Without saying anything, this was the purest form of expressing love that I have ever seen or experienced.
It didn't need to be said in bold grand gestures.
It didn't need to be said out loud.
It didn't need to be said at all.
In this silence, it is the loudest sound.
Chapter 11: Ask
I woke up at the feel of warmth then squinted at the bright rays of sun streaming from my window. It was morning again and I hadn't realized what time I fell asleep. Then I felt something was amiss. I patted the space beside me and saw that it was vacant. I sat upright at once in panic. Where was Bella?
Then I heard someone walking in my living room and I also smelled the coffee that was brewing. Getting off my bed I walked quietly to the living room. I was about to say Bella's name but I was curious to what I found her doing.
She was standing over my piano, opening the sliding cover to reveal the ebony and ivory keys gently, careful to remain quiet. She eyed the keys appraising it then with her elegant fingers; she skimmed the white keys, stroking them in a straight direction, the keys singing for her under her fingers that it felt like she was caressing it.
I saw one of the corners of her mouth quirk upward, she was delighted. I marveled at how she once again delicately stroked the keys, backwards this time, making them sing once more. My mouth hung at how… alluring I found it. Her touch was so gentle I wish I were the piano this moment.
Then my heart raced as I saw her sit down on the piano bench and stared at the keys almost indulgently. Was she going to play? From her attitude towards the instrument, I could tell she was. And she did.
Taking a deep breath, she positioned her fingers over the keys then started playing. I just stared at her with wide eyes and watched her play. The melody she was playing was unfamiliar to me yet strangely, it felt familiar in its context. Her music was phenomenal. It was beautiful, it was sweet, it was raw, and it was pure. But something captivated me much more than her music did. It was how she played it.
She played as if she worshiped the instrument. Her delicate fingers touching each key with the most gentle touch that it felt like she was again, caressing them with such precision as if knowing just where it pleases the piano that rewarded her with enchanting tone and clarity. It was as if she understood the piano and worked with it, not at it.
Then her face, God, her face… her eyes were half-closed, her mouth slightly open and her body swayed in tune with the music. She played with such raw emotion, so in tune with her song that it takes over you, going deep under your skin, penetrating through your bones until it reaches your core.
I closed my eyes to savor the music that filled my abode. I didn't want to sound shallow but I knew this song was for me because it felt familiar, it felt right.
I opened my eyes and I couldn't help but walk over to her as if she was playing the part of the Pied Piper, charming me, luring me to her.
This must be what Jasper said that she made a fortune through a talent of hers. No one could resist listening to her playing.
As her song ended, I saw her smile and sigh in exhilaration. Then she stood up and looked shocked and embarrassed when she saw me behind her.
I watched her blush and I kissed her head. "I didn't know you could play."
She just smiled and looked down.
"You composed that didn't you, Bella?"
She nodded, blushing harder.
I smiled at her and kissed her hair, "You're extremely good. I feel so inferior next to you!"
She then looked up at me with eyes wide as she shook her head rigorously as if I told her the blackest of all lies.
I chuckled. She was so humble.
I looked into her eyes and said, "Why did you leave me? I woke up and you weren't there in my arms?"
She smiled shyly and walked to the kitchen. I followed her, reaching for her hand and she let go briefly to get me coffee. She was so sweet. I don't deserve her.
"You left me, just for coffee?" I said in a light mocking tone.
She rolled her eyes playfully then she blushed once more. Hm, curious.
Then she pointed shyly at the end of the kitchen counter and my heart melted at what I saw resting on the counter.
It was a tray containing a plate of golden brown pancakes and bacon. She prepared breakfast in bed for me… I was so touched by her gesture…she was so… perfect.
She made a move to get the tray but I beat her to it much to her protesting eyes. I grinned at her, took the tray and placed it on the table and I stared at it. I knew she was waiting for me to taste it but I was too moved to touch it. She made this specially for me. My heart felt weirdly heavy and light at the same time.
I didn't know that I was staring at the food for a long time when I saw her frown in my peripheral vision. I looked up at her and saw the hurt in her face, the disappointment that I wanted to kill myself for letting her feel that I had rejected her gesture. She frowned and touched the tray to perhaps clear the table but I stopped her by holding that hand and looking into her eyes mustering all the gratitude that I felt in my look.
"You… you shouldn't have… Thank you, thank you very much Bella." I said in my sincerest voice.
She brightened up and I saw the smile grow in her face, brightening up the room some more.
"What about you? Have you eaten?" I felt so selfish.
She paused then nodded, biting her lip. She wasn't a good liar. Taking advantage of her averted gaze, I pulled her into my lap to which she glared up at me in surprise.
"Will you share this with me please, Bella?" I said, unleashing the full force of my eyes on her.
Her glare faded into that of amusement then she nodded.
I sliced a big portion of the waffle and made to feed it to her but she shut her mouth tight and shook her head then pointed at me as she smirked as if to say, no, no, you should try it first.
I chuckled and complied. I ate the portion and smiled satisfied with the delicious taste and knew she made it from her heart.
She watched me anxiously awaiting my verdict.
I smiled at her, "Mmm. This is so good. You make the best waffles in the world."
She blushed but eyed me doubtfully.
"It's true. Here." I sliced again and made to feed her again. She opened her mouth compliantly, giggling silently as she chewed and she smiled nodding.
"See, it's really good. You should make me breakfast more often." Okay, I thought that was casual and light but her reaction was unexpected again. I didn't mean for it to sound too forward though I wanted nothing more than to wake up to this each and everyday.
She stiffened then forced a smile and made to get off my lap but I held her there.
"What's wrong? Where are you going?"
She pointed to the coffee pot but I wasn't buying it but I let her go anyway. She was being evasive again that I sighed.
I watched her as she poured coffee for herself, a crease noticeable on her forehead.
"Bella, thank you for trusting me yesterday."
That caught her off guard but I got what I wanted from her. Her eyes softened and the lines disappeared as she smiled lovingly at me again filled with gratitude.
I made my way to her, smiling. She stood there waiting. I brought my hands to her face and neck and she closed her eyes and sighed softly.
I could get used to this everyday. I wanted this everyday.
I leaned down and kissed her, showing her once more how much I adored her, kissing her nose first, then each of her closed eyes, each of her cheeks, her jaw and finally her lips and I felt her arms encircle my neck as she kissed me back.
I pulled away, smiling that she allowed this to happen, not being evasive this time. I had to take this opportunity before she goes back to the sullen mood.
"You are the most amazing woman I have ever met." I said and began trailing butterfly kisses all over her face. "You are so beautiful, kind, compassionate, smart, charming, loving, generous, talented and so selfless," I said in between kisses.
She blushed and looked at me like she did last night – filled with love.
"Bella Swan, I know that this isn't the perfect moment," I started. What was I doing? My emotions were running the ship. But I didn't care. I would do this properly again some time but right now I needed to do this.
She looked at me with confused eyes, I just smiled back.
"I've known you for a short period in time but I can't see my future without you. I want you. I need you in every facet of my life. I cannot live without you. You are my life, my everything. With just the simplest of looks… the miniscule touches you've captured me and I'm yours to command.
"What I'm saying is Bella, I love you." there I finally said it out loud. I watched as her eyes grew wide and saw tears forming in her eyes.
Then slowly, I knelt down in front of her and watched as her eyes grew even wider knowing with that perceptive mind of hers what I was about to do. I knew it was selfish to take this moment to ask her this important question but I couldn't wait any longer. She is the one.
"I love you and have loved you ever since the first time I saw you. I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."
Tears were streaming down her face again and she clasped her mouth with her hand.
I looked deep in her eyes and smiled lovingly at her.
"I promise I will do this properly and more formally as soon as possible but please allow me to be selfish just for this moment."
I gauged her reaction and she just watched me.
"Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"
I waited anxiously for her answer but she just stood there looking at me, crying. I stood up to level with her and cupped her face and asked again.
"I love you; please tell me you feel the same way too."
Then I waited patiently as she brought her teary eyes to meet mine and saw her smile and I smiled with her knowing that was a good sign.
But then.
Then.
I saw her mouth move. She opened them then closed them and opened them again as if to say something then settled to keep it shut tight and I saw pure horror and extreme pain in her eyes as if she had made a terrible realization and tears streamed her face once again.
I stared at her, not knowing what brought this on. Was I too forward? Did I cross the boundary? I was mortified. This was not how I imagined it.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I… I guess that was too fast. I'm…I'm…"
She shook her head vigorously and pleading at me and I never felt as helpless.
I cupped her face as once more but she flinched from my touch. I felt like someone was burning my heart and tied ten trucks at the strings all pulling in different directions.
"Bella, what's wrong? Was I wrong? Oh God, I'm sorry –
She shook her head again then wrenched her hand away from mine and I felt the emptiness in them at once.
I reached for her again but she kept shrugging me off.
"Bella…please…" I begged. I would beg all day and all night on my knees.
With an anguished look, she turned her back to me and started walking away.
No.
No, this cannot be happening!
I grabbed her arm and she flinched.
"Please, don't go," I pleaded; I swear tears of my own were forming.
She kept pulling away from me but I couldn't let go of her. I couldn't, I just couldn't.
Then she winced and I knew that my grasp was too tight and I cursed myself for causing her pain and I let her go.
Then I heard a knock on the door. It was probably Jasper coming to pick Bella up.
But I didn't care. How could this happen? Why was this happening? It was only a few minutes ago that we were so happy and now this…
Bella almost ran to the door with me close behind her then she almost tripped when I held her waist just in time but again she started to wrench herself away from me again.
"Bella, I love you, I'm sorry, please, please, don't go." I pleaded desperately once more.
"Hello? What's going on? Let me in." Jasper demanded from outside.
Bella managed to get away from me and opened the door frantically and even ran past Jasper who looked shocked and angry taking in Bella's form.
I didn't care that he shot me a glare threatening to kill as I made my way to run after Bella but he blocked me.
"Jasper let me through. I don't want to fight you. I have to catch Bella!" I said through gritted teeth. He held his ground.
"She obviously doesn't want you to, Edward. I don't know what the fuck you did but if I find that you hurt her I will kill you, Cullen. I don't care if Bella would hate me or even if Alice does but I will kill you so help me."
"I would never hurt her, Jasper. You know that now let me go."
"No."
"Please, Jasper? It's not what you think. I… asked her to marry me… but she… just please let me through." I pleaded desperately to this man and saw a change in his mood.
Then he sighed. "Let me calm her down first. It's not wise to talk to her right now Edward. Let her go for now. I'll take care of her."
I hung my head in defeat and I watched as Jasper ran down to follow Bella.
I sunk down on the floor and cursed punching the floor several times that my hands were bruised and cut.
Damn it. Fuck. What the hell just happened?
…
It's been a week since I last talked to Bella. Several times I went to her house only to find Jasper barring the door not letting me in. Alice quickly went to stay with me and promised that Emmett was coming soon.
I tried calling Bella but it was always Jasper who answered, telling me the same thing:
"I'm sorry Edward but Bella's not telling me anything as well. The only thing she did tell me was that she doesn't want to see you again. I'm truly sorry."
She didn't want to see me again.
I couldn't gauge how much that hurt me. I felt so dead.
Then the following day I got a call.
"I'll get it," Alice said.
I nodded, burying my face in my hands. I was so pathetic.
After the call has ended, Alice sat down beside me and patted my back to call my attention. I looked forlornly at her and she looked at me with sympathy and concern.
"Who was that?"
"That was Jasper."
My attention was hyper alert now. I looked at my sister hoping.
"He said that Bella was in Arizona with her mother for the weekend. Nothing's changed with her."
I looked down.
"Oh." Was all I could muster?
"Edward…" Alice said gently.
I looked at her.
"There's something… I wanted… we wanted to tell you." she started, almost sounding guilty.
I waited for her to continue.
"Jasper called me to say that if you wanted to, we should go to his house. There's something we need to tell you."
I knew she knew but I never pried. So now that they were finally going to tell me something, I nodded at her then rose to get my coat and keys.
She took the keys from me. "I'll drive."
I sighed and let her. I knew I was too messed up.
…
Inside Jasper's house, it was only him that was home. He made us sit in the dining room and gave us coffee. Then someone opened the door and walked into the kitchen.
The person was a statuesque blond with violet eyes that held the same attractive features as Jasper and I knew she was Rosalie.
"Edward, this is my sister, Rosalie. Rose, this is Edward, and of course, you know Alice."
I stood up and shook her hand politely and she appraised me.
"Dark hair and from Chicago… ah, a Cullen. I can see the resemblance." She said and I wondered where that came from.
Then another person walked into the room and my jaw dropped to see who it was.
"Hello, all!"
"Emmett? What are you doing here?" I blurted out.
"What? I can't visit my girlfriend?" he asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He must mean Rosalie. Now I get her comment.
"How come I didn't know this?" I muttered.
"You never asked." Emmett said nonchalantly.
"Anyway, Edward, I think it's time you knew what happened to Bella," Jasper interrupted. And immediately everyone took their seats on the table.
"Though it probably won't explain why she rejected you, you need to know why she can't talk. She owes you at least that."
I just looked at him.
He looked at Rosalie, "Rose, can you please tell Edward what happened in the woods? You have a better memory of that than I do. And it's too painful for me to share…'
Rosalie nodded and looked at me, "Jasper told me that you knew parts of what happened in the woods. I was able to go home earlier with my dad as my dance lessons got cancelled so I was able to see what happened but before that, you need to know that Bella can't speak.
"She could cry when she was a baby but when the time came for the age expected for speech development, she couldn't talk. Doctors said that she just probably had a delayed speech disorder that was amendable through therapy as they saw nothing wrong with her vocal chords. So they started her with that. She was somehow making progress when she was four, being able to say her mother's name once in a while but it was rare. It was like she could only talk once a month and every time she did, she felt pain. Again, doctors saw nothing.
"Then that time at the woods, me and my dad knew that something was wrong and we heard a loud frantic scream from the direction of the woods. The screaming was heavy and laborious and kept diminishing in volume but increasing in strain and there we saw Bella screaming, choking out blood and clutching Jasper, scared like hell.
"When she saw us, it took a lot to calm her and when we finally did, we heard the last words that she said, 'Help. Love you' then she passed out.
"Then the doctors found something at last, they saw something they failed to see. They didn't see the scratch on her vocal chords. The small miniscule scratch she obtained from birth that stretched and grew from each word that she spoke. And because of her screaming, it damaged it severely. Many times we sought of ways to repair them but we failed and maybe she got too tired of hoping that she shut her door to that possibility. Refusing to even as much as look at the new techniques developed to repair her voice.
"And ever since then, she has accepted her condition. She communicates using sign language that me, Jasper, my dad and her parents learned but only when necessary. That's why you never saw her use it at all. She's good at letting herself be understood. It's only now that she's not…"
Now I understood why Bella couldn't speak. But there was hope and she was being stubborn, closing that door. And I understood why she never told me.
Because she felt that I might hold on to that hope as well that she would regain her voice and she didn't want to make us feel like we're fighting for a lost cause. She didn't want to fail us when nothing works. I knew and I also knew that everyone understood that as well that she wanted to be accepted as whom she was and not yearning for what people hope for her to be and that is to live enjoying the privilege of being able to speak.
Of course everyone has accepted her for who she was, who she is. Only, no one was sure if she herself really accepted herself. Knowing Bella, she put others before herself. She would gladly put on this façade than hurt us more but we all saw through her. We knew she was suffering. But she would never admit it.
"She knows that we accept her right?" I asked.
"Yes, she does but we fear she doesn't accept herself really," Jasper stated.
"That's what I figured."
"But it goes doubly for you, Edward," Rosalie said softly.
"Me?"
"Yes," Jasper agreed. "She values your opinion more than anything. She values how you see her. She was testing you… to see if you fell for her because of her even without knowing the real reason for her silence."
"But… that was exactly what happened… I never questioned her silence…"
"Yet you told her that you would make her speak to you," Jasper replied quickly.
He was right. I was so foolish. "But I never meant… I only said that in a figurative way that I meant she would tell me in any way what she wanted, what she feels, anything."
Alice hugged me, "We know Edward. But we think Bella wanted very much to speak to you, but really speak to you… be perfect for you."
I look at her outraged, "That's ridiculous! She is nothing short of perfect!"
"You put her on a pedestal, Edward," Emmett said.
"I only speak the truth." I countered.
"And that's what scares her… she's scared of disappointing you." Jasper said softly.
This was absurd. Bella should never think about that. It was I who felt that I didn't deserve her.
Silence.
Then the phone rang.
"I'll get it," Jasper said and he got up and answered the call. No one spoke until he came back.
My heart beat nervously at the sight of Jasper's frantic face filled with worry.
"Guys, that was Renee." Bella's mother? MY eyes grew in alarm. Something was wrong. Oh please God, no.
"What's wrong Jazz, tell us!" Rosalie demanded, worry covering her words as well.
"She was asking if Bella was still here. She was supposed to arrive there three hours ago. She checked with the airlines and they said Bella wasn't on the plane nor did anyone from the airlines here saw her."
I sunk lower and lower as I heard Jasper talk and froze when he said what I shuddered to hear.
"Bella's missing."
AN: Ah, another cliffhanger. Next chapter will be in Bella's POV.
Thanks for the reviews and I'll try to update soon. You guys were awesome! Sorry if this wasn't what you were expecting but I had seen this coming from the very start before I even decided to publish this story. I don't think I can write a pure "fluff" fic. I need drama and suspense. I'll update as soon as I can but I'm not sure when that would be. Until then, sorry for keeping you hanging. At least you now know why Bella's silent. :)
It's not as long as the previous chapter (I don't know if I can ever top that!) but the drama was pretty heavy. I know some think that Edward is rushing things by asking Bella to marry her but I think that he's just the type of man to do that as he said in Eclipse. And, come on, can't you feel his love and commitment? :)
Thanks so much for the love! I've been smiling all day from reading your reviews. :) I hope we get to reach 230 reviews. Here's hoping!
Oh, and yes, Margaux is really my name. Margaux Mae to be exact (pronounced as Mar-gow). It's a name that I consider a blessing and a curse as almost no one gets the spelling or the pronunciation right the first time. Ah well.
Thanks again! Love you guys!
Until then,
Margaux
