A/N: TISSUE WARNING! Enjoy this installment! Thanks again to my ever awesome beta twilight-is-lovee.

Playlist:
The Only Exception – Paramore
Decembers - Hawthorne Heights
I Need You Tonight – Backstreet Boys
I Drive Myself Crazy - 'N SYNC
Everytime - Britney Spears


BPOV

It was midnight on the seventeenth day I had been home. My mom's surgery had gone great. She was even trying to walk on her broken, screwed-together leg. I had only talked to Edward on the phone nine times. It wasn't nearly enough for me. I missed him.

Nights like the one I was having made it so much harder to be away from him. I couldn't sleep. My entire body ached for his touch… his scent… hell, even his voice at that point would have been heaven. Going three damn days without hearing his beautiful velvety voice was just pure hell.

Sure, we exchanged text messages and even spoke online, but it was never enough. The phone calls were never enough. I wanted his arms around me, his lips on my ear, his scent enveloping me in its cloud of comfort. Everyday away from him caused the physical ache in my chest to deepen.

"GOD DAMNIT!" I cried out of frustration into my room. I had been tossing and turning for hours. It was like this when I thought about him a lot. It made me miss him more than usual. I could feel the tears building in my eyes, but I squeezed them shut and fought them back. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry myself to sleep another night.

Knock, Knock, Knock; I heard the gentle tapping on my door before it was pushed open gently and my mother popped her head into the door.

"Are you okay, baby?" she questioned. I immediately jumped to my feet to help her stand until I saw that she was actually using her chair.

"I'm fine, Mom. You should be in bed. You know you need your rest," I sighed as I lowered myself back onto my bed.

"I heard you yell. What's the matter?" Renee asked again as she pushed my door open and wheeled herself into the room and right next to my bed.

"I miss him," I whispered as the tears broke through my barriers and started to run down my face. The light breeze from my open window caused the tears to cool against my heated skin and sent chills through my body.

"Baby, I know you miss him, but you knew you were going to be leaving at the end of the summer. It was only a few weeks sooner than we had planned. You know how I feel about this kind of thing. If it's meant to be, it will be regardless of the situation. That's how I got you. I was doing everything the way I should have… birth control and condoms. Everything happens for a reason, Bella." She ran her hand through my hair as I lay curled up on the end of my bed silently crying.

"I know that, but it doesn't make it hurt any less," I sniffled and rubbed my nose.

"Love hurts, baby girl. Try to get some sleep, okay? You can call him in the morning," Renee suggested while patting me on the back. I didn't respond to her as she left the room and softly shut the door behind her.

I crawled back into bed and curled into a fetal position. I stared at the wall by my bed, trying to focus on the color blue. I read in a book once that if you focus hard enough on a color, you can manipulate it in your head. Then you can use that manipulation and control to manipulate and control yourself, which could help you relax and get to sleep. I was desperate for any help.

Just as I could feel myself drifting off my cell phone rang out with a familiar tone of The Only Exception by Paramore. I loved when I heard that song playing. I flung the covers off of my legs and jumped across the room to my desk quickly opening my phone.

"Hey, Edward," I sighed breathlessly into the phone. I could hear his soft exhale and my heart sped up slightly in my chest.

"Hi, Bella. God do I miss you," he sighed, and my hand tightened on the phone.

"I miss you too. We have got to make it a point to talk at least once a day. It's hard enough not seeing you, but not hearing your voice is killing me inside," I confessed while I lay back on my bed. I couldn't contain the smile that was taking over my entire face.

"Fuck, I completely agree. I'm sorry I haven't called or answered lately. My dad's got me working at the hospital to occupy my time. He said that he couldn't stand me moping around the house all the time anymore," Edward laughed softly, and I felt the tightening in my chest loosen very slightly.

"Yeah, I just had that conversation with my mom. So if you're so tired, why are you up?" I was curious, considering it was after one in the morning.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to hear your voice… tell you I love you." He tried to be casual about it, but I could tell he was upset.

"I feel the same way. I can't sleep most nights because you've consumed my brain." I could feel the blush forming on my cheeks as I told him this little piece of information.

"When do you start back to school again?" he asked casually. I groaned at his choice of topics.

"Really, Edward? School? I start back in a week. My birthday is coming up," I shrugged my shoulders even though he couldn't see the gesture. I was hoping that he could convince his parents to let him visit for my birthday.

"I know, baby. I'm working on the perfect gift for you." His voice was sweet, and he sounded absolutely exhausted as he tried to stifle a yawn.

"You sound so tired. Maybe I should let you go and we'll talk tomorrow night," I suggested regretfully. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, but it came out loud and clear.

"No, I don't want to go yet. Can we just talk until one of us falls asleep? I want your voice to be the last thing I hear or think about before I pass out," Edward sweet-talked through another yawn. I just couldn't say no to him.

I held the phone to my ear as I listened to him breath for a moment. I could almost feel his breath against my skin, and it sent shivers through my body.

"Of course we can talk until you fall asleep. I know you'll go first anyway," I teased him. Edward laughed good-naturedly.

We talked about the most random things for about an hour before I started on the topic of my mom's recovery. I had been continuing a long story when I heard the first hint of a snore. I paused in my story to listen, and all I heard was breathing.

"Edward? You awake?" I questioned uselessly over the phone. I sighed as I heard a soft snore and a grunt come over the line.

I felt the tears well in my eyes and spill over despite the effort I put in to stop their flow. I held the phone to my ear like a lifeline as I listened to the love of my life sleep hundreds of miles away when he should have been lying right next to me.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered into the receiver. I heard a sleepy whisper of my name and mumbled words before the line went dead.

Tears poured down my face, and there was no stopping them. I took a deep breath, preparing for the broken sobs that always came after I spoke to him. It was a lose-lose situation for me. I felt better while I was talking to him, but the minute our conversation ended, it was like leaving him all over again and the feeling only got ten times worse for me.

I cried myself to sleep after an undetermined amount of time. I woke up with a scratchy throat and a headache, and my eyes were so puffy it looked like I was suffering from severe allergies. I decided that a shower was a brilliant idea before my mom saw how awful I looked. I wasn't exactly in the mood for another lecture from her about love and what it was like.

EPOV

I woke up with a stabbing pain in my neck. I groaned and reached up to rub my neck only for my hand to connect with cool metal. My brow furrowed in confusion as I gripped the offending object and held it in front of my face. My cell phone was open and it was stabbing me in the neck.

"Oh fuck! I fell asleep on her!" I cried out into my empty, lonely bedroom. I pressed the power button on my phone but nothing happened.

"Fucking battery died," I muttered to myself. I rolled out of bed and plugged in my phone before turning it back on. The light flashed on and showed me that it was almost noon and I had three messages.

I flipped through the new text messages with little interest once I saw that none of them were from Bella. I felt like crying and tearing my hair out. I missed her so fucking much. It was hard to breath with the weight that sat on my chest. All I could see when I closed my eyes was her shy smile and molten chocolate eyes. I could feel the sparks that always jumped between our bodies when we touched.

I hated going into work with my dad. He just didn't understand that I would rather mope around the house. I had been desperately trying to convince my parents that I was mature enough to fly out to Phoenix alone to see Bella for her birthday.

I didn't want to tell her and get her hopes up only to disappoint her if I couldn't come through. God, what I wouldn't give to just hold her hand in that moment as I stared at my phone praying to get something from her.

"Come on, Bella, I love you. Call me," I spoke to my phone. I knew I could have called her, but I didn't want to interrupt anything if she was busy. This was how it always was for me. I desperately wanted to talk to her, but felt guilty if I intruded on something.

After staring at my phone for twenty minutes and receiving nothing from Bella, I sighed and made my way into the shower. I had told Dad that I absolutely refused to go into the hospital today and that I wanted to spend time with Jasper. Although that was a complete lie, it definitely got him to let me off the volunteer hook. I had a feeling that some of the obsessive need to keep me busy was him trying to keep me out of Chief Swan's hair.

"Edward! Hi, honey! I was hoping you might sit with me for a few minutes so we can talk," my mom's cheery voice accosted me as I entered the kitchen for coffee.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" I questioned defensively.

"Your father and I talked. There are some things we discussed that I would like to talk to you about." She smiled at me. I felt my heart drop into my stomach as a horrible feeling engulfed my entire being.

"Just say whatever shitty news you stayed home to dish out, Mom. It's not like I could possibly feel much worse than I have since Bella left." I poured my coffee and kept my back to my mother as I prepared for whatever blow she was about to throw my way.

"Just sit down here and we'll talk, Edward." I could still here the smile in her voice, and it made me even more nervous. I sighed out of defeat and slumped into a chair at the table she was perched at.

"That's much better. Now your father and I were discussing the idea of you flying out to Phoenix for Bella's birthday, and…" I held up my hand and stopped her.

"I won't take no for an answer. I'll fucking jump on a bus if I have to Mom." I glared at her as I spoke.

"Let me finish! We think it's a bad idea for you to fly out there alone, Edward. We would feel much better if Jasper was with you." She lifted an eyebrow at me, and my mouth fell open in shock. I couldn't believe she was throwing that out there.

"You know that his parents won't let him fly out to Phoenix without one of them!" I cried out in rage. I could see the workings of my parent's conversation and how they knew that Jasper would never be allowed to go with me.

"Well, we've decided that you can't go alone. Both your father and I have to work so either of us going is impossible. Bottom line, sweetie, you can't go unless you find someone to go with you." Her smile faltered when our eyes met. She must have seen the heartbreak her words caused in my eyes. I felt like she had ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.

"It's her birthday, Mom," I whispered uselessly.

"If it's meant to be, it will be," she spoke cryptically as she stood up and left me sitting in the kitchen staring at the table.

I headed over to Jasper's house for a much needed distraction. I needed to convince his parents that this was a life or death situation for me. The only question was how I would manage that in a believable way. Surely the Hales would contact my parents and they would express the truth. It irritated me to know that I couldn't get away with lying.

It was extremely upsetting to know I wasn't going to be able to visit Bella for her birthday. The situation was completely unfair. I just wanted to spend an important day with the girl I was in love with.

"Jazz, dude… we've got to do something to get you permission. Seriously, its Bella's fucking birthday. My parents are being serious assholes about this whole thing. Why can't they just understand it fucking hurts to be away from her," I complained as I barged into Jasper's bedroom.

"First of all, what do I need permission for? And what are your parents being assholes about?" The confusion in Jasper's expression reminded me that I hadn't had time to discuss my plans of flying out to Phoenix.

"Fuck… okay, I'll explain it. Bella's birthday is coming up, and I really wanted to fly out there and visit her. My parents said they needed to discuss it and this morning my mom drops the bomb on me that I need somebody to go with me otherwise I can't go. You would be the only person I could take," I muttered in annoyance. The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.

"That's hilarious that you think my parents would ever consider letting me fly out to Phoenix on a whim." He rolled his eyes at me and turned back to his computer.

"It's not on a whim. I'm desperate. I told you I'm in love with her. I know that you don't know Alice well or anything, but… Jazz, this shit is painful. It literally feels like a knife has been stabbed into my chest and it's slowly being twisted. It's hard to breathe without her," I sighed and stared at the ceiling.

"How did Edward Cullen get so damn attached in such a short amount of time?" Jasper shook his head and I took his question as rhetorical. We stayed in a companionable silence for a little while before Jasper spoke up again.

"Do you think that it's possible that you two are … too attached?" he mumbled quietly. I felt my face flush as my temper flared and I sat up straight on the bed, turning a heated glare on his shrunken form.

"You are such a jackass! Do you not understand what I'm telling you? It's not attachment… I'm in LOVE with her! I'm telling you when they say that love hurts, they're not kidding," I growled at him.

"I didn't mean to offend you, dude. It's just… maybe what they say about absence is true too… you know, that it makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit." Jasper shrugged it off and went back to his computer again.

He was making sense, but it pissed me off to realize he might be right about us being too attached. I mean, we hadn't known each other for that long. Maybe it wasn't love but infatuation. I shook that thought off and steeled myself to the fact that I knew what I was feeling wasn't just simple infatuation.

Jasper and I let the issue slid and he tried to come up with ways to get his parents to allow him to accompany me to visit Bella. We had an entire plan laid out when we walked down the stairs, but it crashed down on us before we even go the chance to try.

"Hey, Mom, can I ask a favor?" Jasper asked with his sweet charm as he sidled up to his mother at the sink and began washing the dishes as she rinsed.

"Esme already called me sweetheart. You know that your father and I can't possible let you run off to Phoenix without adult supervision." Charlotte sighed and dried off her hands. I felt my chest aching at her words.

"Please, Mom? I'll even take Rose with me. Edward said he'd pay for the tickets and everything we need. This is really important to him, Mom," Jasper looked back at me and gave me a sad smile. Charlotte turned to look at me before crossing the kitchen and pulling me into a hug.

"Edward, you know I love you like one of my own. I can see in your eyes how much you love her, but, sweetie, I just can't send Jazz and Rose to Phoenix unsupervised." She rubbed my back, but I shrugged her off and stared down at my feet.

"I understand," I rasped out, trying to hide the tears in my eyes. I needed to leave before I made a complete fool of myself. I nodded my head at Jasper and spun on my heel to leave the house without another word.

BPOV

He said he wouldn't be working, yet it was three in the afternoon and I still hadn't received so much as a text message from him. I lay in my bed staring at my ceiling, praying I would hear the song that meant he was calling me. I couldn't stand the thought of eating, so I had bypassed both breakfast and lunch. Renee had plenty of comments on that.

"Sweetie, you're losing weight. I swear you've dropped at least three pounds since you got back. It's not healthy. Please just eat something," my mother begged of me. I eyed the plate of eggs and sausage I had fixed for her and reflexively felt myself gag at the thought of eating anything.

"I'm not losing weight. My clothes all fit fine, Mom, and besides, I eat. I just don't always do it when you're around," I muttered into my mug. I hated coffee, but it was the only thing getting me through the day with only four hours of sleep a night.

"Baby, I'm your mother. I think I would know if something was up…. Wait, this is about Edward, isn't it? Isabella, you are not this kind of girl! I will not have you starving yourself over this boy! You're so young, Bella. This kind of obsession isn't good for either one of you." Renee sighed and set her fork down on the table then rolled herself over to me. I slumped back against the counter and refused to meet her probing gaze.

"Don't do this. I don't want to hear you tell me this isn't healthy and that it's wrong. You don't know how I feel. It hurts so badly, Mom. I just… please let this one go. If what you say is true then it will run its course, right?" I grumbled up to the ceiling. I heard her click her tongue and roll away, but she didn't comment further.

After that disastrous conversation, I locked myself away in my room. I just wanted to be alone and wallow in my self-pity for a while. As I stared at the ceiling, I let thoughts of our last night together wash over me.

My chest started to ache and my eyes burned as I begged for the pain to stop. I cried out in frustration when the hole in my chest tore open once again and my tears ran from my eyes, down my cheeks and fell against my ears then dripped onto my hair. The sobbing was absent, but the void in my chest felt fresh as I wept silently.

Thinking about the expression on Edward's face when I told him I had to leave burned my throat as the bile fought to come up. I hated that feeling. Why should being without someone cause physical illness on top of the emotional debilitation it produced?

I eventually cried myself to sleep that afternoon, thinking of the passion and love Edward showed me the night I stayed with him. When I closed my eyes, I could almost feel his hands on me. The dreams these thoughts provoked were so real that when my phone rang, my heart lurched and a fresh torrent of tears broke through. I desperately need that dream to be real.

When I realized the song that was coming from my phone was Edward's ring tone, I catapulted from the bed to my desk and quickly flipped it open to answer.

"Edward, what took you so long?" I gasped into the phone. My breath was heavy from frustration and sleep.

"I didn't want to bug you or anything. I felt like I would be imposing, but… I couldn't stand it anymore," he sighed over the line. I could just picture him laying back on his bed with his eyes pinched shut and his free hand tugging at his hair in frustration.

"You would never bug me. You can call me anytime of the day and I'll answer it if I can. I love you and talking to you is what I wait for all day," I confessed pathetically.

"Why didn't you call me then?" he questioned me and I felt silly for my reasons.

"I thought you might have gone to work with your dad anyway and I didn't know if you'd answer. I hate listening to your voicemail." I cleared my throat and wiped my face as I attempted to compose myself.

"You shouldn't worry about that shit. I told you I wasn't going in with him today. Besides, I love getting messages from you. I've been waiting all day for you to call. I have some bad news." His voice was softer and sounded farther away as he ended his statement.

"What bad news?" My interest was officially peaked and I cocked my head in curiosity though I knew he couldn't see me.

"I won't be coming to visit for your birthday. My parents are being ridiculous about it. They said I had to bring somebody with me, and Jasper is my only friend. His parent shot down the idea before we even had the opportunity to try asking them.

"Oh." I couldn't hide my disappointment. All my composure left me as the new wave of tears filled my eyes, blurring my vision, and ran down my face. I tried to keep the tears silent, but a few hiccups and sobs left my chest.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I really tried. I hate this shit," Edward growled into the phone. I could hear him muttering under his breath and my tears came faster.

"Not your fault… can I call you back in a little while? I need a shower," I whispered into the line through the tears. I was trying to conceal the pain in my voice as much as possible.

"No, Bella, talk to me, please?" he begged quickly, but I shook my head as I answered.

"I'll call you back." With that, I hung up my phone and slid to the floor against my bed. The wailing sobs began again and I let them rip through me without trying to suppress them. My hopes of having him hold me and feeling his lips upon mine were completely shattered and the shards of my heart were lying on the floor with that hope.


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