Measures of My Life: Jack Mercer

Authors Note: Awww I'm so glad that ch 10 made you guys want to cry. I mean...not that I wanted you to cry or anything but, it was a very nice thing say,let's just put it that way.Thanks for all the reviews. Hopefully everybody will get to leave me some feeback on this one.Enjoy!

Chapter 11

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think straight, my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I gave a low groan and held my stomach. The pack of cigarettes that Logan had given me were long gone and I needed to find something else to replace my cravings before I did something drastic. I sat up in my bed coming to the conclusion that I would never be able to fall asleep and looked at the digital clock on my night stand. 5:40 A.M.

For the past few days I had tried my best to completely detach myself from the rest of the household. It seemed all too quiet since Missy had left. The sweet sound of child's laughter had unconsciously been a comforting sound to me. I got off of my bed and walked to my sock drawer, my feet padding across blue carpet. I took out my toothbrush and headed to the bathroom. Ever since Evelyn had given me the new toothbrush I would always return it to my sock drawer after every use, because every night I would think about leaving, running away. I still hadn't unpacked…I had simply stuffed my duffle bag and whatever else that Evelyn had given me in the sock drawer. It's pathetic to really see how little I really had, all my necessities could fit into a freaking sock drawer.

I ran the cold water over my face and sighed looking into the familiar mirror seeing an unfamiliar face fading away with each passing day. I looked horrible. Withdrawal was taking control of me. I had no more room on my wrist to cut myself that I had resorted to making cuts into my upper thigh. Amazing how depressing it could be without having cocaine in your system.

"You're up early…excited for school?" I turned to see Jeremiah standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. I rolled my eyes and moved passed him making my way downstairs. "Oh what? You still pissed about that night? You know Bobby didn't mean it right? That fight wouldn't have even happened if you had just let him take the coke." I sat at the kitchen table with my head in my hands. "Hey…you okay man?"

"No…"

"What?"

"What do you think? I haven't had anything in my system for the past couple of days. Jesus Christ!" I groaned once again and ran my hands through my hair.

"I know it hurts…but this is a good sign. You have to go through this if you want to get better."

"Since when did anybody care if I got better or not."

"Man you got to give yourself some more credit."

"Think about it Jerry. Honestly would it have made a difference if I had never come back that night or not? I bet you wouldn't have even noticed. You don't even know me." Jeremiah placed his hand on my shoulder and I flinched, but he didn't seem deterred by that.

"How are we supposed to get to know you if you close yourself off to everybody, not to mention that jackass attitude of yours doesn't help either." Easier said than done. "Jack you hungry? I can't cook much but I can make a mean bowl of cereal."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something man. Have you seen yourself, we gotta put some meat on you boy."

"You talking to your imaginary friend again Jerry?" Bobby became silent as he realized that Jerry was talking to me. I didn't even give him glance, I merely hung my head down. "Jerry."

"Good morning to you to Bobby."

"Jack. How are you today?" I sat there silently. He sighed loudly and walked towards me. I immediately pushed my chair back as far as I could. "Jack I'm not going to hurt you." It was then he grabbed my chin roughly and forced me to look at him. I held on to Bobby's wrist to try and alleviate the pressure on my chin and stared at him once again fearful of what he might do. He seemed to be studying my face carefully with a concerned eye. "Can barely see that bruise anymore…" He then released my chin and walked towards the fridge. "You're fine Jack. Just a small hit, you'll live." I rubbed my chin and watched Bobby and Jerry move about the kitchen pulling out bowls and cups. "Jack, don't try and pull any shit when you're at school today. Angel's going to be there too so don't even try to get out and fuck around with your little friend Logan. Or else…" Well that was comforting, or else.

"Why you gotta go and threaten him like that Bobby. You know that's why he doesn't like you."

"He doesn't like any of us Jerry."

"That doesn't give you any right to be so forceful. He just came out of a rough situation with his other foster family."

"We all came out of fucked up situations Jerry, that's no excuse for him to go around and figuring out ways to get himself killed by some stupid shit." Now I was just getting annoyed by their bickering and how they seemed to talk about me like I wasn't there.

"What am I saying Bobby. You're hopeless."

"Well what do you suggest then? We all try to be nice but the only way he seems to listen or hear anything is if we be a bit rough. It's the only way to get it through his thick skull."

"I'm still here you know." They both stopped their conversation and glanced at me.

"Go put some clothes on Jack, I'll be taking you to school."

"Why you?" Bobby stopped pouring juice in his cup.

"Why not me?"

"Why not Evelyn?"

"She's busy Jackie, she can't be here 24/7 to hold your little hand. Too busy trying to find a family that'll take in your shitty ass." I tried not to let his comment hurt me but it was getting harder and harder for me to pretend like nothing bothered me when in reality everything did.

"Thank you…" Bobby stopped what he was doing and looked at me with curiosity.

"Thank you for what?"

"Thank you for reminding me how worthless I really am." I was just about to leave the kitchen when Bobby grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"Jack I'm…" I let out a small whimper and cringed as Bobby held onto my wrist. He immediately let go and gave me a strange look. Before I could stop him he tore off my wrist band. "Jesus… did you do this to yourself?"

"Let go."

"Just answer the question Jack."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Oh is that right. God damn it Jack. Jerry, go get the fucking first aid kit and you go sit back down at the table."

"No." Why was I acting like this?

"Go sit down."

"I said no. I've been doing this all of my life and I'm telling you now I'm fine."

"Jack get your ass in that seat right now!"

"What are you going to do Bobby if I don't? You going to make me? Well go then. Let's see it." I stood in front of him and gave him a light push on the shoulders. "What are you waiting for tough guy, if you want to hit me then hit me!" I pushed him a little harder this time and he took a step back. "Come on and hit me!" I pushed him again. "Fucking hit me Bobby what the hell are you waiting for!" I punched him in the chest but he still didn't react. "Fucking hit me! That's what they all do! That's what they all did to me!" The tears started pouring out of my eyes as I continued to hit Bobby as hard as I could shouting at the top of my lungs. "Come on Bobby! I'm giving you chance to fucking hit me go for it! Be like all of them! Beat me into the ground and tell me how worthless I am! Beat me into the ground until I can't get up! Pound it into me until I realize what a lost cause I am!" While my ranting Bobby had held onto both of my arms to try and stop the punches I was giving him trying his best to calm me down. Tears continued to come down as I slowly lost the energy to fight against Bobby's strong grip. "Hit me Bobby, please. Make it stop just put me out of my misery…" We both seemed to sink to the ground as he continued to hold onto me. "please…" The next thing I knew I was sobbing into his shoulder.

"I'm not going to hit you Jack. I'm never going to hurt you like they did." I was gasping trying to breath through my sobs.

"I hate my life…"

"Don't say that Jack. Shh…calm down."

"I don't…I don't…want to stay here. Why was I even born?"

"Jack stop. It doesn't always feel like this... you're going through withdrawal. That's why you're feeling so depressed. None of this is real…"

"It's real, it feels so real. I hate it! Just make it stop." Bobby held onto me tightly as I continued to cry on his shoulder. He hadn't hit me, he didn't make one move. Most people would've have thrown me out by now but he was still holding me trying to calm me down. But it was too much, too many emotions, too many painful memories to count. It was all so overwhelming. One had piled up onto another, onto another and it was all finally coming down. "It's just so hard…" My sobs had finally died down into quiet tears as Bobby finally let me go.

"I know Jack. It's always going to be hard, but it gets better, it's going to get better." I sighed loudly and wiped my face with my hands. A tissue was place before me and I looked to find Jerry standing next to me with a box of tissues and the first aid kit in hand.

"I was always too chicken." Jerry and Bobby both gave me an odd look.

"Too chicken about what?"

"I never had the guts to go through with it…you know…killing myself. I had so many opportunities." I looked down at my uncovered wrists stinging from the tears that were falling upon them. "But…I could never bring myself to make a cut deep enough." Bobby slowly rubbed the medicine into the multiple cuts and shook his head.

"Hopefully you'll never find an opportunity ever again."

Authors Note: So...what did you guys think? I can't tell you enough how inspirational each review is to me. It pushes me to write more for all of my faithful readers. So now that you're done reading, you know what to do. PLEAS PLEASE PLEASE Review! Muah!