A/N: Here ya go, guys, a kinda boring chapter written entirely because I refuse to have another episode this quickly after the last.
Hearing the door open, I sit up, suddenly realizing that I'm awake, and wondering how long I had been sitting there doing nothing. Probably a long time, knowing myself.
As the shapes step inside, I clutched my side and slowly set myself upright, groaning in displeasure. It's like one of those questions, 'What'd you do this summer?'
I fucking ate a mountain.
'Oh that's nice.'
Yeah. It was crunchy.
Coming through the door is a doctor pony that I don't recognize, followed by a blue pony with a hat and cape that I had no trouble recognizing. Said mare placed herself in a chair adjacent to my… Bed.
The doctor is holding a clipboard within his magical grasp, and flips through it as if it actually held important information.
"Miss Lulamoon is here to see you, uh, Joseph, was it? I apologize, I haven't seen a name like yours before."
Of course you haven't. Not like there's another human here or… Wow, sleeping for a week really doesn't help my mood.
Turning to Trixie, the still unnamed doctor continues, "He only just woke up yesterday, so if he seems a bit out of sorts, keep in mind that he has yet to make a full recovery from his… 'mountain hugging session'? Who filled out this paperwork?!"
My guess would be Redheart. The pink haired bitch tried to spoon feed me yesterday. It was a weird bright purple liquid, and there's no way in hell was I about to try and take it. Which in turn created an argument, which in the end caused her mood to soar to an inferno even hell itself couldn't match.
Basically I was strapped down and stuck with a needle. Shit got real in ten seconds flat.
Literally.
"Doctor… whatever your name is, if you would leave us. I'm pretty sure that if I survived hitting that mountain, I can manage a conversation without suddenly dying."
The doctor eyes Trixie with a stare, and a curious glance towards me, eventually flipping the clipboard papers down with a somewhat satisfied grin,
"Well alrighty tighty. I'll just uh…" The Doctor slowly sidetrots towards the door, "Leave you two alone."
He shuts the door and immediately yells,
"Redheart! Fetch number fifteen some painkillers!"
Without uttering a word, nor sparing Trixie any subtleties, I deadpanned, "If anypony comes through that door, please, don't hesitate to bore them to death."
Trixie scoffs and holds a hoof to her chest, "Trixie? Bore? Absurd. At least I have an act... Ever hear the stage metaphor, 'Break a Leg?'. Obviously not, since you broke everything else instead."
"Okay, first off, you should see the other guy. I may have broke a few bones, but left a goddamn crater in a mountain."
Trixie sniffs, her expression unamused, "Clearly."
"Well, anyway, buddy ol' friend ol' pal, did you actually want to talk to me about something, or are you just here to boast until my ears fall off?"
The joking tone in my voice is obvious enough for Trixie to catch, and she replies, "Is Trixie not allowed to visit her friends? And if you insist that Trixie boast, she'll have you know that while you were gracefully flying away, Trixie was able to defeat the Ursa-"
I hold a hand up, "Lemme just stop you right there. You already beat me in the five questions game already, you're allowed to tell the truth now."
Trixie blushed slightly, "Ah, seems you know when Trixie is lying and not. Very perceptive…"
I shrugged, "No, you ponies are just hilariously obvious. Besides, no way in hell you killed Momma bear."
Trixie huffs, "Well, give Trixie credit, hyoomin! At the very least, she assisted the strange red pony!"
I cross my arms and chuckle, clutching my side instantly after, "Nope. I'll give you debit, heh-OUGH…yep…definitely gonna feel that… and you helped Otaku, huh? Damn. Showoff."
Trixie nodded, her eyes growing clouded, "Indeed, the way he weaved his magic, and made the Ursa Major… Disappear… Was dazzling."
"Magic, huh? Why do I have a feeling he just pulled out a giant spear and slashed it to ribbons?."
Trixie slumps onto her hoof, "Probably because he did. Regardless, Trixie is quite envious."
I sit up further, "Yeah, well don't be. You got some pretty good magic going yourself. It's just how you use it. Besides, he has a little trump card, being able to draw stuff to life."
Trixie whines, "And that's why Trixie is envious! All Trixie knows how to do is cast illusions and do simple levitation!"
I smirk, "Illusion spells are pretty cool. You'd be surprised how fast they could turn the tide on somepony. And besides, you should consider yourself lucky. Literally every human ever has at one point wished they had magic.
Trixie sighs, "Trixie sees your point. Although, not happy with it, Trixie agrees."
I shrug, then turn to look at the clock. "Oh! Lunch time. Great."
On cue, the pink haired menace walks in. Her face is expressionless, but I could feel the tension rolling of her in waves.
"Joseph." She nods as she sets the food down.
I simply yoink the tray into my lap, "Bastard."
"I hope it tastes fine. Made it myself."
I blink and look at the slop before me, "Ah. Looks shitty. Like you. OH! AND IT EVEN HAS YOUR EYES!"
I thought Redheart had hated me before, but I could feel that the hatred grew tenfold at that moment.
"My inspiration was you. Enjoy." She replies coldly as she trots out the door.
Trixie blinks at the now cleared room, "Trixie senses something between the two of you."
I nod whilst poking the ass sucking food with my spoon, "Just now noticed that? Oh yeah. She and I go way back, to like yesterday."
Trixie snorts, "Hyoomins seem to make fast friends… Or enemies."
"Humans. And yes, Trixie. I make friends and enemies very easily."
At that moment, Doctor McNameless enters the room again, saying "Miss Lulamoon, we're going to have to ask you to leave now."
Trixie nods and gets up from her seat, "Alright. Thank you, Trixie will… See you later, Joseph."
I grunt, "Yeah, no you won't."
"...With that attitude, you're probably right."
And thus the door closes, leaving Doctor McNameless and I alone.
"...Do you need something?"
He nods, "Yes, actually. Lunch time isn't until two hours from now… How'd you get food already?"
I look at the poor excuse of lunch, "Nurse gave it to me."
Doc McNameless scratches the side of his head, "Huh… that isn't any food we serve to patients either…"
Blinking, realization sunk in, causing me to grit my teeth, "Dinkleburg…"
"What?"
Looking up to the doctor, I wave a dismissive hand, "Just forget it."
"Ah. Well Joseph, it is time for your medicine."
Fuck.
As I finally exit the hospital, I put on my headphones, and quickly pull up my "Favorites" playlist, tapping the screen without really looking for a specific song.
As the music begins, I smirk, and began walking off in a random direction, because I have no damn clue where I am.
The base, the rock, the mic, the treble,
I like my coffee black just like my metal,
With the base, the rock, the mic, the treble,
I like my coffee black just like my metal,
'Cause I can't wait for you to fuck me up,
In a minute, minute,
In a fuckin' minute,
I can't wait for you to fuck me up,
In a minute, minute,
In a second!
I can't wait for you to shut me up,
And make me, hip like bad-ass,
I can't wait for you to shut me up,
Shut, it, up!
...Well shit. It's been nearly twenty minutes of me walking around town, and I still have no clue where I am. Hell, pretty sure I've gone in a circle a couple times.
And for some reason, everypony I've seen (well, ALMOST everypony) had a big smile the moment they saw me, and a few even tried to talk to me. Considering Vinyl Scratch lives here, you'd think they would know how futile it was trying to talk to someone with headphones on, but fuck it. My music is probably better than whatever they're trying to say.
Unfortunately, logic dictates that if I don't figure out where I am soon, I'll have to stop being an asshole and actually take off the headphones long enough to ask somepony for directions. Probably ask why the hell they're all smiling, too.
With a small sigh, I take a look around, actually paying attention to the smiling ponies staring at me. That's kinda creepy, actually…
As I look around, I notice Derpy putting a muffin in a mailbox, and then taking a bite out of a letter… Yeah, seems about right for her… Just hope said letter wasn't important.
Next I spot Lyra sitting on a bench in her oddly humanoid manner, and immediately turn my head to look for another pony. If the fandom happens to be correct about her, unlikely as that may be, I'd rather not talk to her just yet.
Alright, there goes the good Doctor. He doesn't seems terribly busy at the moment, so with a shrug, I make my way to the brown stallion.
Reluctantly taking off my headphones, I say, "Hello, Doctor. Sorry to bother you, but I'm apparently lost. This is only my fifth day of actually walking around the town, and I don't have the slightest idea of how to get anywhere from here. Think you could give me directions?"
The pony in question lets out a small sigh of his own, then responds, "I'm assuming you can find your way around from the library?"
"Yeah, that'd work."
"And you're sure you don't know where you are right now?"
With a slight pause, I respond, "Yes?"
The Doctor lets out another sigh, then points behind me. "Turn around, would you?"
Not entirely sure why, I do as he asks, turning around to see… Oh. I'm blind. And an idiot. Did I mention blind?
Right in front of me, just slightly past the road I had just come down, was the library.
"Joseph… Do yourself a favor, and get a map."
With that, the Doctor turns to trot away, leaving me to wonder what had him in such a bad mood today. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm insisting on calling him "the Doctor" when I'm not even sure he's anything more than an inventor.
Quickly growing bored, and somewhat hating myself for being the unobservative fuck that I am, I walk up to my house, and open the door to find it pitch black inside, despite being daylight out still. Already knowing what's going on, I let out a groan.
The lights suddenly turn on, revealing a small army of ponies all yelling, "SURPRISE!"
...Wait a second, how the fuck did they all get here before I did, I just saw half of these ponies on the way here!
A/N: Well, this was a mostly uneventful chapter… Oh well, had to get something out to you guys, and I really didn't feel like writing another episode so quickly. If you enjoyed this boring excuse for a chapter, please, follow, favorite, and leave a review explaining what exactly it was that made this somehow enjoyable.
