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Addison stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom trying to put on enough makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes. Grace grabbed the cord of the hot curling iron.
"Grace. NO!" Addison yelled as she caught the curling iron. "Hot." Grace started bawling, upset that her mother yelled at her. Addison picked her up. "Kaitlyn!" She yelled as the phone started ringing. She picked it up without looking at the caller id. "Hello?"
"Hey." She heard Derek's voice on the other end.
"Where are you? I have to leave for work in five minutes." Addison said angrily.
"I'm not going to make it home in time. I have a few things to wrap up here." Derek said in a monotone.
"One thing Derek. All you had to do was one thing. Be home by 7. You left the house at 5 am. That's 14 hours. You couldn't do it all then. For three weeks, I've been home all day taking care of your mom and the kids. I sleep for about two hours and then go to work all night." Addison argued.
"I've been working and taking care of my mom and the kids too." Derek stated.
"Sleeping while they all sleep all night does not count as taking care of them." Addison said.
"I'll be home by 8." Derek informed her.
"This is the last time I'm leaving Kaitlyn in charge of your mom and Grace." Addison said angrily. Kaitlyn walked in the room just as Addison said that. "I'll see you at work or at home in the morning." Addison added softly and hung up.
"It's okay. I don't mind watching Grace for an hour. It's bedtime anyway." Kaitlyn said taking Grace from Addison.
"Thanks, sweetheart. You're the best." She kissed Kaitlyn's forehead and Grace's cheek. "I need to go. See you in the morning." Addison said as she grabbed her bag. "Call if you need anything."
The next evening the doorbell rang. Addison opened the door to see Kathleen and Nancy standing there.
"I wasn't expecting you until late tonight." She said.
"We caught an early flight." Kathleen told her.
"Come in." Addison said opening the door wider for them. "Excuse our messy house." They looked around and saw clothes hung over the couch and toys all over the floor. The tables were covered in papers and medical journals.
"Ad, I mean this in the nicest way possible, you look like a wreck." Nancy said concerned.
"Gee thanks." Addison said sarcastically.
"I'm not being critical. I'm concerned. You're usually put together and have a spotless house. You also look like you haven't slept in weeks." Nancy observed.
"That's because I haven't." Addison stated honestly.
"Addie, you should have told us it was too much for you. We could have helped." Kathleen said.
"It shouldn't have been too much. There's supposed to be two people equally splitting the duties, but apparently in our house, I have to take care of everything during the day and then work night shift." Addison said bitterly.
"If you need me to kick Derek's butt, I will." Nancy offered making Addison smile.
"I appreciate the offer, but I'm not working tonight so I can get a good night of sleep and you're taking your mom in a few days. We'll be okay." Addison explained.
"We are here to help now." Kathleen offered. "We can clean, cook, watch kids if you want to sleep."
"How about you visit your mom first.." Addison suggested.
Derek walked into the kitchen early the next morning. Addison was making breakfast.
"Good morning." Derek said, kissing her.
"Morning." Addison replied. "We'll drive together and leave your sisters the van?"
"Sure." Derek responded.
"Is something wrong?" Addison asked.
"No." Derek replied confused.
"Are you mad at me?" She wanted to know.
"No." Derek answered
"Then why have you been ignoring me?" She asked.
"I'm not ignoring you. We've been working opposite schedules and I'm tired, Addison." Derek argued.
"Just talk to me okay. I'm afraid we're going in the direction we were before the affair." Addison said. Derek was silent. "Just keep talking to me and tell me whatever is on your mind. And we need to be happy for Kaitlyn this weekend."
"I can't believe she's graduating from high school." Derek said. "It feels like just yesterday she was the little girl putting on dance shows in our living room." The phone rang. Addison picked it up quickly so it didn't wake the whole house.
"Hello?" Addison answered.
"Our nanny cancelled. Neither one of us can stay home. We need the day off tomorrow. Please tell me one of you are off." Izzie rambled.
"Good morning to you too, Iz." Addison said smiling.
"Are you off?" Izzie asked again quickly.
"No, we are both working too so we have tomorrow off, but you can bring the kids over here. Derek's sisters are here." Addison offered.
"Okay. We'll be there in five minutes." Izzie said hurriedly. Nancy walked into the kitchen.
"Good morning." She greeted them while pouring herself a cup of coffee.
"You're up early." Derek said.
"It's after 5." Nancy said as if that was a normal time to wake-up.
"Mark and Izzie's nanny cancelled so I volunteered you as babysitter. They'll be here in five minutes." Addison told her.
"Four kids can't be that hard." Nancy said.
"I should hope not. You have four of your own." Derek said.
A few minutes later, Mark and Izzie walked in the house with a sleeping baby and a very loud seven year old.
"Lily. Quieter. Everyone's sleeping." Izzie reminded her. Nancy, Addison, and Derek met them in the living room.
"Did you bring Paige and Rosie?" Lily asked Nancy.
"No hi Aunt Nancy, nice to see you?" Nancy joked with her. Lily giggled. "I had to leave them home again. I promise you can see them soon." Mark handed Lily a bag of bottles.
"Go put this in the fridge." He instructed her.
"Okay!" She said as she danced off to the kitchen.
"He should sleep for another hour. Everything you'll need is in the bag. You can call us anytime." Mark said.
"Kaitlyn knows what to do too." Addison added.
Mark walked down the hallway thinking about how he could get his work done quickly to get home earlier. Addison was reading a file and almost ran right into Mark.
"Hey." Mark said sticking his arms out to catch her before she ran into him.
"Sorry. I was reading this and didn't see you." Addison apologized.
"Obviously." Mark said. "Can you see my burn patient? She's pregnant."
"Yeah, sure. When we get home tonight, I have something to give you so stick around." Addison said.
"Okay." Mark said unsure of what she was talking about.
Meanwhile, at home, Nancy and Kathleen were managing the household. Nancy had Nathan on the changing table, attempting to change his diaper. Lily was standing on a stool watching. Nathan was squirming around half naked.
"You're not doing it right." Lily said in a sing-song voice.
"How can you change a diaper wrong?" Nancy asked.
"Well, first of all, you should have used the strap to hold him still." Lily lectured. "Also you're supposed to cover him up with the burp cloth so he doesn't pee on you." At that moment, Nathan started peeing and got Nancy. Lily giggled. "I told you."
"I guess I'm out of practice." Nancy told her.
Derek walked up to Addison when she was standing at the desk writing in a chart. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. She smiled.
"I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks." Derek said.
"We haven't worked together in weeks." She said turning around to face him.
"I know I sounded absent this morning. Our life is chaotic right now. And we lost a baby, not just you, Addie. We did. I let you mope around the house for a week while you recovered, and I stayed strong for you. Now I need time to grieve." Derek explained. Addison nodded.
"Okay. It's just, we need to act differently this time. We have to stay strong together. We cannot repeat last time." Addison said. Their pagers went off. "Keeping talking to me." She said before they went their separate ways.
At home, Kathleen was sitting on the couch trying to feed Nathan a bottle. He was getting fussier and fussier and wouldn't take the bottle.
"You're not doing it right." Lily said in a sing-song voice.
"Listen to her." Nancy interrupted before Kathleen could defend herself. "She knows what she's doing. I already went through this a few times today."
"Just give me him. I'll do it." Lily said sitting down next to Kathleen. Nancy couldn't help but laugh a little bit at Lily's bossiness. Kathleen put the baby in her arms and Lily stuck the bottle in his mouth. He instantly calmed down and started drinking his bottle.
Derek, Mark, Izzie, and Addison stood outside the patient's room.
"She needs surgery now." Derek announced.
"How did we all end up with the same patient at the end of our shift?" Izzie questioned.
"I agree she needs surgery now." Mark said.
"The baby's okay right now and isn't in danger as long as she's stable." Addison stated.
"We might as well get it over with now so we can make it to graduation tomorrow." Mark debated.
"Oh I agree." Addison said. "I was just saying that you don't need me."
"The baby still needs to be monitored though." Izzie said.
"Sorry, Iz. I'm pulling rank." Addison said.
"Gee thanks." Izzie replied.
"I'll take care of your child though. I just… There's some things I need to do." Addison said.
"And you should be there for Kaitlyn." Izzie said.
"Is there something you want to share with the class? You've been weird all day." Mark questioned her behavior.
"I'll show you when you get home." Addison said with a smile.
"Let's go get started then." Derek said.
The front door of the house shut. Addison dropped her keys on the table and put her bag on the floor. She heard the baby crying. Lily and Grace came running to the door followed by Kaitlyn.
"You're home!" Lily exclaimed hugging Addison.
"Home!" Grace said hugging Addison's leg. Addison bent down to hug and kiss both of them.
"I missed you guys today." Addison said.
"We missed you too." Nancy said handing her the screaming baby. Addison laughed.
"How was your day?" She asked sarcastically. She sat on the couch with the baby and the rest of the kids swarmed her. "Can you get me his blankie?" She asked Lily.
"Sure." Lily said. She ran off and came back with a blanket a minute later. Addison swaddled the baby in the blanket and cradled him. He instantly stopped crying.
"He's been crying for a good hour and you walk in and he's better?" Nancy said sounding exhausted.
"Don't listen to her. We were fine all day." Kathleen added.
"I mean the kids are alive, happy, and recently bathed. What more could I ask for?" Addison said.
"Yeah that was all Kaitlyn." Nancy told her as she sat down in the armchair.
"They don't know what they're doing." Lily added making everyone laugh. "What? The didn't." She said like it was obvious.
"Can I get ice cream with Will and some friends?" Kaitlyn asked.
"It sounds like you deserve some time out. What time are you going to be home?" Addison responded.
"Probably 10 at the latest. We're really just getting ice cream. I'm exhausted." Kaitlyn said.
"Yes. Go." Addison said.
"Thanks Addie." Kaitlyn said walking to the door.
"The car keys are on the table." Addison called after her.
"What else can we help you with?" Kathleen asked.
"Nothing. Really. I'm going to put them all to bed. You relax." Addison instructed.
Addison shut the door to Lily's room. The little kids were finally all asleep. She went into her room and pulled a keepsake box off of the top shelf of her closet. An envelope was taped to the top that said 'To Addison on Kaitlyn's high school graduation'. Addison lifted off the top of the box and pulled out an already opened letter. She opened it six years ago, when she was really missing Elizabeth. She re-read the letter.
Addie,
I knew you couldn't wait ten or eleven years to open this box. I started them with Kaitlyn's graduation because I wanted you all to learn how to live without me before reading them. There are letters in here for you, Mark, Derek, and especially Kaitlyn for all of the big moments of her adult life. I want her to know me, to know how much I love her, and I wanted to be able to give her advice after I'm gone. I don't know how old Kaitlyn is right now, is she 8, 13, or 17? I try to imagine what she looks like as a beautiful young woman and not a little girl. No matter how old she is, I know you are an important part of her life. Addie, promise me you'll be there for all of the mother's day teas, the fashion dilemmas, prom, her first boyfriend, her first kiss. Be there for me whenever she needs a mother. She's so little and has so much to learn. You and I both know that we can't leave it all up to Mark. Girls need their mamas. Love her as if she is your own child (I know you already do). Teach her to be a kind and caring person. Tell her how important education is, but make sure she still has fun in her life. Encourage her to be whatever she wants to be. Tell her stories about me and you so she knows me and understands how important you are to us. But most of all make sure she knows she has your love and support. Take care of Mark too. Don't let him get too depressed. Encourage him to date, but don't let him bring too many girls around Kaity. I know he's probably made a few stupid decisions by now, but stick by him. He needs you. You and Derek are his family. He needs family. And Addie, I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I can't imagine my life without you in it. You are a strong woman. I know you're going to be okay, you're all going to be okay. I'm sorry I can't be there to talk to when Derek's being a jerk and to hold your hand when you have your babies, that's why I'm writing these letters. Keep me in your memory and your heart. Take care of Kaity.
Love you forever and always,
Elizabeth
Tears were falling down Addison's cheeks by the time she finished reading the letter. "She's amazing El," Addison whispered. She looked through the other letters. 'To Kaitlyn on your wedding day', 'To Derek on Kaitlyn's 21st birthday', 'To Addie when you miss me most', 'To Mark on his 50th birthday'. She shuffled through the letters until she found ones for Kaitlyn's graduation. She took them out and put the box back on the top shelf. She stared at the one addressed to her and then placed it on her nightstand for the morning and brought the others downstairs with her.
Addison sat in the living room rocking Nathan when Kaitlyn came in.
"How was ice cream?" Addison asked.
"It was fun." Kaitlyn answered
"Do you have everything ready for tomorrow?" Addison asked.
"Yup." Kaitlyn said.
"I have something I want to give you tonight." Addison said. Kaitlyn sat down next her. Addison handed her the envelope. Kaitlyn read the front. "You can open it now or you can wait until tomorrow. I just thought you might want it tonight." Kaitlyn started opening the envelope.
"You wrote me a letter?" Kaitlyn asked pulling the letter out of the envelope.
"It's not from me." Addison said. Kaitlyn looked harder and recognized the handwriting.
"My mom?" Kaitlyn asked. Addison nodded.
Kaitlyn,
Congratulations! You did it! Graduating from high school is a big accomplishment. I know you have grown into a kind, caring, strong, intelligent, beautiful young woman from this sweet little seven year old sleeping next to me. I wonder where you are going to college and what you want to be when you grow up. I wonder if you play sports or dance or play an instrument. I know you are amazing at whatever it is you are doing and I hope that you are doing something you love, not something someone else pushes you to do. As you go away to college, don't be afraid to try new things, you never know what you're going to like. Don't forget to be the kind, caring, loving person you were raised to be. Follow your dreams no matter what they are. Don't forget to call home every once in a while. Your dad, Addie, and Derek miss you! Appreciate how loved you are. From the moment you were born, you were surrounded by so much love. Let Addie fill in for me as your mother. Oh how I wish I could be there with you. Stand proudly on the stage today with your cap on your head as you receive you diploma. It took a lot of hard work to earn it. Congratulations on your big day! I love you, Kaitlyn, and have loved you every single day of your life, to the moon and back.
Love,
Mom
Addison hugged Kaitlyn with her free arm. Kaitlyn looked up at Addison with tears in her eyes.
"You never told me she wrote letters." Kaitlyn said.
"She didn't want you to know until you were ready." Addison said.
"You decided I was ready tonight?" Kaitlyn asked.
"No, your mom decided you would be ready now. She wrote the first one for your graduation." Addison explained.
"We haven't talked about her in a long time." Kaitlyn said.
"I know. That's my fault. I should be talking about her more. But you know we have busy lives in the present and sometimes I don't remember that you don't know that much about her." Addison told her.
"I wish she could be there tomorrow. I know you're my mom now and all, but she's still my mother." Kaitlyn said.
"And I could never take her place. I just fill in for her when you need it." Addison said.
The sun shone brightly down on them as they sat in chairs outdoors watching the graduates walk across the stage. Mark's mind began to wander. He thought about the letter from Elizabeth, guilty that he didn't live up to the expectations she set for him as a father, but Kaitlyn did grow up into an amazing young woman.
Mark,
You did it. She's an amazing young woman. I know Addie and Derek were a big part of that, but you raised an awesome kid. I know she's kind and caring. Strong, she's been through a lot already in her life. Intelligent, after all she is graduating from high school today. And I'm sure she's a beautiful young lady. I'm sure you had your struggles, but you became an awesome dad. Remind her she can be anything she wants to be and encourage her to follow her dreams. Help her to cherish the memories that we all had together, but don't let her dwell on her losses. And you, I hope you are happy. I hope you've found an amazing woman to spend your life with and be a role model for Kaity. Maybe you even have more kids. I always thought Kaity would love a younger sibling. I also know you've become a wonderful surgeon, but I hope that you take time away from your career for your family.
God Mark, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world, except for Kaitlyn. I can't imagine a world where we can't be together. I hope I didn't hurt you too much when my body gave in to cancer. Know that I fought like hell to stay with you and Kaitlyn. Live your life, remember me, but don't live in the past.
Congratulations on your amazing kid's accomplishments!
Love you more than life.
Love,
Elizabeth
He looked over at Addie and Derek. They deserved as much if not more of the credit for Kaitlyn being the person she is today.
"Kaitlyn Margaret Sloan." They all cheered for Kaitlyn as she walked across the stage to get her diploma. She smiled at them proud of her accomplishment. Addison looked up at Kaitlyn and smiled. She looked just like her mother standing up there on the stage. Addison thought about Elizabeth and could practically hear her cheering along with them.
Addie,
Thank you. Thank you for helping raise Kaitlyn to be a kind, intelligent, strong young woman. I know you were there for all of the school plays, picnics, parents nights, award ceremonies, concerts; you were there for it all. I know you stayed up late with her the night before tests helping her study and pushed her to do her work even when she thought she couldn't. For all that, I owe you a huge thanks. Thanks for being me when I couldn't. Congratulations on graduation day! Kaity wouldn't have made it there without you.
Love you forever and always,
Elizabeth
I hope you liked it!
