Chapter 10: You can never go home again

They were silent for a while. At length Aragorn spoke. 'As I have begun, so I will go on. We come now to the very brink, where hope and despair are kin. To waver is to fall. (…)'

January 3019, Third Age

And thus Solene left with Eilian and Mira and five hundred strong arms towards home.

But they took the long way around after they crossed the Laketown at Esgaroth, going north and west to the Ered Mithrin, higher north than the sylvan patrols. By mutual consent they did not come south by the Misty Mountains, but patrolled the hills were the towns of the Free people were far and scattered. The wilds had been overrun by all manner of evil – not only yrch and Saruman's horrid creature, the day-walking Uruk hai, but also ruffians and bandits, mercenaries and murderers.

When they found the village of Bree, it was deserted.

It was assumed that the fellowship was crossing the mountains, or perhaps Moria. There was some debate about circling around the mountains to meet them at Lothlórien, but Solene was adamant the companies do not meet.

Eilian teased her all the way through Rohan's gap about her fearing her 'lord's husbandly fury'. Solene though the teasing was worth avoiding the ring. Again.

And at every day of journey, she pondered whether to head south to Gondor or go home to Antar. Husbandly fury or no, there would be one heck of a mess as Stella vanished. Inevitably there would come the day when all the peoples would discover she had never had a twin, but only one older brother. Even if Galadriel held her peace and said not a word, there was always Celeborn. Or her own mother and brother may have chosen to be reborn in Aman.

Talk about awkward.

Too bad there was no way around it. It would probably be nice to start to let people realize she was a witch. If Galadriel (Now squeaky clean and a respectable queen and White Council member even after that whole fratricide did-or-did-not debate) got away with the title of Sorceress of the Golden Wood, a sylvan princess could perhaps get away with being a witch. Maybe.

Deciding to stick with the problems they already had, the antarian company crossed the undeeps of the Anduin, the wildlands and then went straight to the hidden road to Antares, only engaging in combat where the orcs charged at them. It was a pity but time was of essence if they wanted to arrive at their homeland and then have the option of joining the war in Gondor, or going straight to Mordor.

If they tarried long, they may not be able to enter the elven lands for the army preparing to lay siege, or not be able to leave it after being in.

When it was necessary that they stop to rest the horses, Solene cast hexes and protection spells around the camp. She allowed the others to see it and even taught those who had once been her students how. For a while they would believe she had learned tricks among the woodland elves but soon, soon they would know. And remember those nights.

As February came and ended, they reached the borders to the Republic. There were ten thousand or so orcs and men spread out before the long hidden walls of Antar, and once more they had to sneak around the enemy rather than engage battle. It was mid-March and many miles north when Solene finally found a gateway not under siege.

Much had changed. Rather than a group of wardens keeping the border, there was a full company of warriors in readiness should the enemy march to that entrance.

And among those warriors was a man Solene loved, and had not had the chance to speak freely with since before she first turned back time.

Solene stood petrified, not knowing what to say. Pyrrhus went to Damon before he greeted any of the other warriors.

"Peace be unto you, Damon." They embraced, tight and fast in the way males who love each other are wont to. "How are things here at En Arris?"

"Quiet, so far. It makes me nervous."

All around them the company that had traveled unloaded the horses and spread out and beyond the warriors' camp. Within the walls they were safe for the moment, and the trip to the capitol would be done with less tension and fear. Pyrr and Damon continued their conversation while Mira stood behind Solene.

And Solene stood still, just drinking it all in. there were many who she had used to know, whom she had taught, loved. Lunäere passed by with a tray laden with travel bread and cold cuts of meat for the newcomers. Lavignia kept vigil at the top of the wall, looking as if she could barely wait until the enemy crossed into her line of sight – and into death. Anndra was training with Darien on the grass, both naked to the waist. Darien was alive in this timeline, but he did not know Solene. They were not friends.

So many whom she loved did not know, did not care about her except for the most superficial way. She was a fellow citizen, and one who had elected to marry and live outside the borders.

"… And they have made difficult for us to keep up the correspondence. Outside of the Republic, there are tens of thousands of Sauron's minions scattered from the desert to Mordor. Saruman seems to be occupied with Rohan and Gondor, but he may have sent reinforcements. It's difficult to see the difference between one evil's army and the other," Damon concluded his report, turning his steady look at her. "Insofar they are concentrated on the southern borders. We keep watch on the coastline also, in case the pirates come with their wicked allies."

"Saruman's orcs can walk by day," Solene spoke. Pyrr turned around to watch her. "Sauron's are usually smaller and move only by night, but Saruman did something to breed orcs that can bear the sun."

"Bad news indeed, milady." Damon acquiesced with a nod. "Anything else that may be of importance?"

"You could call me Solene," she blurted. It's finally happening. I lost my mind. "I am no lady here."

"You are a visiting princess-"

Mira joined in, jesting as she untied Solene's cloak with great deference. "- And a princess is always a lady."

"Don't make me hurt you," Solene hissed.

"No kinslaying in Antar. It'll ruin our reputation," Pyrr admonished, serenely unconcerned with the possibility of Damon taking insult of the subject.

"I am antarian," Solene said again, with less hostility. "Here or anywhere else." If anyone ever earned the right, it is I.

"As you wish then, Solene. If you remember any other important fact, pass it on to me or to Anndra. Forewarned is forearmed, after all."

Solene repressed a bout of hysterical laughter. There are times being forewarned means only you have more time to be nervous. "I will tell anything I can tell that is helpful." Too bad there are so many things I cannot tell that would be helpful. "Do you know where Selton is? I should like to meet with him as soon as can be."

Antares, the capitol, Antar. March 10th, the Dawnless Day.

"It is darker the nearer it is to Mordor," Dalton spoke to the men gathered about, messengers to the captains leading the army defending the country. "In the south it is like the stars and moon do not exist, and today the sun shone only so long as its rays could reach us under this darkness. It makes the elves wary and the men afraid."

I daresay it made them all afraid, but the elves hid it best, Stella thought at her 'twin'. So close to the turning point she had grown into what Solene had been like at the Mortal Winter. It was only a matter of time.

It was running out.

"Mordor has already unleashed the army, and Isengard is emptied. Rumor is that the fellowship broke down and the Ringbearer went into Mordor, alone, may God help him."

All around the elves exchanged worried glances. Goddamned bloody fool went into Mordor alone? Solene asked Stella. Is he trying to ruin everything on purpose? The younger self questioned.

Hayden whispered, "May God help us all Free Peoples that Sauron never finds how close he is to his heart's desire."

Selton turned sideways to pat Solene's hand, for she was sitting beside him. "The last mail-dove brought a note saying your husband was in Rohan, defending king Theoden's lands."

She took a deep breath to calm herself before responding, "on his way south to Gondor. Make no mistake, he shall go there."

"Don't borrow worries when there are so many around already."

"But I know it, ada."

Will you call me your dove when the veil is lifted? Will you understand why I had to turn time around? Will you ever forgive me for deceiving you, for having you love me as two different people? Will my husband ever forgive me, he who is always so righteous, so proper?

Why on God's Green earth had she came up with that stupid twin idea anyhow? It would have been so much easier to masquerade as one person. Even if it made it more difficult to deal with one country at a time, in the end it would not have left loose ends.

Please God, do not let them turn their hearts from me. Anything but that. Surely I have paid enough in advance?

"I understand this is a difficult position for yourself, but you must find a way to keep calm. When people see Stella more serene than you, they will assume the worst."

"It is only fear. I will try to keep it from showing overmuch."

"- I hesitate to tell Madrin to call the army keeping the shores to the battle inland. Sauron has used pirates and corsairs before… even with our zeal and the aid of the other realms I do not believe we extinguished them completely. I do not trust that they have not yet arrived to fight us."

"It may be simply that they are called to keep Dol Amroth from helping Gondor," interrupted Solene.

Dalton did not waver. "Still, I rather err on the side of caution. Are we agreed?"

Ayes erupted from all over the wide meeting room. Once upon a time, she used to meet with the queen Valkyria to talk of state affairs and of magic in this room. Now, the captains plotted battle strategy.

She would not be going down to Mordor. The Outside Realms would have to make do with what they had already – there was a force of fifteen hundred strong in Lothlórien, the same in Mirkwood and Imladris; two thousand antarian warriors in Rohan, and thirty-four hundred men and women in Gondor. The Shire had acquired the protection of another two thousand warriors of the republic, who defended the hobbits and the men who lived scattered throughout Eriador had been asked to come and stand together there.

There were six thousand two hundred and fifty four able warriors defending the Republic and all three hundred and seven underage citizens being kept protected at the capitol in a fortress specially built for that purpose. Everyone who would have left had, and to go now would weaken the defense of Antar.

Which meant Stella would fall in battle under the over-protective eyes of her compatriots.

It would be a feat of great stealth and cunning to manage to actually be in the line of combat with so many guardian angels to protect the twins. It would also be a challenge to find out what to do about a corpse. Should there be one? Should she wait to die until the war had been won? Would the ring be destroyed before or after, and could she risk waiting? Should she come clean straightaway and get away with the pretense?

But how to eradicate the presence of a twin who was known and infamous throughout several nations? Oops, my bad, there's actually only one of me!

Yeah, that would work. Not.

On Selton's other side, Stella bent low to ask, "Any doves from Gondor?"

"None. Total silence. We believe they have been shot down. We have few mail-doves left."

"Since when?"

"For the past fortnight. But we have always know that's where the hammer would strike the hardest."

"So there is no way of knowing what goes on at the major battlefield." Solene took another deep breath, then released the air slowly. If she did not find a way to calm herself all captains present would think she was ill. "I need to find a way to know how things came to be thus," she said to herself.

Across Selton, Stella went still. Not again!

Doesn't look like we're going to win this time around either.

But we have reinforced everything that needed be. Antar has less than half of our warriors to defend our own borders.

And the ringbearer went all by his lonesome into Mordor carrying the One Ring. Might as well have tied it with a bow.

Not to mention the small detail of our own selves. The shit is going to hit the fan any day now. If not during the war, then after.

It would have been nice to have told that in advance. Like, two hundred years ago?

I was too worried about the war to check the details as I should have. This course of action was not wise.

Stella shifted in her seat as Dalton kept droning on about where the enemy was stationed outside their borders, and how they could get rid of them the soonest.

To say the least. But we'll have to dance to the piper. We cannot chance another turn.

We can if we're careful to live apart.

So that's what drives you? Not that the war may not go as we want it, but that the consequences for our deceit may be unpleasant.

They won't be unpleasant, they'll be catastrophic. Everything that we worked to save will hate us, revile us. We win, but we do not keep the prize. We shall be like Maeglin, rejected and exiled forevermore. Solene nodded once at Stella to make her point. We should divide and conquer once more, Stella. Find out what happened and when, pinpoint the dates and the facts so that we'll be able to maneuver them the next time. We could disguise ourselves as rangers or something, live undercover. Only one of us will be revealed this time. We should probably let people be aware that we have magical powers. Be like Galadriel, without the royal bloodlines.

Stella snorted. Yeah, because everybody and their cousin can be Galadriel. You've lost it.

That's a very likely possibility.

We will win the war. Don't risk Middle-earth for our own sake.

Middle-earth is lost. It was lost the moment the Ringbearer parted from the Fellowship. He cannot go undetected long inside of Mordor. And we never know when he'll succumb.

At that moment, the conversation halted. A horrible screaming beastly cry echoed. The twilight faded completely on the sky outside, engulfed by the absolute darkness. The air was close, and thick, and terror was overwhelming. It was hard to breathe, let alone think. The warrior on the door screamed for them to put on armor and shields, the Nazgûl had arrived.

Sauron had found a way into Antar: up from the sky.

The Ringbearer fell. He has the One Ring. Solene stood and clasped hands with Stella, as they tried to make their way someplace where they could apparate. I will prepare our luggage, you try and find out as much as you can. We need to prepare to make the turn. Do not let yourself be caught by the Nazgûl. Vanish if need be.

I hate myself, Stella though disgustedly.