Hello! We re back with "A New start."
Here's an update on the new schedule. The wait for this chapter is probably going to be the norm from now on, with the exception of larger chapters for things like Endgame stuff. The confrontation with Gangrel, Walhart, etc. The reason for this is because I have new projects I'm working on alongside this story.
Anyhow, I got a question from a reader known as SuperEpik. Cool name my dude.
They ask how old Kail is.
The answer is late teens to early twenties. 19 to 21 at most. Still pretty young.
Also, I'm planing on rewriting the first few chapters. Just to bring them up to the level I'm at now. when I do this, I will post them alongside the new chapters so you guys don't get a new notification and get ready for a new chapter only to find out there isn't one. I hate that.
Now without further ado, the chapter!
I sat still under the suspicious leer of the blue eyed man in front of me. His eyes narrowed, as if willing me to break. I endured his glare and kept my passive face, repeatedly telling myself to not look away from his piercing gaze. I was determined to keep my cool, nothing he does will break my façade. Eventually, his eyes lowered to his hand and he let out a sigh as he placed his cards on the table.
"Fold."
I resisted the urge to smirk and instead looked over to Stahl who was to my right. He wasn't a good liar, the sweat on his brow was proof enough. It didn't take long for him to fold as well. Which left me with my greatest opponent.
"And then there was two." Said Gaius, as he fondled the deck of cards in his hand.
Me and my white-haired opponent stared each other down, his face as deadpan as my own. The two of us didn't back down, I knew Robin wouldn't fold, but I was confident in my hand. I held two queens in my hand, and the table had a queen, a jack, and a ten of spades, as well as another jack and a five. I have a full house, I'm not going to back down now.
"I call." Robin said calmly.
"That was the last round of bets, show your cards." Our dealer, Gaius, spoke.
I placed my hand down with a smirk, "Full house."
Chrom let out a whistle, "Glad I folded."
Robin let out a chuckle, "It's definitely a better hand then I suspected… but not enough."
I frowned and he smiled. Placing his cards down I couldn't help but gape, it was an ace and king of spades.
"Royal Flush."
You have got to be kidding me.
"…Shit, Sparkles."
"Eloquently put, Gaius." Chrom snorted.
"Not eloquently enough!" I slammed my fist on the table before pointing at Robin "You damn, Jinchuriki! You're counting cards, aren't you!?"
"I have no idea what you mean." Robin said with a small smirk.
"More importantly," Stahl started, "What's a 'Jen-chew-wiki?"
"It means someone that only eats pancakes." Gaius said confidently.
"Where the hell did you get pancakes from?" I asked.
Gaius shrugged, "I'm hungry."
"Don't worry Gaius," Robin said as he pulled in the pile of gold coins, "I can buy you some candy."
"Marry me."
"As flattering as the offer is," Robin snorted, "I'll have to decline, my heart lies elsewhere."
"That hurts Sparkles," Gaius said emotionally, placing his hand to his chest, "That hurts right here."
"Your feelings aside," I started, ignoring Gaius' look of fake indignation, "Who does your heart lie with Robin? …Is it Chrom?"
Stahl let out what sounded like a mixture of a gasp and a snort, while Robin and Gaius let out their own chuckles.
"While the idea of being a ruler is appealing… No, I don't have romantic feelings for Chrom."
We all laughed when Chrom let out an exaggerated sigh of relief and wiped fake sweat off his brow.
Shaking his head Robin continued, "I just meant I'm not homosexual, not that it's a bad thing Gaius."
Gaius let out a snort, "Did you think I was serious? I can't tell, your poker face is too good."
Stahl let out a short laugh, "Yeah, that's why he's got all of Kail's gold."
Everyone laughed at my expense and I retaliated with instinct, "Screw you Ramsay! The bacon you made this morning was chewy!"
The look of utter shock he had drew the laughter to him, I smiled at my deflection and his misfortune.
Stahl frowned for a moment, "…You're kidding right?"
Gaius and Robin laughed as I snorted out an answer, "Yes. The bacon was perfect, just like everything you make ya damn, Master chef."
The look of betrayal he had quickly changed to one of pride at my words, I rolled my eyes at his one-eighty and shook my head with a chuckle.
"Great," Gaius said, looking at the prideful chef, "Now he has an ego. Well done."
"To be fair, he is a great cook."
I agreed with Robin, but my focus went to the man sitting across from me. Chrom had been relatively quiet when compared to his usual self, the reason for which was more than obvious. His furrowed brow and intense gaze at the table only strengthened my assumption.
"Chrom." The tone in my voice silenced everyone at the table. They all glanced at me, waiting for my next words. I stared Chrom in the eyes and asked the only question I could think of at the moment.
"…How are you holding up?"
Chrom was silent as he looked at my eyes, his face was even more impassive than when we were trying to bluff about our cards. But the look in his eyes told me why he hasn't said anything; he doesn't know what to say. Or perhaps it's how to say it, I can't be sure, but I do know that Emmeryn's kidnapping was getting to me too.
Maybe bringing it up here, where we were all having fun wasn't a good idea. But it's not like I could have just ignored his anxiety filled face, I have no doubt that I've had that same face nearly a hundred times since I arrived in this world nearly four months ago. He didn't ignore me when I had signs of stress, so I won't ignore him.
"…Honestly, Kail… I'm okay-"
Chrom's words were interrupted by a gentle scoff from Robin, "Is that why you were having a staring contest with the table?"
I raised an eyebrow at that. Robin noticed? But then why didn't he do anything? Did he not want to intrude? If so, I find it funny that he respected Chrom's 'boundaries' but didn't do the same when I was over stressing… Then again, he didn't know why I was freaking out about training, unlike Chrom where the source of his stress was painfully obvious to everyone.
Chrom let out a sigh, "I mean, of course I'm worried. I'd be a horrible brother, not to mention person, if I wasn't."
We all nodded, because he was right, we'd be foolish to think he was completely alright.
"We'll get her back, Chrom" Stahl said as he placed a hand on the Prince's shoulder.
Chrom nodded at Stahl, but before he could say anything Robin spoke.
"It'll be a simple rescue mission. A piece of cake."
Gaius' eyes gleamed, "And that cake will be mine," he turned to look at Chrom, "Don't worry about it, Blue. We got this."
Chrom nodded at Gaius with a small smile on his face before he glanced at me, probably noting that I was the one being quiet now. What would I say? What could I say? I… I know what's going to happen, she's not going to make it back. And I'm going to let that happen, I'm just going to let his sister die. There's only one thing I could say, only one thing that comes to mind. To him it'll probably be reassuring… but to me, it'll be a half-truth to save me from more guilt.
"…The winds of fate are with Ylisse."
Chrom smiled and nodded to me in gratitude.
Damn it.
Heat.
So. Much. Heat...
I think I'm dying, there's no other explanation. I'm melting like the witch from that one movie that everyone seems to love, wait… If I poured water on Tharja, would she melt? Is she a witch? Is Aversa? I don't know, but if I did pour water on Tharja I have a feeling she would render me catatonic via hex…
Did I say it was hot yet? Because it is, very hot actually. I don't know how the Plegians can stand it, it's like standing in an oven. Not to mention the sand, I can feel the heat through my boots, it's like walking on hot coals. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the heat is why there's a suspicious lack of military.
It was honestly worrying, the absolute lack of border guards is just confusing. To me, it's screaming foul play. Robin seems to think so too, if the cautious glances to our flank is any indication. Yet Chrom is having us press on. I can't say I blame him, his sister is in the hands of that mad man. Even without my foreknowledge, I'd be stressed as hell about this. Of course because I do know what happens, that stress is increased tenfold.
Hold on… yeah, it sucks that I have to let it happen, but why am I stressed about it? I've made my choice. I'm not going to save her, so why the hell do I feel so stressed about it? It's not like anything will change… right? I mean, my very existence in this world has changed things, but they were always small things. There's no way that I'll inadvertently change fate just by being here. Right? Yeah… I mean, the effect of me essentially breaking the interdimensional barrier -if such a thing exists- won't have that big an impact on the life of one ruler.
It's not like that ruler is part of some mystical group that is connected to the Outrealms… Wait, doesn't Chrom's family have Naga's Blood? …Naga was the one that sent Lucina back in time. Shit, she's the descendant of a god. Well, goddess, I suppose. But would it actually matter? Damn, I wish I knew the dynamics of Dimensional gateways and the theoretical connections between dragon blood and the multiverse, that would make this a whole lot easier.
A stiff breeze cuts off my inner rambling, even the wind is hot here. Fricken deserts, man. The only consolation is the fact that we should be meeting Gregor here. That dude was always one of my favorite characters. There's also Nowi, the dragon girl. Hmm, her being over one thousand years old may have been okay in the game, but if she's that old and still looks and acts like she's nine, I'll be a little uncomfortable.
"Help!"
My head turns to the sudden voice, as do all the other Shepherds. I can't help but smile when I see the source of the call. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Or I guess she'll appear in this case. Nowi was running towards us from over a large sand dune, she looked frightened, I wonder why she was so scared. What did the Grimleal want with her? I spotted the redhead mercenary as he stumbled over the dune, he had a slight limp.
"Oy! Wait for Gregor, Wee one! Many bad people here!"
"Stay away you weirdo!"
"Oof, why must you hurt Gregor's feelings?"
I held back a laugh at the interaction, Gregor is great. I gotta get him to tell me his ridiculous tales he must have after working as a merc.
"You there! Stay away from the girl!" Chrom called, just as the two got within twenty or thirty feet from our small party. Gregor halted, and Nowi ran over to us and quickly got behind Chrom. Why did she trust him so quickly when she's running from- Oh that's right… He's Chrom.
"You talk to Gregor?" the mercenary asked in his Russian accent, "But Gregor trying to help!"
Gregor took a calm step forward, his hands raised in a innocent manner. Chrom wasn't having it, "Stay back! Or you'll taste the bite of my blade!"
Gregor stopped his advance and slumped over with a sigh, "Oy, this day has been nothing but insults, death threats, and punches in kher."
Wait, did he just actually speak Russian?
Just when I was about to step in and try to solve the situation, a group of about ten men in strange clothes charged over the same sand dune, weapons in hand.
"Incoming hostiles!" I yelled.
Instantly everyone prepared their arms, including Gregor. Drawing his sword as he turned around and faced the horde.
"See what you did? Gave enemies time to catch up!"
"I'm realizing that now." Chrom said sheepishly.
Robin, standing not far from Chrom, formed a plan of attack in an instant.
"Fliers!" he called as he looked to Sumia and Cordelia, "flank left! Frederick, you and the other horsemen flank right! All melee foot soldiers, charge straight. Spell casters, cover their advance!"
Robin looked to me, "Kail, I'm making you responsible for the girl. Don't let anyone hurt her."
I nodded in understanding, but couldn't help but snark.
"First Donnel, now her? What am I, a military issued babysitter?"
"Yes. Don't forget to feed her." Chrom responded before charging with the rest of them.
Robin chuckled and looked to me, "You're with the rest of us mages, just keep an eye on her."
I let out a large sigh and gave him a sarcastic salute, "Yes, sir."
I followed Robin as he ran after the melee fighters, throwing his lightning spells the whole time. I wish I was that accurate, but I can't snipe people with blade beams. I can't really help here all that much, all my spells are mid to close range. The most I can do is augment Miriel's fire spells, the roaring fire balls are very enjoyable to watch.
Almost as enjoyable as watching the Shepherds do battle, everyone had their own unique style of combat. Chrom fights like I'd imagine Thor would if he had a sword, the perfect blend of speed and power. Lon'qu was a perfect reflection of his in-game stats, speed and skill. He deflected every blow and retaliated with deadly precision. Frederick, Sully and Stahl all fought similarly, the consequences of being a mounted fighter I suppose.
Then there were the fliers. Cordelia fought with swooping dives, stabbing her enemies with the full force of her pegasus. She used the advantage of flight well. And Sumia… wow. She is kind of a klutz in most things, but in battle, she fights like a goddess of death. She uses her pegasus' wings to rotate in almost an instant, while twirling her long spear. Giving her some serious cutting power, I wouldn't be surprised if she could cut through steel like a knife through butter. It looks like she's just baton twirling on her mount, while the pegasus' movements makes her dance deadly.
"You're staring."
I jump at the small voice, I look down at the small dragon girl next to me with a slight frown.
"What?"
"You totally have a crush on her don't you?"
Seriously? She's been standing there for like thirty seconds and she already put that together? Does everyone know? I open my mouth to respond but promptly freeze when I see Nowi's face of what looks like awe.
"Woah! Your eyes are super pretty!"
"Uh… thanks…?"
It looked like she was about to say something else, before her eyes locked onto something behind me. Her eyes widened in slight terror. I quickly turned to where she was looking and saw three men charging us. They must have circled us, using the dunes as cover. I quickly grabbed Nowi and pulled her behind me and launched an Elwind at the ground a few yards away from us. The wind launched some sand into the air creating a smokescreen, I turned to my allies and ran closer, dragging Nowi along with me.
"Robin! Enemy troops approaching from the rear!"
The Tactician turned away from the main battle, "How many?"
"At least three, they looked like Mages!"
Robin cursed before turning to Ricken and Miriel, "You two stick to the plan, me and Kail will hold them off!"
They both acknowledged the order with a nod, and Robin ran close to me and Nowi.
"I'll use fire spells until they get within your range, make them good ones."
I smiled mischievously, "I love making things explode."
Robin looked slightly worried at my words but accepted them and got ready to fight. I started pulling at my mana in anticipation as my smoke screen finally faded away and revealed our opponents. They were still charging us, but something was wrong.
"I thought you said three?"
I did, there was three. So why are there only two now? where did… WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
I quickly grabbed Nowi and wind launched us away while also pushing Robin away as well. And it was a good thing that I did, because not a moment later did a large blast of dark purple energy blast up out of the sand that we were previously standing on. This is my first time seeing dark magic in actual use. When I channeled the power of the moon, the power of Grima, it called to me, it tried to pull me in. It was terrifying, but seeing it being used against me, seeing the crazed face of the man that just erupted from the ground in a pillar of darkness.
It made me feel fear. Real fear. The kind of fear you feel when you know you're going to die in the most painful of ways. The whispers that tried to entice me to use that power, I heard them again. But this time, they weren't friendly. It was like I could hear the magic telling me every horrid thing that it could do to me.
Luckily, the fear didn't petrify me for long. I was jolted from my horror induced haze by Robin as he fired a blast of lightning at the old sorcerer, the wrinkled man blocked it with a wall of dark tainted Mana. He giggled slightly before shooting a torrent of black fire at the hooded amnesiac.
"Hahaha! You dare defy Grima!?"
Just as I was about to step in, I felt a twinge in the back of my skull as my mana senses warned me of an incoming attack. I pushed Nowi away again and quickly ducked, a blade whiffed over my head as the two other men finally showed up. They weren't Mages then. Good.
In my lowered position, I made the Fulgur sigil and coated my hand in lightning. I grabbed a hold of the man's arm and poured more mana into the basic spell. The swordsman began convulsing as the electric current ran through his body. I used some mana to augment my arms and threw the electrocuted man at his companion. They both went down with a thump, the second man began foaming at the mouth as the electricity traveled into his form as well.
Lightning is overpowered. I thought, but my new found appreciation for the yellow-blue energy was put to an end when I almost fell to the ground from a blast of pressure. Judging from the yelp and then "Oof", Nowi did fall to the ground. I turned around, ready to face whatever made such a shockwave, then promptly had my jaw hit the sandy ground.
Apparently Robin decided to go Super Saiyan. His entire body was cloaked in a shroud of lightning, his eyes glowing the deep blue color of mana. He was throwing Thorons and Arcthunders like they were nothing. With every movement of his arms the crack of thunder was heard. I was both literally and figuratively blown away by the power of the two Thorons he launched at the old man.
My first thought was that this man had met his end, but apparently everyone is stronger than I am. The old man created a blast of wind that launched a giant cloud of sand into the air in front of him, which he promptly heated to the point of turning it into mana reinforced glass. The glass took the brunt of the dual Thoron, but shattered in the process.
The sorcerer then performed the most coordinated telekinesis usage I've ever seen, and grabbed a hold of the hundreds of glass shards and fired them all at Robin like a volley of arrows. Robin responded by letting out a wide blast of lightning, turning the shards to dust. The snow-haired man then lifted his hand and made a spear of lightning in his hand and threw it with great speed.
The sorcerer, who I can only assume is the 'chapter boss,' held out his hand, and grabbed a hold of the spear, absorbing it like Yoda. The Grimleal grinned and threw the now purple lightning up into the sky. With a loud clap of thunder, the magic transformed into a swirling ball of dark energy. Like an evil spirit bomb he thrust his hand forward and the orb moved towards Robin.
Robin looked like he was growing tired, and wasn't making any move to block it. This fight is beyond me, that much I know for certain. But I'll be damned if I let a friend die in front of me. I ran a few steps forward, ignoring Nowi's screams to come back. Throwing my hand forward, I made my unique sigil and summoned four tendrils of twilight. I poured as much mana as I could into them, lengthening and strengthening them as much as I could.
I commanded the twilight serpents to grab a hold of the death ball, and as soon as they made contact, I heard it again.
Come to me.
I felt the pull, the constant tugging leading me to the darkness. I resisted. I won't fall into the shadow, I won't succumb to that power. The tendrils had completely wrapped around the orb of darkness, acting quickly, I flung my hand to the side with all my strength. With a yell of effort, I pulled the orb off course and it collided with the sandy ground.
A loud boom was heard as it detonated, creating a shockwave with a large cloud of sand. Once the wave of power passed, the sorcerer looked at me with wide eyes before a manic smile showed on his face, "You fight against the power of the God of annihilation? Fool! You will be dealt with for your blasphemy!"
Before the man could even twitch his fingers, a sudden migraine hit me in the back of my skull. My ears began ringing and my eyes went blurry as I was hit with an extreme dizziness. I fell to the ground and coughed hoarsely, I couldn't see two inches in front of me, but I knew I was coughing blood. I could feel the red fluid splashing out of my mouth. Mana exhaustion is a bitch. I guess I put more into those tendrils than I thought.
"Kail!"
Robin's voice sounded faded, like I was underwater. And the laughter of the sorcerer was overshadowed by the sound of crackling lightning and booming thunder, making the pain in my head so much worse. I felt someone shaking me, like they were trying to wake me up. The hands gripping my shoulders were small, Nowi? My vision came back to me just enough to make out her worried face, but I couldn't help but wonder.
Why the hell hasn't she turned into a dragon yet? …Unless.
I turned away from Nowi's now relief filled face painfully, and faced the sorcerer still facing off against Robin. My eyes narrowed on a small shining object hanging around his neck. I was right. He has her Dragonstone. I need to get it, she can end this. Manaketes aren't just normal dragons. They are powerful, she could roast him.
"…Nowi…" I croaked out weakly.
"H-how do you know my name?"
Shit, that's going to be hard to explain. But I ignored the question and reached out to the dueling sorcerer, "Catch."
I telekinetically grabbed a hold of the Dragonstone and pulled it towards us, and promptly yelled in pain from the use of mana I didn't have, and heaved out more blood. But the deed was done, I heard a roar of rage from the Grimleal shortly followed by a light thump where the stone hit the ground in front of us. I looked up and saw the young Dragoness quickly grab the stone and hold it close to her chest.
Meanwhile the sorcerer quickly launched wind behind him and moved towards me. He totally stole my move. Before I could even think of a way out of my situation, Nowi stepped in between me and the charging Grimleal.
"STAY AWAY FROM HIM!"
Speeding wisps of red and white light shot out of the stone that she was still holding close to her heart. The beams of light swirled around her, merging into a shining pink flower like structure around her. A loud buzz was heard before the flower bloomed, and in a shower of golden light, a bright yellow dragon emerged. I thought I would have another attack, but I didn't.
The yellow scales and blue skin radiated divinity rather than maliciousness. I didn't feel threatened, I felt safe. I also felt amused when I heard an aptly put "What in the ever living hell!?" from Robin. Nowi let out a quite frankly intimidating roar, before stomping her gigantic clawed foot on the ground, sending up a cloud of dust.
"You stole my stone, a part of my soul! You hurt people who've done nothing to you!"
Yeah if someone stole half of my soul I'd be pissed too.
"You put me in a cage and stole my blood!"
Oh… shit that's messed up.
"Hell… screw that guy. Roast him." I wheezed out.
Surprisingly, Nowi heard me, "Gladly."
Who knew Nowi could be so menacing. I sure didn't. I wonder if her mind is influenced by her dragon form. Like does instinct take over? Wait, was that why they sealed the dragon part of them in the stones? I forgot. My vision got blurry again just as she launched a torrent of divine flame. My vision went black when I felt the heat of the attack. And I lost consciousness the moment I heard Robin tell Nowi that I pretty much always get mortally wounded in battle.
When I finally came to, I was lying on an increasingly familiar cot with a pounding headache. I sat up slowly, grasping my forehead in a futile attempt to sooth the pain. I let out a sigh as the events that led up to me being here rushed back to me. I had been comfortable with my strength, but Robin and that old creep showed me just how far I had to go.
I may have some weird ideas and hybrid spells, but I lack skill and power. That's something I desperately need, I need to increase my mana reserves, learn stronger spells… I need to be better. I recalled the last time I had thoughts like these, and how that caused me to be mentally scarred. I shook my head to dislodge the thought and cringed in pain from the motion.
"Well that wasn't very bright."
I turned to the voice and saw Maribelle standing there looking at me with a frown that screamed disappointment. I couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed when I saw that face, but then I remembered that it's Maribelle and she pretty much looks at you like that if you so much as drop a hat.
"What did I do to displease you?" I asked cautiously.
Maribelle clicked her teeth in annoyance, "Well you made me and Lissa worry for one! We've never seen someone with so little Mana! You do know it's tied to your soul right? If you had used any more than what you did, you'd be dead. Not only that, you'd be cursed to no afterlife!"
It's tied to the soul? I guess that makes sense, it could be like a sort of filter for the ambient energies of the stars or sun or whatever. And I never really believed in an afterlife anyway so that's not too bad in my eyes.
"Well I-"
"And then there's Nowi!" Maribelle interrupted, "She was scared to death that you had, or were going to die because of her!"
"What!?" I half yelled in confusion, "Why would she think that? She didn't do anything that would cause this!"
"She's a child!"
"Maribelle, she's a Manakete. She's probably over a thousand years old, she's likely to be older than anyone here."
Maribelle rolled her eyes, "True, but have you considered that maybe that's the reason she blamed herself?"
My brow furrowed, "What do you mean?"
She took a deep breath and let it out an a light sigh, "I mean, that she has more than likely out lived every friend she ever had. And now some stranger risked his life for her and ended up close to death's door."
I looked down at my lap, taking in the words. Didn't Tiki mention something like this in some supports? The pain of having your loved ones wither away into time while you continued? It never even occurred to me that Nowi would be going through the same, even though she's got just as much reason to. She just seemed too innocent, too full of joy for something like that.
"Have you ever heard of survivor's guilt, Kail?"
I nodded my head, not breaking my eyes away from my lap. I understand where she's coming from, but I was a little focused on helping Robin. Dude was about to die, I just wanted to help. I didn't know I was using that much mana, it didn't even occur to me at the time. I just didn't want anyone to die.
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if she had such. Seeing you so weakened probably gave her an anxiety attack. I would think you of all people would understand that!"
…Did she just…
Images of a bloodied mass of entrails flashed in my head, the feeling of foreign blood on my hands. The terrified face of Lucina as I tackled her to the ground. I grit my teeth at the images. How dare she. How dare she say something like that! I do understand! And I already feel like shit about it, I don't need some damn bitch to tell me that!
"Get. Out."
My rage built until my headache was but a distant memory, I felt new vigor return to my body. It was like I never needed to be in the medical tent to begin with. I've never felt this angry before.
"I beg your pardon?" Maribelle said in her infuriatingly prissy way.
"Did I stutter?" I growled, "Leave… Now. I won't ask again."
"I'm not leaving until you change your attitude. You need to think about others instead of yourself, stop trying to obtain glory and think for once!"
"…My attitude…? MY attitude!?" I was on my feet in a second, glaring with every ounce of anger into her now wide eyes.
"You come in here, lecture me, Insult me and my fucking disability, and then have the gall to tell me to change my attitude!?"
"I-I'm sorry, I was just trying to-"
"I know what you were trying to do!" I cut her off, "helping with insults, harsh love, whatever you want to call it. But you know what? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this, all of it. I'm tired of people assuming they know my intentions. I wasn't looking for glory, Maribelle, I was trying to save Robin's goddamned life. Maybe he didn't need it, but I sure as hell didn't know. I was thinking of others, I was trying to do the right thing."
"Kail, I-"
"But apparently that's not good enough! No matter what I do, someone has to lecture me, someone has to point out how much of an idiot I am and I'm tired of it! I'm tired of this life, I'm tired of trying to keep this world from falling apart because of my very presence here! I'm tired of existing! If Emmeryn's right about me and I am some spirit of a long dead man, then I wished I stayed dead, it would be better than this living hell!"
"Kail, you're scaring me! What are you talking about?"
"I'm scared too, Maribelle! No one seems to get that! Even Chrom! Everyone thinks that because I'm a talented mage that suddenly fear doesn't apply to me, hell it's gotten to the point where I believe it too! But it's a lie, I'm just a kid from Virginia, I'm not a hero, I'm not a warrior, but for some damn reason the world decided that I'm the one that has to save a whole other reality!"
"…Kail, I… I don't understand…"
What I said in my anger suddenly caught up to me, and I saw the tear filled eyes of Maribelle. How often am I going to make her cry? I feel like shit for that, but that didn't take much away from my anger. I needed to cool off, I needed to think. I needed to be alone.
I let out a sigh, "…Just… Just go. Talk to Sumia, she knows what I mean, she'll explain. I just need to be alone right now."
She was silent for a moment before slowly walked to the exit, she paused just before leaving. Looking back at me she whispered a question, "You… You're not really tired of existing… are you?"
I stared at her for a moment before letting out another sigh, "…I wish I could say I wasn't."
She shrunk into herself, looking away and placing a hand on her chest. She seemed to be thinking about something, she looked worried. I knew why.
"Maribelle." She looked back up at me, "Don't take that to mean I'm giving up. I'm not going anywhere."
The tension in her shoulders relaxed slightly and she let out a small sigh of relief. She slowly turned around and opened the tent flap and let out one final mutter before leaving.
"You better."
The words hung in the air as she left me alone in the medical tent. The last thing I wanted was to make someone think I'd do something like that. I'd be selfish to do that, my life is more than my own. Others care for me, ending it would do no good for anyone. Still, some of the things I said, even I didn't know that about myself.
I mean, I felt nervous during battle sure, but now that I said it, it became so much more clear. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm fricken terrified of this whole situation, I'm fighting in an actual war. I'm going to fight a man that can level a city, a man that wants to rule the world with an iron fist. And above all else, I'm going to fight a god.
How could I not be scared at the prospect of fighting such things, how could I not be scared that people's lives are actually in my hands. I guess this is why I decided to let some of my friends in, to help shoulder that burden. But… at the same time, it seemed selfish. It seemed like I was just cursing others to the same fear, it was supposed to be my burden wasn't it?
Am I a bad person for asking for help? Sometimes it really felt like it. Sometimes it felt like I was the burden, that people were just putting up with me because it was the polite thing to do. After all, what's appealing in being friends with me? Some bad jokes and cheesy one-liners? That's about it isn't it?
"Uh. Hi?"
I look to my left and saw Nowi standing at the tent entrance with her hands behind her back and a curious look in her eye. I raised an eyebrow at her sudden appearance, I wondered if she heard my argument with Maribelle. That'd be hard to explain.
"Um… hi there, you must be the Nowi I've been hearing about. Nice to meet you."
Nowi's eyes narrowed slightly, "Uh, yeah. You said my name during the fight, why are you acting like you didn't know it before…? How'd you know my name by the way?"
Oh shit that's right, I did. What do I do? Play it off?
"I did what now?"
"You said my name."
"When?"
"During the fight."
"What about the fight?"
Nowi pouted in the way a nine year old girl does, completely defying her real age. I resisted the urge to laugh as she let out a small huff.
"You're not gonna tell me are you…?"
"Tell you what?"
"How you knew my name."
"Uh, Maribelle told me."
"Before that!"
"I don't follow."
Nowi let out a loud groan of annoyance, while I suppressed my chuckles and mentally patted myself on the back for avoiding this.
"Okay…" Nowi said calmly before looking me dead in the eyes, "How did you know my name back during the fight when nobody told you what it was?"
"…Oh… Ooooh I see what's going on here."
"Thank you!" Nowi called out in relief.
I grinned mischievously, "Nowi, how long have you been hearing voices? I could get you help if you'd like."
Nowi sputtered in disbelief while I savored her annoyance.
"I'm not hearing voices! You said my name!"
I walked up to her, crouched down to her level and looked into her purple eyes for a moment, "Nope, sorry. You're totally insane. Bonkers, crazy, loony, and mad all rolled into one little dragon lady."
She pouted again before looking down and muttering, "I'm not mad."
"Hey there's no shame in being crazy, wanna know why?" I said as I poked her cheek, once she looked back at me I grinned once again, "Because all the best people are."
She looked at me in amused skepticism so I felt the need to continue, "I mean, just look at Chrom! Or as I like to call him; Prince Blue-face."
Ignoring her light giggle at my new nickname for Chrom I continued, "The dude gets his kicks by wakening me up at the crack of dawn and beating the crap out of me! Seriously, he has this huge grin on his face when he does it!"
"Well why don't you stop him, or ask someone to stop him?"
I let out a nervous chuckle, "Well you see… I sort of asked him to do it."
"You asked him to beat you up in the morning? That sounds pretty crazy to me." Nowi said with a smile.
I smirked in return, "Well, I never said I wasn't crazy did I?"
Nowi grinned.
So Kail had a breakdown. Pretty sure we all would at this point. Also, I made Gregor say a Russian word. I think you can figure out what it means by contexts. However if its wrong, blame google translate.
-Gaijin
