I have been looking through my reviews and in almost every one of them I see "Update Soon." Well, I listened to you, my faithful reviewers, and updated soon D Oh and I just wanted to say, Mothman , I whole heartily agree with your rant. I disliked how the writers chose to do season 4. Even Robin stole the spotlight away from Raven, and it was her stinking season. I too hated how there was practically no BBxRae interaction. Heck, there wasn't even any TitanxRae interaction, besides Robin. This is how I would of written season 4.…
I say they should of let Robin have his moment with Raven in Birthmark and that's it. Then in The Prophecy, Star and Cyborg should have been the main characters helping out Raven or something. And last, but definitely not least, Beast Boy should have taken Robin's place in The End parts 1+2. In The End part 3, all the Titans should of come together and fought Trigon, WITH Raven. The ending seemed very rushed to me how Raven could just beat her father in a few blasts. Trigon was practically weaker than Dr.Light. Raven hadn't even broken a sweat with Trigon. Anyways, now that I have bored a couple of you to death with my rant, and probably chased some of you away, let's get onto the story..
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Beast Boy just stood there, holding Raven in his arms while looking towards the sky. Tears dripped down his cheeks. He couldn't stand seeing Raven upset. Beast Boy had remembered feeling a similar pain such as this a long time ago. He had experienced the sadness, confusion, and anger of losing a parent. His parents. He also remembered the guilt he had felt. Even if it was no one's fault, a child always felt guilty if their parents died. Beast Boy didn't really know how to explain it or why he felt it. Or why most children felt guilty. Maybe it was the fact that the child was so upset that they couldn't protect their parent from whatever had taken their lives. Beast Boy had realized that this was what Raven was probably feeling right now.
"Raven, it's ok." Beast Boy hugged Raven tighter and put one hand on the back of her head. For a while, Raven hadn't responded to the changeling. She just stood there, her head buried in his shoulder, quiet muffled sobs coming out and the occasional sniffle and quick breaths. After a couple of minutes Raven spoke, her face still concealed.
"Azarath…my mother…all gone. It's my fault."
"No it's not Raven. It's not your fault." Beast Boy looked over to Raven, who slowly lifted her head from his shoulder. She slowly pulled away from Beast Boy. Her arms hanging low at her sides. Her head was tilted slightly down so her eyes were hidden beneath her bangs. Beast Boy could see the tear stains on her cheeks.
"Yes it is. If I had never been the portal, Trigon wouldn't of destroyed Azarath, my home.."
"Raven, you never chose to be the portal. It wasn't your fault. You didn't make the choice to destroy Azarath. Trigon did. He's the one to blame. Don't kick yourself over this." Beast Boy tried to reassure Raven.
"I should of never been born. I should have been aborted. I should of commit suicide when I had the chance." Raven's voice held a steady, seemingly angry tone. Beast Boy was stunned at what Raven had said.
"Raven! You don't mean that!" He exclaimed.
"How would you know if I meant that or not? Have you woken up every day of your whole life wondering when you would lose control and end the world? When your body would betray your mind? When you would finally go insane from the strain of suppressed emotions? Have you woken up, contemplating every single day whether to just stick the knife in deep enough and twist? Huh, have you!" By now Raven was screaming at Beast Boy with fresh tears in the corners of her eyes. He just stared at her. Beast Boy felt as though he was slapped in the face, hard. He slowly looked towards the ground.
"Yes, I have." Beast Boy slowly stated. Raven, her anger subsiding for a minute, tried to understand what Beast Boy had said.
"What?" She asked carefully.
"I said, yes I have. Raven, you may think you're the only one who goes through problems like this, but you're wrong. I have felt exactly like that before in my life." Raven just stared confused at Beast Boy as he continued.
"I'll admit I was never born with a prophecy hanging on my shoulders so I can't relate to that feeling. But I know what it feels like to be helpless, scared, angry, and not in control of your body. So don't you dare tell me what I have or haven't experienced before. Especially since you know practically nothing about me." Beast Boy dangerously spoke. Raven hated to admit it, but he was right. Now she felt a new wave of guilt sweep over her. Beast Boy looked up at Raven with anger in his eyes. The anger quickly disappeared as he saw the look of remorse on her face.
"I'm so sorry Beast Boy. I shouldn't of made assumptions. You're right, I do not know of your past. And I'm sorry for ever assuming your life has been easier." Raven quietly stated looking at the ground. She couldn't look him in the eye. Raven then noticed that the ground was charred black and they were still in Azarath, which was still currently burning down. It was like the fire was fueling their argument. Beast Boy let out a big sigh. Raven looked back up towards him. He put one hand on her shoulder.
"I accept your apology. I think from now on we should calm down, take things slowly, and get to know each other better. Since we're going through your memories, I'll tell you about my past."
"Beast Boy, you don't have to. Just because my past is being unveiled, doesn't mean you have to tell me yours." Raven stated, not wanting the changeling to feel as though he had to tell her his past as a way of repayment. Beast Boy had understood why Raven didn't want him to divulge his most private memories.
"Raven, this isn't about me feeling like I owe you something in return for memory hopping your mind. I truly want to tell you my past. I want you to know how much I can relate to you and that you have someone who will always be there by your side, whenever you're feeling sad and helpless." Beast Boy spoke with much emotion. Raven couldn't even think of anything to reply to that. She slowly nodded her head at him, her eyes full of understanding and thanks. Beast Boy gave a slight smile. He noticed how much Raven appreciated him for this. It went without saying. Just then a crackle was heard and a big chunk of a nearby building had burnt off and fell to the ground with a thud. Both Beast Boy and Raven looked on over the balcony as a new fire spread out over the ground from the fallen debris. Beast Boy saw Raven turn away from the edge, averting her eyes from the sight.
"Your mother…she was very pretty." Raven looked over to Beast Boy as he spoke.
"Thanks." Raven stated quietly, not sure where Beast Boy was going.
"You look a lot like her." Beast Boy walked over to Raven and ran his hand through her hair.
"Except for the short hair and skin." He gave a slight smile.
"I was always told I looked a lot like my mother, Marie Logan." Beast Boy continued.
"I'd always joke around and retaliate that I didn't look like a girl. Even though I always used to say that, I loved it when people thought I looked like my mom. Kind of made a bond between me and her. Even though I looked like my mom and had her blue eyes, I had my dad, Mark Logan's, hair. We were both blonds. I bet if you knew that you would of cracked some dumb blond jokes eh?" Beast Boy nudged Raven and wiggled his eyes, bringing humor into the conversation. Raven gave a slight smile. It would be really weird to see Beast Boy with human skin and blonde hair. His complexion was so dark. It would be a huge difference.
"Well anyways, my father took my mom and I to Lamumba. That's a place in Africa. If you were wondering, that's the place where I fell out of the tree heh. Dad always told me "Stop climbing those trees Garfield, you're going to fall. I tell ya Marie, that boy is part monkey." Beast Boy held up a finger and spoke to Raven as if he was a parent talking to a child.
"My dad was a biological researcher at the time. I guess his smart genes never got passed onto me. I never really did fully understand what he would research. Anyway, while in Africa I became sick. I was going to die." Raven's face became filled with worry. Obviously Beast Boy had lived throughout the ordeal, but still, it was a shock to hear that he was once close to death. He noted her changed expression and gave a smile.
"Heh, but don't worry about it. My dad fixed me up, sort of. Animals were immune to this kind of sickness, so he used a ray thingy and zapped me into a green monkey by combining my genes with animal ones. I guess he was right. I was part monkey, heh. After the illness was past the point of being deadly, dad turned me back into a human. Well technically I looked like a human but my hair, skin, eyes all turned green. Oh and you can't forget the adorable ears and fangs. Chicks dig em'."
"So that's how you received your powers?" Rave asked in disbelief, ignoring Beast Boy's comment about 'chicks'. Another chunk of a statue nearby cracked off and hit the ground, sparks flying off of it. Beast Boy quickly responded, wanting to keep Raven's mind off of Azarath.
"Yup. I mean, sure I may not be that blond haired, blue eyed, cutie of a kid I was, but man did I make green a handsome, macho color." Beast Boy joked and flexed a muscle, and Raven playfully rolled her eyes.
"So, the first time I found out I had powers was when my mom and I took a walk through the jungle. It was really weird. This big snake, a black mamba, came across our path. I was so scared that day. But I was also determined to save my mother. The next thing I know, I was a green mongoose fighting off the snake. I guess our powers are alike. I mean, it's controlled by emotion and stuff." Raven nodded at Beast Boy. Even though his powers weren't as destructive as hers, he was still right. Their powers did have some sort of relation in the way they were controlled.
"Everything seemed fine for a while. But then, during a boating trip well…" Beast Boy trailed off and looked sadly towards the ground. Raven realized that at this part of his memory, no goofy comments or mood lighteners would be said.
"There was a waterfall. My powers were unfamiliar to me then so…I didn't know how to stop the boat. I couldn't save my parents. Unlike the time with the snake, my emotions didn't choose a good animal. I became a bird, a small one. And flew away from the danger. My parents… well they just.." Beast Boy's eyes started to well up in tears.
"I just couldn't save them." Beast Boy sadly stated, closing his eyes as he felt the hot tears run down his cheeks.
"Beast Boy.." Raven whispered to herself very quietly. She then walked up to him and hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry." She finally spoke. Beast Boy accepted the hug.
"So you see Rae, we're somewhat alike. I couldn't control my body properly and I lost my parents. A day never goes by in which I don't feel guilty about that boat trip."
"But..it…wasn't your fault." Raven statement slowed as she realized that Beast Boy had told her this just a couple of minutes earlier when she was the one crying for her mother.
"You were a victim of circumstance." Raven added. Beast Boy looked up at her.
"Just like you were." He replied. Raven's eyes widened. He was right.
"I.." Raven trailed off, once again not knowing what to say.
"Raven, I have come to terms with my parent's death. I know that it wasn't my fault that they died. But I also know that I won't stop feeling the guilt. I know I can't shut off that feeling. I just don't want you to end up like I was. I used to be suicidal and depressed during the first few months after my parent's death. But, after I found the Doom Patrol, and they took me in, everything started getting better for me. They cared for me. Just like the Titans care for you. Just like I care for you. I know you recently lost your mother, and you haven't had as much time as I had to deal with it, but at least you don't have to go through part of your life alone, sad, depressed, and suicidal. You have friends. And we'll always be there for you. I don't ever want to hear you say that you wish you haven't been born ok?" Raven looked up at Beast Boy with tears of appreciation in her eyes.
"Ok." She nodded her head slowly. He smiled and walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulder.
"I mean, if you were never born, then no one would laugh at my jokes!" Raven looked over at Beast Boy.
"I never laughed at your jokes."
"Oh I know you do on the inside." Once again Beast Boy wriggled his eyebrows.
"You wish." Raven responded, her tone seeming to lighten up a bit from the previous conversation. In truth, Raven thought Beast Boy really did have some funny jokes. A lot of them were stupid, but he did come across a few choice ones that could make her laugh. Raven would never tell Beast Boy though, she had made that mistake the first day they met. Just then, Azarath started to disappear.
"Hey! What's going on?" Beast Boy asked frantically as the charred buildings of Azarath started to fade to white.
"I don't know." Raven looked around confused until she remembered what Knowledge had said.
"Oh, I think the memory is switching over." Raven looked over to Beast Boy.
"Oh yeah. Now I remember. She said everything would turn all white and fade, and then we have like 15 seconds to resume that position." Beast Boy looked at Raven and scratched his head nervously. She reluctantly walked over to him. Even though the two Titans had hugged each other multiple times during this memory, this particular hug seemed more awkward.
"Uh." Beast Boy put his arms up to wrap them around Raven, the same time she did. They both put their arms down. Raven noticed the memory fading more quickly, meaning the seconds were passing.
"Oh just come here." Raven broke the awkwardness, grabbed a hold of Beast Boy and put her arms around him quickly and tightly. He was taken aback for a second but then put his arms around her, welcoming the warmth. Though all comfort was lost when, once again, the light engulfed them.
"NOT AGAIN!" Beast Boy yelled out as they vanished.
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I know that this chapter is short but oh well xP Reviews are mucho appreciated.
