Chapter 10
Both John and Natalie froze. Neither knowing what to say or what to do. The three of them stood in awkward silence for a moment before Liam continued.
"Billy Bishop's parents got a divorce. He says it's cool cause he gets two of everything. Two Christmas', two birthdays….he even has two Playstations," Liam said. John quickly looked over at Natalie, he thought she looked like she would be sick. Her skin was green and pale at the same time. Seeing the state she was in, he forced himself to recover.
"Ah…well, no one has said anything about that yet," he sighed, "I don't think either of us want that but, I'll make you a deal. If your mom and I think that that is what is best for all of us….we won't do anything until we talk to you first. Ok?"
Liam looked stricken, John supposed that maybe while he sounded like he thought it was cool, Liam really wanted John to say that no, they weren't getting a divorce. 'Damn it', John thought, maybe he screwed this up.
"Listen, if we don't hurry we are going to miss kickoff," John said. Liam just nodded his head and turned to head into the living room.
Natalie sat down heavily in a chair, her heart hadn't started back up yet. Tears swam in her eyes. She wasn't prepared for Liam's question. He wouldn't have asked it unless he had been stressing over it. The thought of causing any of her kids stress and worry….Natalie put her face in her hands.
"You ok?" She heard John ask.
"No," she said quickly, taking her hands away and looking up at him. He looked at her hard for a moment before turning and following Liam out into the other room.
Natalie sat there for a long time before leaving the kitchen as it was and going into the other room. Standing in the dining room, she could see out into the living room. She had been so focused on what John did and how it made her feel, she never once that she could recall gave a thought to how her children felt without their father living at home. They had seemed fine, they went with him happily and came home happily.
As she watched them she realized that the last thing she wanted was a divorce. She still couldn't understand the hurt he'd caused them….no her.
'Or is that your pride' she thought. She found herself walking into the living room and joining them.
"Mom!" Liam said excitedly, "the Eagles are up by ten already. Boy the Rams suck."
"Hey," John said sternly, "don't talk like that."
"Well, their defense stinks," Liam said in return.
"Yeah it does….but, don't say the word 'suck'," John said without taking his eyes off the screen. Laney was curl up in his lap with a boy on either side of him. It felt incredibly normal. It felt right. She must have been staring because he looked over and caught her.
"You ok?" he asked her for the second time tonight. She could only nod and turn her eyes to the television. She let them all be for a while before taking them up one by one for baths until it was Liam's turn in the shower.
"But, I am going to miss the end," he whined.
"I'm sorry but, you have school tomorrow," Natalie said smiling sadly at him.
John wasn't sure what had come over her but, since she came down from giving Sean a bath to get Laney, her mood had definitely changed. She was still unusually quiet but, he could tell she felt more relaxed.
"Well….what if we DVR'd it, then we could watch the end of it tomorrow night?" John suggested. Liam agreed but, he certainly wasn't happy about it.
"Let's go get in the shower," Natalie told him, "John, I'm sure Laney is ready for her story." She looked at him for as far as he knew the first time all night.
"Yeah, ok," he said as he got up to follow them upstairs.
They came down the stairs together. This was usually where he left.
"Thanks for your help tonight," Natalie said quietly, turning to head into the kitchen, "I uhm…I have to finish the kitchen. I just kind of left it earlier."
"I'll help you," John said.
"You don't have to do that," she said quickly, stopping to look at him.
"I know. I want to," he shrugged one shoulder. They stood looking at each other for a moment before Natalie slowly turned and made her way back into the kitchen. As they started to clear the table Natalie thought this was a good time to bring up the night before.
"Um…listen, I wanted to tell you that…..I'm sorry," she blurted out nervously.
"For what?" John asked confused. As far as he was concerned he was the only one that had anything to apologize for.
"For getting upset last night," she sighed and stopped what she was doing to look at him directly, "I guess I was a little….I don't know jealous or something."
"You were jealous?" He never expected her to say that, he narrowed his eyes at her and waited for her to explain.
"I guess what that tramp said, kind of…I don't know, made me see," Natalie huffed, "and she was right. We are separated and you would be within your right to find someone else if you wanted to."
John snorted in disbelief, "I've been doing my best to prove to you that I don't want anyone else. When are you going to see that?" He ran a hand threw his hair, "especially someone like that."
Natalie scrunched up her nose. "Yeah, she really isn't your type," Natalie tilted and looked at him through her narrowed eyes, "you don't really have a type though, do you?" She said trying to lighten the mood she created earlier.
He laughed and leaned up against the island counter, "I wouldn't say that. I think I have a type."
"Yeah? Like what?" She finished putting the last dish in the dishwasher, "Blair, Marty and Kelly are all blondes, Kaitlin is a brunette, Evangeline-"
Cutting her off before she could say more, "well, I am pretty partial to red-heads with banging bodies," he smiled looking her up and down.
"U-huh, that's why the only red-head I've ever seen you with is me?" Natalie turned on the dishwasher and leaned against it facing him.
"I had to take the others out for a test run," John said gently with a cocky smile, "make sure."
"Right," Natalie said sarcastically, she couldn't decide on whether or not to be mad at him for that crack or not.
"Well, there happens to be a little red-head upstairs that I am pretty partial to," he said sincerely.
"That little red-head upstairs has you right where she wants you," Natalie said with a chuckle, "I've never seen a man more wrapped around his daughter's finger." She finished with a little awe in her voice.
"Told you," he said pointing to himself, "partial to red-heads."
Natalie just shook her head at him.
"I guess it's because," John sighed, turning serious, "whenever I look at her….I see you. As a child. And I know you had it rough and….I just want to make sure that she never….You know, I've wondered before if, back when I was a rookie walking a beat, if maybe…I passed you, ever. On the boardwalk or on the street somewhere. And I could have helped you and I didn't. And so, I look at her and I see you and I want to make her life comfortable and reliable and safe. I want that for all of them. For them to feel safe."
"They do…feel safe with you," Natalie said quietly. "You know, I've wondered that too. If we had ever crossed paths and never knew it," she smiled wistfully at a spot over his shoulder, "wouldn't that have been something."
They both stood lost in their thoughts.
"Hey," he said pulling her attention to him, "you could barely look at me earlier but, then when you came down to get Liam, something had changed. What happened?"
"Oh," Natalie smiled at him, "Sean pulled himself up off the floor while I was getting him dressed. He just took off." She knew something was wrong with him. He should be running and talking and so many other things at his age. He would be two in a little over six months, "everything else seemed silly after that."
"I'm sorry I missed that," John said smiling back.
"He'll do it again," she said nodding-sure of it. He nodded back.
"I have an idea," he said after a moment.
"Yeah," Natalie said curiously, "am I going to like it?"
"Well, I hope so," he said, "I want to try to go out again."
Natalie grimaced, "I don't know, that hasn't worked out to well for us if you recall."
"No, I know but, this time will be different," he said, "I promise."
As much as she wanted to say no, she was enjoying them all spending time together at home she found herself suddenly saying, "ok." The smile he gave her, she thought, could light up the kitchen.
As he was leaving that night he stopped in the open doorway and turned to her.
"Ok, so tomorrow night. I'll call Jody. Wear jeans," he said looking down at her.
"You're watching a football game tomorrow night," she pointed out with a smile on her face.
"Oh, right…damn, well the night after then," he smiled back.
"Jeans? So casual. No Palace or Shelter?-"
"No," he said quickly interrupting her, "no Palace and no Shelter."
"Oh, well I like it already," she teased, smiling up at him. He moved forward and kissed her quickly and firmly on the mouth surprising her. And then he was gone.
