I sighed. It had been a long night, and I had been relieved when the sun had finally started to rise, and I could at least attempt to grab some amount of sleep before my first day of class- which included Professor Blake, much to my chagrin. Unfortunately, however, my mind seemed to recognize the fact that I would have a nightmare the minute I drifted into sleep, and so I was still awake, at noon. Six hours of sleep surely meant that, even in the more interesting classes, I would be half asleep.

Forcing myself to remain as still, and as peaceful, as possible, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, in and out of my nose. Suddenly, almost impossibly so, it was easy to drift to limbo, subconsciously, before falling into dreamland.

Screams of pain; flashes of light; sobs of horror and resignation; a pleading voice; a defiant, refusing shout; a green light and a sob of hate.

I shot up in my bed, forcing myself to push back the nausea that seem imminent after that. Shaking my head, I moved from my bed to the bathroom, where I splashed water on my face; as I glanced at myself in the mirror, I was surprised to see tears creating a small river down my face.

Sniffling, I fought back sobs. Sarah. The only person in my family to treat me like I wasn't at fault for my mother's death; the one who had introduced me to Sirius, my best friend in the world; the one who held me at night, when I couldn't sleep, while Remus paraded around as a wolf; my stepmother, who had never been reluctant to defend me, even in her final moments.

Clutching the sink for support, I sank down to the floor, and prayed someone would think to check on me before I sunk below the surface, and before I found something to make the tide retreat.

A knock at the door; I smiled slightly. I could smell the Hot Chocolate and warm blueberry muffins from here. I stood, and, wiping my tears the best I could, opened the door to James and Sirius. "Come on in, guys. I'm alone now. Clara's in her own dorm," I added, hoping it would deter them from the reason for their visit.

Sirius snorted. "Come on Doll, we both know that's not why we're here, and so does James. And that incredibly attractive Vampyre you have as a mentor. Delicious."

I giggled. "I know," I said. Suddenly, I sobered up; Dragon had called them, which meant he saw right through my mask. "He called you, didn't he? Dragon, I mean. And tell the truth," I whispered.

James nodded. "Truth be told, Annie, I think that guy knows that you're going to make it through this Change; I mean, the man honestly believes in you to the point that he's willing to break the rules to help you out. Worried about you too, he is. Looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack when we arrived with mum's muffins and hot cocoa, didn't he Pads?"

I turned to Sirius, waiting for an answer. Instead, I found him gazing at my marred wrist intently, before asking the one question I had hated since last October. "How've you been? With, you know," Sirius trailed off, still gazing toward my wrist as he gestured to it silently.

I shrugged. "As good as can be expected, my furry canine friend. Better, now that I know he can't get to me. Especially not here, but I have moments."

Sirius cleared his throat, and looked at James, who sighed. "Honestly, Annie, I don't think you'd have to worry about McLaggen anywhere as of yesterday. Remus is telling everyone you died with Sarah, when Greyback attacked her. He's even convinced Dumbledore and McGonagall to go along with it. I'm sorry, Annie, so very sorry."

I tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob. Looking at James, I could see the reluctance to continue in his hazel eyes. "What else is there, James?" I forced out. Honestly, it couldn't get much worse than my own brother- my twin, no less- pretending I was dead.

James sighed. "Annie, Remus told Dragon and Lenobia and Simone about what McLaggen did. He said he's convinced it's the reason you were Marked; so that your death was easier to explain away. I'm sorry, Annie. I really am. I know you wanted that a secret. So, um, Dragon wants to see you in his office. We're supposed to take you there, with the muffins and hot cocoa and leave. Come on. Sirius, could you carry Annie? I'll manage the drinks and muffins."

I vaguely heard James say these things and barely felt Sirius pick me up from the floor by my bed. I was barely aware of the change in temperature as we moved outside, and then back inside again, before being sat in a chair that was mildly comfortable.

The low voices were there, but I didn't want to pay attention- I needed to be away, somewhere no one knew my secret, and where I could hide from it.

"Anastasia, can you hear me?"

Dragon's voice brought me back to reality, far form where I wanted to be. I nodded and turned away. I couldn't face him; I didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes. Dragon had told me that he considered me a fighter-and now he would give up on me, and never want to see me again. He'd probably even send me away.

"I'm having a panic attack!" I gasped. The tears were hot against my already flushed cheeks, and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. It had never mattered to me before, what people thought of me- I had strived to be different, to stand out- but suddenly, what Dragon Lankford thought of me mattered, and I was terrified of what it might be, and what he would do with me.

"Just breathe. It's fine. It's not your fault either, what happened. If you need to talk…" he trailed off, and I stopped gasping for air.

I shook my head. "Remus had no right to tell you that. I'm surprised that he told you the truth, though, that McLaggen forced himself on me. He usually maintains that it was consensual."

Dragon pushed a strand of hair out of my face and produced a cool wash cloth out of literally no where and pressed it against my cheeks. "He told me the truth, which is verified with what you've just said. I won't judge you," he whispered.

All pretences of dignity gone, I lifted my left wrist closer to the light. Dragon's eyes went wide, and he ran a finger lightly over one of my scars. "What happened?"

I barely heard him, he asked so quietly. I swallowed. "I couldn't handle it. I was messed up after it happened, and I only told Sirius, Remus and James. No one else knows. I just- Remus made it out like I had asked for it, and then I got depressed, but no one would listen. It was awful. And then Sev- Severus- told me about cutting, and then actually doing it- making my pain physical- helped much more than anyone knew. I wore long sleeves, I didn't swim with everyone when the weather warmed up.

"Then Sirius talked me into trying on a short-sleeved dress, and he saw my wrist. That was in April. He's been loads of help, but sometimes I just can't stop myself. It's almost like an addiction, with all of the urges I get. I wish I could stop. But I felt so alone earlier; I've never been more grateful for James and Sirius in my life, they showed up at just the right time."

Dragon looked like he was struggling with something- an inner demon, almost- and then he swiftly moved to his desk and pulled out a sheet of paper. After scribbling something on the paper with a fountain pen, he sat back down next to me.

"Here," he said, "try to read this everyday. It helped me after my parents died. I felt guilty for not being able to do anything to help, and Lenobia did this for me not long after my mum died."

I looked down at the paper. Scrawled across the very middle were the words:

No matter what you've been told, or what you think, it's not your fault.

I smiled softly. Maybe it really wasn't my fault, and my brother and McLaggen were both jerks with issues. But I wished I had someone I could talk to; owls wouldn't be quick enough, and I would never be able to wait for the visits they were allowed once a month. Lily was out of the question because I wasn't sure how she would feel about what had happened.

Suddenly, I felt more alone than I had in a long time. I started to cry again, but Dragon wrapped an arm around me and I completely broke. My sobs were stifled against his shirt, but I still tried to stop them.

Eventually, the tears stopped, and I pulled away. "I'm sorry," I muttered hoarsely. I wiped the remnants of tears away, and Dragon pulled a handkerchief out of- again- no where. I used it to wipe my tears again, and then gently blew my nose.

"Why are you sorry?"

I wasn't prepared for the question, and to be honest, I didn't really know why I was sorry, and I just couldn't put it into words. I opened and closed my mouth several times, never once coming up with a good answer.

Dragon chuckled. "See? You don't even know why you're sorry, so you have no reason to apologize to me for that. Clearly, you have a lot of pent up feelings about this. I'm here, if you ever need to talk."

Dragon turned to the tray of cocoa and muffins, but frowned when he realized they were cold. I smiled; being in the middle of a war meant that I always had my wand on me, even after a nightmare and during a mental breakdown. With a small twitch of my wrist, the cocoa and muffins were both the right temperature.

Dragon turned to face me with a shocked look. "I'd forgotten you could do that," he mumbled.

I snorted in an extremely unladylike fashion. "How do you forget that your fledgling can do magic?" I asked. "Seriously, it just doesn't seem like something that slips your mind."

He shrugged and handed me a muffin and a mug of hot cocoa. "I can forget because it doesn't matter. Being able to do magic doesn't change who you are, or how you treat people. It just means that you can do things most people can't."

I gingerly took a sip of my cocoa before I spoke again. "So, if I wanted to talk now, would you mind?" I asked softly, trying not to get my hopes up. He might say no, I reminded myself.

Dragon shook his head. "Not at all. In fact, it would be an honour for you to pick me for your confidante.

I swallowed hard. I would not cry. Mitchell McLaggen was not worth my tears. But I couldn't help it; just thinking about it brought back horrible memories, and I curled up into a ball and let the sobs escape.

"We were in the restaurant; he hit on the waitress, and I got upset. He got angry that I wasn't letting him "be young," so I left. It wasn't even a long walk from the place to my house, but it was long enough; he caught up, and we argued for most of the way. Just across the street from my house, I told him I'd had enough. I broke it off, and when I went to cross, the street, he grabbed my arm.

"He shouted at me, for quite a bit. I'm not sure, exactly when he, you know, but I know he never quit calling me names, yelling at me for refusing him."

Never was I aware of actually speaking out loud, but I must have, because when my sobs quieted, Dragon was staring at me. He blinked once and then grabbed me in a hug so fierce I was almost certain my bones would crush. Soon, however, I realized I was merely tense- more tense than I thought was possible- and the hug was meant to sooth and calm me.

Dragon held me for another moment before letting me pull back, and then he smiled. "Feel better?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Almost. I guess that if I had bothered to tell the entire story, then I might never have been depressed. Thanks for this, by the way. I needed it," I told Dragon, doing my best to offer a genuine smile.

"You should get to bed. By the way, Simone has given you today off, given what has happened. Did you want to talk about that?"

I winced, but nodded. "Greyback had Remus. He wanted to know where our "family fortune" was, and where I am. Remus wouldn't tell him where I was, but he told Greyback that Sarah had the money," I swallowed. This was becoming rather difficult to talk about.

"When they got there, Sarah didn't talk; not about me, not about the money. Greyback killed her. End of story. Remus sold her out, in order to save me. I'd almost rather have had to fight Greyback myself than to have Sarah die for me."

Dragon gripped my arm, and suddenly I found myself angry. "How could he just do that? How could Remus just sell Sarah out like that? She loved us! She took care of us when dad wouldn't! And he's responsible for her death!" I shouted.

Dragon just stared. "Are you more upset that he sold your stepmother out in your place, or are you more upset that you couldn't get revenge for your mother and Remus himself?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times. "Both. To get revenge on Greyback has always been a sort of goal, I supposed you could say. But, Sarah's always been there for me. When Remus and dad…. She just ignored them, and she helped me. She introduced me to Sirius, helped me shop, gave me pocket money, everything. James and Sirius loved her like a mother."

Dragon sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I understand. But, if you think about it, I think your mother would be glad that you didn't have the chance to take revenge. I understand that I didn't know her, at all, but I had a mother too; and she would never have wanted me to seek vengeance, especially if my own life were to be placed in jeopardy."

I looked at him clearly for the first time since I had entered his office. He looked weary and downtrodden. "Dra- Pandryl. If you need to talk about something, I'm here too… I'm not so damaged I can't listen when you need a shoulder to cry on. I promise."

He cleared his throat and shook his head. "I'm fine, Anastasia, you don't need to worry. I promise, I'll be fine."

I sighed, but conceded. "Fine. But, um, one more thing…"I'm afraid to go to Spells and Rituals, with Professor Drake there."

Dragon nodded, glancing at the clock. "I know it's important for you to talk about this, but it is also important that you get some rest; you'll never recover if you can't even stay awake."

"Was he always like that?"

A nod. "Always. He and Lenobia don't necessarily get along because of it. Trust me, she's the person to go to if he starts anything, and you can't find me. Here we are, your dorm. Sleep tight."

I nodded. "G'night, Dragon. And, thanks. I mean it. I feel better than I have in ages."

Dragon smiled warmly. "Good. I'm glad. I'll come by tomorrow night, to see how you're holding up."

Smiling, I sprinted up to my room, and flung myself onto my bed, smiling. Turning over, I fell back asleep with no vestige of nightmares to haunt me.