A/N: This is a long chapter, which I've put a lot of thought into; so I hope you'll take the time to read and review. There really wasn't a place to split this chapter, and you'll see why after the last sentence.


Hours have passed. Time has slipped away, and he doesn't care to look at a clock, so Derek is unsure of exactly how much time has passed. Time all of a sudden seems irrelevant to Derek Shepherd. He knows it's been several when he looks out his large living room window, noting the blended pink and orange splashes in the sky, and the sun slowly descending closer and closer toward the line in which the earth's surface and the sun appear to meet. The sun shines fire over the horizon.

Derek has also lost count of the number of scotch glasses he has downed. The burnt cork no longer burns his throat, so he knows he's had more than enough. The alcohol buzz tingles his brain. He doesn't think he's drunk; it takes many, many drinks to get Derek Shepherd drunk to the point of no control. He finds peace in the buzz. His heart rate has slowed, and his thoughts have slowed down. He's at ease with his buzz.

Owen Hunt, on the other hand, is far more gone. He stumbles toward Derek's wine and spirits cabinet, struggling to steady himself. His words slur together as he says, "These women...they think the world revolves around them."

"It does," Derek laughs, setting his empty glass on the endtable. He stands up, and his stomach whips with a riveting vertigo. His head spins, and the room feels like it's moving. Maybe he's a little farther gone than he initially thought. Derek sits back down, deciding he's cutting himself off. Meredith should be home at any time with the kids, and he doesn't want to be completely wasted when she walks in the door. He doesn't want to stir up more trouble with her. Derek has decided that he's done arguing with her.

"It shouldn't," Owen slurs in protest. "The world doesn't revolve around anyone. No one is the center of the universe. Yet, I let myself revolve around Cristina for all these years. She was the sun and I was the earth. It's wrong on every moral spectrum."

"Love makes you do crazy things," Derek ejects, contemplating the truth of his words. There isn't much he wouldn't do for Meredith. He would jump in front of a bus for her in a heart beat. She had stood in front of a gunman for him, and he would selflessly return the favor. The thought of her not being in his life is one that makes him nauseous.

Relationships are built off sacrifices. Their relationship started with a sacrificed. She was just an intern when they met, even though he had not known that on their very first night together. He decides that knowing that would not have stopped him from pursuing her, one way or another. She was just beginning, and he was already established in his career. The gap has existed from the very beginning, and they were both well aware of it, but Derek hadn't stopped to think about how it really affected her then and how it affects her now. That's not something either can control, though. He loves her, and shouldn't love conquer all?

Or is love just not enough anymore? Why do relationships have to be so complicated? He doesn't know why he finds himself doubting his entire relationship now. Over all, he and Meredith have had a healthy relationship. They've had their share of ups and downs, like any couple, but overall, he considers his relationship with Meredith much healthier than his relationship ever was with Addison. He realizes they haven't had as much together as a couple since Bailey was born. When they just had Zola, it was easy. Then again, Zola was already one year old when she came. She already, for the most part, slept through the night. She went with them to work each morning, and they'd both visit her in daycare when they could.

Derek had always dreamt about having a big family, so he hadn't thought welcoming a second child into their home would be too difficult. After all, his mother had raised five children on her own after his father passed away. When they were small, though, his mother stayed home while his father worked. Amelia had been five when their father passed away, well past the years of potty training and needing someone to dress her.

His mother had been a stay-at-home mom. Derek thinks. Meredith wants greatness. She expects greatness. She wants to have it all. She wants to exceed in motherhood and as a surgeon. He wants that too. He wants to be a good father, but why should he give up his dreams? Why should he give up such an amazing opportunity? He knows marriage is built off of sacrifices, and in order for them to make this work, they need to compromise. But she's not willing to compromise, so why should he?

She's being inconsiderate and ruthless, he decides. Fury lingers in his veins again. The more he thinks about it, the more angry he becomes. He face burns with anger. He looks at his cell phone, which sits on the end table. He thinks about calling her.

No, Derek, don't, he thinks. He's angry. He'll yell at her, and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to fight with her anymore, yet part of him still wants to rip her head off. He hates being upset at her. It physically and emotionally hurts him to be mad at her. It's a pain like no other in the world. There's nothing worse than being angry at the person you love most in the world.

"What do we want to promise each other?"

"That you'll love me...even when you hate me."

He can never hate her, even when he's furious at her. Even when he wants to rip her gorgeous head off her beautiful body. He can't hate her. Even now, when he's beyond angry with her. He doesn't hate her. His love for her is still intact.

Maybe he needs another drink after all. Before he can get up, he hears a loud clatter followed by a splatter. The scotch bottle has slipped from Owen's hands while he was trying to pour himself another drink.


An unfamiliar face stands behind the counter at Joe's Bar. He's a young man in his early twenties with bold green eyes, pasty white skin, and lavishing red curls.

"Where's Joe?" Meredith Grey asks, occupying a bar stool with her butt. Her phone buzzes. She'd just sent Alex a text a few moments earlier to tell him she was at Joe's.

Be there in ten, she reads Alex's reply, then slides her phone back into her pocket.

"His daughter's first play," the young man answers, locking eyes with her. Her mind suddenly drifts elsewhere, having forgotten that Joe was a father now. He and his husband had adopted twins. They must be about five now; she knew the biological mother had once been a patient of Addison's, and Addison had been gone around five years now. Meredith finds her mind drifting to her own children. She misses them and feels bad about so willingly accepting Amelia's offer to pick them up. The last thing she wants is to take advantage of Amelia's willingness to help, though she greatly appreciates it. She knows Amelia adores the kids and the kids seem to adore her too. It's good for them to have an aunt in town. Meredith isn't sure if Zola remembers Lexie. She wasn't even two when she died. Meredith barely remembers anything before the age of five, so it's unlikely Zola will remember Lexie. Bailey will never know her. So, Meredith thinks it's good that Amelia is here now, and the kids have the chance to get to know one of their aunts.

She knows Derek misses the rest of his family, and that his mother wants to see the kids more often; it would have been a perk of living in D.C. His lives only a few hours away. His points are all valid, but as far as she's concerned, so are hers. Neither are wrong, which is what makes this so hard. He doesn't understand her point of view, and he's not trying either. He doesn't understand how important it is for her to stand on her own two feet, to be an individual, to be an extraordinary surgeon on her own accord. She doesn't need his help. She never has needed it. Her mind has drifted to the point she doesn't hear the bartender speak to her.

"I haven't seen you around here before, have I? What can I get you to drink?" His eyes have a flirtatious twinkle to them. She follows his eyes, realizing he's scoping out her finger, and she instantly realizes what he's searching for. She's not wearing a ring. She hates rings and never wears one. Derek doesn't wear one either. She thinks rings are stupid and has never understood why people need rings to symbolize their love. Love triumphs any ring. Rings are merely an accessory.

"I, uh, have to call my kids," she says, biting her lip, feeling slightly uncomfortable. The bartender is at least fifteen years younger than she is. And she's married. She recounts Amelia's comment earlier, about Addison. Meredith Grey is not Addison, Meredith thinks. She can't imagine cheating on Derek, ever, and especially not with a baby faced bartender.

She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket and dashes into the bathroom. It's still early, so the bathroom is empty. She opens her contacts and taps Amy Shepherd. For the longest time, Meredith knew Amelia as nothing other than "Amy." Whenever Derek mentioned her, he always referred to her as "Amy," so the fact that Derek was the only one allowed to call her Amy was irrelevant. Amelia had kindly explained to her that it was his nickname for her, and no one else lived to call her Amy. Occasionally, out of habit, Meredith slips up and calls her "Amy" out of habit. Amelia doesn't correct her anymore, either.

"M-Meredith?" Amelia stutters, sounding taken aback by Meredith's phone call.

"Hey, uh, I was just wondering if you'd picked up the kids yet," Meredith stumbles for words. She doesn't want Amelia to think that she doesn't trust her, because she does. She just doesn't want her children to think that Mommy has forgotten about them.

"Actually, I just picked them up. We're on the way to the car. Want to say hi?" Amelia asks. Meredith had left Amelia the keys to her car. She figures she'll catch a cab back to the house, or she'll spend the night in an on-call room since the hospital is just across the street.

"Yes, please," Meredith insists.

Soon, she hears Amelia say, "It's Momma. Say hi to Momma."

"Hi, Momma!" Meredith hears Zola's sweet voice. She doesn't hear Bailey, though.

"Bailey's here too, I promise," Amelia insists. "Say hi to Momma, Bails." The line is quiet. "He's being shy. Bailey, don't be shy! It's just your momma."

"Can I talks to Momma?" Meredith hears Zola's distant, sweet voice. She figures Amelia handed Zola the phone, because Zola's voice soon becomes closer and more distinct. "Hi, Momma. I wove you."

Meredith's heart instantly fills with warmth. "I love you, too, Zozo."

"Are you comin home tonight?" Zola asks. "Or you workin?"

Zola and Bailey are both used to there being nights that Mommy and Daddy don't come home. They've spent numerous nights with Callie and Arizona, and since Amelia been in Seattle, there have been several nights Amelia has watched them while Meredith and Derek are at work. Zola knows her mommy and daddy are surgeons and have to save other people's lives, but Meredith's heart still aches when Zola asks her if she's working, especially since she's not. She's at Joe's, and when she walked into the bar, she had full intentions of getting wasted. Now, suddenly that doesn't sound like such a good idea. She has the night off. She could be home spending time with her kids. She doesn't know if Derek is home, and honestly, she's not too interested in finding out. For all she knows, he drove to the next closest airport and caught a flight to D.C. He's not trying hard to find her, clearly, because he hasn't called. Obviously, he hasn't called. Truthfully, she's tired of fighting with him. So, so damn tired. She doesn't have the energy to fight with him anymore. She can't do it. And if he is home, for the kids' sake, it's best if she stays away. She doesn't want the kids to hear them fight again. Sometimes, it's best to let things simmer and cool down before tackling their issues. Distance is good.

No running, their Post-It note vow echoes in her head. She's not running. There's a difference between running and letting things simmer. She'll go home later and face Derek, and they'll be forced to talk. She can't run from him. The two little ones on the other end of the phone line were two specific reasons for why she couldn't run.

"Mommy has to work." Meredith feels horrible for lying to her daughter. It feels very Ellis Grey-like, even though it's unlikely Ellis Grey would ever lie about working. When she said she was at work, she was likely always at work. Of course, Meredith wouldn't know. She was just the child in Ellis Grey's story. Still, Meredith can't imagine her mother ever spending a night at Joe's to cool off with a close friend. Then again, this was the woman who had an affair with Richard Webber. Her mother, the woman who had convinced Meredith that it was her father's fault for leaving, that her father had purposely removed himself from their lives. Ellis Grey had convinced her daughter Meredith that Thatcher was the bad guy, and she was the innocent victim, when in reality, she was the reason their marriage fell apart. Meredith doesn't doubt for one minute that her own mother was a manipulative woman.

So, she has told her three-year-old daughter a white lie. What if it's just the beginning? Meredith thinks, shuddering at the thought of separating from Derek and having to explain to the children why Daddy isn't around. Derek isn't Thatcher, though. He's the opposite of Thatcher, if anything. She knows Derek would not allow her to keep his children from him, and she would never do that to him, either. She and Derek aren't Thatcher and Ellis, and they're not going to become Thatcher and Ellis.

Stop, Meredith. Stop, she tells herself, pushing the thoughts out of her head. She's not losing Derek, they're not going to break up over this, they're going to figure it all out. She has to. She can't give up on her marriage that easily. It's not feasible.

No running. She isn't running. She won't run.

"Be good for Auntie Amy, Zozo," Meredith tells Zola. "And take care of your brother, okay?"

"Where Daddy?" Zola asks. "Is he workin too?"

"I don't know, sweetie," Meredith tells the truth. "Maybe you should ask Auntie Amy to call him?"

"Okay!" Zola chirps. "I love you, Mommy!"

"I'm back," she hears Amelia's voice again. "I'm just getting in the car, though, so I'm going to let you go. You should go have fun anyway. Don't worry about the kids."

"Easier said than done," Meredith laughs. "But thank you, Amelia. I really appreciate that you're doing this. Hey, uh, have you heard from Derek?"

"I haven't," Amelia says. "You haven't talked to him?"

"No" is all Meredith utters. "Um, I should go." Then she hears Bailey babbling.

"Bailey, say bye bye to Mommy," she hears Amelia's voice.

"Balooooga!" Bailey babbles.

"I love you, too, Bailey," Meredith smiles weakly.

"Love you, Mommy!" Zola calls.

There's a tear in her eye when she ends the call. She doesn't want to let them go, but she knows she has to. Her stomach rolls and rumbles. Meredith takes a deep breath and exits the bathroom. She finds Alex sitting on the barstool already sipping on a beer.

"Well, there you are, Mer," Alex greets her with a smug smirk on his face. "I thought you'd have a head start on me. You're slacking." He motions for her to take a seat next to him.

"I had a few things I needed to take care of," she explains, meeting eyes with Alex. Then she hesitantly looks in the bartender's direction, noting his eyes on her. She bites her lip. "Hey, Alex, can we maybe sit at a table?"

He looks at her perplexedly and says insistently, "We always sit at the bar."

"Right," she shrugs it off, realizing she's probably reading too much into the situation anyway. She takes a seat in the empty bar stool next to Alex.

"You're back," the red-haired bartender, whose name is still unknown to her, greets her, smiling friendly. Too friendly. "What can I get you now?"

"She'll have a glass of tequila," Alex answers for her.

"A margarita?" the bartender asks dumbfounded, not appearing to believe that Meredith is capable of downing straight tequila.

"No, she'll have straight tequila," Alex insists. "Right, Mer?" He eyes her.

She nods. "Yes, straight tequila."

Meredith hadn't drank tequila since before she'd found out she was pregnant. Now, this will be her second night of tequila in two days. She and Cristina had spent two nights ago at Joe's. Cristina's last night.

She still can't believe Cristina is gone. At least she has Alex.


"I am so, so sorry," Owen apologizes, lamenting over the spilled scotch as Derek mops over the floor. The scotch stench infuses his nose. The kitchen reeks of booze. "I guess I had too much to drink, and this was the man above's way of telling me to stop." His words still slur together as he speaks; he's still drunk.

Derek bites his tongue. A sign, he recollects his conversation with Meredith earlier. He rolls his eyes. There are no signs in life. Things are or they aren't. There was merely a cause and an effect. Owen's excessive drinking had certainly factored into his spill, but it wasn't a sign. His drunkenness had set off his balance, causing him to lose hold of the scotch bottle. That was that. Derek had missed his plane because he'd left the house late and a number of small things had stood in his way. It wasn't a sign. It was simply a cause and an effect reaction. Life was full of causes and effects.

"Don't worry about it," Derek says, though he knows his tone is a little harsh. The scotch has been cleaned up, though the smell of alcohol still lingers in the air. Derek takes a Febreze bottle, Meredith's favorite - lavender, and sprays the room. The house soon smells like a lavender bush.

"I, uh, should get going," Owen insists. "Thanks for the ride and the scotch. And, Derek?" Derek freezes, and Owen exhales. "This...it's a one time deal, okay? No one else has to know about it, and it's not going to happen again. I'm still the chief, and I'll be at Grey Sloan Memorial first thing tomorrow morning. As for you, Derek, you need to do what's best for you. I know you love Meredith, but your life doesn't have to revolve around her. You need to do what makes you happy. Don't make the same mistake I 's more to life than women."

Derek nods and sighs. But he has a family. Derek realizes his situation is entirely different than Owen's. Owen just had Cristina. If he and Cristina were to have children, surely Owen wouldn't be saying what he's saying. Though, then again, the fact that Cristina doesn't want children is the reason Cristina and Owen's relationship fell apart. Derek knows he can't compare his relationship with Meredith to Owen and Cristina. They're not even remotely similar.

But maybe they are. Meredith and Cristina spoke a language of their own. While they're very different, they're also very much alike. Both are driven and hard-headed. When they make their mind up they're going to do something, they do it. They're fighters. They'll do anything to get what they want. Meredith isn't going to change her mind and suddenly decide she wants to move to D.C. now, and Derek knows that. He can't persuade her to change her mind. His voice doesn't matter now, and suddenly Derek realizes Owen's point. Don't make the same mistake I did. Owen was willing to give up having a family so he could have Cristina, but even then, Cristina left him. Even if Derek gives up this job, he'll always resent Meredith, and that's not a healthy way to live in a relationship. She'll always always have power over him. She'll always make the final call. In her eyes, she is the sun. Marriage is a partnership. She's mad because he didn't discuss taking the job with her before accepting it, but how is what she's doing any better?

Derek cringes, finding himself furious again. Derek's brain is flooding with a million thoughts. He realizes his car is over at Owen's. He steps off the deck to follow after Owen, thinking that maybe he should go back to the hospital and find Meredith. They can't put off talking about this for long. He knows what she's doing. She's avoiding him. She's running. No running. He'll find her and call Post-It, and then she'll have to talk to him.

He's made up his mind, but before he walks away from the house, he sees a car driving toward the house. Meredith's car. She's home? His heart pounds erratically in his chest. He freezes in front of the garage as the car pulls up the driveway. His eyes focus on the driver's seat, and it doesn't take him long to see it's not Meredith behind the wheel. It's his sister.

Amelia steps out of the driver's seat and opens the backdoor. His three-year-old daughter hops out and runs toward him. "Daddy!" Zola cries, flinging her arms around his legs. Derek exhales. He forgot about the kids, Derek feels like a horrible father. He's been so angry at Meredith, that he hasn't stopped to think about who would be picking up his kids from daycare. Thank God for Amy. Derek bends down and picks up his three-year-old daughter.

His sister carries his son toward him. "Where's Meredith?" he questions, studying Amy's face. She's giving him a coy look, and instantly he suspects she's talked to Meredith. He wonders what Meredith has said to Amelia.

"Mommy working," Zola says. Of course she is, Derek thinks, figuring his wife has taken on a long surgery in order to prolong seeing him. Knowing her, it'll be all night, and she won't come home.

"She wasn't sure that you would be here," Amelia says, then adds, "and to be honest, I wasn't, either. I hoped you would be, though."

"What did she tell you?" Derek inquires, carrying Zola into the house as Amelia follows.

"Nothing. I just said I'd pick up the kids," Amelia says. They enter the house and his sister's nose wrinkles. She shakes her head woefully. "I just came from an AA meeting."

"You can smell it?" Derek asks. He can't. All he smells is lavender. "Owen was here, and he spilled a bottle of scotch on the floor."

"Well, it sounds like Owen might want to join me in AA meetings," Amelia snipes. Her voice quivers. "I need to go outside. I can't be in here." He follows her back outside. Derek sets Zola down, and she runs to her swing.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you that Owen was here," Derek admits, "so if you could just forget I told you…"

"Stop," Amelia breaks in, taking a seat on the patio chair. "I'm not your secret keeper. I've heard enough for today. Don't ask me to keep anyone else's secrets." She bounces Bailey on her knee and cooes at the little boy, "What is wrong with people, Bailey bop? Do they think Auntie Amy is a diary? I don't think so, right?" She nuzzles her nose against his little cheek. Bailey giggles.

Now, he's convinced that Amelia is lying about not talking to Meredith. He glares at her peculiarly. "What do you know?" he pleads.

"Forget it, Derek," Amelia responds coyly and adds, "Even if I wanted to, I can't."

"Huh?" Derek is confused.

"It's not about Meredith," Amelia assures, then her eyes widen. "Well, it is, well, not really, well, kind of. I don't think she knows, actually. Okay, now I need to shut up before I spill and get my a-butt in trouble." She kisses her nephew's temple and whispers in his ear, "Someone needs to shut me up."

Now, he's really confused. I don't think she actually knows. It becomes evident to Derek that Amelia isn't talking about his and Meredith's dispute. What the hell is she talking about? Does he even want to know?

"Daddy, I hungry," Zola announces, running toward the deck.

"How's pizza sound?" Derek asks.

"Yum!" Zola cheers.

Derek eyes Amelia, who nods. "Sounds good to me. I'll stay out here with the kids while you get the food ready," she winks. Derek sighs, and re-enters the house. He still doesn't smell the scotch scent anymore, but clearly his sister, the former alcoholic, is extremely sensitive to the scent of alcohol.


Meredith is on her second glass of tequila. The liquid no longer burns as it travels down her throat. Though, her head is starting to spin. She wonders how she used to, once upon a time, drink an entire bottle of tequila all by herself.. Now, she feels woozy after a glass and a half. Is she getting old? Not possible.

"So, where's the hot brunette tonight?" the bartender, whose name she's now learned is Kevin, asks. He's pouring Alex another glass of beer. "Or, are you two over and you're now with Meredith?" She hasn't told him his name, but clearly he's been listening to her and Alex talk. Meredith hasn't mentioned Derek yet or her relationship woes. They've talked about Alex's plans to serve on the hospital board and keep his private practice job. He doesn't think it's a big deal, and she agrees it shouldn't be a conflict of interest. If anything, it can be a good thing. He wants to discuss bringing back the Africa program, which she thinks is great, though she's not sure if it's probable, since the Harper Avery Foundation is already making cuts.

Alex and Meredith both burst into laughter when Kevin asks if he and Meredith are a couple. "Jo, my girlfriend, is working tonight. And Mer's married. We're just friends."

Kevin raises his eyebrows and eyes Meredith's finger. "Hey, man, she's not wearing a ring," Kevin winks. He walks away, and Meredith clenches her fists together.

"Calm down," Alex whispers in her ear, seeming to notice the angry tension on Meredith's face. "Kev's a dick. All the chicks think he's obnoxious. He's always flirting with Jo, too."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Meredith hisses.

"Well, yeah, but it's harmless. Jo despises him, so it's not like he's a threat," Alex laughs. "Besides, he's twenty-two. He thinks everyone with a vagina is on the market. I used to be him. Even worked at a bar during med school. Picked up a lot of women, too. Those Iowa girls, I tell ya..."

"He's in med school?" Meredith asks, not caring to hear about Alex's man-whore college years.

"First year at University of Washington," Alex confirms.

"Geez, let's hope he doesn't do his residency at Grey Sloan. Otherwise, I might have to move in a few years," Meredith rolls her eyes.

"Maybe he'll grow up by then," Alex shrugs. "Besides, why do you care so much?"

Alex has a point. Why does she care? Hell, she was a waitress in college and took home plenty of boys after work. It was her release. She and Alex were one in the same.

"I don't," Meredith insists. "I just...never mind." She sighs and, for the first time, admits, "I miss Cristina."

"She hasn't returned your calls still?" Alex asks, sounding surprised.

"Nope," Meredith exhales through her nose. "Not a word. Not even a text. She's busy living her life, you know. She'll call or text when she can. I get it, I do." She rests her cheek on her hand.

Alex reaches over and pats her shoulder. "I'm here. You can talk to me about whatever. I guess Cristina didn't just leave me her shares. She left me you, too."

There's a moment of silence as Meredith and Alex's eyes meet. She left me you, too.

And take care of Alex. He needs to be mocked once a day or he'll be insufferable. Cristina's words replay in her head. A smile breaks her lips, finding it amusing that here it's Alex taking care of her. Had Cristina given Alex a similar speech? Meredith wonders.

"I can take care of myself, Alex," Meredith insists. "I'm not going to break down or lose it because Cristina's gone. I can handle it. I knew she was leaving. Heck, I was the one who told her to leave."

"I know," Alex says. "But it's not just about Cristina. You have a lot going on right now."

"You don't want to hear about my Derek drama," Meredith laughs.

"Try me," Alex shrugs. "The offer still stands if you need me to beat him up, by the way."

"Whoa, man, violence is never the answer. I object violence because when it appears good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent!" Kevin makes it evident that he has been eavesdropping on their conversation. Meredith and Alex lift their eyebrows.

"Gandhi, really, Kevin?" Alex laughs. "You're never gonna get a girl to go home with you talking like that." He turns to Meredith. "Want to get out of here?"

Meredith nods. "Please." Alex pays for their drinks, then they walk together across the street. Meredith laughs. "You're right. That guy is weird." She shakes her head. An overwhelming sense of sadness takes over her body. "But I feel awful."

"Why?" Alex sounds confused.

"Because I noticed. Before you came in, he was blatantly flirting with me, and I noticed. I shouldn't have noticed," Meredith admits.

"Huh? Okay, you've lost me. You act like Derek's the only person who's ever flirted with you since you've been together," Alex says. "And I know that's not true. Hell, I've flirted with you."

Meredith freezes, thinking. He can't be serious. Alex is the closest thing she has to a brother. Their relationship has never been anything but platonic. "You have not," she laughs.

"Have too," Alex protests.

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes. "If you did, I didn't notice, and you're merely proving my point. I'm not supposed to notice when other men flirt with me. I'm supposed to only have eyes for Derek."

"Okay, you can't tell me you're actually interested in Kevin…"

"Of course not!" Meredith exclaims, taken aback by the accusation.

"Then I don't see the problem. It's not like you can control when another guy flirts with you. It's what we do. And chicks flirt with me all the time, and of course I notice. It's hard not to notice," Alex says.

"Yeah, but you're a boy," Meredith tells him. "And if Jo came home and said another guy flirted with her, you can't tell me you wouldn't be worried."

"Guys flirt with Jo all the time, and it doesn't bother me. I know she'd never cheat on me," Alex insists. "You're blowing this way out of proportion."

Meredith sighs. "Cristina would understand."

Alex rolls his eyes. "If noticing someone else flirting with you is cheating, then Jo and I are doomed."

They're standing in front of hospital entrance. Night has set in. The light from inside hospital illuminates the setting. Inside, she can see doctors and nurses passing by. She pulls her phone from her pocket. The white lettering on the screen tells her it's 10:04 p.m. The night shift has started, so the hospital is roaming with interns and residents. She's tempted to go inside and scrounge for a surgery.

A cool, brisk wind blows her long hair. Goosebumps crawl up her arms; she's not wearing a jacket, since it was warm out earlier. She crosses her arms, trying to hold in her body heat.

The glass doors swing open, revealing Dr. Miranda Bailey. She appears to be unusually happy, as a gleeful smile covers her face. She's humming a tune Meredith doesn't recognize, and when she sees Meredith and Alex, her face lights up.

"Well, hello, Meredith Grey," Dr. Bailey greets her. She's happy. Too happy. "So, I was wondering when the next board meeting is…"

Meredith raises an eyebrow and meets Dr. Bailey's dark, brown eyes. She imagines Dr. Bailey is upset because the foundation wants to cut her research and has words for the board. Meredith has learned that it's never good when Dr. Bailey is interested in seeking out the board's attention. It's almost always about how she gain something for herself.

"Oh, I take it Dr. Webber hasn't told you yet?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"Told me what?" Meredith is lost.

"That he's recommending me for Cristina's board seat," Dr. Bailey announces.

"Wait, what?" Meredith and Alex say at the same time.

"Clearly, he hasn't. Dr. Webber promised me the empty seat on the board. He said he was almost certain the board would approve. I guess you haven't had time to discuss that, yet. I mean, Yang's only been gone a day…"

Alex and Meredith lock eyes. Meredith senses fury in Alex's eyes.

"Uh, we haven't," Meredith says. She sees the confusion and frustration growing on Alex's face.

"Well, I look forward to serving on the board with you, Dr. Grey," Dr. Bailey smiles. "Just let me know when the next meeting is. We have a lot to discuss!" She smiles widely and leaves.

"What the hell?" Alex says loudly.

"Shhh," Meredith mouths. "I'm sure there's been some misunderstanding. Richard doesn't have the authority to promise anyone board seats. He never mentioned it to me, anyway, which means he likely didn't mention it to the rest of the board, either. Cristina left you her shares, so this should be resolved quickly."

"Resolved quickly?" Alex spits. "You're kidding me. Bailey won't go down without a fight. She's Bailey, and if Richard actually promised her a seat on the board..."

"Like I said, there has to be a misunderstanding," Meredith says. "What, you're not thinking about giving her the shares?"

"Hell no!" Alex says. "Cristina gave them to me. They're mine."

"Then I don't see the problem," Meredith shrugs. "They're yours."

"Right," Alex mutters seeming unconvinced. "Let's get out of here. You can come over, if you want."

She nods. "That would be nice, but let me call Amelia first."

She taps Amelia's name again. After a few rings, she hears Amelia's voice. "What's up?"

"Hey, uh, are the kids asleep?" Meredith asks.

"Yeah, they just went down. Hey, Derek's here at the house. Zola told him you were working, since that's apparently what you told her," Amelia tells her.

"Great," Meredith sighs, not happy that Derek has been lied to. She has nothing to hide and no reason for him not to know the truth. She doesn't like lying to Derek. Lying is never healthy for a relationship. Their relationship had started with a lie, and that hadn't gone over well. She can't lie to him. "Tell him I'm spending the night at Alex's, and you can tell him the truth. I don't want to lie to him."

"You can talk to him yourself," Amelia insists.

"No," she says flatly. She's not ready to talk to him. "Tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow, okay? I mean, that's unless he has a flight scheduled…" She rolls her eyes and will not be surprised if he does.

"I don't think he does," Amelia sighs. "Hey, I really don't like being the middle man."

"I'm sorry," Meredith sighs apologetically. "It's just this one time, okay? I wouldn't normally ask you to do this. I just need some time."

"Okay, just this once. Let's just not make a habit of this, okay?" Amelia requests.

"Deal," Meredith agrees. "I gotta go."

"Hey, Mer. One more thing…" Amelia says. Her voice quivers. "Uh, have you talked to Richard?"

"What?" The question seems random, and Meredith can't figure out why Amelia is asking her if she's talked to Richard.

"Never mind," Amelia says. "Forget I said anything." The line goes dead.

Have you talked to Richard? Meredith decides to shake the question off and not read too into it as she gets into Alex's car. She's too tired to analyze Amelia's random question.


Amelia reappears. Derek is sitting on the deck sipping a Coke. He'd just gotten the kids down, so he and Amelia were relaxing quietly on the patio until Amelia's phone had buzzed and she'd taken off.

"It was Meredith, wasn't it?" Derek asks her as she takes her seat. Amelia bites her lip and doesn't respond. "She's avoiding me, I get it."

"She's not avoiding you," Amelia insists. "And in all fairness, I don't see you calling her, either. She just needs some space."

"I'm giving her that space," Derek insists. "She's using you as a middle man, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Amelia confesses, nodding. "And I told her to stop and to just call you next time. Anyway, she wanted me to tell you that she's spending the night at Alex's."

He's not surprised one bit. She doesn't have Cristina now, so of course she turns to Alex. He's the last of her friends in Seattle, so it makes sense. "Oh," Derek mouths.

"She said she'd talk to you tomorrow," Amelia tells him. "Oh, and uh, I'm supposed to tell you the truth. She doesn't want to lie to you, and by the way, she's never asked me to lie for her. She lied to Zola earlier about working. She wasn't working. She and Alex went to Joe's. I repeat, she did not ask me to lie for her. I imagine it was just easier to tell Zola that she was working than drinking at Joe's, you know."

Derek freezes, believing that Amelia is telling telling him the truth about Meredith not asking her to lie for her, though he also wouldn't be surprised if Meredith did ask Amelia to lie and is just covering her tracks now.

"Look, Derek, I don't really know what's going on. All I know is she wants to stay here, and you want to move to D.C.," Amelia insists. "She hasn't confided in me. I don't think she really trusts me, and I don't blame her. Hell, I was friends with Addison and I'm your sister." Derek watches Amelia as she talks. Sometimes she amazes him. She's grown up. She's not the teenage junkie anymore. He's proud of the strong woman she's grown into. "Derek," she continues, "It's none of my business, and I really don't want to get involved, but I know that if she were Addison, you wouldn't be sitting here right now. You'd be long gone."

He stares aimlessly into the darkness, looking past Amelia. "Addie and I didn't have kids," he points out. "I wonder if it would have been different if we had."

"I don't think so," Amelia interjects. "You walked in on Addison and Mark in bed and fled across the country. You saw Mark talking to Meredith, and he was on the ground. Yes, Addie told me this. And this was when you were still married to Addison, Derek."

He smiles weakly and stares into Amelia's deep blue eyes. The eyes they share. He sighs. "You're right," he says. "I love her. Meredith. I love her so much that it hurts sometimes."

"So, fight for her," Amelia says. "You can have many jobs. Some people never find true love, so when you do, you need to treasure it. If Meredith is your one true love, then fight for her."

Derek shakes his head. But is it worth it if he's not her one true love? .

"I'm gonna turn in," he tells his sister and enters the house, leaving Amelia alone outside.


She sits on Alex's couch in the living room that was once hers. It looks different now, though. Much more empty. The front wall, where the tree fell during the storm last spring, has been redone. There are empty beer bottles and popcorn kernels everywhere. She knows tidiness isn't Alex's cup of tea. She takes a seat on the couch and sighs.

Alex hands her a beer.

"It's all I have," he says.

She hands the bottle back. "I'll pass. That won't mix well with the tequila. Last thing I need is a hangover."

"You have hangovers?" he asks. "I don't think I've ever seen you with one."

"I know my limits," Meredith replies. "Thanks to many, many hung over morning classes in college. I learned very quickly."

"I just never took morning classes," Alex laughs, opening his beer and taking a gulp.

"Smart," Meredith shrugs. "I guess I was trying to get used to the idea of waking up early, because I knew residency would demand that."

"See, I was stocking sleep," Alex says.

Meredith shakes her head. "Life was so much simpler back then. College life, you know? Sometimes I miss it. We all complained about schoolwork, but in reality, that was the easiest thing we'd ever have to do in life. We didn't have to worry about what was next. Real life's much more complicated. You can fail a class, and what's the worst thing that can happen? You retake it. But if you fail at life, well, you're screwed. There are no do overs in the real world."

Alex shrugs, gulping his beer.

She finds herself rambling, like she would if Cristina were here. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Suddenly, I find myself doubting everything...my entire marriage. It's like maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I chose wrong. Maybe Derek and I aren't right for each other. I fell in so fast, but what I was really thinking? He was my attending, for God's sake. I should have known better."

"Okay, don't let Jo hear you say this," Alex says.

Meredith freezes. "Well, technically you're not her attending anymore," Meredith points out.

"True," Alex shrugs. "But the concept is the same. It sounds like you're doubting your marriage because Derek was an attending, and you were an intern. He was already an established surgeon, you were just beginning."

"You and Jo will be fine," Meredith insists. Then, thinking of Cristina, she mocks, "It's not like you're the best in your field."

"Doesn't mean I couldn't become the best!" Alex protests.

"Hmmm...Alex Karev, world-renowned pediatric surgeon. I think I see it…" Meredith squints. "Oh, nope. It's just dust. You really need to clean more, Alex."

"Hey, I clean!" Alex protests. "Sometimes…okay, Jo does the cleaning, and she's been on call all week."

Meredith shakes her head. "The price you have to pay for dating a resident."

"Okay, you're the one who told me I should go out with her," Alex points out.

"I did," Meredith nods. "And I was right, wasn't I?" She sees Alex's cheeks flush red. "Are you blushing?" Meredith laughs.

"No," he insists. "I'm not blushing."

"Okay," Meredith raises her eyebrows, not believing him for one second. She sighs, wishing she would stop feeling so horrible. Her eyes feel heavy and matted. After all, she didn't sleep much the night before. She recollects her night with Derek. It's hard to believe that an entire day has passed. So much has happened in this day. So much has changed. She's glad that she's finally told Derek how she feels, even if it's caused a huge uproar. Even if she's afraid to look at him in the eye. Even if she's dreading their next conversation. She's let her voice be heard, and now she'll deal with the consequences. In the end, she hopes it will be worth it. She exhales and then slouches. She yawns.

"I'd offer you Cristina's room, but she kind of left it a mess," Alex says. "You can sleep in mine if you want. Jo won't be home until morning."

"You sure?" Meredith asks.

"Yeah, it's fine. I'll sleep on the couch. No big deal," Alex insists.

"Thanks," she smiles weakly. She goes into her old bedroom and the first thing she notices is the big hole in the wall, the hole where she and Derek had cut out the tumor Derek had drawn.

"What are you doing?" Everything was in the moving van. Derek was holding onto a saw in their now former bedroom.

"We forgot something," Derek insisted.

"Why are you…?" She was lost and confused. Then she saw him looking at the painting on the wall and she understood. "You're taking the tumor out?"

"We can't leave it here," Derek said. "The tumor belongs with us."

She smiled widely and laughed, gazing lovingly at her husband. She walked across the room and kissed his lips. "The tumor belongs with us," she repeated.

Now, tears form in her eyes as she lies in Alex's bed. It's in the same location that her bed had stood for many years, but it's not her bed. She sniffs the sheets and she smells Alex, not Derek. She looks up above hole in the wall where their Post-It note once hung. It's gone. Of course it's gone, because she knows it hangs in her bedroom in her dream house. Not her dream house. Derek's dream house.

She feels sick to her stomach.

And then, she pulls out her phone to set it on the table next to bed where an alarm clock sits. The clock reads 1:00. It's one in the morning. She wonders if Derek is asleep.

She opens her messages and taps on Derek's name. She reads the last message she received from Derek. She reads over their recent text messages. Derek isn't much into texting, but occasionally, they text short messages. She hadn't texted him earlier when she thought he'd been on the plane. It hadn't crossed her mind. She'd blown up his phone with phone calls.

Her most recent text to him was time stamped three days earlier, when Derek was in D.C.

I miss you, the text reads.

The next text in the conversation is a photo of the house he'd purchased in Foggy Bottom. It's nice, though it's not near as beautiful as their house in the woods, the one that Derek built himself with his own hands. She can see the little stone steps that lead up to a blue door. The house is built of white brick. The windows are outlined with blue. It's a nice house, it really is.

She had replied, Nice.

The next text is from two days ago. Derek had texted, Make sure to sign the house papers.

That was their last text message. She hadn't replied since.

She sighs, wondering if Derek is awake now. She gnaws on a nail, wondering if it's worth texting. She's not sure if it's worth it. She's aching to talk to him, but she's exhausted. She just wants to sleep and let it sizzle until tomorrow. Then, they can talk. Tomorrow is a new day.

Before she sets her phone on the table, her heart pounds heavily as she sends Derek a short, simple text message:

I love you.