It was odd this having Remus in his arms stuff. It wasn't that he had never done it before, he had. Not just hugs either, Sirius was never shy of physical appreciation and he had thrown himself on his friends, lay on them, even kissed them when the mood took him. He'd also helped Remus back to Hogwarts on more occasions than he could count. But as he carried Remus weak and light in his arms something was different and he couldn't put his figure on it. Maybe it was the way Remus had his fist clench in the fabric of Sirius' shirt, or maybe it was the way he turned his face into his shoulder. But it was different.

'Common room,' Remus mumbled against his chest.

'What?'

'I don't want to go to the wing.'

'You need to be treated Remus,' Sirius said.

'You can do it.'

'James and Peter will be waiting for us.'

'I know.'

Sirius was about to argue some other sort of point but Remus looked up at him with pleading eyes and he nodded.

'Why would you want to be stuck alone with me after what I did?' Sirius asked changing directions.

'What were you thinking when you said it?'

'I just wanted to hurt him for ever thinking of hurting you.'

'Why?'

'Because you're Remus. How could anyone want to hurt you? I wouldn't be surprised if the whole school wants to hurt me, even James, Peter too when he gets annoying. But not you, never you.'

'But why do anything?'

'Because I want to protect you. I can't stand seeing you hurt,' Sirius admitted.

'See,' Remus said. 'You may be an incorrigible idiot, but how could I ever stay mad at anyone who would do so much for me.'

Remus closed his eyes again. Sirius carried him the rest of the way to the common room and lay him down on his bed. He looked Remus over, trying hard not to focus on how frail he was. He could fix the lacerations with a charm but he'd need a potion for the pain. He got his wand out from his sleeve and made his way one by one through every scratch and mark over Remus's skin. Even the tiny spelk he must have caught from sleeping on the floor. Remus just lay there, unmoving, as Sirius healed him with methodic precision. Sirius knew it would be painful for Remus, agony, as the cuts sizzled closed, but he didn't make a sound and it made Sirius' stomach clench as he put his Moony through so much agony.

The tension in the air relaxed when Sirius finished the last one, but Remus would still be in pain from the transformation.

'I need to go get a pain relief potion for you,' he said.

'One for you, your face,' Remus said. 'And conceal me. I can't face anyone.'

Sirius stood up and charmed the bed so that no one would notice the wizard lying on its covers.

'I'll be back as fast as I can,' he said. As he walked through the castle halls he realised he didn't feel like himself. He felt disgusting for hurting Remus, like he needed to scrub his skin raw, and that was before he even addressed the small part of him that was happy Remus wanted to be alone with him, that he was the one who got to take care of Remus in that state.

He was too lost in his thoughts about Remus that he walked straight into Rosie.

'Oh my god Sirius what happened to your face?'

'What? Oh right, run in with a troll, nasty business.'

She looked confused. 'Anyway, I want to talk to you-'

'Oh don't worry Remus already told me what he said to you.'

'That's not - he did?'

'Yeah.'

'And you're fine with that?' she asked.

'Well yeah, he was kinda right.'

'You share his feelings?'

'Yes.'

'Oh my god,' she said eyes widening. 'I turned Sirius Black gay.'

'You did what now?' Sirius asked. Bloody women, made no sense, ever.

'You're gay.'

'Am I?' He said. 'I have a lot of anecdotes that prove otherwise.'

'But you're in love with Lupin! You just said you shared his feelings.'

'Yes the ones were you don't actually love me. Wait, Remus is in love with me? That's not terribly bright of him. Why on earth if he was was in love me would he tell you?'

'He didn't mean to,' she said. 'He told me how much I didn't love you by showing how much he did.'

'Yes well we all love each other that doesn't -'

'Not like that. Whether you want to admit it or not Sirius, Lupin is head over heels for you.'

Was that true? Was Remus in love with him? What did he think about that and why was his stomach very light all of a sudden?

'I need to go,' Sirius said walking off. He realised he liked the idea of Remus being in love with him, but he always liked the idea of people in love with him. Yet somehow he didn't think it was the same thing this time. The term 'in love' to Sirius had always been a sort of idol worship and adoration which he expected and received from the majority of the school. What he had a feeling Rosie was referring to was something entirely different involving terrible songs, wet mouths and the ability to get your questionable heart smashed into such tiny pieces even a house elf couldn't find them.

But none of that was important, Rosie was barmy and was probably saying that to make him prove his masculinity or something stupid like that. Sirius had no desire for such things. Terms like homosexuality and heterosexuality were for muggles. Really uptight muggles. He'd only been with girls 'cause they had fantastic tits end of. But if the right bloke came along then maybe he could. An orgasm was an orgasm and love was love no matter what gender gave them to you. He didn't ask himself the question of whether Remus could be that bloke? That was a dangerous question, covered in mines that he just wasn't ready to navigate yet.

He gathered the potions he needed from the potions room and then headed back out the dungeon. He knew he needed to be careful, James and Peter couldn't see him. They'd be furious of course. But it was just all too much. It was a horrible feeling, feeling. Things came into his head and left with the speed in which they entered, nothing lingered or stuck around for tea. But now he couldn't seem to get Remus out of his head. The pain he'd caused him, was he in love with him? He just didn't have room for James and Peter also.

Remus was curled up in the foetal position when Sirius returned. He didn't know whether he was asleep or unconscious, either way he was shaking. Sirius forgot about all his thoughts on what Remus felt; he crawled into bed with Remus and pulled him onto his lap. He lifted him up by his shoulders and poured the potion into his mouth. Remus fisted Sirius's shirt but didn't opened his eyes as he swallowed the potion. When he finished he lay his head against Sirius' chest and Sirius held him there. Only briefly letting go to charm his own face back to normal.

He looked at the way the sandy strands of hair fell across Remus's eyes. The beautiful scar that ran across his nose. How perfect he looked sleeping, how right he felt in his arms. It was where Remus belonged. He had thought all these thoughts before, but he had never considered what it meant to think them. Sirius didn't think. He just did.

The door opened and James and Peter walked in. Sirius remained as still as he could.

'They bloody well aren't in here,' James said. 'Sirius what the hell are you playing at?'

'Maybe they are at the hospital wing now?' Peter asked.

'Dammit Padfoot you've gone too far this time,' James said.

'Calm down,' Lily said. Of course he'd brought her along. 'Maybe Remus wanted to go home?'

'What and he asked Sirius to escort him. The one who nearly got him to Kill Snape.'

'What about Sirius' flat?'

'It would be like him to run off there. You know, I never thought…'

'What?'

'I never thought he was a Black until last night,' he said. Sirius could feel his heart pulse in his throat as they talked, he hadn't realised it but he'd covered Remus' mouth to keep him quiet. He was shaking. A Black was he? Well yes he was and he'd have made them proud.

Remus moved Sirius' hand from his mouth.

'Sirius, don't-'

'Don't what?' He snapped. 'I'm a Black. No wonder I hurt you so bad.'

'He's just…' Remus said.

'Angry. And he has every right to be. I'm angry at me too. I think there's firewhiskey under my bed. Do you want a glass?'

'Yes,' Remus said. That shocked Sirius. 'Only don't move. You're comfy.' He was quiet as he said it and a faint line of blush spread across his cheeks. It might have been one of the most adorable sights Sirius had ever seen. After all, Remus wasn't the type for making demands, especially not of someone else's body. Except Sirius found himself wanting Remus to. Imagine…no that was bad thinking. He hadn't decided anything yet.

'Accio firewhiskey. I lied about the glass thing,' Sirius said as the bottle flew out from his bed to them.

'Bottle sharing it is,' Remus said. He took a swig and did this bizarre little shiver that made Sirius laugh.

'I forgot you did that,' Sirius said.

'I can't help it.'

'Why are you with Rowan?'

'Well I don't know if I am anymore,' he admitted.

'Really,' Sirius said taking the bottle back and taking a long drink.

'Well she told me I wasn't really in the relationship and I had to decide if I wanted to be and I haven't seen her since. But she was right and she knows that.'

'Why weren't you in it?'

'It's not important.'

'Do you know why I don't have relationships?'

'You a massive man-slut,' Remus said.

'Partly. But this world we live in is fucking crazy. Muggle-borns are being persecuted and half-bloods are terrified they're next. No one is willing to stand up against the Death-Eaters except us and not all of us will live you know. So why bother? If I'm going to die or they are going to die so soon. What is the point? Then the there's all the lies and secrets. Not to mention anyone who was with me would have to deal with my family. I couldn't do that to them, I still get howler's once a month of Bellatrix when she isn't too busy murdering people.'

'Don't you think they'd think it was worth it? Plus I know that if I only have a few years left I'd want to spend it with the one I love.'

'You're such a romantic,' Sirius said. He drank some more firewhiskey, a lot of firewhiskey.

'Hey stop hogging the drink.'

'I don't even know if I could do a relationship. I've never tried.'

'Where is this coming from?'

'I saw Rosie before. She told me all of what you said to her.'

'Oh god,' Remus jumped off Sirius faster than Sirius thought the wizard could move. The space he left was unbearably cold.

'Where you going?' Sirius asked.

'I'm sorry I…' Remus started. He started pacing the room.

'Well do you?' Sirius.

'Yes. I love you, you daft tit.'

'Charming,' Sirius commented.

'Aren't you supposed to be being freaked out right now?'

'Am I? Why'

'Because I'm a guy?'

'At times I'm not so sure, but physically yes you are a bloke.'

'You're always with woman.'

'They have great legs and tits, but that doesn't mean I've never considered other options.'

'What?'

'OK, this is what I know. I hate you being unhappy, I like you being near me, I like it when I'm touching you in someway. I hated Rowan because she was with you. I also think you are rather beautiful in a Moony sort of way.'

'What?'

Sirius stood up and moved to where Remus had stopped pacing. He placed his hands on either side of his face and kissed him. It was nothing like his kisses with girls, those had been soft and sweet and Remus was rough and hard. Sirius parted from him and smiled.

'This seems more and more like a better idea.'

'You aren't pitying me?'

Sirius rolled his eyes and grabbed Remus's hand and placed it on his crotch.

'I can lie about many things but I'm not that good. Alright?' Sirius said. Remus bit his lip and his eyes hooded as he looked down where his hand was. And didn't that make it all worse, or was it better? He kissed him again, because he just couldn't not. It was like his entire body wanted Remus.

Sirius had done many things with many woman, but no one had quite made him feel like he would suffocate without them. As Remus moaned into his mouth Sirius thought this was what it was supposed to be and why had it taken him so bloody long to realise Remus tasted so good, like fresh earth and wet nights.

'What do you want to do about the others?' Remus asked moving away. Sirius pouted.

'I want to push them off a cliff so they can't ever see you like this,' Sirius said.

'I'm not joking.'

'Neither was I,' Sirius. 'Can we kiss again?'

Remus frowned at him.

'Fine, I don't want them to know just yet, this is ours and I don't want to share.'

Remus nodded and smiled which was good because Sirius had a sudden thought that might not have been what he wanted to hear.

'But I'll need you to stop them lynching me when we decide to show ourselves.'

Sirius ran his finger's through Remus's hair. He loved his hair, like the colour of beaches, and so fine. He had a sudden urge to lick Remus's scars and so he did. Well the ones he could see, the others would be saved for later. Remus giggled, it was very unmanly and yet Sirius found he was giggling too. Remus looked him straight in the eyes and this time he leant to kiss him. It was soft at first, like he still wasn't sure whether all this was ok, so Sirius pulled Remus's hips against his and bit his lip.

'I really, really should have tried this sooner.'