"Alec." His heart sank as he heard his name called, knowing that now they'd stopped he had no excuse to avoid Magnus.
He stared at the fire they managed to set up in a blocked off courtyard and hoped that the walls around them would stop zombies finding them. Jace and Clary had already left to sleep in a safer room a little further away from the fire and Alec needed to stamp out the fire before he followed them.
Not yet though. Not yet when he still felt cold to the bone, but he feared no fire would warm him after the events of the afternoon.
"Alec, we need to talk." Alec made a noncommittal humming noise, knowing exactly what Magnus wanted to talk about. Magnus perched next to him, balanced on the balls of his feet as he crouched, the stance of a man who is rarely settled and safe.
"Are you okay?" Magnus started. Alec was expecting something completely different—an interrogation of what they had done earlier, a rejection or a disgusted comment—and he was so surprised he broke off his staring contest with the flickering flames to look at Magnus blankly.
"What?" He asked eloquently, and Magnus cracked a small sad grin.
"How are you feeling?"
Alec shrugged, carefully keeping his mouth shut. He knows if he isn't careful he'll end up breaking down and he doesn't want that. He has to stay strong for Jace and Clary and Magnus.
Magnus places a hand on his knee and Alec digs his nails into his palms to stop himself from leaning in. Magnus is warm, and his hands are comforting. Alec deliberately shifts his legs away from Magnus and doesn't blink when Magnus gives him a pitying look.
"What happened wasn't your fault." Magnus says quietly, and Alec can't tamp down the anger and sadness that had been in him since the whole incident earlier.
"It shouldn't have happened! I left her alone. I should've gone with her, not hid in a shop with you! I didn't help anyone!" Alec spoke frantically, trying to explain himself to Magnus and partially to himself. He cuts himself off, trying to breath properly through the lump in his throat.
He had promised his parents he would look after Izzy and he had failed.
"Do you regret it Alexander?" Magnus asks, and Alec is suddenly very quiet, looking up at him with teary eyes. Magnus' voice is deep and intense and the glint of his eyes in the firelight is taking Alec's mind back to earlier in the day when Magnus held him safe and tight and close.
He wishes they could go back to that. He wishes he could go back so no one ever got hurt.
Alec stutters as he tries to think of a reply. He had liked being with Magnus, really really liked it. But he had gotten Izzy hurt and now he had to take care of Jace and Clary. He had to get them all safe to the farm.
Magnus huffed a laugh and Alec realised how long he'd taken to answer.
"Of course." Magnus mutters, half to himself, and as he turns his head away from Alec, he swears he can see tears in his eyes.
He pushes himself up and stalks off into the darkness and Alec jumps to his feet.
He can't lose Magnus.
"Magnus!" He speaks too loudly, and it echoes in their courtyard, but Alec can't bring himself to care. Magnus turns his head slightly, but he doesn't look at him.
"Magnus." He says softly, stopping just behind him and reaching for his shoulder. "Magnus, I don't regret it."
He hears a hitch in Magnus' breath, but he doesn't stop. He knows he needs to fix this.
"That was the first good part of this whole mess. I wish it could've been under different circumstances, but I don't regret it."
Magnus turns but his eyes are lowered. Tear tracks down his cheeks catch the dying firelight and Alec reaches up to wipe them away with his thumb.
"I could never regret you."
In a big rush, Magnus is falling into his arms and there are lips on his own, messily and salty tasting. His hands, cupping Magnus' wet cheeks are shaking and he's sure there's tears streaming down his own cheeks.
Magnus holds him close, their chests pressed up against each other and suddenly Alec's not cold anymore.
After an eternity Alec finally pulled away, trying to catch his breath.
Magnus smiles at him, leans in to place another kiss to Alec's forehead.
"You need to get to sleep." He tells him gently and kisses Alec before he can complain.
"I'll take first watch. You sleep. I'll wake Jace for the next watch."
Alec pauses for a moment and gives in. He rests his forehead against Magnus' collarbone, brushing his lips against the only sliver of skin he could get.
"Good night." Magnus tells him, and Alec manages a tired smile. He hadn't realised how exhausted he was before, but now his bones felt weighted down and heavy.
Magnus gave him a little nudge towards the safe room and Alec stepped towards it slowly, not wanting to leave Magnus alone. Not now.
"I'll see you in the morning." Magnus prompts him, and Alec finally goes, giving him a smile.
"See you later, Magnus."
And if Magnus turned around just to hide the wide sappy smile that spread over his face, well, it wasn't like Alec could see him.
