Chapter 11

Thinking of You

Gwen P.O.V.

There I was again, watching Duncan cry over Courtney as she tries to hide the smug look that's in her eyes, only this time, she walks right up to him and starts making out with him. It hurts so much more than when I saw Heather kissing Trent. That can't even compare to witnessing his lips on hers, and her hands knotting into his hair. It's complete sickening and not in the, "This is so gross, I'm going to go puke because I have a weak stomach," kind of sickening (Okay well, kinda). It's sickening in the, "I just felt my heart drop to my stomach, excuse me while I go puke in hopes that it makes its way back to my chest. Even though I know it was a dream, it was one nightmare that I couldn't wake up from, and that's why when someone knocking on my door woke me up I practically ran to the door to give them a big hug. And I'm not much of a hugger.

Yanking the door open I threw my arms around the person who had woken me up. It wasn't 'til I heard him speak that I realized my arms were around Trent. My arms were around my ex-boyfriend and I looked like hell. Normally I wouldn't care but I couldn't help but to feel a twinge of guilt considering the reason that I looked like hell was because of my newest boyfriend. Duncan. The guy that he had been totally jealous of last season because he thought I had feelings for him.

"Wow, good morning to you too, Gwen."

"Morning," I breathed as I pulled away and tried to hide my face.

I managed to calm myself down by the time one of the interns came to pick me up from my drop-off point. On the way to the airport and one the plane ride to the hotel where all of the non-competing members were staying, though, I struggled to keep my emotions in control. The minute I got to my room I locked the door, took a shower, climbed in my bed, and started to cry all over again. I'm not sure how long I cried for, but it wore me out and I ended up falling asleep as I felt a few more tears slip out. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that my eyes were completely bloodshot and my hair was a mess from tossing and turning all night.

"Can I come in?" Trent asked, pulling me away from my memories from the previous night.

"Yeah." I stepped aside to let him get through and then I followed him inside.

I sat down on my bed and he sat down in the chair that was sitting a couple of feet away. We were both quiet and it started to get awkward. It sometimes got like that when we used to hang out. I tried to keep the fact that there was hardly ever an awkward silence when I was with Duncan out of my thoughts, but I failed. I really didn't want to compare my relationships with them or compare them to each other, but with the silence it's kind of hard to ignore the perceptible differences.

"So, you and Duncan. Didn't see that coming." He gave me a sort a forced half smile.

I gave him a sort of awkward smile. "Trent, please don't do that. Even Tyler and Lindsay saw it coming." I took a second to rethink that last part. "Okay, maybe they couldn't see it, but I know you did."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, I did."

The sad expression on his face made me feel even guiltier. "You were wrong at that time though. I didn't really believe anything was going to happen between us."

"Good to know," he said honestly.

"Trent, I know this might sound a little rude but what are you doing here?"

He shrugged, "I don't even know." He stared at his hands and started playing with them like a nervous kid.

"Yeah, you do."

Sighing he got up and started pacing in the space between us. "Look Gwen, I know you probably don't want to think about this right now, but I think that we should get back together. I think that we need to give us a second shot. I think that we can work things out and everything will go right this time."

"Trent I-"

"I promise I won't mess it up this time. I'll be the best boyfriend that you've ever had. I think that if we give it another shot then we can make things last. We had awesome times when we were together, so why can't we just go back to that? We had a really good relationship. Please Gwen, I just really think that we should get back together."

I grabbed his hands and stopped him from pacing. "Trent, we did have a good relationship and we had some good times, yes, but the answer is no. You keep saying how you think it can work out this time but I know that it can't. I'm sorry."

He looked helplessly up at me. "You said that before. You refused to take me back before, but I changed your mind. Just give me a chance to change your mind again."

He was practically begging me to take him back but I couldn't. I felt nothing but guilt. "You're not going to be able to change my mind again Trent. Things are different from how they were then."

"What's so different about now and then? I'm still me and you're still you." The difference is now I realize that he and I were the problem.

I couldn't tell him that though. I pulled my hands away from his and sat back down on the bed trying to think about what I could tell him.

"This is about him isn't it?"

I nodded. It was more about Duncan than about the old problems in our relationship. Problems that he was completely overlooking that had nothing to do with Duncan. "We're technically still together." I couldn't do that to Duncan.

"So?" he cried out. "You were together when he started crying over Courtney and arguing over her with Alejandro. Screw him!"

It wasn't just the fact that we were still together that kept me from taking Trent back. "I love him."

He looked at me like I had completely lost it. It was kind of ironic that he was looking at me like I was the crazy one. "What do you mean you love him? How can you love someone that doesn't love you back?"

I stood up, "You don't know that!"

"Gwen," he said in a tone meant to calm me down. "You were there, and you saw his reactions. I've been watching every episode to cheer you on, so I watched every single one of the episodes, including this last one! Gwen, he still wants Courtney."

I felt the stinging in my eyes start. I didn't want to think about Duncan. Or Courtney and Duncan and how much he still cared about her, or anything that had to do with the day before. "Get out," I whispered.

"Gwen, please just listen I-"

"Just get out."

He walked out of my room and I locked the door behind him.

I felt bad about the whole situation and I didn't need any help in the guilt department. And I know things weren't looking good for me and Duncan, but the last thing I needed was for it to be shoved into my face. I didn't want to think about Duncan. But unfortunately, after that, it was kind of hard not to.

...

A/N: So here you have it! Trent wants her back. Duncan soooo called that! I named this chapter thinking of you because that's what I was listening to when I wrote it. I would write a longer note but I am dead tired. Goodnight my loves!