Sharon wakes up and smiles realizing her body hasn't been this relaxed in a long time. She opens her eyes and notices the darkness, panicked she sits up. Rusty. He would be worried. She gets out of bed and reaches over for the lamp. As the light strikes the darkness she finds her shoes. She slips one heel on at a time, then looks up and smiles seeing Andy leaning against the door frame.
"I saw the light come on." He says softly.
"Rusty." Is the thing that escapes her lips too quick for him to finish his thoughts. She stands up shaking her head. "I mean, I should go. Rusty will be worried. I told him I would help him study, he's having panic attacks about his history exam and it is tomorrow." She slips on her glasses, "I shouldn't have slept so long." She looks up and frowns seeing something upsetting about Andy. "Are you alright?" Andy straightens up and nods.
"I used your phone and sent Rusty a message. Told him you were okay and would call when you had a chance." Sharon frowns at his voice, if she's not mistaken it is tearful. "I didn't want to wake you." He says apologetically.
"You sure you're alright Andy?" He nods.
"We can go whenever you're ready." He says softly, there is pain in his eyes and voice. Sharon puts her hands on her waist and looks at him carefully but he diverts her glance and points down the hall. "I picked up some sandwiches at the stand. I know it is probably not your thing." Her frown deepens, slightly offended. Not my thing. "But I think you should eat something." She looks away when he turns back to look at her.
"I'll be out in a minute." She says her voice stoic, he watches her disappear into the restroom. And rubs his face looking down at his watch. Then walking to the kitchen and he opens the fridge pulling things out. He was on the verge of tears, he was sad and hurt but he couldn't tell Sharon. There is so much going on in her life, he can't add to it. Sharon appears and she frowns watching as Andy mutters to himself.
"The kitchen was stocked?" Andy shakes his head packing the bags.
"I was going to cook you dinner. I told these two kids I'd give them ten bucks if the bought me some things. I didn't want to leave you here alone." She smiles then frowns when he aggressively tosses something into the bag. She wonders what has him in this mood.
Is it because I told him we had to go?
"You can cook for Rusty and me." She says softly hoping if this was the reason he would know she wasn't trying to run out on him. Andy has his back towards her and he closes his eyes. He had waited for so long thinking that they'd never talk about this possibility. And now that they are he has to turn her down. He turns to look at her. "I mean at the condo if you'd like." She says lifting one shoulder and smiling at him. Andy smiles in return but she can see the pain behind it. "Or not." She says sweetly shrugging her shoulders trying to disguise the hurt of his rejection. "I'm ready whenever you are." She crosses her arms in front of herself, he knows it's a defense of hers. That the smile is covering up confusion, that she's questioning herself over and over in her head.
"I'd love to." Sharon looks at him but sees him battling in his mind. "And you have no idea how much I hate saying this right now. But I can't tonight." Sharon nods she knows she shouldn't be disappointed. He had spent all day with her. She tries to smile and walks towards the bags on the counter picking one up she walks towards the door. "No, I will carry that." He rushes towards her taking the bag, when she darts him an offensive look. "I know you can too, but I'm trying to be chivalrous." She lets the bag slip from her hand to his. And then he follows her out. Sharon locks up slipping the key under the mat and walking beside Andy in silence. She suddenly stops and it takes Andy four or five steps to notice she's not with him. He looks back and frowns.
"Andy, I think I'll call a cab." Andy frowns now.
"Is there a problem?" Andy asks his voice trembling.
"No, just don't want you going out of your way to drive me. I just remembered I don't have a car." He sees her frown that usual scolding in her mind, he had witnessed on too many occasions. Andy shakes his head walking towards her.
"You need to stop doing that." She gives a sweet look, she would never understand how h knew her so well. He switches one of the bags to hold them both in one hand. He grabs her hand linking his fingers with hers. She looks at him, her breathing uneven. She opens her mouth to argue and unconsciously releasing his hand but he leans forward kissing her forehead. "Don't please." He whispers his voice breaking. She looks up and sees the tears in his eyes. She worries rubbing his cheek. "Don't argue in taking the cab and don't pull away." She realizes his hand holding her fingers and she slips her hand completely into his.
"I won't, but you need to tell me what's going on." When he looks away from her she steps closer. "What is it?" She asks, her thumb caressing his cheek. "If I did something offensive or something to hurt you." He hates that she is blaming herself.
"My sister, she…" his voice cracks. Sharon searches his face for a way to help him. "While you were sleeping I got a call. She's not doing well. She had cancer a few years back and she was fine till I don't know three months ago." His voice is broken but angry. She doesn't step away, knowing that it's not directed to her. "And now she's," he looks away completely trying not break completely but not wanting to move away completely to not hurt Sharon. "I didn't know anything about it till today. She kept it from me." He says angrily. She sighs wiping the tear escaping under his closed eyes. "Please forgive me." She makes a small noise.
"For what exactly?" She asks softly. "Worrying about your sister?" She hums.
"For behaving this way in front of you." Sharon bends sneaking another hand under the bags and setting them on the floor.
He clears his throat, he couldn't break in front of her. He wasn't going to give her something else to worry about. He wipes his eyes and sniffles trying to straighten up. Sharon stands straight in front of him again.
"Is this how our relationship works?" Andy's stomach flutters at the word relationship. She places her hands on his cheeks. "Look at me." He meets her eyes. "You don't get to hide from me Andy Flynn." She smiles at him sadly. Her hand lands softly on his chest. "If you get to be here for me, the only fair thing is that I can be by your side too." He wants to tell her he needs her, but he can't gain his courage. "Okay?" He nods, "I'm sorry about your sister, take all the time you need off work and count on me for anything you need." He nods. She wraps her hands around his neck trying to find a way to soothe him, his arms wrap around her back. She kisses his cheek and whispers. "Go see your sister and when she gets better I expect dinner on my table." Andy smiles kissing her cheek softly, he pulls back and looks at her. "She will get better." Andy nods.
Just ask her.
"And we can talk about us?" He asks voice weak.
"That's open for discussion anytime you're ready." He smiles resting his head on hers. She grabs both his hands linking their fingers and pulling away. Andy lets go of one of her hands picking up the bags. They walk in silence, hand in hand. He opens her door and closes it softly when she's inside. When he starts the car and pulls out he looks over and sees her playing with his tie.
"You can toss that in the back seat." She smiles folding it nice and neat.
"Have you noticed the way we somehow always match?" Andy looks over at her black and white blouse and his white and black tie. He smiles.
"I have." He says as he reaches over taking her hand in his. "It is a game in the office." Sharon looks from their hands at Andy. "First they guess what color we will wear, then what part of us will match, then finally who called who to arrange it." Sharon giggles.
"And you go along with this?" Andy shrugs.
"Not the last part," Sharon raises an eyebrow, "and in my head." She smiles when he chuckles. "It always sort of bums me when we don't." She frowns unfolding and folding the tie again.
"We always do." He glances over at her and smiles amused. His pulse quickens at the certainty in her voice. He knows if she's so sure, there must be a reason. He thinks of how to push without being too obvious.
"I'm pretty sure there has been a few times when we haven't." She smiles.
"It could be something you're not aware of but we've always matched." There is a second of complete silence where he isn't sure he just made it up, but when she starts giggling he knows it was no mistake. "I can't believe I just said that." He grins.
"If it's for the sake of hearing you laugh like that, it's worth it." She smiles at him. "And to be honest it offers nice visual aids for next time." She blushes her hand tightening around his. They are silent for several minutes. Sharon glances over at Andy seeing his concentration on the road but there is worry in his eyes, a heaviness in his shoulders. She decides to not ask questions. She had met his sister and she knew how much he loved her. He pulls his hand out of hers but when she looks over at him for explanation nothing comes, he rubs his forehead. "You sure I can have a few days off." He says abruptly, Sharon nods. Then realizes he's not looking at her she clears her throat.
"Yes of course."
"Thanks." He says. "When I get back. I'll come in on my days off to catch up, or whatever you need."
"Don't worry about the office." She looks up as he turns into the condo and into her garage parking space, he parks and turns off the car. She fidgets with her hands for a few seconds, the last thing she wanted was to leave him alone. She would love to be his support like he had been for her. Sharon turns to say goodbye to tell him to call her whenever he needed, that her home was open to him but he is already getting out of the car. She sighs frustrated that she couldn't talk to him, that there was a lingering unfamiliarity and distance. They knew about their feelings but they were nowhere to figuring it out. He opens the door for her, she thanks him looking around afraid to look at him and pour her heart out. It wasn't the time.
"Can I walk you up?" He asks softly.
"Yes." She answers, nodding her head. He follows her to the elevator stepping in together, they stand arm and arm, touching. "Andy, is there anything I can do for you?" She asks wanting to fill the tension. No it isn't awkwardness. It is tension, she decides.
"Answer your phone." She hears and begins to fidget through her pockets, he smiles realizing she missed part of what he said. "No it's no ringing now." He chuckles taking her hand. She looks at him nervously. "I just mean when I'm with my sister and call, I'm going to need to hear your voice. Will you answer my calls?"
"Oh." She looks at him embarrassed and shyly. "Yeah I will." He rubs her bruised cheek. Then touches the cut on her eyebrow. He places a soft kiss on the cut. She tries to silent the small noise calling her to make a low grunting noise.
"You going to be okay?" Sharon nods closing her eyes he steps in front of her. Her breathing hitches, her hand going behind his neck. He kisses her tenderly and pulls back. He smiles when he sees her eyes closed but humming softly. He leans in again, lips softly on hers again. When she accepts without hesitation he places his hand on the middle of her back holding her close. "Promise me all of this won't fade while I'm gone. That you won't change your mind." He asks tearfully and softly. When the elevator starts to move the look away from each other seeing the numbers moving.
"We never hit the button." Sharon whispers. Andy nods pulling away from her and the elevator opens on the eleventh floor. An angry looking Rusty walking in only to look form Sharon to Andy in an apologetic expression. He could see the tension, Sharon's rosy cheeks and Andy's tearful eyes.
"Where are you going?" Sharon asks stepping out of the elevator, followed by Andy.
"I can't study in there, she's too chatty and like history is wordy enough. I can't do it." Sharon frowns. "I thought it was supposed to be me and you. She's smart and everything but too perky." He hits the elevator button to open. "I'll be out late." He says trying to balance books and backpack.
"I'm leaving now." Andy tells him.
"No, this may just be the solution." Sharon and Andy look at each other confused. "Lieutenant you are the best study partner, besides Sharon." He smiles, Sharon looks at Rusty proudly. "Can you take over tonight just till tomorrow?" Andy rubs the back of his head confused.
"Rusty what's going on? Who's in the condo?" Sharon asks the questions floating through Andy's mind.
"Detective Sykes." Rusty says realizing now that Sharon has no idea. "She said Lieutenant Provenza sent her and the team will be alternating and sleeping on our couch." Sharon frowns looking at Andy, he shakes his head not having a clue about it.
"I'll ask her to leave." Sharon says quickly. Andy puts a hand on her back, she reacts unconsciously pushing it away. He's not Jack. She curses in her own mind. He steps back hands in his pocket, Rusty frowns watching how it pains both of them. Sharon wants to reach out for him but sees Rusty watching. She hates her inability to be spontaneous, to be vulnerable.
Rusty tries calculating things in his head, they are certainly closer. He saw something different flash between them, it was his turn to help Sharon be happy. And he had noticed that she smiled more with him, she laughed and relaxed more when he was around.
"Lieutenant can you stay and help me?" Andy looks at him surprised and Sharon looks at him suspiciously.
"I'm going away for a few days. I'm on my way out now." Andy says apologetically. "But we go out for dinner and celebrate once you get your results."
"I graduate in two weeks, you'll be here right?" Sharon watches Rusty's eyes flash in disappointment. "I know it's nothing but you have helped me study for all these tests and maybe you can go out to dinner with Sharon and me." Andy smiles nodding, Sharon bows her head catching on to Rusty's plans.
"I will love to." Andy says assuring him, Rusty looks at Sharon and catches her scolding look. "And Sharon please don't ask Sykes to leave at least not tonight. If Provenza organized all this, he did it for a reason." Rusty stiffens worrying Sharon is in danger. Sharon thinks about the team leaving earlier and being alone. Provenza was giving her a distraction. Sharon smiles to herself and nods. "Okay I should go." Rusty tries to find a way to leave without it making it awkward for Sharon but there is no out. "You two take care of each other." Sharon looks at Andy painfully. "I need to go." His voice breaks when he meets her eyes. "Keep that phone in hand okay?" She nods. "Promise?"
"I promise." She says watching him climb into the elevator. Sharon looks at the doors close and she pouts, wishing she had the guts to follow him, tell Rusty to go inside. To reach out for him even with Rusty there.
"They won't open unless someone pushes the button." Sharon looks at Rusty and her cheeks blush. "Go after him." She smiles.
"Sykes." She looks at Rusty. "We distract her, it won't be so bad. You and I cook dinner while she quizzes you. It'll keep her chattiness to a minimum." Rusty's headache alleviates slightly as he nods. "You will pass the test. I promise you." Sharon tells him.
"You don't know that."
"I do. Give me those." Sharon takes his books and bag. "Get some fresh air and come back up when that migraine has gone away."
"How?" Sharon presses a finger on the bridge of Rusty's nose before he can finish. He sighs closing his eyes, Sharon smiles.
"I will have a chocolate sundae and an aspirin ready after your walk. And when we are alone again. You and I have another talk in hand." She moves her finger and he opens his eyes, hitting the elevator button trying to rush away before she brings up Lieutenant Flynn. "Fifteen or twenty minutes only." He nods as he climbs onto the elevator. Rusty finds Andy at the bottom of the elevator.
"You know I'll tell you the same thing I told her. The doors don't open unless you push the button." Andy rubs his forehead. "Want me to call her?" Andy shakes his head. "Lieutenant if you like her why don't you tell her, it would save you two this game you two play." Andy looks at Rusty, surprised at his calmness. "You like her don't you?" Andy hesitates. "Okay you don't want to talk about it. So why are you standing here?" Rusty says annoyed that he could be more adult then the actual adults.
Andy shrugs.
"She'll be okay right?" Rusty frowns. "I have to drive into Long Beach for a few days and I promised to take care of her and I'm leaving." Rusty looks at Andy carefully, he wasn't wrong. He wasn't only attracted to her.
"You do like her." Rusty chuckles, releasing such a long breath. "I don't understand why you guys play this game." Andy wish he could tell him. That Sharon was still invested in her marriage, maybe not through love and affection but years of abuse and abandonment, that they could both lose their jobs, that he was afraid he would never be enough for Sharon. But that was only the beginning. "If you stay she'll feel awful, guilty." Rusty's words make Andy focus. "So go and the team and I will make sure she's okay. Plus if we are incapable you are only an hour away." Andy nods. They both turn to the ding of the elevator and Rusty rolls his eyes when Sharon appears. "Have a safe trip Lieutenant." Andy nods once looking at Sharon as she steps in front of him.
"Andy," She looks around to see if anyone is looking then scolds herself.
"I get it Sharon, I'll give you your space. If that's what you need, always friends." She nods sadly. She steps forward her hands on his chest. He instinctively places his hands on hers.
"Jack." She says, making Andy's heart sink. Just hearing his name. "He really messed me up on his last visit." Andy frowns, "I pushed your hand away because I can still see him, trying to force himself on me." He feels her stiffen but he only takes a step forward, trying to assure her he's not leaving her. "But when I know it's you holding me, I don't want you to ever let go." Her voice breaks. "So give me some time I promise, I'll be better soon." Andy kisses her forehead his hands in her hair.
"I'll be patient." He closes his eyes kissing her forehead again. "You'll always have me Sharon. I will be back," he strokes her arms. I wish I could stay."
"You have to go." Sharon says understanding how much he has to be battling things in his mind. "Just keep your phone in hand too, in case I need to hear your voice too." Andy smiles.
"And you and I will talk when I get back. And not this avoiding topics, but really talk." She smiles nodding.
"I'll be here." She says hopeful, he smiles pushing the elevator button, he kisses her hand watching her climb in and the doors closing with her inside. He feels hope but loss at having her move up without him. He waits till the number strikes eleven and walks away hands in his pockets.
I promise you it won't be painful forever! I would love to hear what you think. Reviews and suggestions are always welcomed.
