A/N: Hello folks! Sorry it's been a while. I don't anticipate another gap in postings quite as long as that last one, and I left you on the edge to! * slaps own wrist * (bad author) But I guess I'm a bit more transparent than I thought, as most of you guessed who was at the door correctly. It would've been something else if it had been Tanya. :)
This chapter went through a fairly significant metamorphosis between when I got it back from LJ and how it's coming to you now. So any little grammar things that aren't quite right are all on me, 'cause when LJ puts it in RED, I have to fix it like she says. No ifs, ands, or buts. So big thanks to her for making me THINK about what the heck I'm writing about. She asks stuff like, "Do we really need that in here?" Which I've decided is secret beta code for, "Delete!"
Thanks also to BellaMadonna for pre-reading and being an awesome supporter and trans-continental Twi-sister.
Come Back To Me
Chapter 11
"Hello, little brother." She had that look in her eye. The one for which Mary-Alice Cullen Whitlock was famous. The one that had a grown man shaking in his proverbial boots. "Aren't you going to invite me in?" She asked, but it was clear her intention was to barge into the apartment, invited or not.
Since her impromptu visit had thrown Edward somewhat off balance, he didn't really protest her entrance. He knew he should be feeling irked that she would just push her way into his life unbidden, but he was actually relieved. Finally he would have someone to talk to about the messes both in his marriage and the rest of his life, as well.
Alice walked a few steps into the now extremely disorganized and frankly, quite dirty apartment. She turned and arched one accusing eyebrow in his direction and then set her purse on top of the pile of mail that was sitting precariously balanced on the small entry table.
"Sorry, it's a bit of a mess-" Edward began to explain the disarray but was cut off by that look again.
"Where is my sister-in-law?"
Edward swallowed a large lump that had formed the second Alice had laid her eyes on him. Even though he truly wanted to spill his guts to someone, her narrowed eyes, crossed arms, and tapping toe were not conducive to a blab session with his big sister. She was out for blood; his blood. She must have talked to Bella.
Edward leveled his own why are you asking me if you already know look. Running both hands through his hair, he slouched past his sister and sat down heavily in his chair at the small dining room table. Staring at the cooling pasta, he said with a small shrug of his shoulders, "She's in France." Hoping to distract her, he nodded toward his plate, "Are you hungry?"
"She's where? What in the world is she doing in France?" Alice exclaimed as she shook her head refusing the offer of food. She looked determined, however, to get some answers. He wasn't going to come away from this encounter without divulging as many details as it took to satisfy his sister.
"Didn't you talk to Bella?" he asked, curious that Alice seemed to be in the dark about Bella's whereabouts.
"Well, yeah, just for a few minutes the other day, but she certainly didn't say anything about being in France! She's the one who clued me in to the fact that you're running your qualifier race tomorrow. She said that she had to be out of town and that you didn't have any other supporters coming. Why didn't you tell anyone about this race, Edward?"
"I don't know. I guess I didn't think that anyone else would care." His voice trailed off into nothing as he noted the look of hurt that crossed Alice's face. He shook his head and started twirling a forkful of spaghetti around his plate.
Noting the heavy vibes of despondency and sadness that surrounded her brother, Alice decided the hard line wasn't exactly what Edward needed from her right now.
"Edward, what's going on?" Alice asked, her voice tinged with concern as she sat down beside him at the table and covered his hand with her much smaller one. The all-business tone she'd used with him earlier seemed to melt away as she saw how defeated he looked.
"It's complicated. But basically, Bella and I just got into a really bad pattern of disconnect. I was too focused on work to see how depressed she'd become and she felt like she needed some time apart to find herself again. So she's taking some cooking classes in France and taking a break from all the crap going here. All of my crap."
"Crap that appears to have exploded all over the apartment. Jeez Edward, have you picked up anything since Bella left?"
"Um, no. Not really. I just haven't really been in the mood. And work plus training has kept me kind of busy. I never realized how much Bella did around here." He had the decency to look sheepish about his lack of basic tidying-up skills, or rather his lack of putting those dormant skills to use.
"Well, we've still got a few minutes before Mom and Dad get here. Come on, let's get to work." Alice turned to the living room to start picking up the debris left over from Edward's weeks of wallowing.
"Whoa! Mom and Dad are here? What about Jasper and Livy? Did Emmett and Rose come?" He wasn't prepared to see Alice, let alone his parents. He still felt raw after his eye-opening session of self-discovery in the park, at least where his parents and siblings were concerned.
"Jasper took the day off so I could leave this morning. He and Livy are going to the Discovery Museum. Emmett got stuck working this weekend and Rose didn't really feel like traveling with the twins by herself on such short notice. But just so we're clear, they all would've been here if we'd known about it before a few days ago."
Alice retrieved the tall trash can from the kitchen and began tossing in wadded up napkins and paper plates, crusted with dried food. "I can't believe you let it get this bad, Edward."
"I know. Trust me, I know. So when are Mom and Dad getting here? Why didn't they come over with you?" Edward began scarfing down his plate of food so he could help with the clean up efforts.
"They'll be here in...about fifteen minutes," Alice said, looking at her watch. "I had a feeling that something was up. Bella was awfully vague with me on the phone, so I suggested they grab some dinner before coming over here."
"Do they know that Bella's not here?" He did not look forward to seeing his mother's face when he explained why Bella was absent. He could vividly picture the disappointment and sadness drawing her usually cheerful expression into a furrowed brow, down-turned eyes, and a frown.
He wasn't sure how his father would react. His father's impassive veneer was nearly impossible to crack. He was the calmest, most composed man Edward had ever met. Rarely could one elicit a strong reaction from him. The only time Edward could ever remember hearing his father get upset was when he'd had to go pick up a drunken, underage, Emmett from the police station. All three of the kids had received the lecture to end all lectures that evening.
"They know she's out of town but they don't know why. Are you going to tell them?"
"Yeah. I mean, they're gonna know something is up soon anyway," Edward mumbled through the last bite of his dinner. He gathered the dishes off the table and washed them quickly, placing them haphazardly into the counter-top drying rack.
From then on, he and Alice worked in silence to put the front room back to rights. The bedroom and laundry was another story, but that would have to wait. Just as Edward closed the door to his and Bella's bedroom, a knock sounded at the front door.
Edward turned the corner and gave Alice a single nod as she fluffed the mismatched throw pillows on the couch.
He reached forward and grasped the doorknob, pausing to steel his nerves for the upcoming conversation before opening the door to his parents.
"Edward!" His mother exclaimed, squeezing him in a tight hug. "We've missed you so much! How are you?"
"I'm okay, Mom. This is quite the surprise. I wasn't expecting you guys to come out and visit."
"Well, what else could we do? You're running in your first marathon! That's a big deal, Son. We wanted to be here to support you," said Edward's father Carlisle, as he grasped Edward's outstretched hand, reaching around to give him a heavy pat on the back.
"Well, come on in. Nothing much has changed in here since you guys helped us move in, so make yourselves at home." Edward stepped aside as his parents filed into the small living room and took up seats on the couch.
"So, Alice said that Bella was out of town? Is it something for work? It's too bad she couldn't be here for this. I would've thought she'd have made sure to be here for something as big as this. You must have been planning it for a while now, right?" Esme's brow was creased with concern over Bella's absence and seeming lack of support for her husband.
Edward sat down heavily in the overstuffed reading chair and aggressively shoved his hands into his hair. He blew out a long breath and raised his eyes to the expectant gazes of his parents. "Bella would be here if she could but something came up and there wasn't anything we could do to change things."
"What exactly do you mean by 'something came up,' Edward? Has something happened?" And there was the look of concern on his mother's face. If they kept going down this road, the concern would assuredly turn into disappointment and disgust. He really didn't want to hash this out two days before his race, but if it was going to happen, it might as well happen now. If he botched the race, he'd just have to try again another time. Or maybe just forget the whole thing.
"Edward?" his father's voice brought his attention back to the present.
"Bella and I are having some problems. She's actually in France right now."
"What?...I don't understand...When?" Esme was stammering in disbelief.
"She left at the beginning of June. She had time off at work that she had to take and felt like she needed to reevaluate her priorities, life. Whatever. She needed to get away from me because I've been a terrible husband." The last few words were so quiet they almost went unheard.
Alice moved from her perch on the arm of the couch next to Carlisle and settled into a similar position beside Edward. She rubbed her hand gently across his tense shoulder blades as the floodgates opened. He told his parents of the start of their downward spiral, when Bella found out that it was unlikely she would be able to get pregnant, he reluctantly included how he'd handled the news using his clinician's coping skills to deal with the heartbreak. That earned a saddened head-shake from his father and a few tears from his mother. They hadn't told anyone about their fertility issues and he could see now that that decision had been a mistake.
He told them of his struggles to keep on top of things at work while watching Bella drift further into a shell that he could do nothing about. He was frank when he told them how he avoided arguments by staying away from home as much as he could. While there was plenty more that he could discuss, he still felt on edge with his parents. He had a whole section of that closet full of emotional baggage dedicated to his family and childhood that needed to be opened, but he couldn't handle that at the moment.
"I don't know what to do, Dad. I'm still muddling my way through trying to fix this." Edward face was streaked with the evidence of his despair, his nose was running, and his head was starting to pound with that headache you only get after a soul-stripping cry.
"Oh, Son." Carlisle was surprised and quite concerned at the level of distress his son was experiencing. He was out of his seat on the couch and on his knees in front of Edward in just a few beats, gripping his shoulders and pulling him into an embrace.
When Edward felt his father's arms wrapped around his shoulders, he stiffened at the contact, not used to how freely his father was offering comfort. When Carlisle refused to let go, Edward broke down even further. He drew strength from his father's arms and after a few minutes and some calming breaths, Edward was ready to continue.
Esme's heart was breaking into tiny, jagged pieces at seeing her most sensitive child falling apart. She wanted to drag him into her lap and repeat the words from the book she'd read to him as a child:
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be
Alice got up and brought a box of tissues from the kitchen and set it on the coffee table, plucking one for herself as she returned to her seat next to Edward. The silence in the room was punctuated by soft sniffles and blowing noses, but other than that all was quiet.
"Edward," Esme ventured with caution, "are you and Bella speaking?"
He was glad that he could report positively about this. "We are now. There were a couple of weeks where things were bad, but yeah. We're talking almost every day. If we don't talk, we e-mail. So things are looking up in that respect."
"And how is Bella doing? Is she getting things sorted out?" Esme had become more than just a mother-in-law when Bella's mom, Renee, died of cancer just a few months after Edward and Bella wed. She cared for Bella as much as she did for all of her children.
"You'd have to ask her, Mom. She sounds happier, but still scared about what will happen when she comes back home."
Esme let out a visible sigh of relief when she heard that. "So she is coming back?"
"Yeah. I was worried that once she left, she...she'd decide that I'd messed things up too badly and just stay away."
"But that's not going to happen, because you are the peanut butter to her jelly. You just need to help her remember that." Alice's face grew determined as she shifted into her visionary mode. She was thinking about something and Edward was curious. He never knew what to expect from her when started thinking.
"What's on your mind Alice?" Edward asked.
"I think you need to show her what she means to you." Alice said, her eyes still focused elsewhere.
"What do you mean? She's half a world away."
"No, I think I understand," Esme chimed in. "Go through your old pictures. Pick some out that will remind her of how you used to be together."
"Like a scrapbook? You know I'm no good with the fancy stuff, Alice."
"Well, we could work on it a bit tonight. You pick out the pictures and write what you want to say and Iet me make it pretty." Alice clasped her hands tightly to her chest, as if trying to keep herself from leaping up in a frenetic flurry of creativity.
Edward ran his hands down his face and thought about it. They had boxes of photos that Bella had filed away in chronological order, saved for some kind of project. He could probably use some of those. "Okay. Let's do it."
"Is it okay if I crash here on the couch? I might be up late." Alice wasn't even looking at Edward when she asked. She was definitely sliding into the creative zone and quickly.
"Uh, sure. That's fine," Edward replied.
"Maybe we ought to head back to the hotel, don't you think Carlisle?" Esme turned to her husband who was still reeling from everything Edward had confessed. He nodded and walked quietly to the door. "We'll bring your bag tomorrow morning, honey," Esme said over her should to Alice as she met Carlisle by the front door.
Carlisle had always worried about Edward, and it would seem that he had every reason to. He was just saddened that Edward had never been willing to accept the help that they'd offered and that he hadn't felt comfortable discussing all of these things with them sooner. So much pain could have been avoided. "What time do we need to leave tomorrow to get to the race locale, Edward?"
"If we leave here around nine, we'll get there in plenty of time for the expo, farmer's market, and other activities they have going on there."
"Sounds good. We'll be here around eight-thirty, okay?"
"Yeah, that sounds fine." Edward nodded absently, hugging his mother goodbye. His father lingered for a moment longer and gave him a solid couple of thumps on the back.
"Try and get some rest and we'll sort through everything after the race, okay?"
"Okay, Dad. See you in the morning."
After spending another two hours with Alice sorting through hundreds of pictures, Edward was wiped out. He locked up and left Alice in the living room to work on making the pictures and notes he'd written into something more. Alice had been both grateful and chagrined that in looking for the boxes of pictures, they'd come across a still-unopened scrapbooking starter kit she'd purchased for Bella years ago. Alice would be in hog heaven making this memory book for Bella, Edward guessed.
After setting Alice up with blankets and a pillow the siblings said goodnight and Edward retired to his room. He dodged the pile of dirty laundry that had been hastily shoved into the bedroom during the cleaning blitz Alice had instigated, and trudged to the bathroom. He glanced only briefly at his reflection to confirm what he already knew: He was a mess. His eyes were ringed with red, his cheeks were splotchy and a little more hollow-looking than they should be, and his nose was all stuffed up.
He was completely drained - purged, really. It almost felt like debriding a wound. If you didn't get all of the infected or burned tissue out of the wound, the healing would be compromised. It was a long and painful process which left the underlying skin and tissue raw and red. But it wasn't until after those new, fresh tissues had been exposed and then dressed properly that healing could begin.
He was almost to the point where the wound that flayed his soul opened could be covered and healed, but there were a few bits of infection that still needed to be extricated. He needed to come clean to Bella about his almost-entanglement with the girl at the bar, and he needed to do something about his car. He'd finally come to terms with the fact that it was just too expensive for them to keep at this point in their lives.
. . .
The next morning, Edward stopped at the check-in desk for the marathon and picked up his packet, number, and timing chip. He then made his way over to the front desk of the Waitsfield Inn and checked into his room. His folks and Alice were staying at a different hotel since their trip had been so spontaneous but they'd made plans to meet on the Mad River Green to browse the farmer's market.
Checking the time, he decided to give Bella a call. He wanted to thank her for sending his family but really, he just missed her voice and wanted to talk to her. That thought struck him hard. It had been a long time since he'd felt eager to talk with Bella. Maybe things weren't as awful and bleak as he'd thought.
He pressed the speed dial and waited for the connection to go through.
"Hey," Bella's soft voice floated over him like a warm breeze.
"Hey, yourself."
"So how are you? All checked in at the hotel?"
"Yeah, though I had some unexpected visitors last night."
"Oh?" her voice squeaked as she turned the small word into a question all on its own.
"Alice came barging into the apartment about twenty minutes before my parents."
"About that, I...um..."
"Why didn't you at least give me a heads up, Hon?" Edward wasn't mad or even frustrated, really. He was just curious why she hadn't thought to say anything the night before.
She was quiet for a a few seconds before she replied in a more cautious tone, "I wasn't sure if they'd come."
"Well, they certainly did come. That's for sure." Edward chuckled darkly, remembering his first thought at seeing Alice through the peephole: I'm dead meat.
"So what happened?" She asked curiously.
"Well, Alice came over a few minutes before my folks and helped me clean up. The place has kind of fallen apart without you there. I'm sorry I didn't realize how much you do to take care of our home. Thank you."
Bella was a bit taken aback by his sincere show of gratitude. It made her feel a little bit lighter and more valued. It felt pretty darn good, in fact.
"It's my pleasure to make our home a special place."
"I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you for doing that."
A comfortable quiet settled between them for half a minute before Bella continued. "So Alice came over, then your parents got there, and then what?"
"Mom asked why you weren't there. Why you'd miss such an important event for me." Edward heard the sharp intake of breath on the other line and waited. He didn't blame her or feel resentment that she wasn't there. He was finally starting to understand that she really had needed this space and time away, and he could hear in her voice during some of their conversations just how much happier she sounded.
"Edward, I wish the timing was different. I wish I could be there, I'm sorry that I'm not."
"I know, Babe, and I don't blame you or anything like that. And honestly, I'm kind of glad you called Alice."
"Really? I thought you'd be pissed."
"I was at first, but then we got to talking. And, jeez Bella, my mouth just ran and ran. It was like the Niagara Falls of information coming out of my mouth. Once I started talking, I just told them everything. Well, almost everything. But it wasn't until I was on the way here that I realized how much lighter I felt. I hope you're not mad that I told my folks."
"So, they know about the infertility and all of that?"
"Yeah. We probably should've told them and your dad as soon as we found out."
"You're probably right. And I understand about feeling lighter. That's kind of the same feeling I had when I first talked to Carmen, the lady in my pastry class. She let me spill my guts and just listened. It was a huge relief to be able to talk to someone else about what I was feeling, you know?"
"I do." As another pause stretched over the distance, Edward felt like this was the moment he needed to purge Tanya from his conscience. "Uh, so I need to tell you something."
A cold feeling of dread settled over Bella's heart. Her lungs seemed to quit working and she had a horrible feeling that she would not be able to handle what Edward said next.
"I'm listening," she whispered with her last available breath.
"You remember that first time I heard Jacob on the phone?"
"Yes."
"Well, when I hung up I was really ticked off at him, at you, at myself for letting you slip away from me."
"Hon..."
"I know now that things weren't what they seemed, but that day I was just pissed and feeling like a jerk. Anyhow, Yorkie insisted that I meet him and Crowley down at Electra. So I went and while I was there, these three women, triplets, came over and started flirting with us. Two of them latched onto the other guys and the third one started throwing herself at me."
Bella's stomach was constricting and every awful scenario was stampeding through her brain. Had Edward kissed this bimbo? Did he bump and grind with her? Did he let her...touch him? Did he take her home? Oh...please no.
It was all she could do to force out the words, "Go on."
"So I bought her a drink, we talked, she kept trying to be sexy, but all I could think of was how she couldn't hold a candle to you, in beauty or intelligence."
When Bella didn't respond to that most cheesiest of suck-up lines, he pressed on. "She tried to get me to dance with her and the others, but I just couldn't. I didn't want any bit of what she was offering. I turned tail and went straight home. I just wanted to get that off of my conscience and to ask your forgiveness. I never should've been there in the first place. Trust me, nothing like that will ever happen again."
"So you didn't kiss her or touch her at all?"
"No, not once. She grabbed my hand and tried to drag me onto the dance floor, but I didn't hold on. I left almost as soon as we stepped onto the dance floor."
"Did you think about it? Did you want to do something with her?" Bella couldn't bear to talk any more specifically than that about what Edward had wanted to do that evening.
"I thought for the first thirty seconds that it was kind of exhilarating being hit on, but I never once thought about wanting to do anything other than get away from her. If anything, that experience made me miss you more. It made me realize everything I stood to lose if you chose to walk away for good. I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry to dump this on you and I understand if you need some time. I just wanted you to know that I'm not hiding anything. And I'm most sorry for thinking that you could or would do anything similar with Jacob. I know that you wouldn't."
"I...I don't know what to say right now, Edward. I think I will need some time to sort out how I feel about this. But thank you for telling me."
After just a few moments of silence Edward changed the subject. The shift in topics was like going over a speed bump at thirty miles per hour.
"So are you still going to that Fort with the thousand steps tomorrow?"
It took Bella a moment to formulate a coherent answer. She was still stuck on imagining a sleazy bimbo hitting on her husband. "Uh, yeah. We'll be there for most of the day. I'm going to need something to distract me from wondering where you are in the race. You'll call me as soon as you're done right?"
"Of course I will. Or if I'm too dead, I'll have Alice or Mom call."
"Good luck, hon. I know you'll do great."
"I love you, Bella. I miss you."
"I miss you too, Edward. Love you."
He ended the call with mixed emotions. He was now very nervous about how she would take his interaction with Tanya. The nerves were not good for his pre-race mojo, but there wasn't anything he could do about it now.
The rest of the day was spent with his family, sampling fruits and vegetables as well as other locally produced foods. His mother was completely taken with some of the quilts and other handicrafts that were on display. She must have brought an extra suitcase for the sole purpose of filling it with New-England-produced goods, because there was no way that the amount of stuff she picked up that Saturday would fit in the little rolling carry-on she'd had with her.
They shared a carb-filled meal at one of the sponsoring restaurants and looked over the race map. Alice pointed out a few different mile markers where they'd be cheering from the sidelines. And obviously they'd be waiting at the finish line for him. Edward felt a growing sense of excitement for the race as they discussed all of these little details.
He was surprised at how much he was already looking forward to seeing them, if only in passing, on the race course. He hadn't really taken into account just how much their support would mean to him. It choked him up a little.
"Well, that was just delicious," Esme commented. Carlisle hummed his agreement as he patted his belly and sighed.
Chairs scraped across the old wooden floor of the restaurant as the four Cullen's stood up. Esme's eyes glittered with emotion as she gave Edward a hug. "We're so, so proud of you, Sweetheart." A wide smile stretched across her face as she gave Edwards hand one last squeeze before letting it drop to his side. "All of the work and training you've done, and not just for this race, but for your career too, it's just such an accomplishment." As he hugged his mother, Edward could see his father nodding in agreement with her.
"Thanks, Mom. That really means a lot." Edward's voice was muffled with emotion. That expression of pride alone was in a small measure like a soothing balm to his childhood self. He hoped that he could have an open discussion with his parents and sister after the race was over. He really wanted to close old wounds and let them heal for good.
When Edward returned to his room at the inn, he made sure his clothing was ready, his little pouches of energy goo were tucked into a small pocket on the back of his racing shirt and his timing chip was secured into the little hidden pouch of his number bib. He was all set. Now he just hoped he could turn his brain off and get a good night's sleep.
A/N: So will Edward run the race in a short enough time to qualify for the Boston Marathon or will he be too distracted by what's going on with Bella and his family? What did you guys think of his confession? Are you glad he said something or should he have just kept his mouth shut?
The book Esme quotes is Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. It makes both me and LJSummers cry. Raise your hands if you've read this to your kids and cried too...
Edward is running in the "Mad Marathon" which does actually take place in Waitsfield VT. In 2010 it was the second weekend of July.
I'm already working on 12, so hopefully the wait will be much much shorter for the next chapter! I love hearing your thoughts and theories! Thanks so much for reading!
