A/N : Hey everyone, I'm so sorry this chapter was so long in the making, but it took me a while to figure things out. I really hope you'll like it. Now, this will be the last chapter (feel like crying again, I'm always so sad to part with a story!) and I would just... I'd like to thank you all so much for your support through it all. You've been amazing, really, I'd be nowhere without you. Every review meant the world to me, you're all the best reviewers a writer could hope for.
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Prologue : Merlin
With every step he took, his beliefs would change. The sound of his dragging feet, slow through the injuries he'd suffered, was a reminder of the way things had changed. But to leave this place, not knowing if he would ever return, seemed too heavy…somehow…it crashed down on him, like a steady pressure on his shoulders. He felt himself falling without ever touching the ground.
There was only the one room that still beckoned him, the person he knew he needed to see one last time. Touching his fingers to the hardwood, he let them slide down to rest on the handle. Merlin closed his eyes and leaned against the door, his head rocking from side to side. He could not do this.
"Maybe you need a little time to yourself," Garreth had gently suggested. "Everything here will remind you of what happened, and that's something you don't need right now." He inched closed to his son, and lay a hand on his arm. "Come away with me."
It had seemed like a good idea, then. A short trip away would clear his head, it would make things easier to bear. The possible repercussions only seemed to hit him now, as if they had waited especially for this moment only to land the final blow. The idea of never…
Something crashed to floor, and without thinking twice, Merlin turned the handle and stepped inside.
-
"You can't leave." That's what she'd told him, her eyes wide with pain and sadness. There was anger in there, as well, and it amazed him how the three words she'd spoken could hit him with such ferocity. It was a plea wrapped up in all the ways she'd blame him if he actually went through with this. Gwen stepped back from him, shaking her head to try and make it be a dream – this couldn't be the truth, because if it was, then.. "You can't do this to us."
"Gwen," he started, hesitant to wake her up from the possibility of slumber. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Yes you do." She took a breath. "You're trying to hurt him, Merlin, and he doesn't deserve it."
He bit his lip. If he would explain this to her in the way he desperately needed to, he would admit his own failure, his own childishness. The truth, however, was that he didn't want to hurt Arthur, in fact, he knew he would only be hurting himself. He just…he couldn't be here, anymore. "This has nothing to do with Arthur."
"Don't lie to me," she whispered. "Don't leave like this."
"I thought…" he knew his eyes were filling with tears, knew the rising heap of emotion in his throat could ammount to no good, but he also knew he owed her this – she'd always been there by his side, always true… "He's not the friend I'd hoped he was." He swallowed, hard, then tentatively walked over to her, reaching for the embrace he craved. "I promise you, I'm not leaving to hurt him. I need to go because just being here..hurts too much."
She walked into his arms, letting him envelop her, and she clutched his back while he buried his face in her shoulder, hoping he would never have to let go. "He cares about you," she murmured. "I truly believe that."
Merlin smiled sadly. "I wish I could."
Arthur
"He's leaving." He tried to drown out the words she'd spoken but they would not rest. They echoed in his being, causing spikes to fly to his heart. He'd hoped it would never come to this, but it seemed things were beyond his power now. He could not control this any more than he could turn back time. "He's leaving because it hurts him to be here."
"I can't change that."
"Of course you can!" He smiled slightly. Gwen always made him feel much braver than he actually was. "If he thought you cared, he'd remain by your side, always!"
Arthur shook his head, swinging the blade he held around his body, a soothing rhythm to slow his thoughts. "There's nothing I can say to make him stay."
She groaned. "You have no idea how badly I'd like to knock your heads together to make you both realize.. Please just talk to him. Try."
-
She was right. Of course she was. But he was afraid that if he went through with that and actually tried to make him stay – he would fail. Knowing that he was the one that made Merlin want to leave in the first place was bad enough, but if he pushed him even further… he could not bear it.
But he owed it to Merlin to try.
Merlin
"What are you doing?" He sounded like a fool, he knew that. The sight that greeted him upon entering Arthur's room couldn't be interpreted in any other way than the obvious one, but he desperately wanted to believe his eyes betrayed him.
Garreth did not cast his gaze down in shame, in fact it seemed as if he defied Merlin by radiating a sense of righteousness. The duffel bag slung around his shoulder was slightly opened and the shape of it betrayed its heavy weight. "Are you trying to steal from Arthur?"
There was no shame in his expression, no trembling in his voice. He just jutted out his chin, proud of the actions that betrayed his true nature. "He deserves this for what he did to you, Merlin." Merlin shook his head. This had not been about doing what was right by him, and it never had been. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid.
More than ever, he recalled Arthur's words. The prince may have screamed the words in pure anger, but they had been the truth. The only reason he even stayed in Camelot is because you're MY servant now, can't you see that? He hadn't been able to see it then, but everything had become clear as glass the moment he'd caught his father in the act.
"I can't believe they were all right about you. You planned this from the very beginning…" he took a few steps closer to the man he'd tried to forgive, not knowing if his anger overruled the sadness that consumed him. "…getting closer to me to get to Arthur. You're a liar."
"Just…" Garreth walked to Merlin, his hands that still held treasure outstreched in a pityful attempt to make amends for the hundreth time in just a few short days. "… just listen to me for a second. Because unlike you, I don't base every decision of my life on my feelings." He actually felt sorry for Merlin, an ammount of pity for the way his son had turned out to be : loyal and true… caring.
"I've thought this through. Think of what a team we'll make. Father and son. I have been a con man for a long time now, and your powers will only add to the greatness we can achieve."
His voice dropped a notch in sadness. "I've been a pawn all my life, Merlin. I could never pull off things like this – we could tower over the world, you and I, walzing over the rich and useless. Think about this with your head. Not your heart."
"Right." Merlin said, advancing on his father, his eyes never straying from the objects he was holding in his worn, worldly hands. "The thing you've forgotten, is that your pawn gave life to my knight." He raised his eyes, staring his father in the face. He actually believed what he was preaching. "And though I may be unconventional for the position, there's no way I'm ever giving up on my King. You don't know anything about me if you think I'd ever turn my back on Arthur."
"If I'd known your mother would raise you to be such a fool, I'd have come back a lot sooner." He rolled his eyes in annoyance at Merlin's clumsiness, though he should feel proud at the dedication between his son and the prince.
"No, you wouldn't have." Tears welled up in his eyes as he regarded the man standing in front of him, clearly betraying everything Merlin stood for: loyalty to Arthur, honesty, and just plain decency. "You'r e too selfish for that."
"While you're all noble and trustworthy. Tell me something, Merlin, if you consider Arthur your friend, I assume he knows then, about your gifts?" A devious streak gleamed in his deep blue orbs, and Merlin felt his breath catch.
"He does." The lie was extremely unconvincing, and both of them knew it.
"Hm." Garreth pondered. "And still he trusts you? I personally believe he'd kill you on the spot. I think I'll test the waters just a bit."
"Don't." Taking another step forward, a hint of a plea crept into his voice, and he hated himself for it. "Selfish as you are, you wouldn't condemn your own son to die."
"Try me."
"You're leaving Camelot." Merlin repeated the statement he'd already hurled at his father in what seemed like a lifetime ago. "I'll call the guards on you, and I'm pretty sure you'll be the one Arthur kills, and not me." He smiled and victory beamed on his face. "Your relevation of my secret will be nothing more than a desperate attempt to avoid execution yourself, and no one will believe a word you say."
-
Garreth had left not long after that. After another round of venomous words about how weak Merlin had become, how he was nothing more than a brainless failure, he had thrown down every object he had gathered and stormed from the room.. Well, after Merlin had made sure he had nothing secretly hidden beneath the layer of his clothes.
Blocking out the tears, he'd set out to replace every item, knowing the set-up by heart. This was where he belonged, it always had been. If only… The door swung open behind his back and he knew who'd stand there in the doorway, his whole body angled against the frame. He bit his lip so hard he could taste the blood. After putting down the last object, he threw the bag into the corner of the room.
"Not now, Arthur." He pushed past the prince. This seemed like the umpteenth time he'd fled the room. Always running, always scared. He didn't look at Arthur's face. He didn't dare to.
-
If anyone would ask him about the place he'd felt most like himself, he would tell them it was here. Among the trees, along the rockformation… the deep brown colour of dirty earth and the glowing light of sun filtered by the leaves.
"I thought I might find you here."
He nodded slightly, the pain still being to evident in his voice. "Congratulations," he called back. "Please leave."
"I'm not going to leave you, Merlin." Arthur sunk down beside him, staring off at the place of wonder – this is where they'd come face to face with the purest form of life, where they'd looked upon the unicorn as it gracefully walked away. It seemed like ten years ago instead of only a few months, but every single detail of that day stayed with him. Their confrontation on the beach, the helplessness he'd felt when Arthur sacrificed himself…it was there, everywhere he went.
Yet he'd forgotten. "Arthur was willing to sacrifice his life to save yours. He has proven what is truly in his heart." Those words had been pushed to the back of his mind, as if they'd never even existed. All he'd been able to think about for the last few days had been the way they'd fought. He'd been too stubborn, he could see that now.
He glanced at Arthur from the corner of his eye, saw the way he clutched his hand, and immediately felt the worry creep into his veins. "What happened to your hand?"
Arthur cleared his throat. "Nothing," he said. "Might have taken a swing at someone."
Merlin smiled. Just like Arthur to go all ballistic and try to punch his father's lights out. "You didn't get hurt?"
"WHO do you take me for? Of course I didn't get hurt." Arthur turned to him, willing Merlin to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry for what he did."
One breath in. One breath out. The world would keep on turning, even though it would hurt for a while. All he could do was nod like a sad confused little boy. "And I'm sorry for what I said."
"You were right." His voice hitched on the sentence and he wished it didn't. He felt bad enough as it was, there was no need to feel weaker as well. "I should have listened to you."
"I didn't want to be." Those words were the truth – Merlin felt it deep inside of him. Arthur wouldn't lie about this. Or at least, he wasn't at the moment.
Arthur
"Listen, Merlin…" he started again, hesitant. "If you repeat any of this to anyone, I will make you beg for mercy, but…"
He touched Merlin's shoulder, his hand resting there as a comforting presence. "You're my friend…and I want you to stay."
"Is that an order?"
"It's a request, you idiot."
Merlin turned to Arthur. "Does this mean you actually like having me around?"
Arthur groaned. "You're really going to pry this out of me, aren't you?"
"This is a window of opportunity. I know I'm not going to get this chance again in the next fifty years."
"Well, I guess you'll have to stay and find out, won't you?" Arthur stood, reaching down his hand to pull Merlin up, who gladly took it.
At that moment, when their hands connected, they both knew Merlin would stay. There'd be other fights, sure… but there'd be other things as well… and they'd pull through it all.
Together.
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PS : I'm currently working on another story called 'Phoenix, don't you die'... Please check it out? it would mean so much to me!
