A/N: Sorry for the delay! Writer's block :(

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mentalist. Title and lyrics by The Fray

Xxx

Chapter 11: Fall Away

You fall away from your past

But it's following you…

xxx

Things go back to normal as, from Lisbon's experience, they usually do after a life-altering event. You can only mourn for so long. Then life shifts back into its normal patterns. It has to. She needs it to.

She's cried her tears (again and again), she's had follow-up appointments with the doctor (they can try again in a few months if they want), and she's called Jason and Bryan to tell them what happened (they both sent flowers). Now it's time to move on.

Nearly two months after her miscarriage, she is sitting in her office, filling out paperwork when her phone rings.

"Lisbon," she says.

"Tessa?"

She gets up and closes her door. "Tommy? What do you need? Why are you calling?" After their last encounter she isn't especially (at all) anxious to talk to him again.

"I need you to come see me," he says. "I really need to talk to you."

"We can talk now," she says.

"No. I need to see you."

She frowns. "Tommy…"

"Please, Tessa." He sounds desperate and she hears herself agree (he's still her brother after all).

"Tomorrow," she says. "I'll come tomorrow."

ooo

Jane is (unsurprisingly) against it from the start.

"Absolutely not. What is the purpose of seeing him except to cause you pain?"

She sighs. "He's my brother. No matter what he does I'll always love him."

"I'm going with you," he says. She shakes her head.

"Cho's coming along." She's afraid of what Jane will do or say to her brother. "Please just let me have this, okay? Don't push," she begs.

He kisses her forehead lightly. "Okay," he agrees, abandoning his usual stubbornness (for once). "I'll stay behind."

Ooo

As they pull up to the prison the following day, Cho gives his boss a worried look. The blatant concern in his eyes is uncharacteristic and it throws her off balance.

"You sure you're up for this?" he asks. "I can go in and see him. Find out what he wants."

"I'll go," she says. "He asked to see me, not a proxy."

Cho looks unsure but nods. By flashing their badges they are allowed inside with little hassle and are taken to a public meeting room where Tommy is waiting. He gets up when he sees them.

"Hey, Tess," he says. "Thanks for coming." He looks her up and down. "You don't look pregnant. Jason said you were."

She cringes. Moving on, she's discovering all over again, doesn't take away the pain. Not all of it, at least.

"I had a miscarriage," she says with as little emotion as possible. (Which, admittedly, is still too much.) His eyes widen slightly.

"When?"

"About eight weeks ago." She sinks into a chair, eager to change the subject. "So, what did you want?"

He's still staring at her. "I'm sorry about your baby," he says.

"Thanks. Why did you ask me here?" She wants to stay on topic and get as far away from the jail as she can as soon as humanly possible.

"I want out of here," he says. "A different jail, something. I can't be here."

"Why?" she asks, humoring him (though she has no intention of giving in to his demands).

"I can't tell you."

"Then I can't help you." She crosses her arms. "You're in prison for a reason, Tommy."

"And you're in law enforcement," he snaps. "I know you could use your influence to get me a lighter sentence, move me someplace else, something."

"Why should I?" she asks reasonably. "You won't even tell me why. You committed a crime, Tommy. And I believe in punishing criminals."

He scowls. "You really can't let it go, can you? You have to keep punishing me for everything." Anger is building on his face and she cringes. "What happened to you sucked, yeah. It's really awful. But that wasn't my fault."

"I know it wasn't," she says, ignoring the way Cho stiffens beside her. "That's not what this is about."

"Of course it is," he growls. "That's exactly what this is about. You're punishing me for the past. For getting into trouble. You blame me because we were in foster care. And you hate me because I'm a rapist like your foster father."

Cho looks about to speak up but Lisbon presses a hand on his arm, silencing him.

"That has nothing to do with this," she reiterates. "And I don't hate you."

"Oh, please, Teresa," her brother says scornfully. "You've hated me for years. You're bitter and you blame me for god knows what. But, hey. I didn't ask you to take the fall for me with dad. I didn't ask you to take most of the hits. I didn't even ask you to file for emancipation when he died."

"Yet you blamed me when I didn't get it," she reminds him. Tears are pricking at her eyes but she won't (cannot, refuses to) let them fall.

His face is taut with barely controlled fury. "You're such a hypocrite," he seethes. "You can't let anything go. It's probably good you didn't become someone's mom."

The tears are pressing harder now. Cho stands up and refuses to be silenced this time.

"That's it," he says. "We're going."

"But…" Tommy begins.

"No," Cho cuts in sharply. "We're done here."

"Tessa," Tommy begs. "Please help me."

She shakes her head. "You're on your own, Tommy," she says. "I love you. But I can't help you."

She has to get out before she cries. She won't let him see her break down. Before her brother can say more, Cho takes her arm and starts to pull her out the door. But after only a few steps, he stops.

"You don't know your sister at all," he says. "She's a great agent. She's compassionate. And she would've been an excellent mom. And someday, I think she will."

With that, he guides Lisbon out, not waiting for Tommy's response.

At the car she sags, letting out a shuddering breath.

"You okay?" Cho asks.

She shrugs wearily.

"I'm sorry," he offers. "I never should've let him get that far."

"Not your fault," she assures him.

"The stuff he said…Try not to let it get to you."

She laughs bitterly. "But some of it is true. I did blame him. I did fail him."

"You blame yourself for how Tommy turned out," Cho realizes. He smiles sadly. "Lisbon, take it from someone who knows. When kids get in trouble…sometimes it might be the environment. But a lot of times they do it all on their own. My parents were loving and supportive and in my life. And I was in a gang. I could've ended up way worse off than Tommy."

Lisbon wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "I could've done better with him. He was just a kid and I could've done better."

"You were a kid," Cho reminds her. "You did your best. And you're doing the right thing now." He squeezes her hand in an uncharacteristic gesture. "It's almost noon," he says. "Let me buy you some lunch."

She smiles faintly, nodding her head. "That'd be really nice," she says.

Ooo

When they get back to the CBI, Jane is waiting for them lounging on the couch (his old stomping grounds). He jumps up as soon as he sees them and runs to Lisbon's side.

"How'd it go?" he demands. "Are you okay?"

"He wanted me to get him out," she says. "It got a little ugly. Cho can give you the play by play."

She lets him kiss her briefly before slipping into her office. She isn't surprised when Grace trails after her.

"How bad?" the redheaded agent wants to know.

"Pretty bad. He blames me for a lot of stuff. He's angry. And he thinks I don't want to help him because I'm bitter."

"I'm sorry," Grace sympathizes.

"He said I would've been a bad mother," Lisbon murmurs.

"Oh, Lisbon," Grace sighs. "That's not true."

Lisbon shrugs. "I was a bad mother to him."

"You're not his mother," Grace reminds her. "You're his sister and you did the best you could." She reaches out and squeezes Lisbon's hand. "Do you want me to go?" she asks.

Lisbon shakes her head. "Stay. Please." She feels like the words have been dragged from her and Grace (wisely) does not comment. She simply moves to the couch and motions for Lisbon to join her. They sit in silence until Jane walks in.

"I'm taking you home," he announces. "Hightower's already okayed it."

Wordlessly she gets up and begins gathering her things. With Jane, it is usually futile to argue. Besides, she wants to go home and escape from prying eyes and sympathetic looks.

Her team sends her off without much fanfare, telling her they'll call her if they get a case and that they can make sure Tommy can't contact her again if she wants. She tells them she'll think about it, says goodbye, and follows Jane to the elevator.

Once they are alone and descending to the ground floor, he reaches for her, stroking her hair back from her face.

"I'm sorry, love," he says.

"Yeah," she says. "I know."

Xxx

A week later she gets home from work to find him staring intently at his laptop.

"What are you doing?" she asks, setting down her purse. He looks up at her and grins, his expression childlike (he is definitely up to something).

"Researching dog breeds," he says proudly. "You said we could get a puppy."

To be honest, she's forgotten about the matter entirely. Until now. Sighing, she sinks down beside him on the couch.

"I did," she admits. "We got sidetracked." She doesn't mention that delaying the dog was because of the baby. She doesn't have to. His expression softens and he slides his hand into hers.

"I'm not proposing we forget what happened and go back to the original plan. You know that," he says. "But maybe this can be a way of moving forward."

She considers this for a long moment before nodding.

"Okay," she agrees. "But I get to name it."

Xxx

A/N 2: I hope I'll have the next chapter up faster. I'm having a little trouble deciding where I want this to go.