A.N. I had intended this to be the last chapter for this story. I'm skipping ahead in time, because I don't want to drag something out when I feel it's time to wrap it up (and the fact that I want to finish my other fics next). If anyone REALLY doesn't like this ending, I will consider writing an epilogue. This last part is Heero's POV. Also sorry, I know a lot of you are attached to Duo's braid : ) I'm not.

Summary: Post Endless Waltz, the pilots have all moved on, all keeping in touch except for Duo who now has a rather 'riskay' profession. A week before Christmas he is found by an unexpected someone. (By the way the unexpected someone isn't Trowa for all you confused people out there )

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing…if I did, the show would have been a lot yummier.

Sunrise, Come Again.

Chapter 11

By: cHix0r Neko

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In all honesty, I don't have a hard time watching him leave. I've seen Duo off on numerous of his "missions" and have never had a difficult time saying goodbye. It's waiting for him to come home.

Sometimes the Preventers throw him on a public shuttle, sometimes private, and waiting for him at the space port is the hardest thing about him leaving. There's always that brief moment of panic when I'm unable to recognize him, his short hair still throws me off. It's in those moments when I wonder about my future with him.

Sometimes he's gone for weeks at a time. I'm usually okay for the first two, but as the third begins ending, I can't help but question whether or not he's really on the mission. Each second that passes as I wait at the shuttle gate is another second that fills my head with the idea of him running away. That all this is just some elaborate guise so that he can leave me again.

Sometimes it keeps me up at night with worry. After contemplating all the ways he could, and would in my opinion, run away, I feel guilty when I think about the other possibility. What if he's hurt? What if he can't make it home? What if he's trying to call me right now to tell me he loves me with his last breath and his cell phone is dying? There are so many what ifs.

He's been back, healed, and sent out on various missions in the past year. Probably the first couple months were the most unbearable, when he was still in the healing process and couldn't do much about it. Bed rest has always frustrated him, which in turn leads him to frustrate me. Somethings never change, and he still believes his will power should be enough to heal him.

It was strange how we fell into the old routines so quickly. For a time, we pretty much pretended that nothing had happened. We just decided to agree to live as though Duo and I had been living together for those years he'd been missing. While I was happy, I knew there would eventually have to be a big, sour, disgusting conversation where we'd really talk about the whole situations, and the impact that it has had on our "relationship."

Honestly, I'm not really sure you could call what we have a relationship. It's more like a close friendship that we both know has the potential to be more, but we can't really find a way to bridge the gap. Well, I should rephrase. I knew exactly what needed to be done to bridge the gap, but never expected it to happen.

Duo and I have kissed one time since he's been back. Despite living together, when we go home, we eat our dinner, and then eventually go to bed. That's it. We don't really do much of anything that's sexual in nature. Unless you count cuddling.

It's hard to count cuddling as something sexual when we had such a steamy sex life as teenagers, but that's what we'd been reduced to.

Every night we always end up in the same position, with me spooning him against my body. When we were kids we'd usually start out that way, but eventually make our way to each side of the bed as we shifted naturally through the night. Now, I held him tightly against me until 7 a.m. when I had to get up for work. So tight I've given him bruises.

Quatre says it's a trust issue, and that while I'll have to talk to him about it eventually, I shouldn't worry too much. Being abandoned after you tell someone you love them is bound to have consequences on the trust of the relationship, he'd told me. Just look at what Duo's past has done to him. He truly believes that leaving you saved your life.

At the time, I'd nodded, but didn't really believe it. Maybe it wasn't so much that I didn't believe it, as much as I really didn't want to. I also didn't want to admit that I couldn't get over my trust issue. I was sure that I was more than capable of having a relationship with a person I was constantly afraid of leaving me, and to prove that fact I went home and grabbed Duo's face in my hands and kissed him for the first time he'd gotten back. I was shocked that it was so uncomfortable, and felt so wrong. He'd been hurt by my reaction, and now I wasn't so sure I didn't have some kind of trust issue with him.

Luckily enough, he never pressed for information.

I think the problem was that I had no idea whether or not Duo really wanted to be with me. Maybe he just wanted to stay with me to alleviate some of the guilt he'd accumulated when he'd left. I didn't know, and the fact of the matter was, I had no idea how he felt about me. He never told me.

So far, we're more than okay with pretending that everything is alright between the two of us, regardless of whether or not it is. A lot of the time it's easier to pretend when he's on a mission, like he is now.

Ever since Duo's return we've all made it a point to have a meal together at least once a week so that none of us ever drift away the way Duo had. This way, we'd all notice if someone didn't show up, and it would never be able to leak into years of absence again. All in all, the idea had been rather clever.

Even when Duo couldn't join us, we still tried to meet. Those were the hardest times, because it reminded me so much of when he had been gone. It just served as a way to increase my fear that he wasn't really on a mission.

"When's Duo due back again?" One of the guys would ask, and I'd turn pale, and start to sweat as I rattled off whatever date it was. I felt pathetic, and in all honestly, I probably was. I never thought of myself as the type of person to need verbal clarification of a person's desire for me. Guess what they say is true, you learn something new everyday.

Last night at dinner Duo was barely even mentioned, and that was just fine with me. However, after a nice meal at the local bar we usually met up in, Wufei asked me to stay and have a few drinks with him as Trowa and Quatre began putting on their coats. I'd been in the process of the doing the same thing, eagerly wanting to go home and wait for Duo, whom I was expecting to return home in less than eight hours.

I watched Quatre wave at me from the door as he followed after Trowa. I gave a slight wave back as I pulled out my chair and sat back down next to Wufei.

Four tall beers later I found myself with my head down on the table confessing all my Duo fears to Wufei, and he, in turn, admitted to being terrified of having a baby with Sally. I was afraid Duo would leave. He was afraid he'd accidently kill they baby.

By the time I finally made it home, I was more than a little tipsy and my pockets were considerably lighter from the extra drinks and taking a cab home. But beyond that, I was completely and utterly confused. What if nothing was ever able to break this domestic mold Duo and I had fallen into? Did I really want to be stuck in the relationship that wasn't for the rest of my life? I'd finally become more socially adjusted, I could date if I wanted to. Now that Duo was back, would he stay? Did I want him to? I couldn't stop asking myself these questions and I wondered whether or not I was gaining anything from him besides an abandonment complex.

The problem with saying I love you to someone, is the fact that if you don't get the I love you return, the relationship is doomed. This is where things got confusing for me. Duo had never specifically said that he loved me. His leaving may have hinted at it, but honestly, I didn't think I could ever be sure until I heard those words from him, and I doubted that it would ever happen.

When he came home, I was sprawled out on the couch. I woke up as he opened the door, and sat up to see him close it and set down his duffle bag. He was home early. We stared at each other for a moment before either of us spoke.

"Why are you on the couch?" He asked cautiously. I was not the type to do things out of the ordinary, and for me, falling asleep on the couch definitely fell under that category.

It took a moment for me to register what he had said, and I was about to answer when I noticed something rather interesting about his attire. "Why are you covered in blood?"

He looked down at the deep red stains across his shirt, and folded his arms across his chest to try to hide them. "It's not my blood, don't worry."

"I wasn't." It came out a lot more harsh than I had intended it to, that much was evident from the look of hurt that spilled onto Duo's face. "If it was your blood, you wouldn't have come home. But who knows why you do that anyway," I mumbled, laying back down on the couch as my words sprawled together. I'm shocked he could even make it out.

"Are you drunk?" He asked incredulously, walking over to me. I just nodded in reply. I certainly wasn't in my right mindset, if he wanted to label it as drunk, that was fine with me. "Heero what's wrong with you?" He took a step closer and looked down at me. I lifted my arm to keep him away, sitting up on the couch and huddling up in the corner.

"Don't come near me with all that blood," I slurred. "It might as well be my blood. I won't let you rip my heart out again."

"Heero, what are you trying to say?"

I honestly wasn't really sure. It was all a fuzzy mix of Oberon and Labatt. I don't even really remember what happened after that. I do know that when I woke up I was alone, and Duo's bag was still laying by the door. I grabbed the end table clock, almost five a.m. What the hell had I done.

I shot off the couch instantly, heading for the closet and slamming the door open. Bad idea, my head was now pounding from the sudden loud noise. Remind me to never drink again.

Rushing out the door, I slammed it shut behind me and once again cringed. It locked behind me and I took off towards the stairs, knowing that there was no way I would be patient enough for the elevator. I had no idea when Duo had gotten home, so he could have been anywhere at that point.

I almost tripped several times during my trip down the stairs. Partially from the alcohol I'm sure, but partially from my desperation. Duo was gone, and this time it was my fault.

I ran all around town search for him. I found him on my way home. He was sitting on the bench outside of our house.

"You came back?" I huffed out, wiping some of the sweat from my forehead.

He shrugged slightly, keeping his eyes fixated on the ground. "I needed my stuff."

"Why didn't you go in?"

He hesitated and looked up at me through his bangs. "Left my key when I left. The door's locked."

Never before have I been so relieved that he's so forgetful when he's panicked.

"Why did you leave?"

Duo looked at me with this kind of shocked expression. "You told me to."

I rolled my eyes. "You realize that I was drunk when I said that right?"

"Everyone says honest things when they're drunk. You told me to go," he stood up and put his hands in his pockets.

"There is no way to judge if that saying applies to me," I stated. "I've been drunk maybe three times in my entire life, and two of them I was by myself."

Duo raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting me to elaborate, but I stood firm in my resolve. I didn't want to guilt him anymore by telling him that it was during those first couple weeks of his initial absence.

"Give me a chance to explain," I finally stated, watching as Duo let out a deep sigh as he plopped back down onto the bench. The sun was starting to come up.

"Fine," he muttered. "But I'm not really sure what needs explaining."

"Actually, there's a lot," I said. "On both ends." Suddenly he looked nervous.

"When you left, you took a lot of things with you. One of those things was my trust in you. In the war, I trusted you with my life. Now? I have a hard enough time believing that you're actually on a mission when you say you are."

He scoffed and opened his jacket slightly to show me the blood stains. "Well, I clearly was this time."

"But how am I supposed to know that?" I cut in. "How should I know if what seems to be an extended mission is actually you running away again?"

"I'm done running," he said softly. "I thought you knew that."

"I don't really know anytime about you," I replied, staring out at the hazy sky. It was starting to get an orangish tint. "That's the problem. What are we?"

"What do you mean?" Duo asked, looking over at me, his gaze questioning.

"I mean what are we? Are we lovers? Are we friends? Roommates? I can't figure out anything about us anymore. I don't even know if this can be fixed, or even if we should try."

"So you do want me to leave?" Duo mumbled, averting his eyes.

I was torn. I wanted Duo, but this just seemed too hard, and after waiting seven years for Duo to come back, I wasn't sure that I wanted to waste anymore of my time.

"Is this going anywhere?"

"I thought we already were somewhere."

I paused. "I don't know if I can trust you. If I can't trust you, nothing can come from this."

We turned away from each other and turned to face the sunrise. It leaked pink and orange hues into the horizon.

"I don't want this to be over," Duo whispered to himself, rubbing his face with his hands. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I can't really either," I mumbled, staring out into the sunrise. I'd waited for years to be with Duo and suddenly I was willing to throw it all away for some stupid anxiety disorder and three little words. "But we can't go on like this."

"No," Duo mumbled. "I suppose we can't."

I looked over at Duo with sad eyes. He looked horrible. For a moment I felt like a complete jack ass for doing this to him as soon as he'd gotten back from a mission. He looked haggard and worn.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and he turned to look at me. He had dark circles under his eyes, and there was some distinct puffiness to his bottom lip. Once he had judged that my concern was genuine, he turned away.

"I tailed this guy for two weeks. I followed him everywhere. I learned his daily routine and he still managed to get the jump on me," he sighed, leaning back to look at his shirt. "This is his blood. I honestly never thought I'd need to defend myself in a knife fight again. That's what I carry a gun for."

I nodded at his statement, but I'm not sure he was really paying attention to me. It seemed more like he was in a trance, just mindlessly reciting what had happened.

"When he came at me from behind, I thought about you. I thought about how pissed you'd been when I didn't come back. I figured you'd think I just took off, and curse me forever, and this time it wouldn't have even been my fault," he trailed off.

"Would you have even cared?" I asked hesitantly. "If I did curse you forever?"

He let out a dark chuckle. "I thought I made that clear when I came back," he said, looking down at his shirt once again. "It wasn't exactly easy to do so."

"How do you feel about me, Duo?" I asked point blank. The time for games was over. We'd wasted enough time pretending.

He looked scared for a moment before answering. "You know how I feel."

"No I don't," I answered quickly. "I need you to tell me. You may be afraid of death, but I'm not, Duo. I need to hear you say it. How do you feel about me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He started, idly running his hands through his hair. "I love you."

I reached over and took his hand into my own and gave it a squeeze, almost laughing at the mortified look that was now plastered on his face. "Do you mean it?" I asked, looking over at him with a small smile.

He nodded, his mouth pursed tightly. "That's the problem. You'll be an easy target for death now."

My smile kept growing of its own accord. "I don't care," I responded, standing up and reaching down to him. He stared at my hand for a moment before placing his hand in mine, and allowed himself to be pulled up. I lead him to the doorway of our apartment building, and placed my hand under his chin. "Say it again," I demanded.

This time, a little smile cracked onto his face. "I love you," he repeated quickly, and then looked around nervously.

I laughed. "What are you looking for?"

"Any kind of sharp object you might get impaled on," he answered honestly.

"I'll be extra careful from now on," I told him before I raised his chin and placed my lips softly to his. For all I cared, I could have been a giant bulls eye. There was nothing in the world that could have ruined that sunrise.

End

If I do an epilogue, this is a preview of what it will be like for anyone who is interested:

"I still don't understand this pea pod thing," Trowa mumbled, taking another sip of his beer.

"No, no, no!" Wufei yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "String bean is not characteristic of him at all! String beans are long and skinny, see this?" He asked, coming over to me and running his hands up and down the air in front of my torso. "He's not long at all! He's tiny! Like a pea pod!"