1:12 AM

To: Jade

BABE.


1:16 AM

To: Beck

For the love of God, WHAT?


1:17 AM

To: Jade

I have epically amazing news.

Like I think you will squeal in a girlish fashion when you hear it. Honestly.


1:19 AM

To: Beck

Spit it out, Captain ADD.


1:22 AM

To: Jade

I was just about to!


1:25 AM

To: Beck

This is the 3rd time tonight you've had 'amazing news.'

NONE OF IT WAS AMAZING.


1:27 AM

To: Jade

That bird's nest outside the RV was pretty cool…


1:30 AM

To: Beck

It really wasn't.

At all.

Nor will it ever be.


1:32 AM

To: Jade

You're gonna regret saying that.

Because you wanna know what?

IT HAS SPECKLED EGGS IN IT.


1:36 AM

To: Beck

Can I cook them tomorrow?


1:37 AM

To: Jade

What is WRONG with you? !


1:40 AM

To: Beck

Maybe I was actually curious about the speckled eggs.

But apparently now there's something wrong with me.


1:42 AM

To: Jade

Really? 'Cause they were so cool!


1:45 AM

To: Beck

I bet they would taste delicious with bacon.


1:46 AM

To: Jade

YOU ARE JOYLESS.

In fact, you have been promoted.

To Colonel Joyless.

Or maybe Colonel Bird-Killer.


1:49 AM

To: Beck

I prefer the latter.


1:53 AM

To: Jade

Typical.

Are you not excited at all about this?

'Cause I was thinking it would make you dance with glee.


1:55 AM

To: Beck

As I often do.


1:57 AM

To: Jade

You should webcam that, actually.

Especially if you're wearing shorts.

And a tank top.

I would appreciate it.


2:00 AM

To: Beck

I'm sure you would, perv.


2:02 AM

To: Jade

Do you really wanna get into this perv thing?

Because you are not Miss Ingrid Innocence.

I am just saying.


2:05 AM

To: Beck

At least I don't text you all "hey, maybe you wanna webcam yourself dancing?"

"In questionable attire?"

"Possibly on a pole?"


2:08 AM

To: Jade

I NEVER SAID POLE!

Word twister-er.


2:11 AM

To: Beck

My mom took a pole-dancing class once.


2:16 AM

To: Jade

Why do I need that in my head. WHY. WHY.

OH MY GOD.

POURING BLEACH INTO MY EYES RIGHT NOW.


2:18 AM

To: Beck

I don't know why you're so upset. Mom's pretty hot.

For someone who's had to deal with me for 16 years, I mean.

Still.

Your dad's always going to win the hottest parent contest.


2:19 AM

To: Jade

JADE.

SHUT UP ABOUT THAT.

MY FATHER. IS NOT. ATTRACTIVE.


2:20 AM

To: Beck

Yeah he is.

I'd fuck him.


2:23 AM

To: Jade

Oh my god please shut up.


2:25 AM

To: Beck

Like, right here.

Right now.

…Maybe I am.


2:26 AM

To: Jade

You are not.


2:27 AM

To: Beck

Is he home right now?


2:28 AM

To: Jade


2:30 AM

To: Beck

Then I very well could be.

JUST SAYING.


2:34 AM

To: Jade

So just for clarification, you're paying my mental health fees, right?

Because this is going to send me into psychoanalysis.

"MY GIRLFRIEND CONSTANTLY REFERENCES HAVING SEX WITH MY FATHER, DOCTOR.

IS IT ME OR IS IT HER SICK FETISH?"


2:37 AM

To: Beck

Back up!

I have no fetish. He's just extremely attractive.

You can't deal with that fact and so you retreat in disgust.

Oh my God I'm the next Freud.


2:40 AM

To: Jade

You randomly pronounce your attraction to my dad.

That speaks of deep sexual problems.


2:44 AM

To: Beck

That speaks of the fact that he's ridiculously hot.

Also, you of all people know that I have no sexual problems.

Get it?

…Because we fuck a lot.


2:48 AM

To: Jade

Stop calling it that!


2:53 AM

To: Beck

We bang a lot.


2:54 am

To: Jade

NO!


2:55 AM

To: Beck

Got it.

We screw a lot.


2:56 AM

To: Jade

NO!

None of these terms are acceptable.


3:01 AM

To: Beck

What do you WANT me to say?

We fornicate oftentimes.

In thy RV of debauchery and sin.


3:03 AM

To: Jade

You are not amusing.


3:05 AM

To: Beck

Prithee! There be Vega, she of the whorehouse!


3:08 AM

To: Jade

I am not laughing.

Do you see any laughter here?


3:13 AM

To: Beck

Yea verily, I doth pronounce a ban on intercourse of a sexual nature.

We be too young and unwed to spoil thine bodies with this SIN.


3:17 AM

To: Jade

That is not how a real Puritan acts, I am like 78% sure.


3:19 AM

To: Beck

SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN.

SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN. SIN.

KILL THOSE WITCHES.

….SIN.


3:21 AM

To: Jade

Better, babe.


3:22 AM

To: Beck

I doth try.


3:23 AM

To: Jade

You should stop that now…


3:24 AM

To: Beck

Methinks it doth annoy thee.

So, alas, I shall continue on.


3:27 AM

To: Jade

How does this end up happening?

Last week you spent two hours talking in an Australian accent.

Then it was the stupid creepy man voice from Sikowitz's drive-by acting exercise.

NOW PURITANCAL?

What am I doing to deserve this?


3:28 AM

To: Beck

Calm thine soul, reckless devil-child.


3:30 AM

To: Jade

What the hell—

You are so annoying.

Like, to the extreme.

And no one else realizes it.


3:31 AM

To: Beck

Methinks thou should suck-eth mine dick.


3:33 AM

To: Jade

Yep. Only I get the magic that's you.


3:35 AM

To: Beck

You are SO lucky.


3:36 AM

To: Jade

Don't I know it, babe.


fin.


a/n: Hnnnnng so many seperation lines. I don't even know what this is. It made me laugh so I figured that's a good criteria for posting, yep. Also I am convinced a constant argument Jade and Beck have is 'what word/phrase to use when referring to sex.' Beck tries for "making love" but she calls him a pussy and vetoes it. ANYWAY. In other news for things the readers probably don't care to know, the formatting took 48974242 hours. It had to be perfect hokay.

...And these things keep getting more explicit. I'll tone it down next time, promise. Thanks again to everyone who reads/reviews/faves/alerts. :)