"These things don't just happen," I mumbled, hugging my quilt closer to my shivering body. Lately it seemed as if I was always cold.

"Please, Aria." Kim begged, shaking her head. "Not this again. Please? Why don't you come outside? It's so sunny today! This may be your only chance to see the sun before it starts raining again..."

I liked the rain, though.

Maybe Kim didn't realise I did, but she had known.

I bit my lip and turned around on my bed so I faced the wall.

It had been nine days; nine days and thirteen hours, to be perfectly exact.

Nine days and thirteen hours since my world had crumbled.

I had cried so much for the past few years. I had cried for hours on end before until I had nothing left. And yet...I had not cried once since the night at the hospital. It was like I was already sucked dry of any tears.

Lexi's memorial had been four days ago. It didn't feel right dressing up. To me it was almost like I was celebrating her death, not mourning it.

I wanted to laugh as soon as I got to the small tribal church the funeral was held at, simply because the whole style was simply...not Lexi. She wasn't into any of this stuff; she was too extravagant for a low-key, traditional ceremony.

Even worse were the looks that followed. Most of them were full of pity for me. I hated that.

Some of the older generation even had the indecency to wrinkle their nose, glad that one of the troublesome and rude girls on the reservation was finally rid of for good. I hated that even more.

But none of that could compare to how much I hated myself at that moment, because all I could think of as I looked around at all the people, adorned in black, was how Paul Lahote was nowhere in sight.

I wanted to scream at myself. How could I be such a bad person that I would notice that a boy who had made me life hell was not at my best friend's memorial? I should have been crying. I should have been yelling. And yet all I could think about was Paul?

I had never thought that badly of myself in my life until then.

Lexi's funeral was not only a joke, but what made it worse was that it was a closed-casket funeral.

It felt... wrong. Like I couldn't even say goodbye to her properly.

Maybe that was why I couldn't cry yet. It was like she was still here because I really hadn't let her go and said goodbye yet.

Once when mom came into my room and tried to coax me into talking to her – I had been antisocial with everyone except for Kim and Marley...not including a stupid wolf that kept howling like crazy in the woods for the past week–she had said that maybe it was better that I hadn't seen Lexi. She said that way I could remember what she was like when she lived, not when she was uncharacteristically motionless and not breathing.

I had silently disagreed and prayed that Fluffy (the nickname I had cleverly come up with for the wolf) would start howling again and put a stop to my dear mother's rambling.

I liked to think of me and Fluffy as friends, of a sort. It made me happy that I wasn't the only one in the world suffering, as bad as that sounds. His howls comforted me because that way I knew that there were other people in the world that were hurting just like I was–even if that said 'person' was a wolf.

I chewed on my lip even harder and decided to tell Kim something that I had been going over repeatedly in my mind for the past nine days and thirteen hours.

"Lexi hated being outside." I said softly, even though I knew Kim could still hear.

"What?" She questioned from behind me, and I could almost hear her frowning in confusion.

"Lexi hated being outside." I repeated quietly. "And yet she apparently went for a walk in the woods, where she was supposedly attacked by a bear...and yet...it wasn't even bear season. And...somehow...Sam was conveniently hiking in the forest and he found her? And somehow, just somehow, he managed to call Embry and Jared, while he was in the forest with no reception, to call an ambulance? Why didn't he just call an ambulance himself? Doesn't this whole thing sound strange to you?"

"You're over thinking things. Lexi wasn't in the right frame of mind when she left our house. She was angry; she probably thought a walk would calm her down and she just went too far into the woods. Don't dwell on it, Aria. Remember her life, not her death." Kim said soothingly, patting my back.

That was when I snapped.

I jumped up from my blanket cacoon and spun around, causing Kim to go wide eyed and trip backwards from the bed.

"'Remember her life? What life? She barely had enough time to live, Kim! She's never going to graduate, or go to college, or get married, or have kids, or die in her sleep when she's old and surrounded by her family. So, tell me, how can I not wonder about her death? Maybe the rest of this cracked-up reservation has bought it, but I sure haven't! The story just doesn't match up. It's like a puzzle with the wrong pieces..." I was breathing hard by the time I was finished and my fists were clenched.

"Aria...you're not the only one affected by this-"

"But that doesn't change the fact that I'm the one affected the most." I whimpered, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as I felt the cold come back. I knew I was being incredibly selfish, but I just couldn't feel guilty.

"That's not true!" Kim protested, standing up from the floor and looking half-angry, half-pitying.

"It is!" I yelled angrily, my voice getting louder and louder as I spoke. I screamed in frustration and grabbed the plastic cup resting on my bedside table, throwing it against the wall. I was acting like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, but I just didn't care.

Kim just looked at me wide-eyed when my bedroom door opened with a crash against the wall.

Jared was standing in my doorway, his eyes quickly sweeping the room as if he was looking for some kind of threat or danger. He relaxed when he saw none, but looked concerned when he saw Kim's terrified face.

"Kim, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly, walking to her side in a second.

I didn't know why Jared was so worried about Kim, but at the moment I couldn't bring myself to care. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of there.

So I ran out the door before anyone could ask and headed towards the nearest safety point.

Otherwise known as the only room with a lock – the bathroom.

After I was safely locked in the bathroom, I cautiously turned to look at myself in the mirror... something I had been purposely avoiding doing.

My skin was pale, too pale for a Quiluete. I guessed it was from stress, sleep deprivation or lack of sunlight… maybe it was a combination of the three. There were bags under my eyes and my hair was a tangled mess, although the latter was nothing new. And my eyes...

My eyes were... dead. Dead just like Lexi. They were unfocused... empty.

I always felt so empty now. It had to be a side effect of... Lexi's... death.

Or it could be because of another reason... I was surprised to hear my inner voice. It had been silent for nine days now... nine days and thirteen hours, to be perfectly exact. Hearing it again was strangely comforting, as if I was speaking to an old friend.

I sighed and pushed back my hair from my face, cringing when I felt my oily hair.

That's attractive. My inner voice chirped cheerfully, making me grind me teeth together.

"What are you so happy about?" I mumbled to myself, glaring at my reflection.

What's not to be happy about? The sun is shining – a rare thing for La Push, I might add -, the world is still spinning and –

"You're not meant to be happy!" I yelled, pounding my fist against the bathroom counter before sinking into to the ground with my head in my hands.

"My God..." I said to myself, my words muffled into my hands. "I'm losing it. I'm actually going crazy."

I didn't know how long I sat on the bathroom floor for, but I looked up when I heard a muffled, deep voice on the other side of the door.

Slowly unlocking the door, I opened it a crack and looked out to see Jared with his back to me, talking quietly on his phone a few meters away in the hallway.

I strained my ears to try and catch what he was saying.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it does seem to me that you've been eavesdropping more and more these days.

I ignored the voice and leaned forward slightly, my mouth pursed in concentration.

"...I know, alright? I know. You're scared to come near her after what happened, right? But it's hurting you both when you stay away. You haven't seen her, man... I've never seen her like this before..." Jared sighed, pausing to listen to the other person.

"Now I know why the spirits decided youse should be together. Both of you are as stubborn as mules." Jared said wearily before waiting for the person on the other line to reply. "Are you serious?" Jared sighed. "A mule is a- wait. Don't try to change the subject, Paul." Jared said harshly.

My stomach did a weird sort of flip-flop at Paul's name. But what were they talking about? Spirits? As in alcohol spirits? And they were clearly talking about a girl...a girl that Paul was close with.

If the butterflies in my stomach were unexpected, then I was shocked when I felt an emotion run through me that felt a lot like jealously.

But why would I be jealous?

"Just..." I snapped out of my daze when I heard Jared speak again. "Can you do a favour for me? My mom and dad and Marley have gone to Marissa's for another visit – she's such a crazy, demanding bitch, I swear - and they sort of put me in charge of the house and watching Aria..."

I glared at Jared's back and clenched my fists. They thought I needed a babysitter? Did they think I was going to try and kill myself or something?

"And I - well, I sort of have a date tonight." Jared sounded so happy as he said this I couldn't help but let myself smile slightly as well, even if I didn't approve of most of the girls that Jared has previously been...involved...with.

Cough cough Kylie James cough cough.

Jared laughed at something before sighing happily. "Yeah man, I know. I can't believe she actually agreed. I mean, with everything going on and all..." He trailed off, waiting as the other person talked. "We're just going to the Diner, nothing too fancy."

"So can you come over?" Jared said, turning serious again. "In about an hour? … Come on, man. Don't make me use your full name… Paul Alen Lahote, you better have your ass over when I'm about to leave… yes, I do realise I just sounded like your mom, and I'm sorry for making it weird… Finally! You're doing the right thing, trust me… Thanks, man."

Hmm, his middle name is Alen, you say? This could be used as exceptionally good blackmail, one day…

I closed the bathroom door, wrinkling my nose. I wasn't sure if I completely understood the conversation – since it was just one-sided to me – but it sounded like Jared was making Paul come over and babysit me for him.

Why would Paul even agree to that? Did he owe Jared in some way and this was his way of paying him back? I knew Paul had been acting interested in me because of his plan, but I'm sure even he wouldn't go this far for a prank.

I frowned, but shrugged. Who cares? Paul would just have to sit downstairs the whole night while I stayed in my bedroom – wallowing in self-pity – with Kim. Kim usually stayed over at night or at least most of the night, which I really appreciated, considering I wasn't much company these days.

After a few minutes I got up and walked back to my bedroom. Kim was patiently sitting cross-legged on the floor. She looked up wearily but relaxed when I gave her a cheerful "Hey, Kimmy!"

God, the poor girl's going to think you're bi-polar the way you're going.

"Hey?" Kim replied tentatively.

"What are we going to do tonight?" I asked, forcing a smile. Somehow I felt weirdly exhilarated and I didn't know exactly why. "Watching movies? I downloaded the one withLeonardo DiCaprioin it a few weeks ago."

I had been planning on watching it with Lexi.

Kim suddenly looked nervous and looked down at the floor. "Um, Aria?" She bit her lip and I felt my stomach fall. "I-I won't be able to stay tonight. I have other plans." She looked up apolitically and I attempted to smile. "I'm really sorry, Aria." Kim added sincerely, looking me straight in the eye.

"That's ok." I shrugged, acting like I didn't really care. I was struck again with how selfish I was being when Kim had been spending most of her time with me. Her parents were probably missing her. She should have one night to spend time with them. "When are you leaving?"

"Well," Kim was chewing on her lip so bad now I was surprised if she would have any of her bottom lip left afterwards. "I sort of have to leave…now."

"Oh." I said slowly, having a weird urge to bite my own lip. "That's fine. Bye, then."

Kim stood up, frowning. "I don't have to go. I could cancel."

"No!" I interrupted loudly, shaking my head. Kim had already done so much. She had already wasted so much of her time coming over to comfort me. "Go. Have fun." I forced a smile, trying to reassure it was ok.

Kim looked doubtful but shrugged, deciding to let the matter pass. "Bye, then." She came over and hugged me, but before she disappeared from my room, she made sure to sternly say: "I'll see you tomorrow."

This made me want to laugh. Did Kim too think I would try to kill myself?

Well, you haven't really given her reason not to think that...

"Oh, shut up." I snapped tiredly, walking over to my bed and pulling the quilt over my head once more.

. . .

"Arrreeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!" I was rudely awoken from sleep by Jared shaking my shoulders vigorously.

"What?" I screeched, sitting up immediately. My mind immediately jumped to conclusions. "Is something wrong? Oh my God, is the kitchen on fire? What did I say about you not cooking by yourself when there's no supervision? What did I say?" I reached up to yank my hair in panic.

"Calm down!" Jared yelled back, shaking my shoulders again for extra measure. I could feel the heat from his hands go through my jumper. "I just came to tell you that I going out, but there's someone downstairs to watch you and there's food in the fridge."

"Couldn't have just left a note, could you?" I snapped, pulling away from him and massaging my shoulders, my panic turning into irritation.

Jared coughed awkwardly and rubbed his arm. "Yeah... sorry 'bout that," he replied, looking sheepish. "But I thought I should check on you, and you weren't waking up. Freaked me out for a second and I panicked. You're a really deep sleeper, you know that?"

I grumbled and muttered an incoherent goodbye before closing my eyes again, fully intending to go back to sleep.

There was an uncomfortable pause before Jared spoke again. "Er- aren't you going to go downstairs?"

"Well, since you're up here, telling me you're about to leave, I'm assuming Lahote is downstairs. I don't feel like talking to him at the moment, thanks." I informed him, blindly rearranging my pillows.

You could have cut the tension with a knife.

"How do you know that Paul's here?" Jared asked tensely.

I shrugged, my eyes still closed. "Heard you talking to him on the phone."

"You listened in on my conversation?" Jared said, sounding annoyed.

"No." Jared sighed in relief. "I just overheard your conversation. Totally unintentional." I continued.

There was a long pause again.

"Jared, could you just go away?" I said tiredly. I wasn't in the mood for dealing with long lecture on privacy. "Go on, have fun on your date or whatever. Just… just leave me alone, please."

I didn't expect Jared to actually listen to what I was asking – because, quite frankly, he hardly ever did – but it must have been something in my voice because a few seconds later I heard my bedroom door close, leaving me a lone once again with my thoughts.

Why was all this stuff happening to me? Why did Lexi have to die? I was always good to my family, my friends. I did my homework to my best extent and got good grades (not counting the D in Science).

I had gotten teased by Paul and his cronies, and yet I still had tried to be semi-pleasant to them, anyway (not counting Paul).

I was nice. I was good. I didn't deserve this.

You're being selfish, again.

I sniffed, feeling tears start to well up.

This was it. The tears were finally coming. I was ready; ready to have a sob fest and cry my heart bone-dry.

And that was when my phone rang.

What idiot has the decency to ruin a moment like this?

"Hello?" I mumbled, not recognising the number.

"Aria?" I had only heard the voice for a short time and it was a while ago, but I could still tell who it was straightway.

That idiot, obviously.

"Lucas?" I gasped, smiling almost involuntarily.

"Got it in one," he replied and I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"How's it going?" I asked as I traced patterns on my quilt, a small smile still on my face. I loved how I had only met Lucas once but it felt like he was one of my oldest friends.

"Me? Ah, I'm fine." He reassured me, before turning serious. "But what about you, Aria? How's it going with you?"

I sighed and looked at the ceiling. I should have known that Lucas would know. Everyone within a 100 mile radius had probably heard.

Word spreads faster than Twitter in small towns.

"It's...going." I said flatly, not really sure how to answer. I couldn't exactly tell him I had been cooped up in my room for over a week, aside from those two hours at a memorial, with no one else but Kim and the wolf outside my window.

"Need some company?" He asked, forcing some cheeriness into his voice. "Just give me your address, I'll come straightaway."

I frowned. I didn't exactly think it'd be a good idea for Lucas and Paul to be in the same house, considering Paul's reaction when he had seen Lucas at the diner.

I opened my mouth to tell him something along the lines of 'thanks, but no thanks', but instead all that came out was me agreeing and giving him my address. I couldn't help it. I needed cheering up and Lucas seemed to fit the bill better than Paul ever would.

Well, Lucas and Fluffy of course.

. . .

Voila! Another chapter, although it's nowhere near my best.

Thank you to all who favourite/alerted/reviewed. It's you guys that keep this story going! I'm seriously shocked at how many reviews I received, you guys are amazing. I tried to reply to all of them, so I'm sorry if I missed you.

I'm sorry for not updating for a few months. School just finished, which means exams and last-minute assignments, then it was Christmas, then New Year's… sometimes I wonder where the time goes.

Please let me know if you liked the chapter, or even if you didn't. I love hearing all your opinions!