31

Bella got stronger as the days wore on. Jamie and I had some weirdness going on between us and I wasn't sure it would ever change. I felt guilty and she felt hesitant. We were polite but she never shared her fears or confided in me. I was happy for it, I wasn't sure I could handle her problems any longer.

Bella was the one having the hardest time with the changes in our relationship. She encouraged Jamie to include me and begged me to spend time alone with her. We both made excuses and the closer Jamie got to her second round of chemo the more worried I became.

"Mom, look at the wig Alice made," Jamie called out and walked into our room to find only me. She was wearing a knit cap with bright pink curly hair sticking out. She dropped her eyes and turned to leave so I called out to her.

"Jamie, it looks really cute, be sure and have your mother take a picture," I suggested.

She turned slowly to look at me and her lip was quivering. "I'm sorry," she said with a barely perceptual voice.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"I'm sorry I made the baby die," she said and turned to run from the room. I ran after her catching her by the stairs and getting on my knees to look directly into her eyes.

"Why do you feel you made the baby die?" I asked.

"Because I was jealous, I didn't want mommy to have a baby. I'm just like Jake," she cried and I stared in total shock. "Now you hate me," she said and tried to pull from my arms.

Children interpreted things so differently, but I never once thought she would see things this way. I pulled her to my chest and tried to find the right words, but the only thing that would come out was, "No, Jamie, no."

"Are you going to leave again?" she asked as tears fell down her gaunt cheeks.

"Honey, I'm sad the baby died, but you and mommy are the most important people in my life. I don't hate you, I love you, and I will never leave. I feel like I let you down by falling apart when you needed me," I tried to explain and prayed she would be able to understand.

"We need you now," I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned to see Bella and realized I had pulled away from her, too. I never held her at night or even attempted anything physical. I felt like a failure and acted like it by pouting and shutting down.

"I need my girls," I said and Bella came over to wrap her arms around me. Jamie hesitantly joined her and I kissed them both.

We sat on the floor at the top of the stairs and huddled together. Our reality sucked, but it was ours. Just like my father said you can't change facts, you just deal with them. I finally said, "Let's get out of this house and go see a movie."

"There are germs," Jamie said and I jumped up and grabbed a sheet from the closet and one of Jamie's face masks.

We drove to Port Angeles and bought tickets to an animated film. I covered the seat with the sheet and Jamie wore her mask. We waited for the theater to clear before we walked out, each of us using disinfectant wipes and smiling. We felt somewhat normal and had a family outing just as we should.

"That was fun," Jamie said with enthusiasm. "When I get my kitten I'm going to name it Libby like the one in the movie."

Bella looked over the seat at Jamie and asked, "What kitten?"

"Daddy said I could have a kitten next summer."

"Oh really?" Bella said. "Isn't your mother allergic to cats?"

"We won't be living at my parents by next summer," I said and Bella raised her eyebrows. "We'll most likely move to Port Angeles to be closer to work," I explained.

"What about Chicago?" Bella asked.

"If this works out with Jasper I want to see it through," I said and didn't look to see Bella's reaction. "Who wants ice cream?" I asked.

"I do," Jamie said and I pulled into the drive thru and ordered us each a cone. She ate a few bites and then handed it to me to finish for her.

"Dad's a pig," she teased and I snorted at her, making her laugh.

"He'll work it off later," Bella said and I looked over at her in shock. She laughed loudly and it was an incredible sight. I wanted to take this day and bottle it for when our tougher ones returned. Jamie was headed back to chemo and we were headed back to exhaustion, but we only had to make it through this next round and then her transplant would be scheduled and a new urgency would begin.

When we went to bed that night I felt nervous. We were supposed to wait a month to make love, but the way Bella snuggled up to me I knew she had something in mind. I didn't want her to feel obligated to service me. I wasn't that guy anymore, so at least I had made some improvements.

She ran her hand over my stomach and kissed my chest. I held perfectly still so she moved her hand into my boxers. "Love, you don't have to do anything," I said but my body was set on fire by her touch.

"I know I don't have to, I want to," she said and ran just her fingertip down the length of me. I jerked from the sensation and she raised her head to look at me. "Do you like that, Edward?"

"Yes," I said as I stared into her eyes. She brought her entire hand around me and squeezed lightly, causing my eyes to roll back and I sighed loudly. I kept my arms loose as she worked me, trying desperately not to make her feel she had to give anything up to me in return.

I tried to push her hand away when I was ready to cum but she placed her palm over my cock and let me shoot into her hand. I was amazed by her once again. She gave me so much and I felt like I failed her constantly. I kissed her hard, trying to say how much I loved her through my lips and she responded just as forcefully.

When she got out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash her hands I watched her walk. He body was shrinking right before my eyes and I knew it was stress and everything she had been through. When she climbed back into bed I whispered softy, "You need to eat more, Bella."

"I know, I just feel awful eating when Jamie can't keep anything down."

"She needs you strong, eat for her, "I suggested and she nodded against my chest.

We both fell asleep quickly since the day had worked wonders at putting us back together. I hoped it could last.

I showed up for work the day of Jamie's second round of chemo and Jasper called me into his office. He was holding the folder I had prepared and I was terrified to hear his reaction to my proposal. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to love it or hate it, but I tried to appear confident.

"I looked this over and I have to admit I'm pretty damn impressed. You thought of every angle, Edward, now I know why you were in all the advanced classes."

I smiled and felt sick to my stomach. He was going to invest in my ideas and I had never put myself out there like this before. I always relied on my father to take the risks. "Jasper, if it seems too risky in this economy…"

"That's why it is so brilliant. In this economy people are looking to save a buck. You found a way to cut several percentage points off the front end. That is huge, be proud man," he said to give me a bit of courage.

"You would need to hire a few more people," I said hesitantly and he nodded as if he expected my words. I was very impressed with his business sense and regretted how I treated him when we were younger.

"If you hear of anyone let me know," Jasper said and then added, "How's Jamie?"

"She starts the second round today. The first round almost destroyed us, so I'm scared shitless for this one," I admitted and it felt good to say the words.

"I'm not pretending to know what you're going through, but can I offer some advice?" he asked sheepishly.

"Sure."

"Set up a date night, where you take Bella away from everything, no matter what is going on, force her to get away. Then hire a nurse, I'll pay, it would be my way of helping out."

"Jasper you are doing too much already. This job is your way of helping out," I pointed out to him.

"Yeah, I thought so, but you found a way to make me more money, so I need to do something else," he grinned.

I sat forward and rubbed the stubble on my head which was filling in nicely in just over a month. I was feeling like I was being pressed from both sides and not sure how to get away from the squeeze. Jasper gave me a few moments to get my thoughts together and then asked me outright, "What's going on, Edward?"

"I'm a punk ass kid, I have a wife, we lost our baby, and we are fighting like hell to keep Jamie. This isn't the life I wanted," I finally said the words out loud.

"So, go get the life you want," he said bluntly. "I guarantee it is just as stressful as the one you have now. You were spoiled rotten, Edward. I used to envy you, but now I see I was better prepared for life than you were. You were going to be a doctor and you wouldn't have had a clue how your patients felt. Now you'll know and it will make you a better doctor."

"I'm not going back to medical school," I told him.

"Sure you are. You are not a guy who restores ships, that's me. You're a doctor, and this experience is going to make you see it."

It suddenly became so clear, just as Jasper said it would. I was feeling sorry for myself one moment and the very next one I knew what specialty I was meant for. I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist. I would only be pushed back one year, next fall we would head to Chicago, all three of us. I smiled at Jasper and sat back in my chair feeling like a new person. I could hardly wait to get home and tell Bella, but in the mean time I was going to work my ass off making sure my ideas brought Jasper money.

I was reenergized by the time I got home. I drove fast and sang along with the music as I drummed on my steering wheel. I knew Jamie was going to be having a difficult day, but I was going to be paying better attention, so I could use this experience down the road.

I walked into the house and gave my mother a tight hug. She looked at me to make sure I hadn't been drinking and then smiled. "You seem happy," she said.

"As much as I can be under the circumstances, is dad home?"

"Not yet, but he's on his way," she told me and I headed up the stairs to see Jamie and Bella.

I heard Jamie throwing up before I got to her bedroom door. I walked in and Bella gave me an exhausted look so I walked over and took the bowl from her hand. "Jamie, you throw up all you want. Get that shit out of your body," I told her and she looked up at me with just her eyes and nodded as another round of vomiting commenced.

When she finally fell back onto her pillow I wiped her mouth and took hold of her hand. "Jamie, you're my inspiration, do you know what that means?" I asked.

She shook her head back and forth so I continued. "You give me a reason to try harder and do better. I watch you and it makes me want to be a better person."

"I hate cancer," she said as she rolled to her side.

"So do I, sweetheart, and I hate that it happened to you. In two months you'll be playing in the sand in Brazil," I promised her and she smiled just a little.

Her eyes closed and she fell asleep so I turned on the monitor and headed out to find Bella. She was sitting on our bed with tears and I walked over to wipe them off and smiled down at her. "We're going to make it through this," I said.

"I hope so," she whispered.

"Get in bed, I'll bring you dinner in bed," I said and she rolled her eyes at me. "I'm serious, let me spoil you a bit, and just so you know we will be having a date night once a week and a nurse will stay with Jamie."

"Who are you and what have you done with my husband," she teased and I winked as I left the room.

I headed to the kitchen and since I didn't really know what to fix I took some suggestions from my mom. I made a plate of French toast for dinner and carried it up to Bella. She glanced at the tray and smiled. "Wow, this really looks good. I love your mom's French toast."

"I made it," I corrected her and she laughed since I had actually made my mom's recipe. "Hey, do you still know how to make your Bella bars?" I asked.

"Yesh," she said with a full mouth.

"Write down the ingredients and I'll have my mom pick up the stuff. I would love to taste those again."

"I can't believe you remembered," Bella said and I leaned over to lick some syrup off her chin.

"Mom," Jamie called out and I motioned for Bella to stay in bed and I went to see what Jamie wanted.

I walked in the room to see her grabbing her leg. "Daddy, my leg hurts so badly," she cried. I sat on the bed and began giving her deep muscle massages. Her calf muscle was knotting up and she cried when I pushed on it.

"Honey, you need to drink more. You are getting muscle cramps from the chemo." I heard my father come home and yelled for him to come up to Jamie's room. He walked in with his medical bag and I told him of the cramping. The pain stopped as quickly as it began and then she developed chills. I wrapped her in the blanket as my father took her temperature.

He checked her throat and seemed concerned. "Double up on her antibiotics and we'll see how she does during the night," he said.

"Bacterial?" I asked and he nodded.

I got her medications and gave them to her before making her some hot tea to drink. I was happy when she sipped her tea and seemed to warm up. She fell back to sleep and I went to our room to find Bella asleep, too, so I headed down to talk to my father.

I opened his office door to find my mother on his desk with her legs wrapped around him. I quickly shut the door and smiled. I knew it wasn't easy for my parents to have a full house after all these years and I knew we were cramping their style, but at least they found time to be together, and it gave me hope Bella and I could be like them someday.

32

I'm sure everyone thought my new outlook would wear off as Jamie became sicker, but I managed to stay positive and soon noticed Bella getting more positive, too. Jasper was moving ahead full steam with the interior upgrade part of his services and we had three ships waiting.

It was hard to push Bella into our date night, but when I refused to take no for an answer and the nurse showed up, she forced herself to go. I took her dancing the first night. I held her in my arms as we swayed to the music and our hearts reconnected. We now looked forward to the night with enthusiasm.

Jamie had a lot of difficulty making it through this round. She was hospitalized twice and fought infection the entire time. But her last treatment fell on Bella's birthday. I came home with a bouquet of Roses and her own diamond necklace of a B. Jamie insisted on wearing hers even though she was vomiting most of the evening.

I could see light at the end of the tunnel. Jamie's next battle would be in the hospital with qualified staff to ease our burden. I called Dr. Dunn to see if Riley was still answering his calls and he assured me everything was still good. Jamie would enter the hospital on December ninth and if everything went well she would be home before Valentine's Day.

When November came we were planning our trip to Brazil and watching Jamie get stronger each day. My mother was home schooling Jamie in the hopes she would be able to advance to third grade with the other kids her age next fall. I was hoping she would begin school in Chicago.

Bella was helping me pick out clothes for our trip when her cell phone rang. "It's Alice," she said and walked away to talk. I had been to the island many times, but suddenly needed Bella to pack for me, so I left the job and went downstairs to find Jamie playing a game of Jacks on the floor.

"Dad, do you want to try?" she asked.

I watched her for a minute and then sat down to give it a try. I tossed the ball too high and Jamie laughed and took it from me to show me once again how to do it. I tossed it lightly and grabbed one of the Jacks, knocking several with my clumsy hand.

"Dad, you have to be soft," Jamie said and took the ball from me again. She picked up several Jacks and then handed it back to me.

I was able to pick up the Jack but when I tried to catch the ball with my hand fisted it bounced away. Jamie ran after it and came back to sit as she laughed. "I'm better at Jacks than you are," she stated proudly.

"You are better at many more things than I am," I told her.

"What did I get from you?" she asked. "Everyone says I look like mommy."

My heart dropped and I glanced around for Bella. Jamie was staring at me, waiting for an answer so I said, "I love bananas."

"Me, too," she smiled and seemed happy with our one thing in common.

"Edward Cullen," Bella yelled and Jamie laughed, "I think you're in trouble."

"Why?" I asked.

"She uses both names when she's mad," Jamie explained and I jumped up and ran up the stairs.

I peeked in the room to see if she was mad at me or angry at the fact I stopped packing. She looked at me and groaned. "Did you give Alice one of my bars?"

"Yeah, why?"

"They want to buy the recipe for their boutique," she said and shook her head.

"How much did they offer you?" I asked and she gave me an embarrassed grin.

"I'm not selling, I told her I'll look into packaging them myself," she said and my mouth fell open.

"No shit?" I asked and she frowned at my verbiage. "Bella, I'm really proud of you. You could be the next Mrs. Fields."

"Or the next Mrs. Nobody," she said and went back to her packing. My mind was spinning with all kinds of ideas, but I knew they would have to wait for Jamie's illness. I was happy Bella was thinking about her own future for once and I vowed to support her anyway I could.

We got up early to drive to Seattle and Bella sat bundled in her coat as Jamie slept on the back seat. "I'll be so glad to be where it is warm," she said and I worried about how she would handle the cold of Chicago.

"You're such an Arizona girl," I teased.

She glared at me and then asked, "Did you call the airline about Jamie's medications?"

"Yes, everything's in place," I told her.

"I hope this trip goes well," she sighed. "Jamie really deserves to have fun."

"She is so resilient," I mused. "She amazes me."

"Edward, she loves you so much," Bella said and I smiled and blew her a kiss.

"So, are you good with keeping her in the dark?" I asked.

"Totally, she'll live her life knowing her father loves her, it is the least we can give her."

I didn't give it another thought. I considered Jamie my daughter in every sense and I would be the father she deserved. I knew the day would come when she would want answers and I would make sure to answer them in a way she would always know she was loved.

We had a long day of traveling. Jamie had to wear her face mask the entire time. We went crazy with the wipes and poor Jamie couldn't touch anything without one of us grabbing her hand and wiping it clean. By the time we arrived at the house we were all exhausted.

I had Bella make a list of food and I would take the boat to shore and buy food the next morning. We ate some canned fruit for dinner and all went to bed. I had gone shopping and returned before the girls got up. Jamie came walking into the kitchen to watch me put away the groceries.

"Are you up to boating or swimming?" I asked her.

"I had a dream a shark bit me," she said and put her chin on her folded arms.

"So I guess that means boating," I laughed.

"Are there sharks around here?" she asked with fear in her voice.

"Yeah, but just tell them to leave you alone and they'll go away, of course you have to say it in Portuguese."

"How?"

"Ir embora or is it vir aqui…hum….one means go away, and one means come here," I teased.

"Dad, stop," she said but I noticed how she smiled.

"There are more sharks off the northeastern coast, I've never seen one around here so don't worry, okay?"

"So if I wear my sparkly swimsuit they won't come after me?" she asked seriously.

"Sharks can't see sparkly," I said to make her feel better. She jumped off the stool and ran to her room to put on her swimsuit as I started making pancakes. She returned in a bright pink swimsuit covered in little jewels that looked like diamonds.

"Wow," I exclaimed. "You're going to make all the fish so jealous. They'll think you are the prettiest mermaid in the world."

"Mommy's putting on her suit but she said her legs look like marshmallows," Jamie laughed.

"Mommy is crazy, you know that right?"

"I'm telling her you called her crazy," Jamie threatened and I shook my head.

"I said I'm crazy about mommy, you didn't listen," I said and she laughed.

Bella came out of the room with a bikini top and a pair of cutoffs and I glanced at her, finding her absolutely sexy. "Do you want pancakes to go with those marshmallows?" I said and Jamie laughed again.

"I really hope you enjoy your life as a eunuch," she threatened and I moved to cover myself with my hands.

"What's a eunuch?" Jamie asked.

"A man who said the wrong thing," Bella said and I hoped it ended Jamie's questioning.

"Jamie and I are going boating, are you coming?" I asked Bella and she glanced around the kitchen before shaking her head back and forth. It surprised me she didn't want to come. I thought for sure she would want out of the house as much as possible. "Are you going to sit on the beach?" I asked.

"Did you get everything on the list?" she asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"I think I'm going to make some bars and play around with the recipe. You'll have my undivided attention this afternoon," she promised.

I was thrilled to see Bella passionate about something, of course I would rather her passion was over me, but she was seeing possibilities she never thought she would have. I handed her a plate of pancakes and leaned over to kiss her. "Take all day if you want," I told her and she smiled widely.

After breakfast Jamie and I headed to the dock. "Are you going to wear a hat or use sunscreen on your head?" I asked her.

Her head fell and she said softly, "Mom said I have to do both."

"Your mom is brilliant," I said and handed her the tube of sunscreen. "That head would blind the fish."

Jamie reached out and pushed me, trying to knock me into the ocean and I grabbed onto her. If I went in, she was coming too. We both laughed and all the problems of the last four months were gone. I let Jamie handle the boat for a bit and when we found a pod of dolphins she screamed with delight.

"They're so big," she observed.

One of the dolphins jumped high into the air and her eyes filled with tears, she was so happy and it made me emotional to see her this way. I finally brought the boat close to shore and we got out to swim. At first she was hesitant and stayed right by my side, but soon she began to venture off and I had to keep warning her to stay by me.

We were both starving when we came back to the house and could smell the Bella bars from the dock. "I'll race you," I said and Jamie took off running. She was really fast for a young girl who had spent her entire summer stuck inside a house.

We crashed through the door and Bella looked up from the kitchen. Her face was flushed and her hair was pulled up and damp. Flour was on her cheek and her apron and she never looked more beautiful.

"Come here," she insisted and handed us both a tiny portion of a bar. "Try this one first."

We both ate quickly and agreed it was wonderful. Bella handed us another bite sized portion and asked which was better. "They're both good," I said and Jamie nodded.

"But which one is the best?" she asked and I tried to really decide.

"The first one," I said and Jamie quickly disagreed, "No, the second one."

"Perfect," Bella squealed and jumped up and down. "I used dark chocolate and pecans for the first one because men have a slightly different preference. I used the milk chocolate and Macadamia nuts for the second, because women like things a bit sweeter."

Jamie swelled with pride that Bella referred to her as a woman, but it made me a bit sick. I wanted her to remain seven forever, so no teenage fucker could get his hands on her.

"Can I have an entire bar?" I asked, "I don't care if it is male or female."

"Yeah, cause dad makes a great Tiffany," Jamie laughed and I glared at her.

"What's this?" Bella asked as she cut us each a bar.

"Dad played paper dolls with me and he said he loves Demi Lovato."

"Tiffany loves her, not me," I said and it only made it sound worse.

"I think daddy needs some more grown up time," Bella said and winked at me. I nodded enthusiastically, I really, really needed more grown up time.

We ate our bars and Bella made us a grilled cheese sandwich. The travel and busy morning began to wear on Jamie and she cuddled up in a chair and fell asleep. I smiled and Bella and nodded with my head for her to follow me. I walked to the beach and into the water. Bella removed her cut offs and came in after me.

I kept walking and planned to take her to the inlet I always took Tanya to, but she stopped following and called to me. "Come here, Edward."

I walked back and she wrapped both her arms and legs around me. "I think right here is just fine," she smiled and pulled me to her lips. I kissed her as my hands wandered over her body, stopping on her ass. She pushed off with her legs and rose up my body and then slowly came back down to the seated position.

I pulled on her bikini bottom and she let her legs down to remove it. I quickly pushed my suit down and pulled her back to me. "Speak Portuguese," she moaned in my ear.

I inhaled sharply and said softly, "Você é tão bonita, você é meu."

"Yes," she said and began moving faster.

"Eu tea mo," I yelled as my head fell back.

She let her entire body fall back into the water, floating as we were still connected. All the times I had been here with Tanya she never once did anything like that. I held Bella's hips firmly and pulled her into me over and over again until she arched, bringing her chest high out of the water as her head fell below. I yelled in a deep roar as my body jerked into hers with a force I had never experienced.

She used her abdominal muscles to rise out of the water and I pulled her tightly to me as I tried to catch my own breath. "God, you're amazing," I told her and she kissed me as her hands ran through my long hair.

We held each other as the waves softly rocked us. I was in bliss and wondered what I had ever done to deserve Bell and Jamie. Bella interrupted the mood by asking, "Edward, can we talk about a few things?"

"Sure, love," I said and I could tell by her tone they where things she knew I would find difficult to talk about. I tightened my arms around her and listened closely.

"If Jamie is well, we are going to Chicago right?" she asked.

"That was what I had in mind," I confessed.

"Okay, what if she doesn't make it?" she asked softly.

I began to shake my head but she tightened her hold and said, "Edward, we need to talk about this. We need to decide where to bury her if it comes to that."

"God, Bella, are you losing hope?" I asked in shock.

Tears fell from her eyes and she shook her head. "You have no idea how much hope I have for my baby. But I have to be reasonable because I don't want to make a decision based on emotions. I need to know she'll be with me. If we go to Chicago should we bury her there?"

I took a deep breath and felt my own tears fill my eyes. "I don't plan on staying in Chicago after school," I said.

"Are we coming back to Forks?" she asked.

"Seattle maybe, but not Forks."

"Okay, could we have her cremated and then settle on a permanent resting place when we settle?" she asked through her sobs.

"Sure, Bella, that would work," I said and held her to my chest.

"Okay, one more thing," she said and wiped her tears with her fingers. "Tanya called me."

"What?" I yelled and wondered why Bella wouldn't say something at the time.

"She offered us the cottage while we're in Seattle with Jamie; she's going to be out of town."

"You talked to Tanya?" I asked again like I hadn't heard her just a moment ago.

"Yes, she didn't want to call you because of the big secret she is keeping for you. Should we accept her offer?"

I thought about it and knew the cottage wasn't anywhere near the hospital. I still worried about Bella's energy level, but the cottage would be comfortable, although we wouldn't be there much. I finally shook my head in the negative.

"It's too far away. I'll get us a place close to the hospital so you can come and go as you need," I said and she smiled and nodded in agreement.

"One more thing," she said and I groaned loudly so she smacked my head. "Jamie asked me why you needed to grow up and left us."

"Shit," I said and looked back at the house. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her we were both young and you needed to go to college so you could get a job, and I met Jake and thought he would love me more, but he didn't. She seemed okay with the answer."

"She asked me what traits she inherited from me, I told her I like bananas," I said and felt stupid just repeating the words.

"Well, next time tell her you both like to play with paper dolls," Bella said and I let me legs bend and pulled her under the water with me.

33

We spent two wonderful weeks on the island. Jamie was tanned and her head was covered in dark fuzz. I hated the idea of leaving and wished we could stay there forever and nothing could hurt us. Bella was quiet as we packed and Jamie sat with a bag full of shells as she stared out the window.

I walked over and rubbed her head. "You want to take one last walk along the beach?"I asked.

She reached out with her hand and took mine, so I pulled her up and headed to the beach. She kept looking at the ocean and I finally asked her, "So, what are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure I'll ever be back here," she said sounding much too wise for her years.

"When you come to a new place and spend time, you leave a bit of yourself behind. A part of you will always be here," I told her.

"What's heaven like?" she asked and I couldn't look at her as I spoke.

"It is a place where cancer doesn't exist, only happiness and love," I said as we continued walking on the sand.

"So it won't be so bad if I go to heaven," she said softly and I tightened my hand around hers.

"No, it won't, but I really want you to stay here," I said and when my voice broke she looked up at me.

"Dad, I knew you when I saw you the first time. I knew you were my dad. I'll know you in heaven, too." She meant to comfort me, but her words sent tears streaming down my face.

"Jamie, I think God mistakenly sent you to earth. You were an angel and he must miss you very much. But I want you too, and I'm going to fight like hell to keep you here with us. I need you Jamie, much more than God does."

She stopped walking and said through her cries, "Daddy, I want to stay with you. I don't want to die."

I fell onto my knees and hugged her tightly. "I'm fighting for you, baby. I'm doing everything I can to keep you here."

She cried in my arms with loud aching sobs, something I had never heard from her before. I wanted to fix everything and be her hero, but for now all I could do was hold her and tell her how much I loved her. She knew more about pain than any seven year old should ever know and I would gladly take it on myself if there was any way to trade places with her. But life doesn't work that way, so all I could do is let my own heart hurt along with hers.

We came back to the house and I noticed Bella's eyes were red as if she had been crying, too. I hugged her tightly and whispered, "I love you, Bella; you know that, right?"

"Yes, I feel it every time you touch me," she whispered and kissed my neck. "I love you, too."

We left the island and flew toward the final battle. Riley had to show up, and Jamie had to stay infection free. All our hopes rested on this procedure and I had to believe my past sins wouldn't be used to punish Jamie.

When we landed in Seattle we drove to the Children's hospital to show Jamie where she would be staying for two months. We also drove around to see what hotels were close by. We found some places not too far from the hospital and Bella wrote down their names.

Bella would stay with Jamie Monday thru Thursday and I would drive to Seattle on Thursday evening and stay until Sunday night. I knew we were going to be tired and stressed and I hated the idea of not being close enough to rush to the hospital if I was needed. Jamie fell asleep as we headed out of the city toward Forks. Bella and I didn't speak the entire way home, each one of us lost in our own thoughts.

I headed off the work the next morning and called Dr. Dunn to check in. He seemed happy to hear Jamie did well on the trip and was still healthy. He told me Riley was coming to Seattle and would be receiving shots to stimulate his marrow growth. Jamie would undergo conditioning to suppress her immune system for several days before the transplant would take place. Everything was in order and I had high hopes it would go as planned.

I walked in the plant to find one of the ships being retro fitted with the upgrades. I walked through the hull and it was filled with people working hard. I felt a sense of pride and when I ran into Jasper I gave him a hug.

"Everything looks good," I told him.

"Yeah, I have four more orders. It really pisses me off that you thought of it and I didn't," he teased.

"You would have thought of it if you hadn't smoked so much pot," I said and he punched my arm.

"Look who's talking, I'm surprised you even know how to fuck without being high. How's Jamie?"

"She looks great," I said with a smile. "You would never know to look at her that she's sick. But, I'm here to work, so shut the hell up and let me save your fledgling company," I said and headed to my office as Jasper laughed loudly.

I got a call from Bella, telling me Jamie had her check up with Dr. Dunn and was doing great. He told her about the donor coming for prep and I knew what her worry was without hearing the words.

"Bella, he won't see her, at all. He'll have the procedure and leave, because he's too afraid of being held responsible for something. We won't see him either," I promised her.

"Yeah, you're right," she said softly. "Hey, my dad got engaged," she said with a laugh.

"Wow, is Sue pregnant?" I asked and Bella only laughed harder. The sound of her happiness made me happy and I sat at my desk with a stupid ass smile on my face.

"Have a good day," she said.

"Bella," I called out before she could hang up.

"Yeah?"

"Remember the night I came to your house to beg you to give me a chance?"

"Yeah," she said hesitantly as if it was a painful memory.

"I fell in love with you that night. I knew with certainty I loved you."

"Well, you must have forgotten because remember what you did the next night?" she said and I felt like such an ass for bringing it up.

"No, I didn't forget, I just knew I didn't deserve you," I said with remorse.

"When you defended me at school, it was when I knew I loved you. You walked into my back yard and smiled at Jamie, God, I almost jumped you," she confessed and I smiled again.

"We've got this," Bella," I said confidently.

"Yeah, we've got this," she said and I could tell she was smiling, too.

We spent as much time with Jamie as possible and drove to Seattle the morning of the ninth to check her into the hospital. She was in a pretty good mood, considering. She was put in a special room with air filters to protect her from infection and Bella had to dress in a special gown and mask to enter the room.

I filled out the forms and headed up to the floor. I was shocked to see Angela at the nurse's station. I felt it was a good omen, Angela was the sweetest person I knew and I loved the idea of her helping Jamie. She smiled when she saw me and came over to offer a hug. "I'm so glad you and Bella got together," she said.

"Thanks, Ang. It is such a relief to see you here," I admitted.

"I got Bella's cell number but give me yours and I'll keep you updated during my shift."

I gave her my number and leaned in to speak softly, "Ang, Jamie doesn't know I'm not her father." Her eyes widened and she nodded slowly. "Her father is the donor but he has nothing to do with her. In fact, I had to threaten his life to make him willing to donate."

"Man, I'm glad you told me. I'll make sure all the nurses know," she said and I trusted Angela to handle it.

I stood outside the room and looked at Jamie through the glass. Bella pushed a button on the wall and said, "Did you see Angela?"

"Yeah, I've got a good feeling about this," I said with a big smile and Bella nodded in agreement.

"Dad, I can't bring in stuffed animals," Jamie said sadly.

I glanced at the television and pointed at it. "I'll get you a video of some cats."

She laughed and said, "You can't come in because you have germs."

I growled at her and she laughed louder. Only Bella was allowed in with Jamie and I was fine with it as long as I could see her and talk to her. It was an hour later when they came to take Jamie for her first round of chemo and radiation to suppress her immune system. Bella kissed her through the mask and I blew her a kiss as they wheeled her away.

"Let's go sit in the cafeteria, Angela can tell us when she returns," I said to Bella and she nodded.

We got some food and tried to eat but our nerves were too evident. We looked at the faces around the place knowing each person had a child in crisis and we belonged to a very terrible club. I wanted to remember this room when I became a doctor. Parents were trying to eat to remain strong for their kids, as their hearts ached.

I was picking through my salad when I heard Bella gasp. I looked up and followed her eyes to the far side of the cafeteria where Lieutenant Governor Biers stood looking back at us. "Damn it," I said loudly and threw my napkin on the table and stood. He walked toward me so I waited for him to reach out table.

"Your pussy son better be here," I said a bit too forcefully.

"He is here and I came to support him," he said and I knew it was a lie; he came for the tape and nothing more.

"I don't have what you want on me," I said and he nodded and looked at Bella and smiled.

"I hope my granddaughter is doing well," he said and I had to maintain my composure so I wouldn't drill him.

"I have no idea who your granddaughter is. But our daughter is doing well," Bella responded.

The man's jaw tightened and I could tell he was not the kind of person who was used to being disrespected. He glanced around the room and I wondered if he was waiting for Riley. I didn't want Bella to have to speak to the prick so I held out my hand and said, "Excuse us; we're going somewhere else to eat. Our appetites have been ruined."

Bella followed along with my quick steps and I could tell she was so relieved not to have to see Riley. We got in the elevator and noticed a van out front from the Today show and Good Morning America. I didn't think too much about it, since the place specialized in transplants and was most likely getting recognized nationally.

We drove to a Starbucks and got a cup of hot coffee before returning to the hospital. I dropped off Bella and left to find us a place to stay. I had considered renting a small apartment, but I didn't want to have to sign a lease or have Bella worry about keeping a place clean. I checked us into a motel and rented a room for a month. I explained our situation and they had dealt with similar things before.

By the time I got back to the hospital Jamie was in her room. She didn't seem too uncomfortable and I knew it would be worse tomorrow. I sat outside her room with my laptop until nightfall and Bella got her to sleep, then we snuck off quietly, grateful the first day was behind us.

Bella was menstruating and I wasn't in the mood for any sexual contact. I only wanted to hold her in my arms and feel strong together. We talked softly in the darkness about silly things that had no relevance. We didn't want to talk about the weeks ahead, it was too daunting to consider.

When she fell asleep in my arms I kissed her head gently and let myself wonder what our child would have looked like. I would know someday, but there was a void I felt and knew it would last forever.

The next morning we headed right to Jamie's room. She was sitting up in bed and smiled at us when we walked up to the window. We pushed the intercom and told her we were going to eat breakfast and would come right back.

Angela informed us Jamie would be taken to treatment in just a few minutes so I asked her to text me when she returned. We walked into the cafeteria and I noticed how Bella's eyes looked around for Riley. We got a bagel and coffee and sat close to a television to catch the morning news. Bella grabbed a newspaper and was looking through the headlines as she sipped her coffee.

"Are you going to be okay here alone?" I asked.

"Yeah, I think I'll do better when I'm not worried about you sitting outside the room," she said and I raised my eyebrows at her. "I just worry that you're too bored or something."

"Or something?" I challenged her.

"I'm worried what it will do to you when Jamie is very sick and you can't come in," she clarified.

I saw her point, it would be difficult to have her cry out for me and stay away. I wasn't sure I had that much strength. We took our time eating and reading when I got a text from Angela. Two hours had passed since we left Jamie's room and the text read, Edward, come ASAP!

I jumped up to leave and my attention was drawn to the television screen. The Today Show was talking to Mr. Biers and then went to a shot of Riley sitting next to Jamie's infusion chair talking to her. It had obviously been prerecorded earlier this morning. Bella looked at the screen and gasped as I ran from the room.

My blood was boiling by the time the elevator opened on Jamie's floor. I saw the news crew talking with Riley in the hallway outside of Jamie's room. I ran to him at full speed, pushing him against the wall and pounding my fist into his face. I hit him so many times and was only vaguely aware of people trying to pull me off of him.

I was finally thrown to the floor and a pair of cuffs was placed on my hands as cameras continued to film. I was pulled to my feet and dragged toward the elevator by two officers as I saw Jamie's face against the glass crying hysterically.

"Daddy's okay," I yelled to Jamie.

"You're not her father," Riley screamed at me.

I glared at him and then looked for his father. I saw him behind the cameras and smiled. "You're going down governor. Your ass of a son just signed your prison papers."

He smiled and shook his head. "I don't think so," he said and held up the tape I had given to Tanya.

The elevators closed and all my happiness began to fade away.