I am torn… It has come to my attention that this story is coming off as a bit slow and drawn out. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty, I appreciate honesty. My concern is… does it appear this way because you have to wait for each chapter instead of being able to read it straight through? Or is it because you wish so much to see interaction between Kaoru and Kenshin that you do not care for the entire story? Or is it because my approach is not fluid enough? Or have I tried to please too many people at one time and have lost true intention? As the author, sometimes I can become blinded by the way my stories are perceived by the readers and since I am still working on how best to judge timing and flow, I would like to know what is not needed and what is. I have the unfortunate knowledge of the entire story, and so I am trying to build this correctly for certain situations so that it does not seem so sudden and awkward. I apologize if I have let it take me too far from the path. I do assure that everything I have written I have thought to be important… but then, I am my own person and no one else… so what could seem exciting and important to me may not to others. I will apologize once more for my babble and let you proceed with this already drawn out story… lol.
Oh and for the one reviewer who was concerned… Kenshin is a nice guy… I just had to make sure his personality fit the profile I've given him. Don't worry, you'll like him eventually after Kaoru's through with him.
Disclaimer: How could it be? I wouldn't be writing this if it were.
Chapter 11: Culmination
Kaoru stared at the foreign haori in her hands, surprised by its presence and the thought of its origin. Outside of the partially opened shoji snow was falling in sheets which made the air cold as it entered the training hall, and the overcoat looked very inviting and warm. A towel had also been folded neatly on top of it to relieve her of her sweat. It was a very gentle and caring gesture, but no one seemed to know where it had come from.
Kenshin had disappeared over an hour before.
"Come along, aijou, before we freeze. Let's see if that nice cook will let us make some hot tea."
Darting blue eyes up to meet her father's own Kaoru gasped in a breath to break the spell of her thoughts and nodded. "Yeah… that sounds great." Hesitating only a moment longer she slipped the oversized haori over her arms.
As evening came swiftly upon them it became quickly apparent that Koshijirou would either have to leave immediately and chance getting lost or frozen in the snow, or stay the night and hope that it would calm down enough for him to leave in the morning. Kaoru was completely against the former idea and insisted she would talk to the lord for an allowance that he stay without penalty. It seemed a rather hopeless possibility to her father, but as dinner was set out and Kenshin's form now ducked at the head of the table, as if once more pulling in on himself and building walls, the suggestion was met with little resistance.
"He didn't arrive until nearly lunch time, Kenshin-sama. I think it only fair that he be able to stay until the same time tomorrow or it shouldn't be counted as a full day at all."
"Very well." The master barely looked at her. Only a brief flicker of torn eyes glancing over the haori she still wore.
"Thank you." Partially worried over his deflated indifference she waved a hand at her father demandingly.
"Yes, t-thank you, my lord."
Kenshin only nodded and continued to pick at his food. To Kaoru he looked bothered or even upset and still in the process of working out a way to deal with whatever was on his mind. As silence pressed down upon them it seemed this meal would be just as quiet as the previous. Determined not to let it Kaoru cleared her throat.
"Tae-san said you were a samurai, Kenshin-sama." Next to her Koshijirou jerked at the sound of her voice. "Is that true?"
The set of his shoulders seemed to sag just a bit further, and Kenshin inclined his head in assent. "Yes. A long time ago… that was the name we were given."
"We? You mean, you and other samurai?" He shrugged, and the action seemed to suggest he was unwilling to speak if he did not have to. "What style did you use? Did it have a name?"
"I was taught… Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu. It was shown to me by my own father." A glance at her showed that she was interested and he reluctantly elaborated. "It is a technique of defense… to protect…" Those blue eyes practically sparked with excitement at this announcement.
"Really? That's not unlike the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu that Father's teaching me. It does not believe that the death of one's opponent is necessary for victory. We defeat our enemy by overpowering their spirit with our own. To protect life." The food was completely forgotten now that she was on a subject she was enthusiastic about, and she leaned forward to get a better view of his features through the curtain of bangs. "Why don't you carry your sword anymore? I bet you were a wonderful protector of this land and its people."
"You are naively mistaken, Kaoru-dono, if you think a sword could ever bring anything besides death." There was much bitterness in the tone of his voice, and the lift of his shoulders was now square and tense. Bright mood dimmed by his anger, Kaoru sat back on her heels with a frown.
"And why not? As a lord you are obligated to protect all that is defenseless in your lands." He twitched irritably as she used his own words against him, and Kaoru ignored her father's warning touch to her sleeve. "How many lives do you think your sword has saved?"
"Not nearly enough to compete with the number it has killed!" The abrupt, angry hiss made her gasp, and he turned away from her, as if giving her his back would block her reaction. "You say your sword is meant for protecting life but has it ever been tested in battle? Have you been able to protect anything with your sword?" Slightly nervous, Kaoru looked away. "Because I have not. Samurai are meant to shed blood! That is why we are given blades." Afraid of speaking too much, fearful that any more insight into his past might scare her, Kenshin dropped the chopsticks in his hand and stood to leave.
Kaoru moved as if to follow, her mouth opening to disagree, but Koshijirou grabbed her by the arm and held her down. Shaking his head in negation he warned her not to push the subject any further. He had seen similar haunted looks on many men, and his daughter did not have the experience needed to face that.
"But Father, how can you just sit there when the very principles by which you live are so thoroughly questioned?"
"Kaoru… how old do you think this lord is?"
Worrying her lip she wondered briefly if it was alright to share her theory with her father. "I don't know for sure, but… I suspect everyone here is at least… as old as the palace itself."
Smiling sadly, Koshijirou nodded. "Yes, aijou, I believe you are right. Do you understand what that means, what that suggests about these beings you are surrounded by? Do you know how long the lord of the palace has had to dwell on thoughts such as these?"
"I know, but…"
"Do you, little girl? So do you also know how painful it must be for him to see a style such as ours after thinking for the last thousand years that the one he has been raised on was the truth of his existence? Even you are no doubt painful to simply be around. He has proven that tonight." Kaoru frowned, and her eyes were sad. "I only tell you this because I worry for your safety, aijou. Do not be so reckless with your words in the future. I beg you. If you were to be hurt I would not know what to do."
"You shouldn't worry, Father. Believe it or not, we've been in worse fights." Looking very guilty and contrite, Kaoru half-smiled when her father chuckled.
"Believe it I will, aijou. You have a very strong spirit. That is the very reason I worry."
"But he hasn't hurt me…" Yet, anyway. Though… I don't know why, but I do not feel that he would ever hurt me. Fingering the sleeve of her borrowed haori, she frowned at a dark stain on its hem. Was it ink perhaps? Or was it blood?
"Just be careful. I don't like being so far away from you… but let's not spend the rest of our time together arguing. I have brought a present for you, aijou, that I think you will like." Encircling her shoulders with an arm, he squeezed and smiled.
X
The snow had finally let up, and from the look of the sky it would be a nice clear day. After being confined to the palace for a week or so with nothing left to clean, Kaoru was glad for the chance to get out even if she was calf deep in snow. Swinging the basket she had in one arm and kicking at the white flakes to watch them scatter, she tracked through the same set of her own prints for the eighth time that day.
Things at the palace didn't seem to be much different than they had ever been, and each day proceeded like the last. In the mornings she would have breakfast with Kenshin and then she would find something to keep her busy until lunch. After lunch she would train and then bathe. Supper came as the sun was setting and then it was time for bed. Much of the chores were handled by the servants, though she tried to steal as many as they would let her, but as the days went by she found it harder and harder to convince herself that she needed to.
After her father's visit was when the change had happened. A small change, but enough of one for her to feel that she actually missed the days before. Kenshin seemed to be either embarrassed, ashamed, or angry about the confrontation over his samurai origins and was now barely speaking to her. He didn't even watch her train anymore. Kaoru was surprised by how sad this actually made her, but she realized that it was because although she had befriended many of the servants, they were perfectly content to keep to their own lives and duties. As the "lady" they all kept insisting she was there was a distance that stayed between them that was instinctual to their status. Which meant, Kenshin was the closest thing she had to a friend or companion. She was getting lonely with his withdraw.
Kaoru had even tried to please him in a way she had so far fought against. The night her father had stayed he had given her a present: both of her mother's kimono. Koshijirou had insisted that he no longer had any use for them, and as his daughter they rightly belonged to her now. He would have liked, of course, to see her wear one of them at her own wedding, but with the situation they were in that was no longer a likely scenario. Never-the-less, he wanted her to have them with her.
Two days afterwards she had awoke feeling sad and frustrated with the new distance between her and the lord. A distance she hadn't even realized she had bridged before. It was apparent now, in the absence of that bridge, and she found she wanted to span that gap again. So to please him she had dressed herself carefully in her mother's favorite kimono: the one her father had given to her as a wedding gift. It was a pretty dress, and she had expectantly arrived at breakfast knowing he would be happy with her feminine attire.
One look at her kimono and those golden irises had been anything but happy.
In fact, they had been even more livid than they ever had been before, and he had left the table sooner than was normal. The prickly feeling that had taken up residence in her chest had grown with his displeasure, and instead of feeling a return anger, as per usual, she had found herself on the verge of tears. As soon as she had been able to make it back to her rooms the kimono had come off and she had once again dressed in her normal training gear.
Today, however, it didn't matter because the sun was shining, the air was fresh, and she was keeping herself busy. After a long conversation with Tae in the washing room off the kitchen she had discovered that there were quite a few sets of dishes missing. Not something, she was informed, that had happened overnight but over the course of many years. Kaoru understood why, after learning that it was Kenshin himself that was stealing the dishes and leaving them elsewhere. She suspected that before she had arrived to stay he had never sat at the table for fear of his servants seeing the trouble he had eating with simple wooden chopsticks. So instead he had taken his meal in solitude, away from prying eyes. Of course, being a spoiled little lord child, he just never brought the dirty dishes back to be washed.
After a little investigating Kaoru now knew where he used to go, and with Sano and Yahiko in tow behind her, she had gone to inspect the place herself. It was a high ridge up above the city overlooking the entire metropolis, palace, mountainside, and the village and coastline below. The view was really magnificent, and Kaoru understood just why he had picked it. A couple of the older servants said it was a spot he had frequented as a child. The thought of a young Kenshin made her smile.
Piles upon piles of dishes had been buried underneath the snow, many of them broken and shattered. There had been more whole ones than she had expected, however, and the first couple trips she had made up and back again had been reserved for them. Not wanting to leave any sharp shards that might cut any unsuspecting foot, since Kenshin couldn't wear sandals and he might come back, Kaoru had then gone back to clean up the rest. Now on her hopefully last trip, she was starting to feel the strain of the trek on her legs and arms.
The climb was nearly straight up, and even through snow that was already trampled she had to exert more energy than normal. The mutt and tiger didn't seem to be affected, though. The both of them had four legs to support their weight instead of just two. Every once in awhile she was jealous of their four legs and fur coats that were probably a bit warmer than her own clothing. Then she was reminded of how long they had been like that, that they had originally been human, and that both of them had eternally been separated from the ones that they loved.
It had not taken her long to notice the interactions between specific servants under Kenshin's rule: the dog and the fox; the tiger and the kitten; the weasel and the raven; the lemur and the monkey. At least Saitou and his wife had transformed into animals of the same species, though she doubted that was much compensation for the couple. Being an animal at all after being human had to be frustrating. The tortured look she had caught in Misao's eyes one night at not being able to cuddle in her beloved's arms had proven this. How cruel it must feel to simply be unable to show affection the way you wish.
Yahiko shot by her to romp playfully in the snow and Kaoru smiled. In some ways the tiger was just as young as he appeared to be, and for that she was glad. He became angry if she treated him like a child, but there were times when she could tell he didn't mind as much as he insisted. There were other times, though, when he was with Tsubame, the shy kitten, that she could tell just how old he really was. Their love was not a child's love even if it appeared to be just as sweet. He was extremely protective of the small feline, and with the colder weather Kaoru had caught them curled together more than once.
Cresting the steep path up to the ridge Kaoru watched the tiger disappear around the bend up ahead. It was further than they needed to go and with a sigh Kaoru conceded that he was a cat after all, even if he was a big one. He was extremely curious and with the snow and wind as hampering as they were she was a little afraid that curiosity would get him into trouble. Stopping beside the pile of broken ceramic, Kaoru sat down the basket and waved her hand after the boy.
"Why don't you go make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble, Sano-san. These ledges can be tricky, and I don't want him to fall."
Yawning, Sano ruffled his fur and shrugged. "Alright. Will you be okay by yourself?"
Nodding, she promised she wouldn't try to go back down until they both came back. A part of her felt just a little confined by the two chaperones Tae had insisted she take with her, but she was also grateful. Getting lost or breaking her leg without someone else there was not a fun scenario to think about. Swishing his tail lazily Sano followed after the tiger and was soon gone as well.
A gust of wind blew across the face of the mountain and Kaoru pulled the haori she was wearing just a bit closer to her body. She didn't really know why she was still wearing it, as it wasn't hers, but it was a lot warmer and thicker than her own and giving it up was undesirable. She knew she'd freeze without it. No one had said anything to her about wearing it, so far, and in the back of her mind she was slightly afraid to ask who it belonged to. Besides, Kaoru suspected she knew the answer, and they were having so many issues already that she didn't want to start another. So she wore it and kept her mouth shut. It was the only thing he looked upon favorably anymore anyway.
It only took her a few minutes to load the remaining pieces of dishware into her basket. A heavier load than the last few but she didn't really want to come back again. It just meant they would have to go slower on the way back and possibly take a couple breaks. So near the end of the chore, and the end of the day, she just wanted to be finished and in a bathtub full of piping hot water. Yawning herself, Kaoru strained her neck to see if the others were on their way back yet, but there was no one in sight. Settling herself down in the snow to wait, she smiled when she found herself just a bit warmer surrounded by its dense barrier. Packing herself out a little spot, she sat back to rest her weight on her elbows and wiggled her feet around to widen the space. In a few minutes the cold from the snow would begin to seep into her clothing, but for now she was going to enjoy the chance to play a bit herself.
Another burst of wind pulled Kaoru from a doze, and she jerked her head up to stare at the darkening sky. It was getting really late and she was still alone. Too much longer and they wouldn't be able to make it back down the path safely. Standing quickly and shivering as the whole back side of her complained of the cold, she grabbed at the basket and headed towards the bend the other two had disappeared around.
"Sano! Yahiko! We need to get going!" An echo of her own voice was her only answer, and she frowned at the sense of isolation that pressed in around her. "Come on you guys! It's getting cold!" A step forward brought her closer to the ledge as she leaned around the cliff to see the other side. There was no one in sight. "Yahiko!" No answer. "Sanosuke!" A louder echo, taunting her with the touch of anxiety in her tone. "Fine! I'm leaving without you!" Angry now with her own unease, she pivoted with a harsh grind of her heel, and yelped when her foot slipped out from under her.
Everything happened in that slow clarity only mortal danger can bring. Her body slammed face down on the snow and the jagged rocks hidden just beneath it, and the impact pushed the air from her lungs. The heavy basket still clasped in her hand yanked her sideways, and the slippery surface created by her weight compacting the snow helpfully obliged. Suddenly she was aware of the open air her legs were suspended in, but before she could react the rest of her was following their lead as the basket drug her completely off the ridge and tossed her into midair.
Still breathless from the initial impact Kaoru's thoughts raced through subjects that seemed just a bit vague and unrelated to her plight. She wasn't going to get that bath it seemed. Hopefully Sano and Yahiko wouldn't get into any trouble for running off. This fall would no doubt ruin the thick haori she was wearing. She wondered if Kenshin would forgive her for ruining his coat. Would her father find a better successor than she?
Half a second later and she sucked in a quick breath and used her free hand to scrabble with the rocks before they slipped passed. Digging in her nails and crying out as they broke behind the quick, she found purchase at the very lip of the ledge. The force of the momentum was not gone, however, and her body jerked against her fingers, elbow, and finally her shoulder to swing her with a hard slap into the wall of the cliff. Every part of her body was in pain, but the small splits her fingernails seemed to throb the worst, tempting her to let go and relieve their ache. The muscles in her hand twitched, trying to turn to jelly, and she grunted as she forced them to curl even tighter; to hold on even firmer.
Something cracked sharply, the sound breaking and churning like the grinding of stone. Eyes widening, her breath heaving, she felt herself slipping lower even though her grasp did not loosen. The ridge was breaking away. Panicked, she tensed her muscles, but even such a small movement only sped the process along and dropped her another few degrees. Now there was no longer any purchase for her feet to reach. Taking a breath to call for help the rock she clutched onto abruptly gave way and she was once again falling to the ground that was several hundred meters below.
Even though she was falling to her death, she felt a strange moment of relief as the pain in her hand ebbed. Soon, there would be no pain in her body what-so-ever.
For the second time in the span of mere moments her body jerked and swayed, tearing at already sore tissue, and her eyes snapped open before she realized they were even closed.
Strong fingers were wrapped around her wrist, black claws just barely scratching her skin, and a curtain of red hair haloed around her upraised arm, looking like a shimmering wind chime dancing in the breeze. Focusing shocked irises past the pretty distraction of his hair, she looked upon her rescuer and the forever angry scowl on his features. Always disappointed… always displeased…
"What the hell were you doing?" The hiss of his words revived the terror in her eyes, and she tensed just enough to slide him a couple spaces closer to the edge. Digging into the ledge for better purchase with his other hand, he growled at her to be still. There wasn't much to hold onto, and even with his weight spread evenly on his belly it wasn't enough to fully counterpoint her own. The heavy basket of broken ceramic pieces still clutched in her other hand was not helping, either. It was just like her to refuse to let go of something so worthless.
There was blood on her wrist that was dripping down from the sickening breaks in her fingernails. One fingernail was missing completely. The slick fluid was making it harder to keep a hold of her, and he could feel her slipping through his fingers.
"Let go…" Biting out the command through clenched teeth, the overwhelming panic that contorted her features told him she had misunderstood already. "…of the basket." If possible her eyes widened further, and the next second the handle was released from her death grip to allow the basket to fall and smash upon the rocks below. Reaching immediately up, that hand now clamped around his forearm in the same manner of desperation. They dropped even lower, and the lip of rock scratched across the soft flesh of his exposed belly.
"Don't let go."
The frightened plea softened the rigid set of his brow just enough to show concern for her. "I won't let you fall."
It was fast becoming obvious that pulling her back up was not an option. The more they moved the more unstable the ledge became. Kenshin could feel it cracking beneath him. Soon there would be nothing left but the sheer cliff face. Instinctively his wings snapped open as they slid even further, and he winced as his pelvic dug into the rock. For a moment she seemed shaken by their appearance, but then she was battling back her alarm in hopeful understanding. Good, this won't be as hard as I thought.
"This will be tricky, but you are going to have to trust me." Swallowing, she nodded. "I will have to let you go." Her lip trembled briefly, but she nodded again. "I will catch you. I promise." Her next breath was steadying, her hand relaxing around his forearm, and she nodded once more. Releasing her to allow no room for more thought or fear, he struggled hastily to set himself in the right position, dug in with his talons, and launched himself after her.
The force of his own take-off caught him up to her before she had fallen more than a few meters. She wasn't screaming, but she wasted no time in wrapping her arms around his neck and clinging as if she'd never let go again. Descending faster than she, the abrupt change in speed threw her legs up to collide with his own, and he grabbed her around the waist to keep from losing her. There was a high-pitched yelp near the vicinity of his throat as they snapped together, but it was all the noise she made and he was grateful she wasn't breaking his eardrums.
The rest of the short flight was tense. Threads of dark hair whipped around his face, her haori sleeves buffeted in the wind, and one of her hands clenched randomly against his shoulder as if trying to convince herself that she was truly safe and alive. Her fear made him angry. The entire situation made him angry. She made him angry. He didn't know if he could take much more of it.
They landed in a drift of snow at the base of the cliff, and out of the corner of his eye Kenshin saw the two wayward servants that were supposed to be watching her come running up. They stopped short at the rage in his gaze. Sano whimpered like the dog he was fashioned after and Yahiko dropped completely down into the snow in fear. Later they would be punished, and they both knew it would not be pleasant.
For a full minute she simply stood there and trembled against him with her face buried in his neck and her arms wrapped tightly around him. The scales covering his skin dug uncomfortably into her soft cheeks, but her legs were shaking so badly she was afraid she might collapse if she let go. She needed to steady them, though, and quickly, so she could get away from him before his temper exploded.
The long strands of his bangs snagged around her ear when she finally pulled away and uncovered half of his face, and when she curiously glanced upwards she was met with the fury she had expected. Her eyes were drawn lower, however, when she noticed the scales on his cheek were uneven and disfigured. There was a scar there she had never seen before. A large one in the shape of an X.
One withdrawn hand almost touched that scar before she remembered what she was doing and she ducked just slightly before stepping completely away. The hair hooked around her ear slithered off and his face was once again covered.
"What were you thinking?"
The vehemence in the question made her flinch just slightly, but as her legs were gaining strength so was her courage. Kaoru hated the thought of being scolded by him. "It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone."
"Only to someone idiotic enough to climb the paths on this mountain in the snow. What were you doing up there?"
He was so patronizing, so disdainful. She hated that better-than-thou attitude. "For your information, I was cleaning up your mess. If you had just brought your dirty dishes back to Tae when you were finished I wouldn't have had to go up there."
"You didn't have to go up there at all. In fact, I am more than tired of you doing everything you should not. It is not your place. It was never your place."
"Then what do you believe is my place?!" Voice swelling in volume, Kaoru tried not to hiss when her injured hand fisted. "Because I don't see one for me! I don't fit in here! I don't know what made you think I would!"
"I don't either!" There was too much going on. Too many things hounding him for his attention. He couldn't handle the stress, or the pain. He hated indecision. He hated when his life was in turmoil, because that meant he would have to change, and he hated when things changed. He wanted his life back the way it was, when he didn't have to do anything, or worry about anything, when he was not expected to be anyone's master. Shinta was supposed to be the master, not him. Perhaps he didn't have a place there, either. "You have been nothing but an inconvenience ever since you came! Your presence has hardly been worth the effort!"
Briefly his eyes looked away from her as he thought of the past few weeks and all of the problems they had accumulated thus far. Nothing was making her happy and he rarely found pleasure in her company. He didn't know what to do to make it better. Everything he had tried only made her angry, and with the donning of her own mother's kimono, brought to her by her father, it was made absolutely clear to him just where her heart was.
Returning his attention to her only a second later he was given no time to react as her open palm slammed into his cheek, whip-lashed his chin to the side, and exploded pain inside his eye. More surprised than anything, as he had never been slapped before, he stood frozen where he was with his body twisted awkwardly. His anger from mere moments before came back in a surging rush to dispel his bewilderment, but when he turned on her to release that anger shock overrode his reaction because of the tears welling from her eyes.
"If I'm so much of a bother then just let me go home!"
Her words were forceful enough, but it was the hiccup at the end that complimented her tears and expressed how deep he had cut her. Ducking her face into her uninjured hand to hide, she turned away to trip and struggle through the deep snow. It did not take long for her bright figure to disappear into the darkness of dead trees, and all that remained of her presence was the resonance of soft breath from her tears.
X
A/N: The beginning of this chapter was a bit rushed, but I wanted to get to their final fight. I hope that you liked, and the chapter should pretty well explain itself, but if you do have any questions, please go ahead and ask. Oh, and no Hiko in this story for obvious reasons. He would have straightened Kenshin out without a second thought, and Hiko never wanted Hiten to be used so viciously in war. So, unfortunately he will be left out. Please leave me a review, and hope to see you all soon. Vacations are wonderful!
