Solitary: Jordana's perspective
A strong push thrust her into the
darkness that was solitary confinement. For a while, she didn't
move. She hardly even breathed. Finally she reached out, and realized
just how small the room actually was. She slumped to the floor, her
back against the wall, and let a few more choked sobs escape her
already chapped lips. She knew the plan, Tahira had drilled it into
her skull at least a dozen times before they arrived. But she was
still scared, scared of the uncertain, and scared for
Anakin.
"Anakin." she smiled sadly. She feared what this would
do to him, even if they did get out of here. He had always been
slightly unstable, especially when it came to events he could not
control. He beat himself up so badly about the death of his mother,
and about what he did to the Tuskens that killed her.
"I
understand." she whispered comfortingly after he confessed
everything.
What else could she say to him. Consoling him would do
no good because they both knew what he did was wrong. He was never
the type to accept psychotherapy, and if she were to scold him, he
would tell her she's being like Obi-Wan, and then he'd never take
her seriously again. She had planned, sometime during the war, to
teach him what Tahira had taught her.
"Jordana, I've always tried to teach you that if you can avoid taking a life, do so. But now we are at war, and we will have to kill. If you kill someone, be it out of objective, self-defense, or even rage, do not dwell on what you've done or why you did it. Accept it, and move on."
Those words had saved her during the war, whether she wanted them to or not. Ventress' torture had tested the limits of her anger, and by Jedi standards, she had failed that test. But few could have understood the hell she endured at the hands of that monster...
Flashback
Asajj Ventress, the personal protégé
of Count Dooku, knelt beside the beaten and bound Jordana, medical
aid supplies in hand. She ran her cold, rough hands sensually over
Jordana's stinging words before dressing them.
"Why are you
doing this to me?" Jordana whispered, her voice cracking.
"I
want to see how long it will take to break you, before you give up
that pathetic Jedi code and unleash your dark potential."
That
was the situation she endured daily. Each morning, Ventress would try
to tempt her into a duel, Jordana would refuse, and Ventress would
beat and torture her until nightfall, when the mental torture began.
She had no idea how long this when on for, could have been days,
could have been weeks. Then, after a particularly brutal beating,
Jordana let her guard down. Half unconscious, she softly pleaded for
Anakin.
Ventress' cackle whipped across her sensitive skin, "So,
you are in love with Skywalker?"
Jordana creaked her head
towards her, "Jealous?"
"Tell me something, little Jedi,"
Ventress hissed, "How will he be able to love you if I kill him?"
A
strong Force push shoved Ventress against the wall.
"You wanted
to fight me Ventress? Well come tomorrow, I will kick your ass back
to hell!"
And she did too. She decapitated Ventress, only to
find that it had been a replica droid, presumably programed by the
real Ventress. In her rage, she threw the mechanical head against a
wall and let out a mangled, blood-chilling cry.
"Bitch didn't
even have the balls to torture me in person!" she cried as Anakin
and Tahira rushed to her.
Later, she stood before the Council and
recanted her entire ordeal. She refused to cry, but she was weak, and
her knees were beginning to buckle.
"Terrible this has been for
you. Two weeks of rest you shall have."
She was dismissed but
she knew they were talking about her so she listened as best she
could through the door.
"We should not ignore this problem."
Mace said solemnly.
"What problem?" Obi-Wan demanded.
"She
acted out of rage Obi-Wan." Ki-Adi-Mundi commented. "I agree with
Master Windu. We can not ignore this."
"She has never given
the Council reason to worry before." Obi-Wan said. "I know
Jordana, personally, and I can assure you she is no cold-blooded
killer."
"I agree with Master Kenobi." Strass Allie added,
"We all saw those wounds, and we can only begin to imagine the
mental torture that went with them. She is hardly twenty-two and has
survived something that most Masters would have a hard time dealing
with. She needs healing, not punishment."
"Healing will not
cure the darkness in her."
"Enough!" Yoda snapped, and
everyone fell silent. "Too young was she to endure this. But if a
seed of darkness was planted in her, ignore it we can not. Punish her
we will not, but watch her we will."
End Flashback
It
was Tahira's advice that allowed her to hide her hurt and anger
from the Council, because after those two weeks she felt as if
practically nothing had happened. Guilt and regret were alien
feelings to her, although she told the Council otherwise. She knew
Anakin was worried about her but there was little she could do. She
need to keep her emotions in check. Her feelings for Anakin were
getting stronger. Her love for him was real, embracing his virtues
and his faults. She loved Anakin Skywalker: the great hero of the
Clone War, and Anakin Skywalker: the best friend she'd grown up
with. Tahira's teaching may have helped her cope with the hardships
of the war, but it was Anakin who helped her persevere them. His was
the face that flashed before her eyes every time she was facing
death. He had saved her so many times without even knowing it. Now,
it was her turn to save him, from the Jedi Council and from the dark
despair that would surely engulf him.
"Anakin," she whispered
to the darkness, "just hold on a little while longer."
