Fitz heard Jemma let a shriek of surprise before her cries were drowned out by another explosion.
The walls shook again, glass beakers jangling together as dust showered down from the ceiling.
"Jemma?" It was Pao, calling out in alarm, her stumbling footsteps sounding from his left as she fumbled in the dark, searching for her friend.
"Here, I'm here," Jemma now, reassuring and calm. "It's alright, this is our base. Whatever's happening we just need to keep our heads and stick together." There was a pause and he heard her inhale a slow breath before adding firmly. "All of us. That means you too, where are you? Can you find my hand?"
To his astonishment, she was reaching out to him, unseen in the pitch darkness, though he felt her fingers slide through his and her hand clamp around his own when he held out his arm towards her voice.
"Th-that's you right?" she asked, unable to mask the tremor that passed through her, illuminating her fear like a match.
"Yeah," he answered gently, giving her a quick squeeze. "Yeah this is me."
"A-and I have your other hand," Pao said shakily. "R...right?"
"You do," she assured her.
Pao let out an audible sigh of relief. "Shit. What was that?"
"Language," Jemma scolded. The short response sounded automatic rather than a true reprimand however.
"It sound almost like a pipe bomb," Fitz supplied. "But… but more…" He mimed an explosion with his free hand, even though none of them could see it.
"More like a collision," Pao added, uneasily. "Do you think something hit us? Oh God, are we under attack? I've never been under attack before. What do we do?"
"It could have been an accident," Jemma guessed weakly. "There are other labs above us, weapons testing-"
BOOM!
Pao screamed and Fitz felt Jemma yanking him towards her, his shoulder bumping into hers as they smacked together but she didn't let go of his hand.
"Shhh," she urged shrilly. "Pao you need to be quiet. Rule number one when we're under attack is quiet. OK?"
"OK," she squeaked.
"It'll be alright," Fitz added, hoping to sound reassuring. "This base is filled with highly trained agents and the walls have been reinforced since our last siege. Whoever that is is going to be sorry."
"Fitz is absolutely right," Jemma chirped optimistically. "You have nothing to be worried about. We just need to sit tight."
Taken aback, he turned towards her voice, thinking he couldn't have possibly heard her right. She couldn't have called him Fitz, could she? He blinked in her direction, acutely aware of her hand in his own and his heart leaping into his throat in a way that had nothing to do with fear.
Then he realized that it must have been a mistake, a name called out on instinct. It had no meaning. It didn't make him the person to whom the name belonged. It didn't make him real.
"Let's find some light shall we?" she suggested, and he could hear the false lightness in her voice, that she was trying to stay positive for her friend.
The corners of his mouth drew up in a proud smile. "You must still keep torches somewhere in the lab, this isn't the first time the lights have gone out."
"They're in the desk underneath the computer," she told him. "It isn't far, just a few feet to the left of us. We can walk there all together."
Pao whimpered uneasily but when she spoke she sounded a bit less frightened than before. "The third drawer right?"
"Right," Jemma answered, approving as if this were all just a simulation and Pao had been the first to find the fire escape. "We can hide under the desk when we get there, just in case things start falling on us from the ceiling. Just to be safe. We only need to walk a few feet and-"
BOOM!
"-A-and.. and open the drawer," she finished, words squeaking at the end. "E-everyone ready?"
"Uh huh," Pao choked out.
"Should be no problem at all," Fitz said soothingly. He ran his thumb up and down the back of Jemma's hand, instinctively attempting to reassure her, and, to his surprise, she gave his a quick squeeze before they started forward.
The desk wasn't far and they reached it without incident. Jemma made Pao wait beneath it as they opened the drawer, passing out the torches. Then they switched them on to evaluate the damage.
"Th- that isn't gonna hold up much longer," Pao stammered, waving her light and peaking out her head to get a better look. "The support beam's been compromised."
Fitz passed his own beam upwards, horrified to find she was right. The damage was too great and the structure's integrity hadn't survived the multiple assaults from the surface. One or two more hits and it would give way, showering heavy bits of metal, concrete and glass down onto them.
"Do we still have the Iron Umbrella?" he asked, directing his beam to the ground in front of Jemma so that he could see her without blinding her.
"Its under your workbench," she told him, waving her own beam in its direction, even though he knew exactly where the bench in question was. He didn't have the time to wonder why she'd called it his. Her eyes narrowed and she fixed him with a stern look. "You aren't going out there."
"We'll need more than this desk if we're hit again," he argued stubbornly, gently easing his hand from her grip. "It wont take long. Besides, better me than a real person right?"
Her expression filled with pain and she shook her head fiercely. "You are a real person."
"She's right," Pao added firmly. "I've seen plenty of tables and you are not one of them."
If their words had been meant to stop him they'd been a poor choice. Instead they swelled his heart, filling it with determination.
'Jemma thinks I'm a person,' he thought warmly. 'She cares about me and Pao is my friend. I have to do this.'
He smiled at them, slowly reaching out to graze his fingers down the side of Jemma's cheek, wishing that he was who he felt inside of him so that he could hold her, spend the rest of his life by her side.
"I'm not the right person though," he whispered. 'However much I love you.' he added silently, not bitter, or angry but resolved and calmed by a growing sense of acceptance that left him more sad and hollow than he could ever remember being.
Her lip trembled and she opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but before she had a chance to stop him he bolted away, scampering across the lab.
He slid to his knees in front of the desk, yanking open the drawer and rummaging through it.
"Come back!" Jemma called, alarmed.
"Just a minute," he answered, digging through the array of gadgets, keenly aware that each passing second brought him closer to danger, but coming up empty each one. "Damn it, where is it?" he muttered.
"You need to come back," she warned anxiously. "It isn't safe…"
It wasn't going to be safe anywhere for long, and he needed to protect her and Pao.
"I think I see it," he mumbled, struggling to pull the desired cube out from beneath a thick rod. Who the hell had been in there making a mess? "I've almost... got it… c'mon-"
Another terrifyingly loud bang sent tremors up the walls and there was an ominous creak from somewhere above his head.
His head jerked up, eyes widening in horror as the beam of his torch caught a flash of the light fixture careening towards him and his stomach dropped as if he were falling.
Surely this was the end of him. All of them, he'd failed.
"FITZ!" Jemma's shriek reached his ears at the same moment she crashed into him, knocking them both sideways right before the enormous mass of glass shattered where he'd been only seconds before.
The force of the collision sent them tumbling to the ground and they held onto each other, stunned, before the remaining lights flickered back on.
With the room lit up, they pulled apart, breathing hard, their heart beats hammering on the inside of their chests.
"Jemma…" he breathed, distraughtly searching her for any signs of injury, combing over every part of her in a frantic dash.
Her eyes flared back at him and she dug her fingers into his arm. "I told you to come back!" she hissed, furious but remembering to keep her voice down. "That was incredibly reckless! You could have… Y-you could have..." A loud gasp blew out of her, her eyes misting before she shot forward to knot her arms around him again. "Are you OK?" she squeaked into his ear.
"Yes," he told her softly, returning her embrace when she bundled him up tighter, sniffing back tears. "Yes, I'm fine. You saved me."
'She saved me. She could have died.' he thought, as confused and horrified as he was grateful.
Why had she done that? Even if she had come to see him as a human being, he was a stranger to her. What could his death have possibly meant? Was it simply the image it had given her? Was it possible that nearly witnessing the death of what looked to be her lost love had rattled her? Was it the thought of being forced to see him die again that had launched her forward? Was it that that kept her arms locked around him so tightly? Had it been what made her call out his name?
"Jemma?"
Skye's voice, calling to her from the doorway, seemed to awaken her from whatever had taken hold of her and she released him to leap to her feet, staring, confused, down at her hands as if they had betrayed her.
"Is everyone alright?" May asked brusquely, appearing next to Skye in the doorway, her expression unreadable.
Jemma's gaze darted between him and Pao before she nodded. "We're all fine. What happened?"
"Something came at us from the air," May answered, her eyes resting on Fitz for a heartbeat too long.
Pao tilted her head, crawling out from under the desk. "An aeroplane?" She gulped. "People are attacking us with aeroplanes?! Oh God, this was not covered in basic training."
Skye shook her head. "I don't think this was a plane."
If anything, that only seemed to frighten her more, and she inched towards Jemma, eyes wide.
Jemma frowned, as baffled as Fitz was, though he could tell that she was already deep in thought, trying to weave a picture of the attack from what they had experienced and what their friends were telling them now.
After a moment, he noticed May staring intently at him, boring into him until he shifted in discomfort. "Do you know what it might have been?" she asked flatly.
All the eyes in the room were suddenly trained on him and Fitz shook his head quickly. "No, I have no idea."
"He was with us the entire time," Jemma said, rushing to his defence, going so far as to take a step forward so that she stood partway between him and the others. "And he's under constant supervision," she added forcefully. "He wouldn't have been able to have anything to do with what just happened."
Skye's eyebrows rose in surprise but May met her gaze steadily, nodding after a moment.
"You're right, it probably wasn't him," she conceded, calm in a way that only May could be, like the glasslike surface of a lake on a windless day. "But I want him back in his cell and I want someone monitoring him at all times, just in case. We're going under lockdown anyway, until we figure out what just happened. Coulson's orders. No one comes in, and no one goes out."
Jemma huffed irritably, seeming as if she were about to protest, but Fitz stepped around her before she could get herself into anymore trouble because of him. He didn't know why she was so adamant to defend him. Perhaps she felt she owed him something, for what he'd said to her, or for trying to protect her and Pao, but she didn't. She didn't owe him anything and nothing was exactly what he was going to collect from this beautiful, selfless soul.
"I'll go back right now," he promised. "You can even send someone to come with me if you'd like."
"I'll go with you," May answered. She nodded her head towards the door, her voice turning soft and he thought he saw something close to a smile on her lips. "C'mon. I hear Coulson made you a kale salad for dinner."
Delightful. His favourite rubber flavoured vegetable. At least they were nice enough to prepare something for him.
May turned to leave, quietly speaking into Skye's ear, likely telling her to update the remaining two scientists with the details of the attack, before continuing out the door.
No one objected when he made to follow her and he didn't have the heart to look back over his shoulder at Jemma. He wasn't sure what scared him more, seeing the look on her face as she watched him leave, or seeing that she wasn't watching at all.
Because whatever had just happened, May was right. He wasn't one of them.
He didn't belong there, or anywhere else. He was a drifter with imaginary roots, ones he'd grown in a dream but which had no power to anchor him in the real world.
He was the echo of a memory that hadn't had the good sense to fade away and if the attacks really had had anything to do with him he didn't think he could stand it.
/-/-/
Skye caught up with her on her way back to her room, falling into pace beside her.
"Are you going to tell me what that was about?" she asked, looking straight ahead rather than towards her as she spoke.
"I- I don't know what's happening anymore than you do," she began defensively.
It wasn't a lie either, or even a deflection really. She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know who was attacking them or why anymore than she understood the war wreaking havoc on her own heart.
This time Skye turned her head, eyebrows raised in disbelief though her words were softened around the edges. "I'm talking about how you were clinging to that thing like a staticky sock," she clarified. "Jemma what's-"
"Please don't call him that," she mumbled before she could stop herself.
Skye's hand caught her shoulder and they both came to a halt. "What do you want me to call him then?" she asked gently.
She tried to answer but her throat wouldn't open and she shook her head, tears prickling her eyes. When her breath caught and a few dripped onto her eyelashes Skye stepped forward, pulling her into a hug that opened her throat again but also pushed out the tears like squeezing a well soaked sponge. She had grown porous and filled with far too much to keep inside of her and it all came pouring out at once onto her friend's shoulder.
"I don't know," she croaked. "Bu-but he's not… he's good. He's good the way F-Fitz was… I…" She sniffed and sucked in a cool breath, shuddering out a sob before her body allowed her to continue. "I saw it," told her, voice watery. "He tried to save us, he could have been ki-killed but he tried to save us anyway and before…"
She was left speechless by another string of sobs and Skye waited patiently, rubbing her back in silence as she sorted through her confusion. She must have thought she was losing it, that this had finally broken her, but it didn't feel like she was broken. The opposite, it felt as if her eyes had been fixed and she was seeing things for what they were at last.
"I don't want to hurt him anymore," she breathed. "We have to stop hurting him. Skye please," she begged. "I know this doesn't make any sense but… but…"
"OK."
She sniffed, pulling back in surprise. "OK?"
Skye nodded, looking almost as sad and tired as Jemma felt. "Fitz was my friend," she said sadly. "I miss him. And I know it's not the same as the way you miss him but…" She shrugged, pulling up a strained smile that might have been an attempt to stop the tears that welled in her own eyes. "I miss him. He was special because he good and kind even if it wasn't easy to be. And you're telling me that… whoever this is… he has that too?"
"Yes," Jemma whispered, light with relief. "Yes Skye, that's exactly what I mean."
"But…" She frowned, confused. "But you're still not sure what he is?"
Jemma hesitated, feeling the battle inside of her grow in its ferocity.
'It's Fitz,' the voice in her head urged. 'Tell her it's Fitz. It's him, he's back.'
However there was another part of her, what she considered to be the more rational side of herself, which wasn't so certain.
"No," she made herself answer. This time it truly did feel like a lie.
Skye's hand came up, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. "If I had to bet on anyone finding out, it'd be you. And whatever you find out, I'll be here OK."
This time it was Jemma who stepped forward, steadied by her friend's loyalty and filled with gratitude for her support. Her arms wrapped around Skye's shoulders in a tight hug which was immediately reciprocated.
"Thank you."
Whatever happened, she wasn't going to be alone. Which was so much more than Fitz had, it wasn't fair. He needed help, as much as she did and she was going to ensure that, from this moment on, he had it.
/-/-/
Thank you to notapepper for betaing and suggesting I add the part with Skye at the end. You are the word master.
The "Language" line is a reference to both Captain America in the Avengers 2 movie and comic book Jemma.
