I was not expecting this. What am I supposed to say? Kushina pushes me slightly. I stand and walk towards the front of the room like I know what I'm doing.
No, of course I know what I'm doing. I'm Uchiha Fugaku. Being surprised is for other people. Needing time to prepare a speech is for other people. Anxiety is for other people.
"I am Uchiha Fugaku, head of the Konoha Military Police. Already there have been crimes because of this conflict. We will be having more policemen and women on the streets in the coming weeks (technically true, but only because a lot of people are just about to come off of injury leave; there are currently fewer cops on patrol than usual), and more detectives to guarantee that any fiends lurking about our streets are promptly identified as the beasts they are. (I don't actually think we need more detectives, but the detectives' union does, and a little security theater never hurt anyone). Additionally, we...(Dammit, what else can I say? I can't just spout off two sentences and sit down) will be hosting a self-defence course for civilians so that they will be more likely to be able to keep an attacker at bay while ninja arrive at their location." (And if anyone in the force doesn't like that idea, I will conduct said course myself, because I do try to be a man of my word.)
I can see the Hokage smiling at me (and his smile seems far less friendly than it did earlier), and I take that as a sign to sit down, so I do. Kushina squeezes my hand, and normally I would yank myself away from her, but right now it's comforting.
Tsunade talks about how the hospital is preparing. A man from the Konoha Cryptanalysis Team, which I was not even aware was a thing, talks about decoding enemy messages. Someone from the library (why) talks about research or something. All of it is stupid. This was not what I was hoping for. What use is there of knowing what is to come if you cannot use that knowledge?
And then, the magic words. "You are all dismissed." I immediately jump out of my chair, dragging Kushina with me—I had forgotten we were still holding hands. She raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. We are walking to the door, when Jiraiya approaches her, and says, "Uzumaki-san, would you meet me outside by the topiaries?" She tilts her head, like she's thinking it over, but agrees to do so.
Once we're outside, she turns to me, and says, "That seemed awfully polite for, you know, Jiraiya."
"I think he has something serious to say to you. Perhaps it is about fuinjutsu," I reply carefully. "I should go. I don't want to be a burden on your conversation."
"Aww, but then who's going to protect my innocence?" she says, pouting. "Please, Fugaku-senpai? Jiraiya makes me feel really uncomfortable."
He makes me feel uncomfortable too, but if I leave Kushina alone with him, she'll tell Mikoto and she'll start on me going all out all you left her with that lecher? What if he had done things to her?So I stay.
Then Jiraiya appears again—with a young man in tow. Bright crayon-box blond hair and bright crayon-box blue eyes, that kind that looks unnatural, as opposed to the more subdued coloring of the Yamanaka. Namikaze Minato. Evidently, he is not yet deemed "important" enough to be invited to the stupid meeting we just got out of.
Jiraiya grins. "This, m'boy, is the kunoichi who's both the best at fuinjutsu and the best at being beautiful in Konoha," he says, winking at Minato. Kushina is not impressed.
"Yeah, yeah, thanks, old man," she replies, tossing her hair over her shoulder with her free hand. "I gots some totes rad sealing powers, yeah, yeah, we all know. So what do you want? I have a busy schedule, you know. No time for messing around with little flaxen ragamuffins." I can't believe someone can say both "totes rad" and "flaxen ragamuffins" in the same thought.
The man grimaces. "Well, I thought that with our combined powers of you and me and my little apprentice here, we'd be able to prevent any unsightly invaders mucking up the city, keep them from ruining your pretty face."
Kushina seems to actually be thinking about it. Perhaps it is because she knows what it is like to have one's village invaded; I have never been to Uzushio or what is left of it, but I have seen photographs, and they show naught but broken columns and crumbling temples, like a remnant of a long-ago empire except it wound up in that state not because of the wearies of age, but because of purposeful destruction. I can't imagine Konoha in that way; even after the Kyuubi attack, we were still clearly a village where people lived.
"Who's your apprentice, ero-densetsu-nin?" she asks. "Don't think I've seen him around before, and with that hair he'd be pretty hard to miss."
"That information is on a need-to-know basis," says Jiraiya, grinning again (his facial muscles must be so sore). "You know, got to keep the superpowerful ones under wraps so unscrupulous ones can't take advantage."
Kushina mumbles something about yeah, I'm sure you know nothing about taking advantage, but seeing as everyone's going to know who he is soon anyway, I feel it won't hurt for me to announce... "His name is Namikaze Minato. He's supposed to be a prodigy."
They look at me like they hadn't realized I was here. I am mildly insulted. "Do I even want to know why you're holding hands with Uchiha Fugaku?," asks Jiraiya, shaking his head.
"Oh my god, you're that guy!" she squeals, like she's suddenly remembered who he is. "That little blond moron who's always wanted to be Hokage! You've managed to live to adulthood! Whoaa."
He sighs, and smooths down the back of his hair with his hand. "Yeah...that's me. Made it to 22. Such an accomplishment." Ah, to come of age in peace! (The last war officially ended when I was thirteen, but...)
"And if you really must know, Fugaku-senpai is here to protect my virtue from you, Ji-ra-i-ya," she says, glaring at him. For added effect I activate my Sharingan.
If you had told me before I died that I would wind up looking at Jiraiya through the lens of our kekkai genkai to protect an Uzumaki, I would have laughed at its absurdity.
