1:12 AM
To: Jade
BABE.
1:16 AM
To: Beck
For the love of God, WHAT?
1:17 AM
To: Jade
I have epically amazing news.
Like I think you will squeal in a girlish fashion when you hear it. Honestly.
1:19 AM
To: Beck
Spit it out, Captain ADD.
1:22 AM
To: Jade
I was just about to!
1:25 AM
To: Beck
This is the 3rd time tonight you've had 'amazing news.'
NONE OF IT WAS AMAZING.
1:27 AM
To: Jade
That bird's nest outside the RV was pretty cool…
1:30 AM
To: Beck
It really wasn't.
At all.
Nor will it ever be.
1:32 AM
To: Jade
You're gonna regret saying that.
Because you wanna know what?
IT HAS SPECKLED EGGS IN IT.
1:36 AM
To: Beck
Can I cook them tomorrow?
1:37 AM
To: Jade
What is WRONG with you? !
1:40 AM
To: Beck
Maybe I was actually curious about the speckled eggs.
But apparently now there's something wrong with me.
1:42 AM
To: Jade
Really? 'Cause they were so cool!
1:45 AM
To: Beck
I bet they would taste delicious with bacon.
1:46 AM
To: Jade
YOU ARE JOYLESS.
In fact, you have been promoted.
To Colonel Joyless.
Or maybe Colonel Bird-Killer.
1:49 AM
To: Beck
I prefer the latter.
1:53 AM
To: Jade
Typical.
Are you not excited at all about this?
'Cause I was thinking it would make you dance with glee.
1:55 AM
To: Beck
As I often do.
1:57 AM
To: Jade
You should webcam that, actually.
Especially if you're wearing shorts.
And a tank top.
I would appreciate it.
2:00 AM
To: Beck
I'm sure you would, perv.
2:02 AM
To: Jade
Do you really wanna get into this perv thing?
Because you are not Miss Ingrid Innocence.
I am just saying.
2:05 AM
To: Beck
At least I don't text you all "hey, maybe you wanna webcam yourself dancing?"
"In questionable attire?"
"Possibly on a pole?"
2:08 AM
To: Jade
I NEVER SAID POLE!
Word twister-er.
2:11 AM
To: Beck
My mom took a pole-dancing class once.
2:16 AM
To: Jade
Why do I need that in my head. WHY. WHY.
OH MY GOD.
POURING BLEACH INTO MY EYES RIGHT NOW.
2:18 AM
To: Beck
I don't know why you're so upset. Mom's pretty hot.
For someone who's had to deal with me for 16 years, I mean.
Still.
Your dad's always going to win the hottest parent contest.
2:19 AM
To: Jade
JADE.
SHUT UP ABOUT THAT.
MY FATHER. IS NOT. ATTRACTIVE.
2:20 AM
To: Beck
Yeah he is.
I'd fuck him.
2:23 AM
To: Jade
Oh my god please shut up.
2:25 AM
To: Beck
Like, right here.
Right now.
…Maybe I am.
2:26 AM
To: Jade
You are not.
2:27 AM
To: Beck
Is he home right now?
2:28 AM
To: Jade
…
2:30 AM
To: Beck
Then I very well could be.
JUST SAYING.
2:34 AM
To: Jade
So just for clarification, you're paying my mental health fees, right?
Because this is going to send me into psychoanalysis.
"MY GIRLFRIEND CONSTANTLY REFERENCES HAVING SEX WITH MY FATHER, DOCTOR.
IS IT ME OR IS IT HER SICK FETISH?"
2:37 AM
To: Beck
Back up!
I have no fetish. He's just extremely attractive.
You can't deal with that fact and so you retreat in disgust.
Oh my God I'm the next Freud.
2:40 AM
To: Jade
You randomly pronounce your attraction to my dad.
That speaks of deep sexual problems.
2:44 AM
To: Beck
That speaks of the fact that he's ridiculously hot.
Also, you of all people know that I have no sexual problems.
Get it?
…Because we fuck a lot.
2:48 AM
To: Jade
Stop calling it that!
2:53 AM
To: Beck
We bang a lot.
2:54 am
To: Jade
NO!
2:55 AM
To: Beck
Got it.
We screw a lot.
2:56 AM
To: Jade
NO!
None of these terms are acceptable.
3:01 AM
To: Beck
What do you WANT me to say?
We fornicate oftentimes.
In thy RV of debauchery and sin.
3:03 AM
To: Jade
You are not amusing.
3:05 AM
To: Beck
Prithee! There be Vega, she of the whorehouse!
3:08 AM
To: Jade
I am not laughing.
Do you see any laughter here?
3:13 AM
To: Beck
Yea verily, I doth pronounce a ban on intercourse of a sexual nature.
We be too young and unwed to spoil thine bodies with this SIN.
3:17 AM
To: Jade
That is not how a real Puritan acts, I am like 78% sure.
3:19 AM
To: Beck
SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN.
SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN.
KILL THOSE WITCHES.
….SIN.
3:21 AM
To: Jade
Better, babe.
3:22 AM
To: Beck
I doth try.
3:23 AM
To: Jade
You should stop that now…
3:24 AM
To: Beck
Methinks it doth annoy thee.
So, alas, I shall continue on.
3:27 AM
To: Jade
How does this end up happening?
Last week you spent two hours talking in an Australian accent.
Then it was the stupid creepy man voice from Sikowitz's drive-by acting exercise.
NOW PURITANCAL?
What am I doing to deserve this?
3:28 AM
To: Beck
Calm thine soul, reckless devil-child.
3:30 AM
To: Jade
What the hell—
You are so annoying.
Like, to the extreme.
And no one else realizes it.
3:31 AM
To: Beck
Methinks thou should suck-eth mine dick.
3:33 AM
To: Jade
Yep. Only I get the magic that's you.
3:35 AM
To: Beck
You are SO lucky.
3:36 AM
To: Jade
Don't I know it, babe.
fin.
a/n: Hnnnnng so many seperation lines. I don't even know what this is. It made me laugh so I figured that's a good criteria for posting, yep. Also I am convinced a constant argument Jade and Beck have is 'what word/phrase to use when referring to sex.' Beck tries for "making love" but she calls him a pussy and vetoes it. ANYWAY. In other news for things the readers probably don't care to know, the formatting took 48974242 hours. It had to be perfect hokay.
...And these things keep getting more explicit. I'll tone it down next time, promise. Thanks again to everyone who reads/reviews/faves/alerts. :)
