Well another week, another chapter. I'm even getting depressed writing them! Stupid Santana and stupid Quinn. They're as bad as each other. I hope you enjoy it though
Santana couldn't bring herself to go into school for the next few days. She told her parents that she had a severe migraine that wouldn't go away. She wished that was all that was wrong with her. She'd ignored numerous calls from Puck and Brittany but received nothing from Quinn. It was like she'd disappeared from her life. She sat on her bed in the same sweats and just stared. The image of her and Finn going over and over in her head. What if he's been putting his giant hands on her? What if he's been kissing her the way I did? Santana knew that Quinn would let him. She was great at making people believe what they wanted to believe.
The guilt she felt surrounded her and stopped her from functioning. She felt lost. Her house was like a prison but she never wanted to leave. She didn't want to see the Glee kids' sickening delighted faces when they were ooh-ing and aww-ing at the new announcement of Finn and Quinn's reunion.
She woke up the next morning at 6am and after only having three hours sleep, she felt drained. She looked in the mirror and wished she hadn't. Her eyes looked tired and miserable and she could not for the life of her turn her mouth upwards into a smile. Not even her HBIC smirk. She was brought out of her momentary disgust when she heard the doorbell go. She sighed and walked downstairs to answer it. Her Dad was waiting for yet another package so she would get in trouble if she didn't collect it. But to her surprise, Brittany was at the door.
"San… You look awful." she said as she looked at her with genuine concern. Santana snorted. For once in her life, she wasn't happy to see her best friend.
"Gee thanks for the confidence boost. I've got a migraine so if you don't mind…" she went to close the door but Brittany stopped it with her foot. "What do you want, Brit? Whatever it is, you better make it quick because I'm going back to bed." Brittany let herself in.
"I've come to get you ready for school. You have to come back, San. Glee club is nothing without you," Santana laughed bitterly.
"Yeah right. I'm sure they miss me swaying in the background whilst Berry belts out another show tune." Santana had walked over to the coach and slumped back on it. Brittany was still looking at her with that 'I feel so sorry for you' face, and it was sickening. "Would you wipe that expression off your face? It's making me feel worse."
"San, I know you're upset but you can't hide forever. Please come back to school. I miss you," Santana put her head in her hands and growled with annoyance.
"Why? To watch Ken and Barbie stroll down the corridors with huge grins on their faces? It makes me sick, Brit. Tubbers looks so smug like he's won a prize or something." Brittany took one step closer to Santana.
"You have to clean yourself up and get your act together. Instead of sitting here feeling sorry for yourself, you should be grovelling and making her see how sorry you are. Get up and get dressed. I'm not leaving until you're ready for school." demanded Brittany. Santana knew she was only like this when it was really necessary. God, I really am a mess. Even Brittany can see it.
Santana showered and got dressed. She managed to cover up her dark eyes so nobody would think she'd been a recluse for the past few days. Brittany beamed as Santana grabbed her bag and walked out the door. 'Don't Stop Believing' came on the radio in the car.
"Eurgh, turn it off. I can't stand it anymore." mumbled Santana. Brittany turned it off.
"You need to sing to her, San. That's the best way you can get your emotions out. Practice it at lunch and sing it in Glee club today. Make her see how miserable you are so she'll realise that you're sorry." Santana thought this was a ridiculous idea at first, but soon realised that Brittany had a point. She'd sang to Brittany when she confessed her love for her and it really helped. She wasn't so good with meaningful words- insults were her thing. But she had an idea of what to sing.
She took in a deep breath before walking through the doors to McKinley High. Smile, San. Smile. You rule this place. She put on her best smirk as she walked to her locker. That's it girl. You've just had a migraine, not spent all this time crying in your room. They have to believe that. She reached her locker without a glitch. That was until she caught a glimpse of Finn leaning down to peck Quinn's lips with that stupid sideway grin he always has plastered on his face. She felt like somebody had punched her in the stomach. She nearly had to run to the toilet again but she held it in. The new couple walked down the hall hand in hand. Quinn turned her head to look over her shoulder at Santana. Her eyes burned into hers with a look that said "now you know what it feels like" and then they were out of sight. Thank God Brittany was next to her because she needed someone to hold onto.
"San, it's okay. You're going to have to get used to it. You know she doesn't like him. She's only doing it to get back at you. Come on, let's get you to class." Brittany held her books for her and guided her class as Santana held back her tears. The lump in her throat was growing rapidly but she wouldn't let it out. She couldn't let them see her cry.
She sat in class and ignored the whole lesson. She had the perfect song to show how terrible she was feeling and she would let it out in Glee later on that day. But until then, she had to stay strong and stick to her plan. No breaking down, no attacking Finn and letting Quinn know she was sorry.
It was time for Glee. She had dragged herself through the day by staying silent. By how angry she looked, nobody had dared to say a word to her so she was left alone. She hadn't bumped into Quinn again that day which was the only reason she was still there. When she walked into the choir room, her heart stopped when she saw Quinn sitting next to Finn with her head resting on his shoulder. She could see quite clearly that she was avoiding eye contact with Santana. Finn was talking to Mike about a video game in such a perky tone that she suddenly had the urge to rip his repulsive face off. But she held back. For now.
"Right guys, today's lesson is about jealousy. It's a very common feeling that people suffer everyday be it a desire for an object that someone has, or maybe a person somebody else has. I think finding a powerful song about this emotion might give us an edge at regional's this year. Our song choices are usually about love and fun, but we need to show the darker side of day to day life." said Mr Schuester. Santana almost laughed to herself at the convenience of it all. She raised her hand.
"I've got a song prepared."
"Okay, great! Thinking ahead. I like it Santana. The floor is yours." She slowly got up out of her seat and walked to the front. She turned and faced everyone.
"This is a song from Moulin Rouge that I really like. I've cut it a little short but I hope you all listen hard." she said just before she started singing. She made sure to look straight into Quinn's eyes during the performance.
His eyes upon your face
His hand upon your hand
His lips caress your skin
It's more than I can stand
Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me
And please believe me when I say I love you
Why does my heart cry?
Feelings I can't fight.
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me
And please believe me when I say I love you
Once Santana had finished the song, she realised that there were tears rolling down her cheeks. Oh shit. She looked over at Quinn who was looking at her with such… pain in her eyes. This wasn't over between them. She just knew it. Quinn still felt something. She wiped her eyes and walked back to her seat. The rest of the Glee kids were in shock. They didn't know Santana could show so much emotion. There was a pause before they all applauded. All except for Quinn.
"Mr Schue, do you mind if I go to the restroom?" Quinn asked. She didn't wait for an answer and just walked out of the room. Santana asked the same question and followed her down the hall.
"Quinn, wait!" she yelled after her. Quinn halted and let out a heavy sigh. She began to talk but couldn't bear to turn around and face Santana as she did so.
"Why did you sing that song?" mumbled Quinn as she held back tears. Santana approached Quinn apprehensively.
"Why do you think? I'm hurt, Q." snapped Santana with an unintentional anger in her voice. Quinn turned around.
"Well that makes two of us!" Quinn snapped back. They stood in silence as they glared at each other. Then Santana realised that this wasn't how she wanted this conversation to go, so her face softened.
"Quinn, I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry. I can't live without you… I don't know what else to say." Santana's eyes were welling up once again as she tried her hardest to get Quinn to see how sorry she really was. Quinn scoffed.
"Oh please. We'd barely been together two weeks." she said dryly as she built up her shield.
"Don't you dare try and make out like it was nothing!" shouted Santana as she stepped even closer. Quinn looked at the floor guiltily and sighed. "I've never felt like this before, Q. That's why you have to understand how hurt I was when you refused to tell people-"
"-But you-"
"Let me finish! You made me feel unwanted. I never intended on kissing Brittany or anyone else for that matter," Quinn winced as Santana brought up the horrible image in her head again. "It just happened because my mind was all over the place. It meant nothing… I want you. Nobody else. Please, just come back to me." Santana's tears were rolling down her cheeks now as she pleaded. Quinn looked around the hallway as if she was putting together a pros and cons list in her head. But then the look of confusion turned hostile. Quinn moved so she was inches away from Santana's face before she spoke through gritted teeth.
"You made your choice when you kissed her. Now I've made mine. I'm with Finn now… I'll see you around." And with that, Quinn turned around sharply on her heel and walked off.
"But you don't love him!" Santana screamed after her. But it was useless. There was no getting through to Quinn which made Santana think there was no hope left for them, but she knew they were special. Their spark when they were together overruled any other factors. She'd make Quinn come back to her.
"Hey, Lopez! Wait up!" Puck yelled as she began to storm out. Santana stopped and turned to face him. He ground to a halt when he saw her face- an expression of pure misery.
"She's punishing me, Puck. I cheated and now she's punishing me for it."
"I know, babe. Come here," he pulled the now crying Latina into tight embraced. He stroked her hair gently. "I see the way she looks at you. Finn means nothing to her. You've still got a chance. Keep trying. This isn't over yet."
