A/N: I'm back. :) Now it's time to get the chapter we've all been waiting for. I know I have. I just need to remind you all this isn't exactly your average Buffy/Dean fic which are usually complicated enough on their own. They're literally from alternate universes and Dean and Sam promised to send her back home. Those two differences would impact their relationship and how it progresses a lot.
In response to my guests, Benny will definitely appear and be resolved different than he was in actual S8. For wrong, Dean and Sam never had to bear their responsibility being chosen until they were much older than Kevin and Buffy and not in the proactive sense either (they're just vessels). Buffy doesn't know about that yet, but the whole "they don't get it" thing still made sense.
This chapter is an alternate take on the episode "Goodbye, Stranger", but just as emotional (hopefully lol?). My policy for this fic is "Not S8 just with Buffy, but with S8 references". This is one of those references. I'm particularly proud of this one and loved writing it so I hope you all enjoy it. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy. All rights belong to Joss Whedon and Eric Kripke. All I get out of this is entertainment and storytelling practice.
Open to constructive criticism/OCCness thoughts!
Broken Boulevard
~~Buffy~~
The slayer was on a laptop, sitting up on the bed in her empty Missouri motel room. Multiple search pages were pulled up, all with similar titles (historical scythes, biblical scythes, mysterious scythe sightings, etc.). She was on the one titled "Scythe of Zaphkiel". There was a caption of your average angel with curly hair and fluffy wings brandishing a gnarled black scythe and overlooking a battlefield.
Buffy stared at the picture, feeling like a masochist as longing and unhappiness swelled in her chest. No matter what she did or how hard her and the brothers searched it stayed just out of reach. Sometimes it felt like it was just another thing she could never have.
Another two weeks had been added on to her stay in Winchesterworld. For two months now, she's been away. Away from her friends, away from her duty ... and every day she was reminded of that was another day that sinking feeling in Buffy's stomach sunk just a little bit deeper.
I wonder how everyone's doing. Had the military attacked while she was gone? Was there finally all-out war? Did more slayers die? Was Dawn okay? It all hurt so much to think about, especially Dawn. The anger in her sister's eyes after the slayer so callously lectured her in their last conversation haunted her.
Why would Dawn miss me? She practically already didn't have a sister. It's not like I made such a 'big difference.' Buffy thought self-loathingly.
Her shoulders slumped and she sighed. She missed her friends ... but she had already been missing them, way before she got sent to an alternate universe with only two sometimes three guys for company. Her friends were so just wrapped up in their own lives reveling in the purpose of a demon-slaying organization. They weren't her. They weren't the leader who had to sacrifice everything. Buffy completely devoted herself and yet couldn't be a part of it.
So now, when she really thought about it (and the downside of being here gave her nothing but time to), what was the real difference between being stuck here and being back there?
Buffy had been telling herself ever since she got here she couldn't imagine how everyone could function without her ... but maybe imagining was the problem. Maybe, after all her mistakes with the slayers and how far apart her and her friends had become, they were better off. They didn't need her anymore. Because she wasn't good enough. And that, that was what she was truly afraid of.
The blonde completely lost focus on the article, engrossed in her thoughts. It didn't matter where she was, in this world or hers. She just felt so alone. The loneliness just seemed to eat away at her, she was so lonely. It's been this way for so long Buffy was practically numb to it now.
Suddenly there was knocking on the door. Buffy stared at it blankly a second before the depressed slayer shut down the laptop, set it aside and went to answer. Sam and Dean came bustling in, fast food on them and a little more serious than usual.
"So ... I'm gonna guess you took care of that weird Lazarus Rising guy in Montana?" Buffy asked.
Both brothers casually tossed aside their duffels in different parts of her room. "It turned out he wasn't actually a bad guy. He just had a lot of bad luck." Sam clarified, sympathy in his voice.
Dean nodded. "Yeah. Turned into something to do with dying, gods, and a kid. It didn't exactly end pan out." He explained in a slightly clipped tone.
"Wait, you mean you ran into gods? Real gods?" Flashbacks of the Hell-god Glory were triggered right before Buffy's eyes. "You're okay?" She said in disbelief. The brothers looked mostly fine which honestly startled her the most.
Dean shrugged. "We made it out."
"They weren't exactly after us." Sam told her.
Dean fished something out of the fast food bag and threw it to her. Buffy caught it in surprise. It was a wrapped burger. "Got you something on the way. Y'know, in case in all the scythe-snooping you forgot to eat again ..."
"It's been a day already?" Buffy played off innocently. Dean gave her a pointed look and the humor she was faking evaporated. She glanced back down at the burger. "... More cheap, drive-thru food. Yum. You sure know how to treat a gal."
"Sorry it's not gourmet enough for you."
She realized she had offended him. Buffy sighed in frustration. "I'm sorry. It's just ... my scythe-snooping is still without the karmic snoop rewards. I've been in St. Louis running through that witch bar all week trying to find one to get me out of here."
"Well, that was your idea, not ours." Dean muttered.
"It was never a good one in the first place." Sam stated bluntly.
Buffy scowled a bit. "I had to do something. Your witch friend James is still too new at spells to send me back and not get anyone hurt so I branched out. Granted it turned out to be more fist-fight-y than—"
"Well, what else did you expect? It's a friggin' witch bar." The older Winchester cut her off as he sat down and digging into his bacon cheeseburger. "You shouldn't have gone fooling around with them and their microwave fingers."
The blonde rolled her eyes. Oh, she remembered this. Dean and Sam had practically had her head when she told them her plan of mingling with the witches for a spell home after the "case" with James and the familiars wrapped up. The brothers had made such a big deal about it. They only finally got off her back when she swore she'd be careful and not just give away everything.
Buffy joined the brothers at the table to eat. "Did I need to rewind you back to my 'Not all witches are bad' speech? It's not always a quote 'gank them or they gank you world' unquote." The blonde muttered with a pointed look.
"You didn't know them. Walking up to a bar full of witches you don't even know is like putting a target on your back." Dean said severely.
Sam nodded. "Especially in your case."
"It's not like I told them a lot. The whole thing was basically one part pretending to be a witch trying to learn a spell, one part cliffnotes, and one part beating for information. And it was all a big waste of time so let's move on." Buffy explained flatly, more than a little bitter.
Sam and Dean exchanged a disgruntled look, then continued eat.
"We managed to get a few words out one of the gods while in Montana. None of the greek gods brought you here and they don't know what did." Sam told her.
"Do they have the power to send me back?" Buffy was not looking to get tangled with a god again by any means, but if they were an alternative, then she would do whatever it takes.
The brothers paused, tenser now as they glanced at each other. " ... They do." Dean replied. A meaningful, sympathetic expression on his face. "But it still comes with the price."
Buffy closed her eyes painfully and looked away. Castiel's warning to her about the unpredictable consequences in what bringing her back might cause to this world flooded over her. Even gods wouldn't be able to stop the sky from splitting. "I-I can't do that ..." She denied softly, shaking her head.
"It's okay. We'll find another way." Sam reassured.
Buffy was disheartened. "Before ... me and sister, we were fighting a lot. I-It got pretty bad." She began uncomfortably, avoiding their eyes. "The last thing I told Dawn was that she needed to grow up. That she was selfish. Maybe from now on when she thinks about big sis, that's what she has to remember me by." The blonde lamented.
Dean and Sam said nothing, strange but meaningful looks on their faces.
Dean scoffed. "Being at your little sibling's throat? Hey, I know what's that like." Despite the hunter's tongue-in-cheek tone, there was sudden tension in the air. "Look, you ... you will be sent back, okay? That's not gonna be the last thing you said to Dawn. I won't let it."
There was such sincerity and conviction in his voice, like there was no other option. Dean had no idea how bad things have gotten between her and sister. They haven't been the same since the slayers were called. At the same time it still felt like he understood ... and for the first time that was enough.
Sam glanced at his brother, an uninterpretable but equally meaningful expression on his face, then turned back to Buffy and nodded.
The slayer shook her head. "I just need that scythe. I'm still waiting on Cas." With more exasperation, she went on, "Why does he even have a cell phone? He never even answers."
"Yeah, well. You get used to that." Dean mumbled, biting into his burger again.
"It's just annoying. He's the one that's all-knowing about this scythe. He's supposed to my guide in this deal and he's not doing the guiding."
Sam sighed and shook his head. "Honestly, we never really know what Cas is doing. He shows up when he shows."
The slayer was unconvinced. She paused, conscious of her next words. " ... Maybe he isn't trying to help me at all." She voiced, quiet but firm as she met their eyes.
The brothers tensed. "What do you mean?" Dean asked, his tone and expression hard to place.
"I just think there's something ... weird about him." Buffy said lamely, brows furrowed. Cas seemed sincere sometimes. But other times ...
"Well, Cas has never exactly been normal. He's like classic Down-Syndrome angel." Dean replied.
The slayer shook her head. "No, that's not what I meant, although ... true." She acknowledged. "When he took me on that college field-trip for the scythe, it ended up not being there. Instead I got Labolas and my ass kicked. I know he said he had no idea about him ... but honestly it felt staged." Buffy admitted reluctantly.
"You think Cas lured you there?" The older Winchester said incredulously.
Sam too looked disbelieving. "Why would Cas do that?"
She knew she was treading dangerous waters now, but it had to be said. "If he heard rumors the scythe was there all along, wouldn't he already have checked by then? Doesn't it feel like really convenient?"
Sam and Dean exchanged a tense glance, saying nothing.
Buffy couldn't read it. "Look. I've been giving Cas a pass because you're my friends and he's your friend ... but that's not enough anymore. I don't really know if he's hiding something. Maybe he isn't. I just can't really trust him. I'm sorry."
Dean shook his head. A pained expression came to his face and when he looked back at her, he was fighting to mask it. "Don't worry about Cas. Like I said before, we don't need 'em. We'll find this scythe all by ourselves if we have to." He was trying hard to sound reassuring even though he was upset.
"Of course." Sam agreed.
Buffy didn't answer, avoiding their eyes. She hadn't given up, but it was difficult to be super-hopeful.
"Hey." Dean's much firmer voice forced her to looked up. His expression was meaningful. "I was stuck in Purgatory for a year. I got out. I don't see why you can't."
I don't want to be here a year. Buffy thought sadly. She may be a chockfull of insecurities over everything that was home, but it was still home. She knew what she was thinking wasn't what Dean meant though and appreciated him nonetheless.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." The slayer gave a grateful little smile.
The three of them ate. Cas wasn't mentioned again, but she could feel what she said struck a cord in the brothers, particularly Dean. Buffy worried if maybe she had over-stepped. They knew the angel for years after all, and her just a couple months. Even though she regretted it, she wasn't sure what else she could do.
Sam and Dean decided to book a room for the night and then tomorrow head back to Kansas. Apparently they were leery of being in St. Louis any longer than necessary. Something to do with bad runs in-with cops, evil monster clones, and being framed for murder. On two separate occasions.
The brothers were leaving. Buffy managed to at least catch Dean by the door as he was reaching down for his duffel. "Hey! Uh, what I said about Cas ... maybe I-I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."
Dean looked at her. "... Are you?"
His meaningful expression gave her pause. They both knew the answer to that. "I just know he's your friend."
"No, it's alright. He's never around when you need him. I get that." The hunter said dismissively.
Buffy didn't really believe he did. "I wasn't exactly saying you can't trust him ..." She responded nervously.
"Look, Buffy, it's okay." Dean's tone was hard now. Immediately he reined himself in and sighed. "I mean—You don't know him, you don't trust him. That's smart."
The slayer frowned. He was being unexpectedly understanding over this. "You aren't mad?"
"Of course I'm not." Dean gave a wry huff. "Who would trust a mysterious guy in a billowy coat? That's ... that's just nuts."
Buffy paused. Angel, Spike, and Whistler came to mind. Suddenly she felt a bit awkward. " ... Valid street advice." She answered lamely, nodding.
Dean managed a bit of smile, though still seemed uncomfortable. "Just ... just don't act like Cas is the only one on this—this scythe thing. Okay?"
That almost sounded like a warning this time. The slayer was confused, but nodded anyway. "I know. I'm not."
The hunter left the room, catching up with his brother. Buffy watched them go from the doorway, a troubled frown on her face. She finally shared her Cas skepticism and instead of taking his side it almost seemed like Dean took hers ... and that was weird.
All Buffy did know was that she was concerned. She could tell Dean was hurt over Cas and since she wasn't one hundred percent sure Castiel was bad news despite slayer instinct, she didn't want him to tear himself apart over a maybe. She felt bad. Especially with him completely ignoring the 'hurt' part and making it all about her and getting her home.
Dean subjects tended to be pretty head-achy to think about anyway. Things between them had been ... weird since the succubus incident. Dean wasn't trying to get in bed with her anymore which was good. Except now there was tiny part of Buffy that said it wasn't and they both felt it. Enter these weird little moments.
Not that Dean was her type. Maybe he had the looks. Sure, he fought monsters and wasn't a stranger to apocalypse. He was brave and mysterious and took charge. He had a "a bad boy" thing about him with a lot more demons than he let on, but none of that even remotely—
Oh, god. He is my type. Two months-worth of denial finally shattered. Horror, dismay, and a little fear swept over Buffy. Suddenly her "safe" Dean concern and "safe" lusty feelings didn't seem so safe.
"I so need to get out of here." Buffy said in deep feeling.
####
It was not even a day and the Winchesters already found a new job. Sam called her first thing in the morning about a string of similar murders in different states with unusual burns and liquefied organs. As usual it was left up to her, but Buffy didn't want to think for one moment about being stuck here. She wasn't going to find anything yet. She desperately needed a release. Slaying was her best—her only option.
Buffy didn't dare consider Dean. There was too much danger and she couldn't risk that when she had priorities. Specifically going back home. Maybe lonely, emotionally vulnerable, twenty-one year old Buffy would give in ... but lonely, emotionally vulnerable, twenty-five year-old Buffy? Nah. She was too smart for that.
Buffy packed and after checking her hair and make-up in the mirror went to wait for Sam and Dean at the car. Right when she was out the door, she recognized her cleaning lady heading toward her. She had been coming in and out her room all week.
"Oh, it's all yours this time. I'm done with the room." The slayer told her as she came up, stepping aside and leaving the door open.
The cleaning lady nodded. "I hope you had a nice stay."
They had an exchange of polite smiles before Buffy went to leave. The blonde barely made it past the woman when suddenly arms wrapped around her neck in a strong grip. The slayer reacted, throwing her body back and slamming the assailant against the wall. A moment of grappling and she broke free, whirling around pinning the person with her arm by the neck.
Black, soulless eyes dead ahead. Resignation filtered through Buffy. "... Just when I was starting to think you guys forgot about me." She stated flatly.
One glare from her apparently demon-y cleaning lady and it attacked. Buffy dodged a punch and threw her own, but the demon kicked her away hard. The blonde and demon came to blows. Buffy quickly got her duffel that had fallen on the floor and swung it hard, hitting it in the face and propelling it back into her motel room.
The blonde reached in her bag quick as a flash and found the angel blade. "What was it that tipped you guys off this time? My esteemed motel patronage?" Buffy ridiculed, approaching with weapon raised.
The demon had started to get up. "So it's true what Mr. Crowley said about you. You really are more than human." She observed. "Y'know, it wasn't so hard finding you. St. Louis witches. They talk."
"I am so not in the mood." The slayer said menacingly. "I'm only giving you this one chance. You and all the other cronies back off or else King Python's looking at a serious downsizing."
"Sorry, hon. Crowley calls." Cleaning lady demon replied automatically, smirking at her.
No one ever takes the 'one chance'. She thought in bitter frustration. Buffy glared with cold threat. "You're not gonna answer."
And the fight commenced. The blonde slayer attacked with ferocity, desperately seeking release from the back-breaking stress she's feeling far too long. When the demon dodged her angel blade, Buffy swung her body around on a dime and kicked it hard right into the small TV set. Cleaning Lady Demon narrowly evaded the next, destroying parts of the table. The demon rolled, grabbing the busted up television and throwing it at her.
It was too close to dodge. The TV hit Buffy right in the face, disorienting and unbalancing her just enough for the demon to tackle her onto the bed. Cleaning Lady Demon was on top of her, pinning both arms over her head. Buffy resisted, making sounds of struggling but the monster was putting all it's strength in it.
The demon leered down at her. "Crowley wants you brought in alive. Keep on struggling and I just won't have a choice." Evil Cleaning Lady responded patronizingly.
The slayer made an angry noise, trying even harder to free her hands. Her angel blade was above her on top of the bed. So close. "What do you want from me?!" Buffy demanded.
The demon's answer was a smirk. Suddenly it's eyes widened and it gasped. A flickering in it's body all too familiar erupted. Buffy glanced up as the monster fell on her, seeing Dean's hard expression as he ripped his knife out and shoved the dead demon off her. Sam rushed to her side, sliding in on the bed as he helped her up.
"Are you alright?" The younger Winchester asked.
Buffy let him steady her, reaching up for her angel blade as sat up. She felt a small gash on her forehead. "I really hate this place." She grumbled.
"She's alright." Dean said flatly, giving a nod.
"How the hell did they even find you? We've been using hex bags to cover our ass this whole time." Sam said incredulously.
"Well, they, uh, must've caught a trail somehow." Dean responded distractedly. The hunter was searching her room. "You didn't salt the door?" He suddenly said when he was crouched down, throwing her an outraged look.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "They haven't tracked me in a while. So sorry I slacked on the reverence of condiments."
"Hey! Smartass! I'm not the one that had a demon get the drop on me." The older Winchester answered with an edge as he stood back up, his look stern. "That mother could've Zero Dark Thirty-ed you."
"You shouldn't have slacked." Sam berated. "I mean, cleaning lady?That's one of their oldest tricks in the book."
Buffy had accepted the fact Sam and Dean were both very paranoid people. There wasn't a door they wouldn't answer without getting a gun out. This time though their paranoia was right. She sobered and looked down. "... They found me through the witch bar. A super-powered blonde girl mixing it up in Wicked's hang-out I guess they took as a hint."
A tense moment passed. The brothers exchanged a glance with varying degrees of annoyance. Buffy braced herself.
"See! Target!" Dean blurted, pointing at her. "We told you it was a bad idea!"
Buffy also understood by now lecturing, angry Dean was his way of showing concern ... but she still didn't like it. "I don't care if it was!" The slayer snapped. "I had to know for sure if I'd find a way back to my friends in there or not. I'd do it again."
Dean paused, staring at her. He looked away. "... We just really gotta get out of this town. There's no way Crowley sent just one." Dean said, brisk again.
Definitely not. Buffy was even more weary. She shook her head. "I just wish I knew why. What does he really want from me?" She expressed, confused and frustrated. It was just like the government manhunt at home. She was being hunted for no good reason again.
"He might be using you to get to us and to get to Kevin ... or get you possessed ... or both." Sam reasoned with ease.
Buffy frowned. Possessed?
Dean scoffed. "Yeah, that sounds like him." He agreed flatly. "I dunno about the possession though. It's not like Buffy's human." There was nothing but pure matter-of-factness in Dean's voice, but it still stung.
"... I am human." Buffy said, hurt.
The older Winchester realized he upset her. He hesitated a second, then hardened. " ... No, you're not. Not completely." Dean responded, serious yet sympathetic as he stared at her.
The blonde slayer didn't respond. She knew the hunter didn't mean a thing by it, but all she really heard was that he still didn't consider her human. It cut way too close to the truth. How a slayer was just a human tainted with demon like vampires. She hadn't told them that darker part of her origin story ... and yet somehow it was like Dean already figured it out.
"But that's good, okay? I mean, in this case. Demons can't smoke in. You're golden." Dean clarified quickly, apparently realizing he hadn't exactly said the right thing ... and he still kinda wasn't.
Sam shook his head. "I don't think we can risk it anymore, Dean. What if they can possess her?"
Dean paused, thinking it over. He nodded. "You're right. We shouldn't take the chance." The older Winchester turned back to Buffy and looked her over deliberately. "We gotta get you tatted."
Buffy had lost track of this conversation a long time ago. "Whoa, wait. Slow down, Wonder Boys. She finally cut in, throwing out her arms. "Tat? She said, staring incredulously.
In a way she swore was rehearsed, Sam and Dean simultaneously pulled down their shirts. Buffy, distracted a second by their exposed flesh, noticed two matching tattoos with a pentagram inside it. They quickly pulled it back.
"Anti-possession tattoo. It keeps the demons out of your body." Sam explained.
The slayer was growing increasingly uneasy, but tried to play it off. "I'm not really a fan of ink. It completely ruins my completion."
"Well, embrace it. As long as you're here, we can't risk you ending up on the opposite side of the chess board." Dean answered simply.
Buffy didn't reply. The dread that had been multiplying with every word had turned into an overwhelming dark cloud. She was terrified to say her next words. "Possession ...you mean jumping from their bodies to ours, right? Like a special power?"
Dean frowned slightly. "Demons don't have their own bodies outside of Hell. They take vessels like angels."
Buffy's world shattered in an instant. She couldn't move. She couldn't even breathe. All she could do was stand there numbly, drowning in the grisly revelation. She didn't need an answer for her silent question. It was right there, in that horrible moment that was both a second and an eternity ... and all she wanted to do was to run away from it.
T-the demons ... they were all human. They died ... with the demon. I-I killed—
"Didn't we tell you?" Sam asked in confusion.
Buffy couldn't see or hear Sam and Dean anymore. She glanced at the body on the ground and shock of seeing it finally opened her emotional floodgates. Horror, dismay, and the crippling, crippling guilt. Buffy wanted nothing more than it to be dream or a misunderstanding, like when Ted turned out to be robot or when she thought she killed Katrina four years ago. There was no way out now. This was real.
"Hey. Buffy ..." Dean said, concern in his voice.
He took a step toward her, but the slayer backed away. She looked to her angel blade, the tip bloodied from when she grazed the cleaning lady demon in the brawl. Memories of the demons she killed with it were triggered. A fierce wave of anguish ripped through her. She shook her head and dropped the blade.
Buffy finally looked to Dean and Sam. She could see the bewilderment and worry in their eyes. She could only stare helplessly. One look at her face and they knew.
"Dean ..." Sam realized.
"A human ... died every time I killed a demon. I killed them." Buffy's voice was barely above a whisper.
A raucous, knocking suddenly banged on the door, making the brothers to jump. "Hey! Is everything okay in there?" A gruff male voice called.
"We heard a lot of noise!" A feminine one added.
Dean gave a quick look at the dead body. "Okay, we gotta go." He declared, immediately springing to action with Sam to escape through the window.
Buffy still didn't move, too overwhelmed. Even louder banging sounded and another, more angry voice spoke up saying he was coming in. Dean stopped to grab her arm, pulling her. "Come on, let's go." He urged.
"Buffy!" Sam called.
The pressure on the door was increasing. Suddenly the door started to splinter and Dean acted fast, slinging his arm around her waist and lifting her off her feet to carry her if he had to. Buffy finally snapped out of it and found her legs instead, feeling the hunter still guiding her with his arm around her shoulders.
The door was forced open. Three demons emerged, black-eyed and thirsty for blood. They scanned the thrashed motel room, but Buffy and the Winchester brothers had already crashed through the window.
The angel blade was left on the floor.
####
Buffy couldn't give you a thorough, clear-cut play-by play after that. She remembered broken glass, demons, Sam and Dean, and finally the Impala cutting through highways at breakneck speed. Buffy sat in the back next to her duffel, still shell-shocked. No words passed between her and brothers as they left St. Louis. She didn't know what to say.
Dean stopped when they were just a couple towns over, pulling over at the side of the road. It was a more rural area with a collection of tall trees on one side and a dying expanse of field on the other. Buffy meandered from the car as they got out, shaking her head. She couldn't even look at the brothers.
A long moment passed. The air was super-charged with tension.
"Uh, Buffy ...?" Dean was the only person brave enough to break the silence, sounding more uncertain than she had ever heard him.
The slayer paused, her back still turned. "All the demons we fought ... they were all humans possessed, weren't they? And you guys just went and killed them. Didn't even hesitate." Though her emotions were in complete disarray, her voice was chillingly even.
Dean and Sam said nothing. She didn't need to see their faces to know they didn't know what to say.
This was the hard part. Buffy drew in a shaky breath. "... So did I." She choked out.
It was true. She hadn't known demons took human vessels here, but it didn't matter. Just the fact she had killed these poor, possessed people with no hesitation or mercy ... how could she do that to someone? She had killed them all like they were monsters and lost no sleep for it. And what about the ones she just beat up? Could a human always survive a slayer wailing?
Buffy finally turned to face them. "Y'know what I did, first thing I got here? I stabbed a demon through the heart with a pipe. Didn't do anything to the demon, but I bet the person inside felt every bit of it." She told them in bitter self-loathing.
The blonde was inconsolable over that particular memory. She was supposed to be a slayer and protect people, not kill them like they're not even human. Is this how Faith felt when she killed the deputy mayor? That she killed someone like a monster?
Sam shook his head. "You didn't know. Anyone could've made that choice."
There was nothing but empathy to Sam, but it still was the spark that set the bomb off. Buffy exploded. "You didn't tell me! Neither of you told there was a human inside there!" She lashed out.
The brothers looked stung. "We're sorry." Dean said, intensely apologetic.
"Sorry?" Buffy echoed. Fury and pain burned in her belly. "I killed two more people! Maybe more! And all you have to say is 'Sorry'?" The slayer said, disgusted.
"We didn't think about it ... " The older Winchester admitted uncomfortably.
Buffy was appalled. "How could you not think about it? Oh, yeah. There's an innocent person inside that demon, but that's not important or anything. Let's just get kill-y!" She answered, dripping bitter sarcasm.
Dean sighed wearily and ran a hand down his face. "Look, we-we didn't know it'd be an issue, alright? The most important thing was getting you home in one piece. You said that yourself."
"That never meant I'd be okay letting possessed people die!" Buffy shouted.
She couldn't believe the cutthroat excuse Dean was giving her. The hunter's unemotional, ruthless face when he saved her earlier from the demon and then shoved the body off without a care flashed in her mind with a deeper kind of weight. Buffy always knew Dean was hardened ... but she never knew he was cold.
Sam gave her a look of deep regret. "We really are sorry. We just thought ..."
"What, that I wouldn't care?" The blonde said in disbelief, aghast.
This was incomprehensible to her. How could either of them think she'd not care? Even Sam the sweetie hadn't had it cross his mind. Buffy bonded with these two so much already because she thought they were the same ... but they couldn't be more different. The truth was she still didn't really know them at all.
Dean looked at a loss with the situation. "Demons are demons! You keep messing around with monsters and lines get blurred! I mean, it's not like you haven't been down that road before." He argued easily. He caught the meaningful look on Buffy's face and shifted sharply. "You're kidding me. You never killed a human to kill a monster?"
"Not even to save someone?" Even Sam couldn't believe it.
Buffy said nothing and just looked at them, conveying everything with her eyes.
"You've lived out Hell's Paradise for ten years and never, not even once?" Dean said incredulously.
"Dean." Sam warned, silencing him with a look.
Pain lanced through the blonde slayer. All the resentment and anger towards the brothers melted away. In that moment she was just incredibly sad. " ... Not anymore." She responded quietly, looking down. She was like Faith now. A slayer that killed an innocent. That reality hit her hard.
Sam and Dean stared at her. She didn't think she'd ever seen either of them look so lost.
"Buffy ... look, you didn't know. The other two people, that's on us, not on you. We didn't tell you." Sam began sympathetically. "But none of them just died. You killed them to save someone else. Plenty of others have died for less."
The slayer didn't respond, wracked with guilt. Not all of them "died for a good reason". She killed one of the demons chasing her on the way to the college out of nothing but self-preservation. Someone died so she could live. How wrong was that?
"What we do ... it ain't easy. You can't always keep it clean. But that doesn't mean you're not helping. Sometimes you gotta do a little bad to do a little good." Dean declared, gentle but honest.
The blonde paused, impassive even as agony jutted through her. " ... It doesn't matter. Someone is still dead." Buffy finally said.
The blonde didn't wait for a response and turned away, walking to the side of the road, not even bothering to look at them. Buffy latched onto a tree trunk with her hand, staring into the forest with a distant and drained gaze. Separate from everything.
All the times before she found a way out. She could never truly say she killed a human. That was Angel and Spike, Faith, Willow, Giles, even Andrew ... but not her. Out of all her bad decisions, that had been the one thing she still had. That was gone now. She was a murderer, for the first time in her life and she hated herself for it.
I always thought if I did kill someone, it'd be to save the world. Not this. Buffy thought, heart-broken. That was only time she would ever kill. She had accepted that responsibility as a slayer and this was where it took her? Killing three innocent people in something as small-scale as a fight? It was so wrong.
She didn't understand how the Winchesters could do it. They killed off demon-possessed humans with ease and here she was, torn up and full of all the guilt her heavy conscience allowed her. Their rules weren't her rules ... and clearly that wasn't exclusive to their worlds, but their morals as well.
Dean and Sam, they were different. They had Angel's philosophy. Killing for the greater good. And as much as she resented them for not telling her demons took vessels, she didn't blame them half as much as she blamed herself. She hadn't asked enough questions about them. She had been so obsessed in going home that she hadn't and that was her fault.
If I never came to this world, this never would've happened. Buffy thought miserly. She missed her own universe now more than she ever had before. Demons were more simple there. She could kill evil ones with no consequence. She knew shades of gray in her world ... but in this one it was all shades of gray.
It was funny. Angel and Spike had been all about mistakes and atoning for what they've done. Buffy had helped them work through their guilt, but she never truly understood it. Not like she did now. It took their deaths and an alternate universe, but now she did ... and it was unbearable. She wished so much they were here, either of them. She didn't know how she was going to deal with this alone.
Distress, homesickness, and self-loathing engulfed her. She wanted it to go away, but it throbbed on. Buffy's lip quivered, her eyes watering as she tried to not cry. Everything, all of this ... it just was too much. After everything else she screwed up ... why was it that no matter what she did, someone died?
Maybe a part of her knew deep down Sam and Dean had a point. Sometimes there was no other way. You had to kill someone to save someone and didn't have a choice in the big picture. She understood that ... but Buffy still couldn't see how she was any different now from the monsters she killed.
~~Dean~~
There were a lot of things Dean could handle. Angels, demons, vampires, Leviathans, even dying himself. When it came to hunting, he always knew what to do. He had faced the worst of the worst ... and yet watching a tiny blonde thing suddenly break down and fall apart over something he accepted a long time ago froze him. He didn't know what to do with that.
Buffy was leaning against a tree, sitting on the ground holding her knees and staring vacantly ahead. Him and Sam stood off by the Impala, observing her from a distance. She still hadn't even glanced at them and Dean couldn't deny that was starting to sting.
The hunter felt a little ashamed. He hadn't thought at all how she'd feel killing someone possessed. His biggest concern had just been keeping her alive long enough to make it home since Crowley was after her. Dean called it when he said she was a girl scout. Maybe he should've known better all along.
"We screwed up, Dean. We should've told her." Sam said.
Mixed feelings infected him. They should've told her but wasn't she overreacting? So Buffy killed a few people. At least she had a reason. Him and his brother killed. Not that they liked doing it, but it was for a good cause. He felt bad on one hand and the other he didn't get it. Dean was just so damn confused by his own feelings.
"All this over a few possessions ..." The older Winchester began with his eyes on Buffy. He shook his head wearily. "I gotta say it. I don't know how she made it this long." He still couldn't believe this chick hadn't had to kill before now. Sure, she was young but she's been in how many apocalypses?
Sam was sympathetic. "She's got heart. In a life like this, it's easy to lose that."
"Yeah, but you can't have a bleeding one." Dean countered, giving him a skeptical look. He looked back at Buffy. "I mean, look at her. She's like a ... a sheep in wolf's clothing." He summed up awkwardly.
"She's a good person, Dean." Sam said indignantly. "A lot better than us apparently. Compared to her, we're practically serial killers."
Dean gave his brother a long look. "We're hunters, not serial killers. There's a difference." He stated in a firm tone.
"Is there, Dean? I mean, how many people have we killed, just starting with the demons?" Sam openly challenged.
A nerve was struck in the older hunter. "We kill for a reason, Sam! Wipe out the monster and save who we can! Look, we're fighting a frickin' war with these things. What else are we supposed to do?" Dean argued angrily. "It's the job. And what Girl Scout did, that ain't any different."
A tense moment passed. Dean glared at his brother, trying to ignore how much his words bothered him.
"And ... what, Dean? That just excuses the fact we didn't tell Buffy demons possess people?" The younger hunter prompted incredulously.
"No. We should've told her." Dean admitted. He glanced back at Buffy, feeling her ramphant unhappiness from here.
The Winchester softened. He had been right all along. Buffy was much softer than she acted and that wasn't a good thing for a hunter. It just got in the way ... and got you hurt.
"If Buffy's gonna be blaming herself over something like this, then maybe she oughta look for a different line of work. The life ... it gets to her too much." He couldn't but say. Dean still didn't understand why she was so upset, but felt bad nonetheless.
Sam was weary. "Or maybe the life got to us too much, Dean."
Dean looked sharply at his brother, meeting his meaningful face. Weariness of his own seeped through and he looked down, having nothing to say.
"It's just ... if this shakes her up so much, I don't know why she's still hunting." The older hunter finished, deflated.
His little brother paused, watching Buffy with a distant and thoughtful look in his eyes. " ... Maybe she doesn't think she has a choice." Sam said sympathetically.
The older Winchester didn't respond, affected by that. He remembered her story of starting of as The Chosen One where she was forced into this life at fifteen, stopping apocalypses, and now Command Central of all these girls ... and he realized she didn't consider a single one of those things a choice. Hunting wasn't a choice to her. She was just resigned to it. Funnily enough ... Dean could relate.
Sam's sigh distracted him out of his musings. "I think one of us needs to go talk to her."
Dean mentally flinched. He had no frigging clue what to say to Buffy or if he even had the right to say anything after what happened and he could see from the reluctance in Sam's eyes he felt the same. But he knew they had to do something to snap her out of the funk. At least enough to be on the move again.
Sam and Dean did an intense stare-down, silently challenging the other to be the one to go over. Both stubbornly stood their ground. A stalemate.
Sam broke first. With another sigh and a uncertain expression, he went to go. Dean, however, changed his mind at the last second and pushed him back to take over instead. He gave him a look and his little brother let him, but had a frown on his face.
"Go easy on her, Dean." Sam warned as Dean was walking away, worry in his voice.
Dean approached Buffy, feeling more and more unconfident as he came closer.
The blonde slayer spared the briefest glance as he stopped in front of her, then immediately looked away. He sensed the resentment behind the gesture and it just made Dean feel worse. He stood there unsurely, having even less of an idea of what to say than before.
Maybe he should've let Sam do this part after all. His brother was better at the sensitive, heart-to-heart talk. Dean never knew what to do with those.
Feeling compelled, he took his best shot. "... I know you're pretty pissed. We didn't tell you about the demons. We didn't think it through and that was wrong."
A moment passed. Buffy still didn't acknowledge him. Didn't even budge.
Dean was a little discouraged. Okay, so try harder.The hunter repressed a sigh and crouched down. "Y'know ... when you've been doing this as long as Sammy and I have, you stop asking the important things. I guess we just thought you were the same." He admitted.
Another long beat. The blonde was finally looking at him, impassive. After another second, she lowered her head with a heavy sigh. "I ... understand what you said earlier. The job isn't easy to keep clean. Just because I'm a stickler didn't mean you guys were. I should've asked too." She responded grudgingly.
"Well, now we know." The Winchester said, slipping in a bit of humor.
Another moment of tense, tentative silence. Pain was cracking through Buffy's stoic mask. "I killed someone. Three people are dead because of me." Her eyes were stamped with anguish.
Dean shrugged. "Hey, you didn't know. That's our bad." When the slayer didn't respond, he turned more earnest. "It's not your fault, it's ours. Blame us."
Buffy looked at him tiredly, then away again and down again. Shame burned in her eyes. " ... I always said being a slayer didn't make you a killer."
The raw disillusionment in her voice ignited something in the hunter. Dean stared at her sympathetically. "You're not a killer. Killers ... They don't give a rat's ass about anyone. That is not you." He told her meaningfully. At the slayer's unconvinced look, he took a firmer approach. "You were doing your job. You can't always keep it cut and dried."
Mixed feelings spread across Buffy's face. She sighed. "I know. Look, I ... I get how you can see it that way, I do. But I can't." She stated firmly. She gave him a intense look. "I'm The Slayer. I need to be better than that."
Dean paused, recognizing how seriously she took her job. The high standards to which she held herself too astounded him just as much as he sympathized. "Well, you're already better than a lot of people. Better than me, that's for sure. How about we hang it up there and call it a day?" He reasoned with ease.
Buffy didn't react, then gave the faintest twinge of a amused smile. She looked at him, world-weary but this time somewhat grateful.
"He's right." Dean and Buffy turned, standing up as they saw Sam coming. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself." He stopped in front of them and looked down uncomfortably. "This is all pretty much our fault."
Again, Buffy didn't reply and it was at that point Dean realized there was no truly getting through to her. The older hunter exchanged a resigned look with his brother. Repressing a sigh, he turned back to her. " ... We still have to drive to Lincoln Springs to, uh, check out the next case." He said carefully.
He presented it like a question and Buffy got it. Her expression darkened. "... I think you two strong, strapping men can handle this one without me." She deadpanned. At Dean and Sam's looks, she stood her ground and met it solemnly. "I can't."
Maybe he had expected it, but hearing it out loud was different. Nonetheless Dean covered his surprise and raised no objections.
Sam nodded. "Of course."
"We'll drop you off somewhere. Find you a different—" Dean began.
"I'll take a bus." Buffy responded flatly, cutting him off.
That Dean hadn't expected. He stared at her hard with narrowed eyes. The blonde slayer stared back stonily and something in her eyes made him not ask questions. The Winchester forced himself to back off and gave her a curt nod.
Buffy wordlessly went to get her duffel bag out of the backseat. She turned back them as she was slinging it over her shoulder, surveying them with a expression Dean couldn't read. "If you two need any real help, call me."
The Winchesters watched as she started to go, picking her way down the edge of the side of the road.
They stood there in silence as she left. Dean didn't know what to make of it. Maybe she was still angry for not telling them about demon possession. Maybe she just needed to get away. Maybe it was both. No matter which one it was, he didn't blame it.
"She just needs some time." Sam said softly.
Dean wasn't so sure. He might not have known Buffy long, but he spent enough time with her to to know if she was refusing a hunt for any reason other than finding a way home ... then this might have cut the deepest of all.
The older Winchester stared ahead skeptically. "Yeah. Time."
####
Lincoln Springs, Missouri went weird fast. Dean and Sam went to go talk to the most recent victim's husband. Apparently the woman Annie had been acting strange, muttering about an "orchard" and going out at night digging, coming back with bags of dirt. She was caught on the phone talking to someone and their eyes turned black. The eerie implications of it awakened the hunter's unease quick.
"So, Crowley's back crypt-diving and his demons are suddenly getting ganked." Dean summed up as they were walking back to car. "Remind us of anything?"
Sam nodded gravely. "It's just like what happened two months ago in Novi, Michigan."
"Labolas, head of the demon witch hunt. Wish we could thank him." He responded a bit dryly, expression grim.
"This is bad, Dean." His brother began as they reached the Impala, worry in his voice. "If Labolas gets his hands on whatever's in Lucfier's crypts, then everything's just gonna get that much worse. We already can't kill him."
Dean shared the apprehension. "Well, we'll just have to find the crypt first. Take the Sankara Stones or the Ark of the Covenant or whatever the hell's in there. We still got a trail. Wendy Rice." He made it sound a lot more simple than he really felt over it.
"Right. She was the last person to talk to Ann." Sam acknowledged. "I just hope she has something."
The brothers headed out next to her house. Sam made a series of calls as Dean drove, checking in with the other murders in Indiana and Illinois to see if they matched. All had similar characteristics with the victims acting weird. None saw any with black eyes, but black smoke was mentioned and that was all they needed.
"So it's official. Crowley's out for the crypts and Labolas might on the trail." Sam said as he hung up, resignation in his voice.
Tension magnified in Dean, but he kept his eyes on road and his tone even. "Funny how Cas isn't here. He was the one supposed to be covering Labolas' movements." He commented.
"You were the one who told Buffy we didn't need Cas." Sam reminded him.
That grated with Dean in more ways than one. "He gives her the creeps. What was I supposed to say?" He grumbled. He gave a frustrated sigh. "Cas knows more about Labolas than us, okay? He knew about the visions and who knows what else. I'd just feel better if I had an eye on him." He explained brusquely.
"No, I get what you mean." Sam agreed. "At least when he's here, you know what to expect."
"Talking to him lately, I-I feel like I'm doing cipher."
He had a suspicion all along Cas was hiding something. A part of him had still been trying to tell himself it was just his trust issues or Purgatory side-effects, but when Buffy came forward about doubting the angel that was when he realized. None of this was in his head.
Dean sighed. "It's just ... his ass should be here with us, that's all. It is not the time to be MIA."
"You're telling me." Sam scoffed. He glanced out the window, apprehensive again. "This could get pretty ugly, Dean. If Labolas really is somewhere in this town ... Any kind of back-up would be nice."
The older Winchester didn't like that phrasing. He spared his brother the briefest of suspicious looks before putting his eyes back on the road. "We're not sending in Buffy." Dean refused in an adamant tone.
Sam sighed. "I know."
Dean couldn't tell he was resigned to the decision or agreeing with him, but didn't much care either way. "We're not going to drag her into all this. If it's Labolas or Crowley or whatever, we'll deal with it. We've handled plenty of crazy before she came in our orbit." He stated resolutely.
They arrived at the next stop and met Wendy Rice, a nervous but enthusiastic woman doing a dissertation about the history of Lincoln Springs. She explained her connection to possessed Ann, revealing she had been asking questions about an orchard that used to exist. She even pulled out a map of the exact place that would lead the brothers right to the crypts.
Things took a turn for the worse though when three demons arrived at Wendy's doorstep. Dean and Sam were thrown into a fight and in the chaos, one of them stole the map and ran out the door. Dean was close to killing one, but it jumped to the body of Wendy Rice. The other demon was long gone when all of sudden Castiel appeared, restraining the newly possessed Wendy by her hair-curlers. The brothers stared in shock.
"Cas?" Dean said in surprise.
Castiel pulled the demon hard by the hair, dragging her into the kitchen without preamble.
Sam and Dean sat down on the couch, too stunned to react and catching their breath from the fight. They looked at each other uncertainly.
Dean was even less sure what to think when Cas came back, more stoic than usual. "The other demon escaped. I bound the one I caught in a devil's trap. I'm gonna interrogate it now." He said, all business as he was already starting to go.
That's it? Dean thought in disbelief. A whole of month not seeing them, ditching their calls and he wasn't even bothering to explain himself?
Sam too was peeved. "Wait a second, Cas." The angel halted, his back stiffening. "How about you answer some questions first? Like, where the hell have you been?" His brother asked incredulously.
"You got all our calls, right?" Dean queried.
Castiel stood there, his discomfort obvious. Finally he sighed and turned around. "Yes, I did. But that's not why I'm here." He responded, an annoyed edge to his voice as he sat in the armchair across from them. "I've been following trails of demons to find the crypts."
"So it's been you killing demons." Dean couldn't help but notice a bit of relief in Sam's voice.
"Some of them, yes. Others were the work of angels from other factions." Cas clarified.
"Angels?" Sam echoed.
Dean too was surprised. "So that's what this whole thing has been about? The Godfather, the Heaven Hell cut?"
"Where are the angels now?" His younger brother pressed.
Castiel's expression darkened. "Dead." He responded curtly. "I caught a trail of the Labolas shortly after this started. He's been tracking Crowley's demons as I have. He killed the angels after they killed the last group. I never arrived in time to catch him."
Dean looked away, grimacing as a surge of unease whipped through him. "So Labolas. He hot on the trail here?"
"He's constantly been two steps ahead of me. Most likely he is already somewhere close by." The fallen angel replied matter-of-factly.
The older hunter nodded, grim and weary as he let it sink in.
"What did you mean by last group? There was more?" Sam brother queried.
Dean started at that and shot Castiel a wary look. His best friend's face was impassive. "The conflicts over the crypts have been going on for the past month all over the Midwest. North Dakota, Nebraska, Minnesota. Crowley's demons have been issued out and slain, either by Labolas, the angels, or myself. It's been pure unrest."
The Winchesters stared at him, overwhelmed by the information. Sam made an incredulous noise. "And you're just telling us this now? A month later?"
Dean was just as outraged. "You've been doing all this without us?"
"I've been trying to help." Cas answered in exasperation.
The older Winchester wasn't about to take that. All his private frustrations started to boil over. "Yeah, let's talk about help. Let's talk about Labolas' visions. Thanks for telling us about that by the way." He responded, scathing.
Castiel froze. He sighed and lowered her head. "I assume Buffy told you everything about Labolas' precognition."
"Well, at least someone did." Dean remarked, an edge to his voice.
Castiel paused, returning his accusing gaze stoically. "I miscalculated."
"That's new." Sam deadpanned.
" ... The search for the crypts have been chaotic. The only comfort is that it seems neither Labolas or Crowley have found what they're looking for." Cas diverted back to topic with ease.
"And what the hell are they looking are? Did you find out about that out too?" Dean asked warily.
The fallen angel hesitated, his gaze distant a second. "They're, uh, searching for a parchment that would allow them to decipher Crowley's half of the Demon Tablet."
"A demonic decoder ring? In Crowley or Labs' hands. That's ... that's awesome." The older Winchester responded wryly, uncomfortable and annoyed. He knew they should've found that damn thing when they had a chance.
Castiel sat forward, pensive. "The crypts' locations were all lost over time. Only those closest to Lucifer knew their whereabouts."
"That explains why Labolas has been tracking them on his own, but what about Crowley?" Sam queried.
"I don't know. But somehow he's been possessing locals who he may have special knowledge." The fallen angel informed.
Sam nodded thoughtfully. Suddenly he frowned. "Wait. Cas. If Labolas was Lucifer's general, then shouldn't he already know which crypt's the parchment's in?" He wondered, unease spreading across his face.
"One would think. Fortunately it doesn't seem he does." The trench-coated angel stood up, fixing them with a grave and meaningful expression. "But time's of the essence. It won't be too long before he finds it."
Dean had stayed quiet, busy trying to read Cas's motives. He just couldn't figure out what the hell he was hiding. Their conversation with Buffy about Cas reared it's ugly head again and he started wondering. Just how much of what she said had a point?
"I'm going to interrogate the strange-haired demon. Hopefully she'll be more knowledgeable." Castiel stated curtly, making another move to leave.
Dean stood up. "Cas, wait." He said as the angel was at the door, walking over to him. Castiel stopped yet again, immensely frustrated. "Speaking of Labolas ... you remember the last time you ran into him? At the college?"
The angel stood, still not looking directly at him. He sighed. "Of course."
"Well, I was thinking. You heard rumors about the angel scythe being around that place before. Didn't even already give the place the good old celestial sweep." The older Winchester kept his tone carefully even. "And then you finally go, take Buffy for the ride, get Dr. DoEvil."
Castiel glanced at him, weighing him with an intense but unreadable gaze. "I had no idea Labolas was there."
Dean eyed him. "Yeah, sure. Of course." He said cautiously, not sure what to make of it. Truly not wanting to but knowing he needed to, he pushed on. "But the thing is, you didn't check first if the whole trip was an Al Capone's vault or not. I mean, we all know how OCD you angels are about your weapons."
"What are trying to say, Dean?" Cas said, a frosty edge to his voice.
The older Winchester hesitated. Resisting the urge to back out, he looked him in the eye. "Did you know what was waiting down there, Cas?"
The fallen angel paused and faced him fully. His expression was hard. "I was as unaware of Labolas and the scythe being elsewhere as much as the rest of you." He stated firmly. "I had no intention of causing harm to her, Dean."
The last part sounded honest enough that Dean believed him. Still, the rest of it didn't quite fit together. Something more than what it seemed took place that day he and Buffy encountered Labolas in the college. Cas was lying again ... somehow. He just wished he knew how or why.
"Y'know ... Buffy's got someplace she really needs to be. We're helping her. She's been going through a lot." Dean said, layered with underlying meaning as he gave Cas a look.
Castiel appeared uncomfortable. He looked away in exasperation and sighed. "There are more important matters than returning Buffy to her world." He told him sternly.
"You made her a promise." Dean protested.
Cas raised his head, his look hard and uncompromising. "I'm doing what needs to be done, Dean. Not be a bleeding heart for a lost girl." He declared meaningfully. The angel's firm stare swept over the brothers before he finally pushed through the door and disappeared in the kitchen.
Dean stood there, completely flabbergasted. He scoffed. "Well, he puts the 'ass' in Cas." He deadpanned.
Sam didn't look like he knew what to think. "He's definitely off."
"Off? The older hunter said incredulously. "He hasn't been right since he got of Purgatory. We still don't know how he got out of there. And what, now he's dragging Buffy into the crap he's dragging us in?" He went on with outrage, particularly pissed about the last part.
Sam was frowning. "I wonder what's going on with him."
"He's lying to us. That's what's going on." Dean answered sharply. He looked back at the door where Cas had went. "Who knows what he's been playing close to chest."
"You know, I can hear you both." Castiel's slightly annoyed voice startled them, floating from the kitchen door. "I am a celestial being."
Dean and Sam clammed up, exchanging a self-conscious and tense look. Ignoring his high stress level at the moment, Dean joined his brother as they went to help the angel interrogate the demon.
'Help' ended up being a much looser term than either of them thought. Castiel completely dominated the interrogation, stabbing and torturing the demon with a sudden brutal efficiency that surprised even Dean. He wasn't given too much time to read into it when the demon quickly broke and revealed they were holding a demon hostage who knew were all the crypts were.
"Where's the hostage?" Castiel demanded.
The demon was shaking, staring painfully at the angel blade Cas had embedded in her hand. She shook her head. "She's not here." Immediately he pulled out the blade and stabbed her again, earning him a shriek. "She's not! Crowley's keeping her in some abandoned shed in Massachusetts. I don't know which town." She insisted desperately. "She told us a few locations for the crypt in Lincoln Springs, but she won't tell us which one's the right one."
Sam and Dean looked at each other pensively. They both knew they couldn't retrieve the hostage if they didn't know the town, not even Cas. There was too much going on here.
Castiel seemed to know it too. He wrenched the angel blade out of her, causing the demon to gasp and wince. "What were the locations?"
"An old factory, an abandoned building, and another one's a warehouse. W-We don't know exactly where they are." Possessed Wendy informed tightly, the angry but fearful look in her eye saying it was true.
Annoyance bubbled in Dean at the lack of address, but he couldn't expect much else. It explained the demon running around like chickens with their heads cut off. At least that left Crowley's men as compromised as them. Labolas was the real unease trigger. He probably knew exactly where the crypt was.
"So one of those has the crypt with the parchment in it?" Sam asked.
The demon gave him a sour look. "What parchment?!"
Tired of the sidelines, Dean impatiently stepped forward. "Hey!" He shouted, getting in her face as he slammed his hands on the table. "Think he's the only bad cop in this room? Stop lying! We know what you're really looking for." The hunter intimidated.
Possessed Wendy only scowled deeper. "No, I'm telling you, we're looking for—"
Castiel suddenly stabbed her straight through the chest, expression entirely blank. Dean doubled back in shock as orange light flickered and she let out a dying gasp. What the ...?! He thought, stunned speechless.
"Cas!" Sam rushed forward, alarmed. "What the hell was that?!"
The angel glanced over. "She told us what we needed." He justified adamantly.
"No, she didn't!" His brother said, outraged. "You can't just—"
"Where is Buffy?" Castiel asked suddenly, curtly cutting him as off he looked between them.
"What?" Sam responded incredulously.
Dean couldn't be more confused. "The hell does she got to do with this?" He gestured to demon's body. "Cas, you just frickin—"
"We need her. Bring her here immediately." Cas ordered.
He was giving orders now? "No." Dean said defiantly, projecting his own authority. "We can handle this on our own."
"This is too important, Dean. Her help might very well be essential." The fallen angel insisted, walking up to him with a impatient look.
Oh, so it's only okay if she's the one helping. The hunter thought with a touch of scorn, disapproving. "We're not dragging her into this, Cas! She's kinda been going through a rough time." Dean argued indignantly.
Castiel hardened. "Labolas might be in this town this very moment. We'll stand a better chance of survival in a fight if she's with us."
That gave Dean pause. Reluctantly he could the point. It was easy for him to say though. He wasn't the one who saw her after she found out she killed those demon-possessed victims. He wasn't sure if she even had the mental capacity right now to jump back in the fray with them. Why the hell would he wanna find out?
As Dean wrestled with the decision, Cas wasn't waiting for him. "Contact her. I'll start scouring any similar locations to what the demon described."
"Cas—" Dean started sharply.
Castiel whipped around. "I started all of this without you because I didn't want anything to slow me down. We have to find the crypt now." He declared in finality, meaning on his face.
Just like that, there was a rustle of wings and he disappeared. Sam and Dean both shouted his name, but he was gone. They were left alone and frustrated.
Dean shook his head, in all kinds of negative feelings. "Damnit! Cas!"
"There's definitely something wrong with him." Sam stated with certainty, expression hard and displeased.
"You think?"
"But he was right, Dean. If Labolas has been tracking angels and demons to get the crypts, we shouldn't be going in without full back-up."
"What, you mean listen to the asshat? Go get Buffy?" Even though Dean knew they should, he still had reservations.
Sam shrugged. "She said she'd help if we really needed it." He reminded him. At his older brother's still-cynical look, he continued. "Look, I don't want to involve her in this as much as you, Dean, but we don't really have a choice."
"And we can just trust Cas with Buffy?" The older hunter said dubiously. "She already doesn't think he's out to help send her back. And after all that, I can't say I blame her."
"Don't trust Cas. Trust what we know." Sam insisted. "We know Labolas wants the same thing Crowley does."
As much as he didn't like it, no one did the voice of reason better than Sammy. Dean was pissed off, confused, and scared as hell over Cas and most definitely did not want Buffy to be a part of this crapfest, but ignoring all that...he got out his phone and called her.
The least he could hope for was that nothing got any worse.
~~Castiel~~
Castiel was deep inside an abandoned warehouse, investigating every single scaffolding, debris, and cracks in the wall or floor for anything that might allude to a crypt. There wasn't any sign of Labolas or the other demons here, but the fallen angel didn't lower his guard. He knew this town was completely littered with demons.
Even immersed in his work, Cas still found himself distracted from time to time. His encounter with the brothers weighed on him heavily. It was so plain neither one trusted him, even Dean and the thinly veiled accusations he had no way of explaining cut most of all. He wasn't sure what to do with the whole situation.
Naomi had insisted he keep the Angel Tablet a secret from Sam and Dean. She had forced him to lie and then forced him to kill the demon while everything else that came out of his mouth was nothing but half-truths. She didn't trust them and Castiel had partly come to believe her. This was angel business. He knew that now.
Ignoring Naomi's indoctrination ... Cas felt he was doing the right thing. He felt justified, that there was no other choice. He only wished there was a way he could let Sam and Dean see that too.
Castiel's investigation of the warehouse the rest of the way went with little success. It wasn't long before he realized there was no crypt here. As he went downstairs and was ready to move on to the next, the fallen angel stopped half-way out in with shock ... and just a little unease.
Two angels were standing right in front of him. One had a male vessel in a blue-and-white suit with thick dark brown hair and side-burns. The other was a female vessel with shoulder-length sharply cut black hair dressed in a gray-and-white suit. The look of disdain and coldness in their eyes were the same.
"Hello, Castiel." The male addressed icily.
The trench-coated angel was nervous. "Sephion." He greeted back. His gaze swept over them, resting on the female angel and giving her a nod. "Prudence."
"You shouldn't be here, Castiel." Prudence stated forthright, perceptive disgust in her voice.
Not expecting a different reaction, Cas tried to dig himself out of the hole he unexpectedly fell in. "I don't—"
"There's no use lying, Castiel. We know what you've been searching for the Angel Tablet." Sephion cut him off curtly. "We'll give you one warning and one warning only. Stop now."
Prudence nodded. "The conflict between us and the demons is none of your business."
Cas stared at them, helplessness and frustration jutting through him. "I'm trying to protect Heaven. If the Angel Tablet falls into the wrong hands—"
"And you're the right hands, Castiel?" Prudence responded incredulously. "You're the last angel that should ever secure the tablet."
Sephion's green gaze was hard. "End this now or we will we."
More frustration rose in Castiel. "You know about Labolas' return. You know what he's become! He'll destroy everything. If finds the Angel Tablet, nothing will be more catastrophic." The trench-angel argued urgently. "We should be working together. Just let me help."
For the most fleeting of moments, Cas thought he had almost gotten through to them. Prudence and Sephion exchanged an almost worried look. Too soon though they were back to their coldness and piercing resentment.
"Labolas is a threat ... but he's for Heaven to deal with. You're not part of Heaven anymore, Castiel." Sephion responded flatly.
The disownment hurt and shamed Cas more than he could say, but he firmly stood his ground. "I can still give my services."
"Last chance, Castiel. Forget about the Angel Tablet. Leave this to the true angels." Prudence warned.
Dismay flooded over Cas. He stared at them wearily. In that moment, he knew their grudge ran deeper than any reason he could give. He repressed a sigh. "You know I can't."
There was a glint of silver. Castiel watched with a sinking feeling as his brethren flashed their angel blades as one, ready to attack. There was not a hint of reluctance and uncertainty in their eyes. Only hatred.
In that briefest moment of Cas's languishing look and the opposing angels at the ready, he felt his mind pulled back drastically into Naomi's white room.
"Kill them." The red-headed angel said without hesitation.
Castiel was shocked and a bit horrified, not at all expecting her of all people to say. "What?"
"They're in the way." Naomi justified, her blue gaze hard and stern. "Do it, Castiel!"
Naomi's shouting order was still echoing in his head as he pulled back to reality, dodging Sephion's blade and blocking Prudence's with his own. The female angel punched him hard in the face, drawing blood and sending him reeling. Sephion came back with the blade which Cas barely dodged. A collition of punches came at him on both sides.
Forcing himself to get serious, Cas kicked the Sephion away enough to unbalance him. Prudence was there to strike, but Cas blocked her arm and rammed his angel blade through her chest. A bright while flashed and a violent scream ripped the air. The fallen angel ripped it out, not missing a beat as he charged Sephion and after a few more blows were exchanged, he pierced him. Another flash and yell before falling into eerie silence.
Castiel stood overlooking their bodies, his face bloodied and bruised as he panted heavily. Despite everything, resignation and guilt and even a bit of sadness was the only thing present as he stared at his dead siblings. He hadn't wanted anymore angels to die. I'm sorry. He told them silently.
Suddenly the fallen angel was back in Naomi's white room. The female angel was staring at him solemnly. "It had to be done, Castiel."
The trench-coated angel looked away. "I want to protect Heaven, not slaughter any more of our brethren." Cas remarked wearily, unable to staunch his shame.
"You are protecting it, Castiel." Naomi insisted evenly. "The other angels don't understand. They don't see the good we're trying to do ... and we can't let them get in the way of that. Sometimes certain sacrifices are necessary. Kill the few to save the many." She reasoned.
I'm tired of killing. Cas couldn't help but think, beyond weary. Maybe he recognized the point Naomi had, but after everything he's destroyed in Heaven and the countless lives of angels he took in the process any angel death by his own hands made him ill. He hoped to leave that behind for good with the Leviathans.
Whether or not Naomi detected his misgivings, she didn't show it. "Continue the search for the Angel Tablet. Keep Dean ... and anyone else away from it." She ordered with particular meaning.
Just like that, Cas found himself back in tune with reality and staring at the angel's bodies in the warehouse. That spark of guilt was stirred up again, but the fallen angel squashed it down. Spurned by his mission and Naomi's order, Cas walked past them and went back to work.
The fallen angel's quest for the crypt was relentless. He had gone through seven more warehouses, three factories, and at least twenty-three abandoned buildings all in the course of a day, making full use of his angelic speed and stamina. He detected sulfur and other signs of demons in some areas, but there had been no crypt there.
Castiel was at another warehouse further downtown, finished with his mandatory sweep of the area for anything else demon or angelic. The fallen angel had just made it inside when he slowly paused, his tension reaching it's peak as he turned even more solemn. "I know you're there. Come out."
There was another lengthy pause. "You're not a hard angel to track, Castiel." A smooth voice began. Cas turned to see a man emerge standing in the entrance. He was wearing a suit with balding, thinning red hair and sideburns. "I'd expected more, considering all of Heaven wants your head on a pike."
Castiel recognized him on the spot. "Zerith."
"You're setting yourself up for trouble going between the Angel Tablet and the factions." Zerith carried on casually. His expression suddenly hardened. "But I'm sure Sephion and Prudence already taught you that."
Cas didn't miss the accusing edge to his voice. So he knows. "I didn't want to hurt them."
"And yet two more angels were added to your death count." Zerith pointed out. "I can't help but marvel at how you would dare show your face again after all that."
Not too long ago Cas had thought the same thing. "I am sorry." He began.
Zerith scoffed. "You're always sorry, Castiel. And every time, you find another thing to be sorry for." He responded condescendingly, walking over to him. "Me and none of the other angels will allow the Angel Tablet to your next one. We can't leave this to a traitor."
Cas met him. "I can't undo the damage I've done ... but I still want to help Heaven. I want to make amends." The trench-coated answered with conviction.
"You don't amend, Castiel. You destroy." Zerith answered in cutting matter-of-factness. He pulled out his angel blade.
Sheer resignation funneled through the fallen angel as he stared at the blade. " ... You're a reasonable angel, Zerith. Labolas is free. He killed the angels searching for these crypts. Deep down you know you're not any position to refuse my help." Cas appealed, needing to try one more time.
Zerith paused at that very briefly, but his expression stayed controlled. "There's nothing you could offer that won't make things worse. We already learned our lesson."
For the second time over two days, Castiel was forced to fight. Blades clashed and blows were exchanged through the warehouse. The fallen angel found an opening and dodged the blade, punching him in the stomach and then a few times hard in the face. The last punch send Zerith to the floor and Cas automatically came down with his weapon.
Then Castiel paused. He stared down at expressionless Zerith, the angel blade still poised to strike. Naomi's earlier words about certain sacrifices being necessary surged through his brain. In that very last scrap of his mind that still belonged to him, Cas instead punched him hard across the face and kicked him away. Zerith rolled across the floor. The fallen angel then lit a match, tossing it to the ground.
A fiery ring formed around the other angel. Zerith was on his feet now, looking at it in dim surprise.
"I expected more angels to track me down. I had plenty of time to prepare." Castiel answered his silent question. He had purposely lured Zerith to holy oil as they fought.
Zerith said nothing at first and looked at him in distinct displeasure. "... This won't keep me here forever, Castiel. I won't let you get away with the Angel Tablet." He stated point-blank, giving him a look filled with significance.
Castiel paused. For a second, he nearly reconsidered sparing him. But then the other two angels he killed came back to him and how empty he felt had afterwards. Even with Naomi in his mind, he held on to that.
"I will not spill anymore needless bloodshed." He declared in unerring finality, glaring at him meaningfully.
Cas held his stern glare on him. Quickly he turned and walked away to continue investigating the warehouse, his coat billowing out behind.
~~Buffy~~
Buffy hung back slightly, watching Sam and Dean clustered around two dead bodies in a remote abandoned warehouse. Dean was crouched down and studying them both pretty critically, particularly the impalement wound. " ... Well, it looks like Cas has been here." The hunter assessed plainly.
"I don't think this place is the crypt." Sam voiced, sounding just as certain but disappointed.
When Dean called Buffy for help as she sat alone and depressed in another shifty Missouri motel almost a week since they last saw each other, she couldn't have been more reluctant. It involved demons and she couldn't do demons. She wasn't even sure if she could be around the brothers yet. Not so soon after that. Buffy wasn't ready. She felt it then and she still felt now ... but she knew Dean wouldn't call without a good reason. A fight over a crypt containing something that could decipher the Demon Tablet without Kevin and Labolas more than constituted as "reason". She hadn't had the heart to refuse.
"There's no sulfur. Regular or Lab goo." Buffy observed.
"That's because these aren't demons. They're angels." Sam informed. "None of them are exactly big fans of Cas."
The blonde slayer took this in. Angels had vessels too and Castiel just murdered them? "Angels fresh out of men's formalwear ... oh." Buffy quipped very weakly, struggling to not get swept up in how overwhelmed she was. Innocents were still dying with the bad guys.
Buffy knew the severity of the situation. Damnit she knew. Details like that didn't matter in the grand scheme of this mission ... but it mattered to her. It grated with her morality even as she went along with it and clearly didn't grate with the brothers. She was the odd one out and it hurt her brain to even comprehend it.
Dean and Sam eyed her, their looks saying they knew what she was thinking. The Winchesters exchanged a resigned and faintly helpless look before Dean stood up. "Demons might still show up here. We gotta hurry and hit the next." He stated, avoiding their eyes.
"I looked through all the oldest buildings and town archives. There's another warehouse close by that might be it." Sam suggested.
Buffy, trying to reclaim her famous "business" attitude, nodded. "We already crossed off a lot of list. We'll find the crypt before they do."
They were fortunate it was a smaller town. It wasn't too much longer before they arrived at the next stop. This one was in a more secluded part of downtown with few people. Buffy remained in a constant cord of tension, possibly more so than the brothers as they made their way through the street. She found herself praying they didn't run into any demons or angels. She didn't want to be forced to kill yet again.
Buffy and the brothers emerged cautiously in the rather large warehouse. None of them got very far when they sensed something. The blonde slayer looked over and got a momentary jolt. A man further down close by the wall on the side of the entrance, surrounded and trapped in a ring of fire.
"Demon?" Buffy asked, confused.
Dean was tense. "No. Angel."
Without further explanation, he and Sam took the lead. Buffy followed, still not entirely following the situation and watched as the trapped angel's expression soured even more. "Winchesters. Figures you two would end up involved in all this." He addressed them flatly.
Buffy frowned involuntarily. "Is there anyone out there who doesn't know who you guys are?" She said in disbelief.
"Who did this to you?" Sam questioned.
"Castiel." He answered resentfully. The suited angel rolled his eyes. "Naturally his humans pets wouldn't be very far." He muttered in contempt.
The three of them exchanged a look. Buffy looked back and shrugged. "I just thought it was a Cash fan with a sense of humor." She quipped.
"Where is Cas?" Dean demanded.
The trapped angel gave them a look. "... Around." He replied drolly, intentionally being unhelpful.
Frustration filled Dean's face and he glowered, sharing a brief glance look with Sam.
Buffy caught this questioningly. The brothers had told her Cas had struck out on his own and been searching for the crypts a month, but she knew there was more to it than that. There was something they weren't telling her.
Sam was meaningful. "We need to look around this place."
Dean looked like had mixed feelings, but nodded.
The two of them hardly started to turn away when the red-headed angel spoke again. "What is it with you boys, prancing around and taking what's not yours to take?" He began in disdain. "Lucifer's crypts has nothing to with humans. This is angel business."
"Well, if we left it up to you, you'd make a mess out of it pretty damn quick." Dean retorted, whirling around. "We know what it's been like upstairs."
The angel scoffed. "You Winchesters have always thought you're more important than you are."
"It's not about being important. It's about stopping the demons." Sam expressed, incredulous. "And while you keep trying to stop us, Crowley or Labolas could be getting what they want."
The angel said nothing, staring at them through narrowed eyes. The brothers and the angel glared at each other a moment.
"We'd let you offer an hand, but you're looking a little tied up." Dean taunted.
The Winchesters were already making a move to go, but Buffy lingered. Dean and Sam stopped again, glancing at her questioningly. The blonde slayer was staring at the angel hard with crossed arms, contemplative. An idea suddenly occurred to her.
"I feel like I should be flogging. An angel, trapped in the burning ring of fire and I don't even wanna lift a finger." She began casually, a bit of a smirk on her face. Her expression turned innocent. "Does that make me a blasphemer?"
Sam sighed in exasperation. "Buffy, come on."
"Just leave the dick." Dean said gruffly.
Buffy ignored them. She crossed her arms, starting to circle him. "But y'know, since we have some nice quality trap time ... I'm feeling Q&A. Like where is Zaphkiel's scythe?" She asked, going from flippant to dead serious as stopped and stared at him.
The angel looked faintly confused. "Zaphkiel's scythe?"
"You know what it is. Your angel holy hand grenade from the spoils of war or whatever. It's supposed to be for travelling between different universes without the 'ripping holes in reality' part." Buffy continued. Her expression became threatening as she stepped forward. "I need it."
The angel stared at her, his gaze intense. Sam and Dean were quiet now, looking on.
Suddenly he scoffed. "You're from a alternate reality? No one again would ever ..." He suddenly trailed off, his incredulity leaving as he studied her through narrowed eyes. " ... Oh, I see. So you're her."
The undeniable meaning struck a cord with Buffy. "What does that mean?" She demanded. When the angel said nothing, the slayer's temper was ignited. "What does that mean?!" She reiterated fiercely.
Again, the angel didn't answer and Buffy wanted nothing more but to go through the wall of fire and beat it out of him after everything she's been through. Instead she clenched her fists and glared, overwhelmed with frustration. "Tell me where the scythe is."
The angel wasn't cooperating. "And you think I know?"
"Look, you have to know something. Rumors, whatever. It's your piece." Dean cut in impatiently.
"The angel who made it. Zaphkiel. Does he have it?" Sam asked.
"Zaphkiel's dead." The angel said matter-of-factly.
Still pissed, Buffy elaborated further. "Look. I went to a university in Springfield following a rumor, but it wasn't there. So just tell me if you know where it is. I just wanna get back to my life." She just managed to keep her voice even.
The angel studied her a long moment, gauging her. She couldn't make out his emotions. " ... Your search was fruitless from the start." He began levelly, looking her in the eye. "It's been dest—"
A angel blade came out of nowhere like a javelin, cutting clean through the neck to the other side. Buffy couldn't even comprehend what she was seeing when there was a bright light and scream as he collapsed, parts of it's body burning from the flames still surrounding it. The slayer and the brothers looked to see Cas suddenly standing a short ways away. His expression was cold and detached as he stared down at the body.
"Cas?! Again?!" Sam exclaimed in outrage, throwing out his arms.
Dean was just as pissed. "Cas, what the hell?!"
"He was wasting your time." Castiel justified simply, walking over to him with a stern look. "We're wasting time. The crypt—"
"The scythe was destroyed." Buffy said softly, numb by reality as she put it all together. Bitterness broke through and she faced him. "You never gave me a way out. You lied to me." She accused, anger and incredulity pumping her veins.
Cas remained unflappable. "Zerith was lying."
"You set me up." The blonde slayer said angrily, shaking her head as she advanced towards him.
"No, I—"
"Cas. Just ... just stop, okay?" Dean cut the angel off, raising up his head. He looked drained. "We know you've been hiding things. This is the second time you went blade-happy. Now I don't know what the hell's the wrong with you, but at least own up to it."
Sam's look was sharp. "Be honest with her, Cas. You owe it to her."
"You got that right." Buffy agreed bitterly.
Castiel looked between the three clustered around him, imitating a cornered rat. Helplessness and annoyance rose on his face. "I am not your enemy in this." He insisted.
"Then tell the truth, Cas!" Dean appealed, frustration on his face. "Be honest. For the first time since you got back."
Cas said nothing, just staring at them. Buffy felt her emotions getting the better of her again. She clenched her fists. "You told me right from the beginning that I could find that scythe when you knew all along it was destroyed. Why?" Her voice broke on the last word, feeling completely betrayed.
Castiel stared at her, intense and stoic. A long, tense moment passed. Buffy's piercing glare never wavered. And then finally ... "It's not destroyed."
Buffy completely lost it. She punched him hard in the face with all her slayer strength, sending the angel toppling and crashing to the floor. "You sent me on a wild goose chase all this time and still stand there and lie to my face. I trusted you!" The blonde exploded. "I have a family I left behind! My friends, my charges, my life!" Waves of fury and pain were rolling off of her. "They need me, and you played me! You made me think I ..." Buffy couldn't go on, utterly devastated as tears finally rolled down her face.
This can't be happening.
Buffy thought nothing could be worse than the low she had felt after finding out she killed those possessed people.
She was wrong.
Dean and Sam stared at her speechlessly. Castiel had got to his feet again and for the first time since he appeared, she saw real regret in his eyes. The blonde slayer glared back coldly even through the tears. A long moment passed. " ... You can't go home." Cas said in a sigh.
"Can't or won't let me?" Buffy asked in a steely voice.
Castiel didn't respond and stared at her remorsefully. She didn't know what to take from that and the fact he actually looked like he felt sorry for her only made her more mad. Why couldn't he just tell her why? How could he do this to her and not only not explain, but have the nerve to feel bad for her?
I knew all along you couldn't trust him. Buffy thought bitterly. Why was she doing this to herself? She was so alone and desperate to go home she'd do anything, believe anyone. It was why she didn't bother asking questions about the "human-looking" demons. It was why this was happening now. She was bettee than this.
"Why, Cas?" Somewhere in Buffy's grief-addled mind she registered Dean turning to Cas, his gaze on him confused and disapproving. "You can lie your ass off to us for months ... but her? She's got nothing to do with this. She just wanted to go home." His expression turned hard. "She just wanted to go home!" He said more angrily.
The fallen angel said nothing once more and just looked the hunter in the eye, impassive. A few more moments of silence passed. Tension was thick in the air.
" ... How you'd get out of Purgatory, Cas?" Dean finally asked, somber and pointed as he looked at him.
Out of all things to say, Buffy hadn't expected that. She glanced at him. He was in Purgatory?
Dean waited, clearly expecting an answer, but Cas drew away. "We need to investigate the entirety of this warehouse. The crypt could still be here." He declared very seriously, stern and out of patience as gave them a meaningful look before walking away.
Pain and frustration was on Dean's face as he watched Cas go. He exchanged a helpless look with Sam. Both confused, disappointed, but most of all completely resigned.
The slayer herself felt a special kind of resentment at the evasive response, but what she resented more was that she knew he was right. Ignoring everything in her that made her feel she was at breaking point's breaking point and didn't even want be near Cas, Buffy wiped the tear-stains off her face and pulled herself together.
She noticed Dean and Sam looking at her now, matching expressions of concerned uncertainty. The slayer could read the silent question. She took in a deep breath and nodded bravely. "We need to." Buffy said, her voice softer than normal but firm.
The Winchesters looked at her a moment. Having all come to a grueling consensus, the trio moved in unison and followed Castiel.
~~Dean~~
The investigation of the rest of the warehouse was spent largely in tense silence. Buffy had daggers on Cas nearly the entire time and Dean didn't blame her one damn bit. Only Cas seemed as comfortable as he could be, focused entirely on the found himself grateful that Cas had already searched through a majority of the place without them.
It wasn't long until they found a broken down wall that led to a hidden basement. Dean hadn't had his hopes very high of there being a crypt, but that definitely got his attention ... and made him a little uneasy. They proceeded inside with caution, not sure what was waiting inside.
The dark, hidden basement turned out not to be a basement. Surprise hit Dean despite himself as it saw it open up into a large and archaic crypt. The three moved of them more slowly, shining their flashlights for enemies or anything that stood out. Castiel went on ahead through the corridor, his eyesight not impaired.
Dirt, dust, and cobwebs covered the crypt near-entirely. Broken-down, ancient artifacts were stashed inside in different parts of the room. Most of them he couldn't guess what they were. The hunter felt himself trip on something and shined his flashlight, shocked to see it was a dead body. A fresh one.
"Guys ... I think we came to party a little late." Dean stated grimly, staring down at it. It looked like he was stabbed ... and stabbed only by one thing.
"There's another one over here." Buffy's equally terse voice informed. The older Winchester looked over to see another a body dead on the ground against the wall. "No, wait. Two." She added on, taking in a dead woman a short ways on the ground.
"There's three more by me." Sam threw in on the other side. Sure enough three more bodies were stabbed and thrown. His brother was kneeling down by one. "There's sulfur. I think they're demons."
Dean had to agree. The stench of sulfur was overpowering in here. He looked back down at the body, frowning deeply. "Six dead demons?" He said incredulously.
"Something happened here." Buffy stated, moving away from the body.
"What the hell?" Dean exclaimed, more uneasy than ever as he maneuvered himself around the bodies. "Cas—" He immediately broke off, spotting the angel in the middle of the room as soon as he looked up. He stood stiffly at a stone table, unmoving.
The hunter started to approach him. "Cas?" He asked cautiously, feeling Buffy and Sam join him on either side.
Castiel hardly moved. The three of them finally noticed what he was staring at: a large, carved wooden chest ... opened up and completely empty.
"What is it?" Sam asked warily.
The angel clenched his fist. "It's gone." He said in frustration.
"The parchment?" Sam queried, startled.
Cas whipped around to face them, his distressed anger palpable. "The Angel Tablet."
All three stared at him a moment, stunned and bewildered. Too soon the unpleasant implications caught up to Dean. "You lied to us?" He replied incredulously.
"There's a surprise." Buffy muttered.
Castiel walked between them, shaking his head in bitter disappointment and frustration. For the first time in a while, Dean detected a real sense of fear in the angel ... and that, despite everything scared him.
"Cas, what the hell is going on?" Sam asked, confused frustration in his own voice.
Three sets of eyes were on the fallen angel as he stood there, but he didn't turn to look at them. "... Labolas." Cas muttered.
Dean's eyes widened. Before he could begin to answer, the trench-coated angel vanished. Immediate resignation and bitterness filled the Winchester as he took in the spot he had been at it. He gave a little sigh and looked away. Of course.
"Did anyone ever teach him how to answer a question?" Buffy said in annoyance.
The Winchester was about to agree with her when he got distracted by Sam. His brother bent down, wiping something off the very edge of the table. The younger hunter's mouth was set in a hard line as he held up his hand. Dean's heart sunk a little inside as he recognized the goo-like powder.
Sammy's look was meaningful. "Labolas."
They searched the rest of the crypt. The only clue they found was more of Labolas' sulfur and with every bit he saw, the more Dean felt like hitting something because he knew what it meant. They finally left behind the warehouse and everything it represented, standing directly outside now in middle of night as all that happened sunk in.
"Labolas was the one that killed all the demons. They must've fought and then he took the tablet." Buffy stated solemnly, her arms crossed.
Dean scoffed. "More demon-on-demon shish kabob and the freaky bastard leaving us in the dirt before we can even do anything. Deja vu." He commented cynically, bitterly reminded of two months ago.
"He knew exactly where it was. And now he has the Angel Tablet ... whatever that is." Sam responded, a nervous and uncomfortable frown on his face.
"Which Cas lied to us about." Dean replied with a bit of outrage.
"Yeah. I can kind of understand why though. If a Demon Tablet can close the gates of Hell, what can an Angel Tablet do?" Sam thought out loud.
"He should've trusted us." The older Winchester argued, angry and hurt. He couldn't believe Cas went that far to hide everything just to keep them from knowing what's going on. Hell, he couldn't believe a lot of what happened tonight.
"You're both missing the point." Buffy interjected. "Labolas has what he's been after this whole time ... and that's bad news. He's already high up on the uber-strength scale. I don't even wanna know what he plans to do with that thing."
Dean internalized that from every side. "Cas is off the reservation and Labolas is in the wind with a heavenly WMD. Hell of a top off for the night." He remarked bitterly, rolling his eyes. He could literally think of a thousand ways right now to say "we're screwed."
"It's not entirely bad. At least Labolas won't be able to translate it without Kevin ... I think." The blonde slayer replied nervously, frowning.
Sam nodded. "That's a good point. It can't be too much different from Demon Tablet."
Dean said nothing, not entirely comforted. He just wish he knew how to kill him already or at least send him back to Hell. He hadn't felt his hopeless and strung-out over a monster since the Leviathans. The worst part of all being he had that and Cas being completely untrustworthy. It was a double-whammy of stress and anger and it was already taking a toll.
Hurt, confusion, and resentment burned away at Dean at the thought of Cas. Sure, he knew something was wrong ... but knowing was different than seeing in front of his eyes. He just didn't know what the hell was up with his friend. He didn't know if Purgatory had driven him insane or Cas was betraying them again. He couldn't even tell if his own friend was in trouble or against them. What did that say about their friendship when he couldn't chose his side without question?
Dean didn't know. All he knew was Castiel didn't trust him. All he knew was he felt like he lost him. After Purgatory and forgiving Cas for letting the Leviathans out and now his recent problems with Sam ... it cut deeper than he could he say. Cas was slipping away from him and all he could do was watch.
####
"An Angel Tablet, all this time. Demons were after it, angels ..." Sam began in disbelief, shaking his head. They were directly at the door to their motel room on the upper floor, outside in the exterior hallway. "It does make you wonder. What's on a Angel Tablet that everyone wanted so bad?"
Dean was still wrestling with his own inner turmoil. "Well, Cas could've told us, but god forbid he lets us in on one of his 'holy missions.' Maybe if he worked with us for one damn second, none of this would've happened."
"It wouldn't have made a difference." Buffy said. "Say Labolas did know where it was ... he probably got to the crypt a while before we did."
"Well, that doesn't give him an excuse to be a dick." Dean muttered. The hunter looked over to her with a incredulous frown. "Why you? I mean, the Angel Tablet I get ... but lying about the scythe? That's way out of a left field."
"You're really asking the wrong person." Buffy sounded resigned.
Sam sighed. "Believe me, we wish we knew. I mean, lying? Saying the scythe wasn't destroyed? Taking you all the way to that college, letting you think he's helping? That's ... that's not Cas." His brother responded in confusion, an uncertain look on his face.
"Who really knows who Cas is these days." Dean answered, deep in his own cynicism and broken trust. Was this all it was now? People letting him down? Those same people letting other people down?
He took a large, long gulp of his beer that was already more than half-way gone. He was raring for another. Dean was planning to spend the rest of the night getting really, really drunk. The sooner he was numb to this crap, the better.
The older Winchester glanced back at Buffy, taking notice of the distant look in her eyes. Him and Sam weren't the ones who got the short end out of this. " ... You okay?" He asked her.
Buffy kept her gaze fixed on the night sky. " ... He lied to me." She began, her lower lip jutting out in hurt pout. She gave a bitter smile. "I thought I had a road map. Follow the yellow brick road, right?" The slayer's face fell and she shook her head. "Everything I did looking for that scythe, it was all for nothing. Where's my brick road now?" She murmured, soft with sadness.
Dean watched, fraught with sympathy and even guilt. He was one that made her go to Cas to begin with. Why didn't he just follow his instinct and keep the angel out of her problems? He kept messing up with this one. First the demon thing, now this? He didn't think he ever once saw this girl happy and instead of making it better, he was making it worse.
"Hey. You're not the only chump here, alright? He lied to all of us." Dean tried to comfort her.
"You couldn't have known." Sam said.
Buffy looked so upset. "Was it all just a trap? Luring me out to the college so Labolas could kill me ... and then telling me he has the scythe?" She wondered. She shook her head. "The angel from before ... he knew more. And whatever it was, Cas didn't want me to know." Her expression turned deadly serious. "There's something going on here, and the angels aren't telling. I need to know why."
"Well, that's what angels do. Eventually you figure out ways around it." Sam replied matter-of-factly.
Dean nodded. "Those angels ... They like to pull strings. Trust Sam and me on that. But we never let 'em. We'll figure it out."
Buffy acknowledged them with a look, then went back to staring out at the parking lot. "Suddenly grateful I never went to Sunday school." She deadpanned, weary.
"It'll work out, okay? Whatever they're thinking, if-if they want to use you or something ...They're not gonna get what they want." His little brother reassured.
The slayer hardened. "More power plays." She said in disgust. "I wasn't brought here to volunteer for puppet theater. I was brought here to leave. Whatever they're planning, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say 'I don't care'." Buffy declared strongly.
"Preach it, baby." Dean supported, a bit of smirk on his face as he looked at her admiringly. Even though he knew she was in ten different kinds of pain now, she still stood there telling everyone to go screw themselves. She didn't let anyone break her or control her and he respected the hell out of that, not to mention it was incredibly hot. Something about that iron stubbornness of hers stirred a feeling in him. She's definitely something else.
"I wish I was home." Buffy said in a sigh, dejected.
"Buffy, you will be. Eventually." Sam promised. "Okay, so maybe Cas and the scythe was bust. But if something brought you here, something can still bring you out. We will find a way. It's not over."
The blonde looked at him bleakly, then forced a smile. "I'm glad you guys are here. I mean, I-I'm still not okay with the demon thing and the fact you didn't tell me ... but if it wasn't for you guys, I don't know where I'd be right now. You're not all bad."
"Is that an insult or a compliment?" Sam asked, frowning.
"Little bit of both." Buffy quipped, but her expression was meaningful.
"We'll take it." Dean agreed flippantly, unoffended.
That triggered a small, more genuine smile from her. "Really, I mean it. You're both ... just trying to help. That means a lot to me." The slayer admitted. "I guess we're still stuck with each other."
"Well, if it means anything ... me and Sammy have had worse company." Dean admitted, earnest as he looked from Sam to her. His brother nodded and smiled.
Buffy smiled a little, but she had a weary look in her eyes and he realized how much of an effort it was taking for her to even do that. "It's just ... all of this. It's a lot." She murmured, avoiding their gazes.
The hunter saw the flash of pain in her eyes she was desperately trying to hide. It bothered him to see it, but he didn't know what to say. Unsure what to do, Dean just silently offered his beer. Buffy stared at it drearily a moment, then took the bottle and drank some down. She screwed up her face and shook her head after.
Dean noticed the semi-disgust. "Hey, if you don't like it, you don't have to—"
"No, I really do." She said with feeling. Immediately she downed a larger gulp, making a face yet again.
The older Winchester blinked and looked to Sam. His brother gave a helpless shake of his head and Dean shrugged with a little smirk, going with it. Who the hell was he to question it?
"I know you're under a lot right now, Buffy." Sam began sympathetically. "If you ever want to talk about it or anything ... I'm here. Anytime. Just ask."
The blonde lowered the bottle and looked at him a long moment. Slowly she smiled. "... You're sweet. And thank you." She said in a heartfelt voice. Her smile was charmed, but there was a tinge of sadness to it.
Sam noticed. "What?"
"It's ... you just reminded me of someone I used to know." Buffy explained. Her smile became sadder, like she was recounting a painful memory. She nodded. "I needed it." The slayer looked at Sam fondly and Dean swore for a second she was taken by his brother.
The younger Winchester looked confused and a little curious, but respectfully didn't pry. He gave a shy smile under her affectionate look. "Just go easy on yourself." He told her gently. They stared at each other a moment before Sam turned to go to their room.
Dean, feeling a little weird about what just happened but not sure why, followed. He only took a couple paces before he stopped. Sam was already inside when he turned to her, seeing Buffy chug the last of his beer in one gulp with a grimace.
"Are you gonna be alright?" He asked again.
Buffy looked at him, seeing nothing but weariness on her face once again. " ... You still got that offer for a drink open?" She finally said.
Dean merely nodded, understanding as he pulled out his phone to text Sam he'd be out. Jadedness, loneliness, and a dull pain matching the slayer's own thrummed through him, all because of Cas. He had been planning to get drunk out of his mind at a bar someplace anyway. And with the day they both had ... Dean knew they both needed a friend.
You know how what they say. Misery loves company.
~~Buffy~~
Buffy and Dean sat across from each other in a booth nearest to the wall at a secluded part of a bar. The hunter had a large beer while Buffy ordered a smaller, less strong brand more her style.
Not that Dean's beer of choice was the most disgusting she ever had. She had worse. Most of which out of Spike's old stash.
They sat in silence, not speaking as they wallowed in the day's events. Buffy wasn't sure what to say even if she wanted to. Castiel's lie about the scythe she was never going to get had completely drained her of all her energy. She just barely processed the reality that she killed someone. There was still a part of her asking if this was all really happening.
Buffy hadn't thought much about why she was here with Dean. Her mind was wrapped up with her problems while her body went to cruise control and somehow she ended up here. She just knew she didn't want to be alone ... and maybe on some subconscious level she saw that in Dean too.
It wasn't long before Dean finished his beer and moved to shots. Buffy watched him, still with her first drink. She sighed wearily. " ... First, I find out I'm a murderer and then that I'm locked in a different universe without the key." She sipped her beer. "I feel like that sets the Guiness World Record for 'bad week.'"
Dean raised his head. Discomfort flitted across his face and he hesitated. He sighed. "Listen, Buffy ... I'm really sorry about Cas. I knew something short-circuited in him. I shouldn't have got him to help you."
Buffy eyed him warily. Suddenly Dean's lack of defensiveness over questioning Cas and that dim sense he'd been hiding something from her too this whole time clicked together.
"You knew. You knew he was up to something." Her tone was quietly even.
The Winchester looked down. He grabbed a shot. "Why do you think I didn't bring him in the second you got here?" He admitted, matter-of-fact. "You were right. About him, about everything. Hell, I knew that even before and I still ..." He broke off and shook his head. "I was so damn stupid." He muttered, taking the shot.
The blonde slayer recognized the mingled blend of guilt and pain in his eyes. "Not stupid. You just wanted to believe he was still him. He is your friend." Buffy had felt the exact same when Willow went dark and tried to end the world. She didn't want to believe that was her Wil either.
Dean scoffed, immediately chugging another shot. "Yeah. Was, maybe. Now ... I don't know." He answered tiredly. "I mean, what kind of friend doesn't trust you and goes around playing head games with your case?"
Buffy stared at him sympathetically as she drank her beer. Suddenly she caught the phrasing and frowned. "I'm your case?"
"Hey, Sam started throwing that word around first, not me." The hunter replied with a shrug.
The slayer managed a vaguely amused look. She finished her beer and shoved it aside. "You said something before about Purgatory ... Cas was with you?"
Dean smiled ruefully. "All year long. Him and me in the trenches. The two of us ... We've been through hell and back together. Most of the time really."
Buffy nodded, taking it in. She couldn't forgive Cas for lying about the scythe. She lost complete trust in the angel, but she could see he meant a lot to Dean and that he was hurt badly too in a different way. She wasn't going to make this all about her. "So what happened?" She asked softly.
The Winchester paused, his face falling. "I don't know. He was there a little longer than me. Maybe it just ... did something to him. Messed with his noggin. He didn't come back on the Sane Train." Dean shrugged. "Hell, neither of us did."
Buffy couldn't help a small smile. " Y'know ... for a self-proclaimed basket case, you seem crazy functional."
Dean smiled back slowly. "... Beer helps." He held up a shot glass with a meaningful look before downing it.
Even with everything wrong, that nearly brought a chuckle out of Buffy. She found herself gazing at him a moment, a spark passing between them. "What was it like in there? In Purgatory?" The blonde meant it as a casual question, but she realized with a bit of jolt that Dean never had really told her about his experience. He always avoided details.
The hunter's expression darkened. He hesitated, suddenly tenser as his eyes filled with memories. "Violent. Messy. Filled with every monster in the bingo book, a lot of which you axed yourself ... and they're pissed. Full-on Survivor."
"Sounds like my kind of place." Buffy quipped.
"Good times." Dean said with a nod, just as flippant. "Let me tell ya. You couldn't even rest there. Every time you turn around, there was another one of those evil sons of bitches over your shoulder. It was pretty gnarly."
"And it was like this every day? The monsters, the fighting ..."
"Basically. These boots kept walkin' though."
The blonde slayer frowned. Purgatory sounds a lot like a hell dimension ... and Dean was there a year? Buffy thought in disbelief. "Don't take this the wrong way ... but how are you alive?" She asked bluntly, giving him a quizzical look.
"That is a damn good question." Dean answered with feeling, shaking his head as he grabbed another shot.
The slayer couldn't help but surprised. It's not that she didn't respect non-powered fighters, but that was insane. Most demons hunters she knew wouldn't even make it six months in place like that, let alone a full year. Robin definitely couldn't. She wasn't even sure if Riley could. Buffy knew Dean was good, but she didn't know he was that good.
"Dean ... you might be one of the best fighters I ever met." Buffy said, stunned.
"Well, let's not that go that far." The Winchester replied flatly.
The blonde was firm. "I'm a slayer. I know fighting like a girl knows clothes. If you really survived all that, then you're one of best. Get an Oscar for human at least."
The hunter finished off his fourth shot as she was speaking and looked at her. "Well then, I guess I'd like to thank the Academy." He deadpanned.
Buffy gave a little, perplexed smile. It was weird how someone who always seemed so proud and full of himself would brush off any compliment you ever gave him, even on his slaying. He did that a lot she realized. She was starting to see he wasn't as cocky or self-assured as he acted. She wasn't sure if 'humble' was the right word ... but insecurity? Low self-esteem?
Dean had this intense, scrutinizing look now. Like he was trying to figure her out just as much as she was trying to figure out him. " ... Why are you hunting?"
Buffy was caught off guard by the sudden question. She turned solemn. "You mean slaying."
"Slaying, hunting. Whatever." Dean said impatiently.
The blonde gave a wry, weary smile. "I already told you, remember? Slayer? Life of the Chosen One, yada yada yada scary battles, saving the world, constant stunted social life." Not that I even deserve to be one. Buffy added silently, thinking back to the people she killed.
"Yeah, I got that part. Why are you still doing it?" The hunter asked. The slayer looked at him, startled. "I mean, the way you put it ... there's a whole bunch of you now. Why not just put the horse down and retire?"
Buffy frowned at him. No one had ever asked her this before. She hadn't even asked herself. Quit slaying in a world of a newly-called slayers? "I can't. I have like, eight hundred slayers in the Slayer Organization to worry about. I'm the leader." She replied, sounding as if it was obvious.
"So you feel obligated." Dean stated, giving her a pointed look.
"No ... yes ... what?" Buffy said in confusion.
The Winchester's expression was intense. "You could step down. Let someone else run things."
The blonde slayer wavered. She wanted so badly to not lead the Slayer Organization that had taken such a toll on her. She had done such a terrible job leading the slayers that she really did think they were better off ... but she still couldn't leave them. She had to make it better. Be better. Leaving them behind was just accepting she failed.
Buffy shook her head. "No. I was the one who made all them slayers. I can't walk away from that."
Dean stared at her. A strange look was on his face. "Y'know ... it is a choice. Hunting, hunting with them. You can get out. Do what you want for a change." He told her, surprising Buffy by the sincerity in it. "This life? Not everyone's cut out for it. It can eat you alive."
There was a warning to that that got the slayer's attention. She paused, staring at him with slightly narrowed eyes. "... I think I got that ten years back, thanks." Buffy said coolly.
"I'm just saying. If you don't need to live out this crapola anymore, then don't do it." The hunter insisted, expression meaningful.
He thinks I can't handle the slaying
They had finally formed some sort of even ground after telling him about her apocalypses and here Dean was this time implying she didn't have the "mental" capacity.
Outrage seethed in Buffy. She gave a hard, angry look. "Look, Dean. I've been on this one-way trip a long time. The badness, death, apocalypse. So it's not a bed with rose petals ... but it is my life. Don't go telling me I don't know how to live it." If there was anything she could handle, it was slaying.
Maybe on some level Buffy recognized Dean thought by saying this he was protecting her ... but she didn't need "protection". His behavior disappointed and confused her as much as it annoyed her. She thought they got past the underestimating phase. What triggered this back up all of a sudden?
Dean looked surprised at first by her fierce response. He shook his head. "Sorry I said anything." He grumbled, reaching for the last shot.
The blonde rolled her eyes and stole it, taking the last shot for herself. Dean gave her a look, but she ignored him. "So. Since you're just so into all the whys and hows of my slayerness ... how about digging a little deeper in your origin story? Like you and Sam being raised in this? What, is that like family tradition or something?"
"You could say that." The hunter admitted. "I usually just go with 'family business'. Our dad got us into it when were kids."
Buffy downed Dean's shot, grimacing at it's stronger tang and definitely start to feel a bit swimmy. She wasn't incredibly drunk, but getting there. She snapped back and refocused on what the Winchester said. "Your dad?"
He gave a proud, slightly sad half-smile. "Best damn hunter ever. Taught us everything he knew. He was ... He was badass."
" ... Was." The slayer repeated.
Dean's smile became a little sadder. "He died a while back. Demon." He explained shortly. "It's just been me and Sammy."
What about your mother? Buffy couldn't help but wonder, noticing her strange absence. Maybe the absence was the answer. Understanding flowed over her and she stared at him sympathetically. "... My mother died too."
Surprise flashed across the hunter's face. "Demon?"
"Aneurysm." She answered flatly, looking down.
"I'm sorry." Dean replied sincerely.
"It was five years ago. I mean ... at least she died peacefully." The slayer responded quietly, trying to hide the pain of her mother's loss that was still strong. She missed her so much, especially now. Not a single day had gone by since she died that she hadn't thought about her.
The Winchester nodded, saying nothing. A distant, pained look entered his eyes and Buffy realized. Her eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have ..." She rushed to say, conscious of his own mother's death that was probably far from peaceful.
Dean shrugged. "She died way back when. I barely even remember it."
He was too dismissive to be genuine and Buffy sensed it, but she let him be. Not like she was any better than him. She also got the strong feeling his mother was one of those 'nevers' as in his "increasingly long list of things he'll never talk to you about". Since he even said that much, she didn't want to ruin it.
A short silence passed. " ... Well, this is one happy-go-lucky chat we've been having." Dean deadpanned.
"This was supposed to be happy?" Buffy questioned, feigning confusion.
The Winchester shook his head. "Wasn't in my plans."
"Well, at least we're on the same page." The blonde slayer quipped. The hunter smiled just the slightest in amusement and they looked at each other. "So what about you? If you're so fatalist about the slayer-hunter gig ... then why are you still doing it?"
Dean paused. She thought at first she had broached another one of his 'nevers' (she never knew with this guy), then realized his expression was thoughtful. He shrugged. "I guess I'm just used to it. After all these years ... it's kinda just become me, y'know? Hellhole or paradise." He shrugged again. "If you're gonna be a miserable bastard, at least have it be by you, right?" He justified flippantly.
Buffy stared, moved by his words. Everything she first thought about Dean had been wrong. He wasn't just another hot guy with depth equivalent to a kitty pool's. He liked to act shallow and jerkish, but deep down he was so much more and in that moment more than ever she saw it. She always went on and on how she never understood Dean ... but suddenly it was like she understood him more than she did her own friends.
"Stockholm Syndrome to the job." Dean scoffed, a tired smirk on his face. "That probably sounds crazy." He said a little self-consciously, avoiding her eyes.
"No ... It really doesn't." The slayer answered softly. She knew exactly how he felt. He said what she had never been able to say: slaying was who she was, even through the bad and when she wanted a normal life. It was part of her, just like it was a part of him. Buffy knew now her and Dean weren't so different.
Dean raised his head, meeting her meaningful look. They stared at each other a long moment, connection and understanding passing between them as they both weighed that. Feelings welled up inside Buffy. After everything, it was nice to be understood. She hadn't had that in very long time, even in her own world. It made her feel ... less lonely.
The moment was gone too soon. The revelation of the destroyed scythe and the lies weighed oppressively down on her again. Buffy looked down, pulled back into reality. "Dean ... when you were trapped in Purgatory, how'd you keep going? How'd you know you'd find a way out?" She raised her head to look at him. Needing some kind of anchor or reassurance.
"I kept telling myself I would. That plane wasn't gonna make it's bitch." He declared with determination. "With Cas and—" Dean faltered, expression changing a split second but regrouped in a flash. "Bottom line, we got out. You just gotta keep trying."
"... At least you weren't alone." She said sadly.
Dean looked at her sympathetically. "You're not alone. You got me, and Sam. We're not gonna leave you."
The blonde slayer stared at him. It's been a long time since anyone really said to her and even longer since she believed it. It meant so much to her that even after what happened with Cas and what he was going through, Dean cared enough to stick by her when she felt so alone. Even though it still didn't change where she was.
"It just feels like I'm stranded here. I can't go after the scythe anymore. I don't know what else to do. I don't even know where else to look." She expressed in frustrated dismay.
"Hey." The hunter's suddenly stern voice drew her attention back. "I get this whole thing sucks. Trust me, I've been where you are too. But you gotta power past it. What about your sister? How'd you think she'd feel, hearing you talk like that?"
Buffy paused, heart automatically crushing at the thought of Dawn's devastation—and her own devastation at losing her. But the memories of the past three years of their relationship came back ... and then she wasn't so sure. She sighed. "You mean the sister that was barely talking to me?"
"That's exactly why you have to." Dean insisted. "You need to find a way out of here to set things right with her yourself. You can't give up. Not on this and not on her. She's your little sister. There's no way you'll be able to live with yourself, leaving it like this. I wouldn't!" He argued with passion.
His words wrapped around Buffy like a cocoon of pained certainty. He was right. She'd never forgive herself. They always had problems, but she loved her sister through and through. She had to salvage whatever was left of their relationship and get out. Dean knew that. He knew that because he'd be the same way with Sam.
"I'm not giving up. I need to get back to Dawn. I need to fix this." Buffy reassured, filled with weathered resolution. As hard as everything was becoming, as hard as it was to keep hope ... she wasn't going to quit. Not on Dawn or her friends or the slayers.
Dean smiled a little. "Now that's more like it."
####
Both feeling emotionally drained, Buffy and Dean finally left the bar and headed back to the motel late. There was tension and neither one of them felt really at peace with everything that happened. After a very long day and night, Dean finally walked her back to her motel room.
"Thanks for all this. Just ... hanging out. Today was really ..." The blonde said at the door, turning to him.
The hunter brushed it off. "We both needed it."
" ... Yeah." Buffy agreed, feeling bad for him all over again. She wasn't the one that got the worst part out of today. "I'm sorry about Cas."
"I guess he knows a thing or two about screwing us both over." Dean was trying to be dismissive again, but was obviously uncomfortable this time.
" ... It wasn't your fault."
Dean didn't respond. Buffy could tell from the look in his eyes he didn't believe her. That he blamed himself for Cas lying to her.
A few moments passed. Dean hesitated, staring at her uncertainly. "I should go. Sammy ... He's waiting for me."
Buffy was suddenly gripped with emotion. She didn't want him to go. Everything that happened so far was still so much. She didn't want to be alone right now. She didn't want to think about this. She wanted to think about something other than the pain. An escape, just for a little while.
Dean lingered though and they stared each other. Like a satellite in orbit, Buffy found herself gravitating to him. The hunter didn't move, watching her like a hawk as she drew closer. When she was inches away, Dean started to bent his head but it Buffy who closed the distance, kissing him softly. He didn't hesitate to reciprocate, moving his lips with hers with a gentleness that surprised her. The slayer clung to him, allowing herself to take comfort in the kiss.
She should've stopped it there. Just a simple, innocent 'comfort' kiss.
She didn't.
She ran a hand up his chest, feeling it's sturdiness before clasping the side of his face and tilting his head to deepen it. Dean let her in an instant, his arms going to her waist and pulling her sharply against him. The mood was changing now and changing fast. Buffy wrapped her other arm around his neck, passion and demand leaking through.
The slayer felt her mind clouding over. The more they kissed, the more she forgot and that's what she wanted. To forgot. Forgot about home, Cas's lies, her guilt of killing someone and the constant loneliness. She wanted it to all go away, even for a second. A raw, desperate need for connection and solace cut her up deep inside and she poured every bit of that into Dean.
Buffy moaned low in her throat as the hunter caressed her sides, teasing her as he just barely slipped his hands under her spaghetti-strap tank top before running them up and down her back. Another moan came and she kissed him deep, gripping his jacket tightly as sparks of lust shot through her all the way to her toes. God, how long has it been?
Rational thought was long gone now and on vacation, driven out by overwhelming need for release. Nothing mattered anymore. Just her. Her and Dean.
The slayer pulled at Dean's dark blue jacket. She dimly recognized her back hitting her door, her mind a blank as his tongue wrestled with hers. After a few moments she came to and reached behind blindly for her doorknob. With some fumbling, she managed to get the door open. Not breaking the kiss, Buffy grabbed his jacket with both hands and pulled them together inside.
She didn't know which one of them shut the door, but Dean pinned her against it, taking control of the kiss in a sudden surge of dominance as he tangled his hands in her blonde locks. Buffy made a sound between a gasp and a moan, her arms around his neck and returning it with just as much passion and force.
Dean moved from her lips to her jaw, planting softer kisses along it before travelling down. He latched on to the side of her neck, alternating between open-mouthed kisses to little bites. Buffy was gasping and breathing heavily, sparks of pleasure shooting through her at the sensations as she clutched his head, urging him on.
She didn't care anymore. God, she didn't care. It's been too long. Too long without sex. Too long fighting so hard to resist Dean. Too long dealing with everything here. She wanted him and she wanted this. She needed this ... whatever happened after.
Buffy clawed desperately at his canvas jacket. The slayer struggled getting it off and over his shoulders to the point she probably would've ended up ripping it. Luckily Dean helped her out and the jacket finally slid off before he tossed it somewhere. He stole her lips again, cupping her ass as he immediately hoisted her up. Buffy jumped, wrapping her legs around him and yanking his head to hers, kissing urgently.
The hunter's hand slipped under her white shirt, running across every angle of her bare skin before travelling up. Pinpricks of pleasure came with his every touch, lost in them and his lips. He moved with purpose now and finally she felt him unclasp her bra. Buffy rocked her hips into his unconsciously, rubbing against him as her need level spiked.
Dean grunted and broke the kiss, pulling back to look at her. His eyes were two piercing green pools of intensity and lust, but she sensed a question in them. The only sound in the whole room was their heavy breathing.
They gazed at each other wordlessly a long moment. Processing. Absorbing. And then finally ... the fateful choice was made.
Dean kissed her gently before walking them back. They made out passionately as he carried her, already pulling at each other's clothes. The two finally collapsed into her bed, Dean on top as they were still lip-locked in fast and reckless abandon. Buffy's legs curled around him, moaning into his mouth at the feel of his hard, muscular body pressed against her and the sensation of Dean pulling up her ruffled top. Buffy echoed him, her hands going back down to his shirt.
Shirts, jeans, and boots were discarded in a wild haze of devouring lips and wandering hands. Finally the barrier of clothes was completely gone and Dean was climbing over her, gripping her legs as he pulled her tight against him. Buffy gasped, breathing ragged and thrumming with lust at the sight of him, drinking in everything from his chiseled chest to his scars.
Dean hovered above her, taking a moment to let his eyes wander down her body before going back to her face. His green gaze stared unblinkingly into hers. It was nothing like Riley's innocent eyes. It wasn't dark and penetrating like Angel's either or all-consuming and blue like Spike's ... but the slayer still found herself mesmerized. The emotion in his eyes—so much more simple compared to them as it was—was still everything these last three years she had gone without: connection.
Buffy pulled him down for a kiss, shifting their bodies and wounding her legs around his waist as she gave herself over to Dean fully and completely. She didn't overthink it. She just knew that whatever this was, it was for the same reason. All her problems faded away, driven out by the explosive pleasure in their moving bodies and entangling lips. For the first time in a long while nothing mattered ... and it was exactly what she needed.
*Earlier...*
Past the newly broken-down wall, four demons swarmed around the stone table in the middle of a long-abandoned crypt. Two more were positioned further down to keep watch while a third one was prowling around the room, eying the cobweb-covered artifacts with a mixture of scrutiny and disgust. One of the demons was pulling at the top of carved chest.
"I think this is it." He said, trying to force it open with his bare hands.
"It better be. Or else we're gonna end up like the last ones who Crowley told about this thing." Another male demon growled. "I'm tired of the all running around in this town. That Meg bitch's been playing games with us."
"Just hurry up." A female demon cut in gruffly closest to them. "Crowley isn't the only thing that might kill us." She told them meaningfully, glancing pensively over at her shoulders by the exit.
Tension filled the entire crypt even more than before. Finally the leading demon ripped off the top, seeing a dusted tablet with ancient writing. The three exchanged a look. Slowly the first demon reached down, anticipation on his face as he studied it. "We need to bring this to Crowley as soon as possible." He said urgently.
"I'm afraid that's not gonna happen."
A sophisticated, unfamiliar voice with a British accent cut through the crypt. Sudden dying screams sounded and they all turned, seeing the demons guarding the entrance falling dead to the floor. In the middle of it was a tall but mostly normal-looking man in a lab-coat and sweater, casually twirling a angel blade.
"Who the hell are you?" The first demon demanded, holding the tablet in his hands.
Labolas twirled on his angel blade, aggravatingly relaxed. "Hmm? Oh, yes, of course. No one recognizes me anymore." He responded with ease, mock pouting towards the end. "Your old friends happen to know me quite well. I've been scattering their bodies all over the Midwest."
Tension spiked up in the air. "You were the one of the ones who's been tracking us for the crypts and killing us!" The demon farther down hissed.
"Another angel?" The female demon wondered
Labolas frowned. "God no!" He exclaimed, sounding a bit horrified. "We're all demons here. Unfortunately demons with different agendas. That is mine now." He declared matter-of-factly, pointing to the Angel Tablet.
The demon holding the tablet tightened it's hold. "No, it's Crowley's. Are you insane, going against his orders and ruining the plan this whole time? He'll cook up the worst torment for you imaginable."
"Worse than that." The second demon agreed darkly.
"Crowley?" Labolas responded drolly. "I heard about an upstart crossroad demon taking over Hell's throne. Terribly, I must say. No organization, no tactical experience, no keen soldiers. It's all been ... certainly dumbed down since I've been gone." He went on, narrowing his eyes as gave them a disdainful look. "Crowley is nothing more than a bug on windshield that thinks he's King."
"I knew I didn't recognize this guy." The third demon pointed out.
"Who the hell are you, Sherlock?" The female demon demanded.
The mysterious, curly-haired demon smirked. "Labolas." He answered pleasantly. His stark green gaze surveyed them, detecting the hostility but not a sign of awareness. "You haven't heard of me. Of course. Naïve, little bean-sprout demons. Don't even know your history." He remarked scornfully.
The demon further down attacked. Labolas immediately flung him aside with telekinesis, not even glancing at him. Less than a second after he send the angel blade flying and stabbed him straight through the chest. He stood there, reclaiming it slowly with telekinesis and stared at them. His eyes were demonic white but with a strange green pupil, creating an eerie contrast. Green veins stuck up sharply than ever from his neck.
"What the ...?" One of the demons uttered.
"I've gone through a few changes." Labolas deadpanned. Unimaginable power radiated off him and now the demons were truly rendered speechless in fear and confusion. "Now. Give me the Angel Tablet." He stated in menacing calm.
The demons stood rigid, trapped between fear of Crowley and fear of him. Labolas though didn't wait. The coated demon rushed the others, cutting through two more demons so fast and so sudden it could hardly even be followed. He stabbed and flung them aside with ease. The one with tablet made a move to run, but Labolas caught up and stabbed him straight up into the skull, reclaiming the Angel Tablet.
Labolas frowned down at it thoughtfully, his eyes back to it's intense green as he wiped some of the dust off. " ... Not what I was hoping to find first, but it'll do." He muttered, satisfaction in his voice.
He raised his head as he took notice of the remaining demon, frozen on the floor. He glanced around at innocently at the dead bodies. "Apologies for all my demon skewering as of late, but it's your—what is it they call it? 'Darkest before the dawn'?" Labolas went on casually, frowning a bit as he walked over.
The remaining demon scrambled away, frantic to escape but found himself pinned to a wall and cornered. The old demon stood over him a long moment, his stare on cold and unreadable as it took in the other demon's anger and fear. The younger demon braced himself, certain he was about to meet his end.
Labolas turned thoughtful. "This Angel Tablet? Rightfully mine. I have big plans involving Hell and ... as it turns out, you." He revealed, kneeling down by the demon as he eyed him contemplatively. "Give your so-called King a message for me. He isn't part of the 'big picture'... " His eerie stare turned piercingly intense. "But he will be. All of Hell, all of Earth, even Heaven. Everything will be in my vision. Once I find all I'm looking for ... It will all go according to plan."
A/N; I feel so bad rn for what I'm putting all the characters through, especially Buffy. I did warn you lol. Buffy finding out she killed possessed people was BIG. One thing I never liked about BtVS was how Buffy was always kept as this "perfect hero" that was sort of protected from ever actually having to kill when nearly everyone else around her has. A guilt arc of Buffy killng with no cop-out is rich with unexplored potential so I'm doing it. :) A lot of these crossovers w/ Buffy also tend to gloss over her killing a demon and a human or how Dean and Sam indiscriminately kill and that's so OCC of her to me that this had to happen—and it isn't over either. There will definitely be more friction on the "killing vessels" thing later.
I'm sure everyone had a pretty good idea about Cas lying to Buffy about the scythe (I feel so bad right now...) and finding out about his "betrayal". Poor Cas. None of this is really his fault and everyone's against him now. I hate to stretch out the mind control thing a little longer, but plot. I love the Destiel scene in the actual episode, but I had to cut it out. :/ The Dean and Cas drama will come later. I cut Meg out too, but only so I can use her later. I have plans for her. :)
So, with this chapter, the Buffy/Dean relationship definitely shifted. If this was a normal Buffy/Dean fic, I would've saved their first time for wayyy later. This one tho has Buffy stuck and there's a lot of Buffy vulnerability going around and since Dean and Buffy use sex to forget about their real problems I figured this was perfectly in-character. I hope no one was disappointed. There was still a lot of development. Their relationship changed in more ways than one.
NEXT CHAPTER: Buffy and Dean deal with the consequences of their night together. Meanwhile, outbreaks of deadly violence completely take over a town in Maine as Labolas finally makes his move ...
Thanks for the 79 favorites, 132 follows, and 76 reviews! :)
