I sat watching Damien sleep during the night. I sat up in our little tent, the fire long since had gone out. The night was peaceful, at least with in a thirty mile radius.
I bit my lip to the point of drawing blood. So many thoughts, passing like shooting stars. Mostly they were all bringing negativity, yet sometimes hope would briefly bloom within me. It never lasted as long as I wanted, soon another though would pop up and crush my hope. It was a Rollercoaster of bullshit! All of it! This was bullshit! Why was I dwelling on this so much? I feel this impending doom. Yet logically speaking I knew there was nothing to fear.
Rin, she was a wild card in this situation. Sure the others have told me that she has been talking of Damien a lot now. She even hinted at having feeling a for him. The others really think the two are feeling mutually attracted to one another. Yet, who can trust the heart of a thirteen year old? I wasn't even being one sided here. Damien was capable of being fickle.
It doesn't matter! This could all be for nothing! All this bullshit that could fall into my lap! In the end someone will end up hurt! It just can't happen! This isn't a god damn fairy tale! Fairy tales are silly little stories told to children to make them feel good! It shields them from the truth of reality, it's harsh!
My head felt like it was going to explode! I wanted to just scoop Damien up and take him far away. So far that he could never ever get back! I wanted to will the well to open up so that we could go back! I wanted to run away! It made me crazy! Never have I been one to run away! I faced everything head on! So why am I tip toeing around this? I'm right, I know I am! I have seen this time after time! I have experienced this!
"What's wrong sis?" My brother stirred from his sleep. I flinched at his sudden awakening. He must have felt my turmoil in his sleep. Damn it and damn me.
"Nothing, go back to sleep." I whispered to him. He yawned but disregarded my order. He sat up and rubbed at his eye.
"You are terrible at lying to me. There is something that has been eating at you for awhile now. I can tell by the way you're acting and how you shield yourself from me. Why are you doing this? Just confide in me. I know I am your omega but I am also your brother sis. We are family, we are all we have now." My brother said still half asleep basically.
"Yeah right, we're not all we have." I grumbled lowly.
"Is this about Rin? Are you serious?" He asked.
"No, of course it's not about her. It's about you!" I spat.
"I know that's a lie! It is about her! Why? She's so nice! What could you possibly not like about her so much that you're up in the middle of night brooding?" He insisted.
"I don't dislike her." I defended.
"Then what is it?" He snapped.
"Watch your tone." I growled back at him in warning.
"You're really going to use your title in this?" He asked before giving off a humorless laugh. "You're going to hid behind your title now?"
"I am not hiding anything." I snarled.
"More lies! If mom and dad was here they would be disappointed in you! If it's not that you don't like Rin then what is it? Are you not liking the thought of me going with her?"
"No! I don't care if you followed the one you love!"
"Then what is it?" He changed his tone bow pleading with me.
"It is nothing! I told you!"
"Stop it! Stop. it. right. now!" He yelled.
"I WILL NOT STOP BECAUSE I AM DOING NOTHING BUT TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!" I exploded. He shrank back and his eyes grew wide. There was no fear in them, instead there was a sudden realization. His eyes darted around my figure like he just found the last puzzle piece that made me and was now looking at the whole picture. The look instantly made me feel nervous. Which is ridiculous, this was my little brother and omega. What do I have to be nervous about from him?
"You're scared I will end up like you..." He said in a hushed whisper.
"You're thirteen and I am not the only weredog that has had that happen to them." I growled.
"But you took it so hard! You never let it go did you? Instead you hid it away and decided to turn bitter! You think Rin will turn out to be just like Ryan!" He said. The minute that name passed his lips I smacked him. I didn't think, it just happened. Damien's head was snapped to the side and the sound echoed across the woods. Instantly I was shocked and horrified by the action. Never have I ever hit my brother. Sure we wrestled, sure he attacked me during his first shift but never have I stricken him.
"Damien..." I spoke softly. I felt so ashamed of myself.
"Don't." He said coldly. He looked back to me, with a red cheek and tears in his eyes. "You...are not fit to be an Alpha. You are scared! You're so afraid that I am going to get hurt by Rin just because it happened to you. I'm sorry you bonded to a bastard but Rin isn't like that I can feel it."
"How do you know? I felt the exact same with Ryan! The fact is that you are too young and so is she! You are just children! You don't know what love is! You won't end up together and you'll be heart broken because you let yourself get bonded to her too much!" I said balling my fist willing myself not to cry.
"How dare you tell me that I don't know what I am feeling! You are right, we are young! I don't care! Mom and dad were ten when they meet and bonded! Besides, in this time I am a man! We're not home and we never will be! This is our home now! The sooner you accept it the better! You like to think you can overcome anything with your strength! I hate to say it but you can't! You can not use your strength to travel through time! There is no fixing this! You're the one to push for us breaking off ties with our old pack! You are the one who set the time limit. I accepted it and I didn't even want to do it so soon! So why are you the one who can't let go?" Damien screamed at me.
"The future knows more than try every past! Just because everyone is doing something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do! I have accepted that we are stuck! I refuse to let it go though. I refuse to forget what made us who we are!" I screamed back at him.
"We are not forgetting anything! We are just moving on! Why can't you see that? If we don't adjust in some ways we'll be outcasts for the rest of our lives! You may be fine being alone for the rest of your life but I'm not! I want what mom and dad have! I think I can get that with Rin! I want that with her! Not right now but in the future!"
"You're getting a head of yourself! You don't know what you really want! You have just barely started to live your life!"
"It doesn't matter! Drop the whole being to young excuse! Face it! You're letting your bitterness cloud your reasoning! You could be wrong! You don't know anything for sure! Even if you are right, it is my right to make my own mistakes!"
"I wouldn't let you make the mistake of jumping from a lethal cliff!"
"That's different! Just look at yourself!" He said crawling out of the tent. He got up and looked down at me over his shoulder. "You're instincts were wrong. You bonded to strong to fast to him and he burned you. He was wrong but so was your instincts! So you want the world to stop! To take in your account and see it as true for everyone? I'm not saying my instincts are any better than yours. What I am say is that I will not end up like you. If she decides to run off with out me I will get over it. It will hurt but I know that I will find someone else eventually. There will always be hope. I'll keep looking until I find my soul mate. I'm not going to quit because I couldn't get it right the first time! No one is perfect, no one has all the right answers, not even you." He said then walked off.
"Where are you going?" I called after him. I hated that for a minute I sounded so weak.
"To take a leak then walk around. I'm done with you right now." He called back. I watched him go and I felt cold. I looked down into my lap. I didn't know what to say. It hurt, hearing those things from him. It really did. I wanted to cry but I refused to let myself do it.
Is he right? Am I bias, was I wrong here? I just...can't...what happened to me hurt so much. I was crushed. For a year I sulked in my room. It was like I was just rotting away still conscious and living. Then, one day I just got up and went for a jog. Then I started to hit the gym. I began competing to beat every male I came across. I wasn't satisfied until I could take my uncle head on. I pushed myself to my limit and beyond so much. No one questioned my sudden drive to get strong. Why did I even do it? As a kid I was content playing games, joking around and just living my life as apart of the pack.
Then...it happened. I meet Ryan and I fell head over heels for him. He was a new kid at school and I just instantly felt he was the one. No one was there to warn me against bonding to him. I had been foolish and believed that my instincts were telling me that he was right for me. I had to learn the hard way that instincts did help you find someone who was compatible but it didn't guarantee you being with the other person.
Did I just become strong to make up for the pain he left? Did I want to be alpha just to dictate the lives of my younger pack mates? So that I can force them to not make the same mistake I did. Was I really that bitter that I was willing to ruin my little brother's chance at happiness?
Damien didn't come back, even when the sun have begin to rise up. Even it didn't warm me up. So I ended up alone in our tent, cold as I laid down. Yet, I couldn't sleep. Damien's words, my self doubt and the memories of Ryan were on replay in my head. It was my own living hell. How does one escape thoughts?
HOW DO YOU GUYS LIKE THE STORY SO FAR? PS! SESSHOMARU IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!
