and he wasn't answering her phone calls now. It was probably for the best that they all moved on with their lives.

She sleepily reached for her phone, surprised to see Javier's name on the display.

"Hello?"

"Alexis, I need you down at the morgue."

"I'm not on call tonight."

"It's not for a case." His voice sounded strange. She realized belatedly that he sounded panicked, afraid. Her heart fell like a stone into her stomach.

"Javie, what happened?" Part of her knew what he was going to say. She didn't need to ask. Alexis prayed that her instincts were wrong, that the detective wouldn't say those two words.

Seconds later, her prayer went unanswered.

"It's Kevin."


Author's Note: Don't hate me! :)

Many thanks to finabin, Amy Jones, SALIGIA, daisesndaffidols, The-KLF, jazzyjenn5, BrittanyReid, casket fan 7970, danayvette, , Chkgun93, Rori Potter, zombie-hunt, SeGate, tmpestana, nacy3451, Dodge1989, and Hamlet77 for your awesome reviews! Some of you made me straight up blush, and I'm so glad you're enjoying IMV.

An extra-special thanks to the lovely JJS4 for beta-ing for me!

Anyone out there doing NaNoWriMo this month? I'm participating, so hit me up if you want to be NaNo buddies. :)

Next chapter should be coming to a webpage near you by next weekend, and I'd love to see 165 reviews by then. Things are going to get really intense for our favorite couple, so be sure to check back for more!

Best,

A.K. Hunter