You'd be surprised how hard it actually is to find Archie. He's wearing that giant brace which is basically like a giant, neon Las Vegas that is saying 'Instant Death If You Hit Me Here', and he has purple hair. But my head was still spinning from Pan's kiss earlier and I couldn't concentrate on much.
It was only the Code of Mistletoe, nothing more then that and I was much happier that Pan had kissed me then any of the other things that could have seen me. So why was my heart beating so fast? Like, a machine gun going off inside me that was shattering my resolve against boys being more then friends.
Thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk
BAM! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE'RE GOIN' DOOOOOOWWWNNNN.
Okay, my status as being single would be going down. I hoped I was not.
So had this dramatically altered all my plans for finding a… dare I say it, Goatfriend this holiday? Had I found him?
There was no sign of Archie in the living room. The MN's had vanished into their hiding spots, waiting for the next sucker to come through the doorway. This was not good. Had they smooched him out of existence? I was glad I still had Fuzzy-Fuzzy Sweater on, as chills now swept through me. What happened to my stupid Dork? Who would I insult now?
"Well, I've got no idea where he went," Pan said, strolling over to me. He was dusting off his hands as if he'd been tossing boulders and trees aside in a manhunt for Archie. It was kinda cute. I pulled Fuzzy-Fuzzy over my face to dilute Pan's smile. He gave me a sideways glance and I grinned at him from under my fuzziness.
"Maybe the ferocious Archie has gone into hibernation," Pan teased, grinning coyly, "I wouldn't be surprised if the next time I saw him he was fat and gathering food to feed his young."
I couldn't help but laugh at the image of roly-poly Bearchie. Especially with babies. I wonder whose animal babies he would have.
Jay, barking and howling with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, ran past. Still on all fours. I'm amazed his legs haven't cramped yet.
Suddenly the images of baby dog-bears frolicking in a field was in my mind. I bombed the field before that thought could continue.
"Lannie! Which way did Jay go?" Theresa begged, running into the room. Pan and I both pointed and she took off shouting for Jay to heel. Frankly, I needed something to do, so I ran after her. I needed to be away from Pan.
We caught Jay trying to dig a hole down in the laundry room. He'd already torn up one of Herry's shirts and dumped the lint basket all over.
"No! Stop! Bad dog- Jay! Bad!" Theresa shouted. Jay seemed to only get more excited at the sight of her and started tearing around the room, knocking everything down. I wouldn't be surprised if the foundations went too.
I whistled and pointed to the spot in front of my feet, "Jay come!" That was the most commanding voice I could muster, and it sounded a little scary to me. Surprisingly, Jay did exactly as he was told and sat at my feet. I grabbed him by the back of his shirt to keep him from running off.
I felt an overwhelming sense of power as I gave my orders, "Theresa- go get one of Neil's collars from that Goth shoot he did a while ago, Pan, get me a skipping rope. This boy needs obedience training."
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Yes, Jay, my human leader who is completely drunk due to non-alcoholic beverages and is now acting like an affectionate, hyperactive dog, needs obedience training.
'Oh, I knew a dog was too much responsibility for you! I should never have let you keep it,' the Mother complained in my head.
Since everywhere in the house was filled with creatures and activities, we headed outside to find the party had expanded into the back yard. Which brings us into the back alley beside the house
I stood with Jay, in his spiky black collar with the rainbow-colored skipping rope tied to said collar, pulled taut to keep him at my side. Theresa stood down the way from us while Pan was leaning against the fence and watching in curiosity, though I noticed he was watching me a bit more then he was watching me train Jay.
"Okay, sit boy," I commanded, though I had to look up to see his face. Jay squatted beside me and looked up with a big grin. I patted him on the head. I nodded at Theresa and she patted her knees.
"Come, Jay!" she called.
Hahaha, that's something you shouldn't be saying to your boyfriend in public, a new voice- I instantly named Smexi due to the inappropriate comment. I tried not to think about what she'd just said because I'd start blushing.
Jay took off like a rocket, nearly taking my arm off with the skipping-rope-leash and he charged at Theresa. He leapt up and tackled her to the ground in a massive Glomp a la Jay.
"No! Bad Jay! Off- off!" she was laughing, somewhat hysterically, as Pan and I pried Jay off her.
"Bad Jay! You do not tackle-hug people!" I wagged my finger in his face and Jay suddenly looked so sad I wanted to hug him.
Oh, he was devious. Smexi and Mother- completely contrasting- were arguing in my head over good and bad influences.
"Jay, sit," I said again. He obeyed- which was good. He knew one command already.
"Okay, now, Jay stay," I said, beginning to back away while loosely holding the leash. I got about three steps before Jay leapt at me.
"No Jay! Down!" I shouted, and he skidded to a halt in front of me, "stay." I started backing away again.
You're got this boy whipped. I like that, Smexi said.
This is a bad boy for you! Get rid of 'em before it's too late! Mother was very upset. And really annoying me on how her opinion of Jay was constantly changing.
After more failed attempts of me trying to get Jay to stay, we had Theresa hold his leash while I commanded stay, backed away, and then called him to come to me- which Smexi loved- but this didn't work. Jay was usually too busy tackling Theresa over, or just hugging her legs, to pay attention to me.
So then we switched to Pan holding Jay's leash. Theresa sat in the trunk of Herry's truck to watch, holding an ice pack to her head. Jay seemed to think Pan was another dog- or animal of some sort- and was either trying to bite Pan's goat-legs or sniff his rear. Pan did not appreciate that much at all.
Which leads us to our current idea, tying Jay's wrists and ankles down with vines, courtesy of Pan, and then making him stay. He was surprisingly flexible for a boy his age, especially a boy his age who always seemed to have a stick shoved up his you-know-where, and always seemed to slip out of the vines and charge for Theresa. We were worried about hurting him if we went any tighter, so that idea failed.
Pan and I were keeping Jay from leaping onto the truck, where Theresa had climbed on top of and was sporting many bruises and swollen bumps, and she was shouting for Jay to get down and stop. Oh, it's not that Jay means to hurt her, or Theresa's a wimp, Jay is a tall, well-built almost seventeen year old boy. Full of well-trained muscle, which makes him rather heavy. And leaping full-force onto his almost-in-love-with-him crush, Theresa, who is as strong as any of the guys, but is also a girl and thus built slimmer thus easier for a guy like Jay to tackle onto the hard ground or hard truck, really hurts. I'd be running too if Jay were tackle-hugging me.
But you'd rather be goat-hugged, Smexi giggled.
I pulled a little too harshly on Jay's leash and brought him to the ground.
"I give up! This is hopeless!" I fell down beside Jay and he whimpered, so I scratched him behind the ear.
Then I heard a voice I hadn't heard in a long time, "Oh! But you musn't give up hope!"
Theresa, even Jay, and myself all snapped our heads up and were shocked to see Hope stepped out of the back gate. But this was not the cute, innocent little Hope I remembered, now she was grown-up, filled out hot Hope. And she was clinging to Archie like she had when she was… 'younger', and most obviously unaware of the effect her teenaged body was having, as Archie's ears were as red as a fire truck and Pan was staring and Jay was panting.
"Bad Jay!" I yanked his leash hard enough to wind him, effectively knocking Pan in the side with my fist as I did so. They seemed to snap out of it.
I was actually shocked to see Archie. Considering we hadn't found him earlier, I was kinda thinking he'd just disappeared. Disappeared, forever. Which would suck, I guess.
I know what else su- DOWN Smexi, down!
Hope skipped over, pulling Archie with her and beamed that hopeful, pretty smile of hers. Well, my heart was practically racing and I'm not ashamed to admit she was stunningly beautiful. How was I supposed to compare to that? Looks like my choice has been made for me, folks. I get Pan.
"I hope maybe we can help," Hope said, extending a hand.
Despite the fact that she'd just stolen my best friend, and potential boy friend from me, I couldn't feel angry at her bright face. I took her hand and she helped me up. I eagerly handed her the leash and Jay was looking between Theresa and Hope nervously.
Hope walked away from us, though her walk was so light she looked like she was skipping or floating or something like that, and Jay obediently followed. Theresa, unable to be jealous just like me, hopped off of Herry's truck and went to help Hope out.
I realized pretty quickly why I couldn't feel angry at her. Hope had no intention of stealing any boys away, she was simply just so hopeful and innocent and gorgeous that she unknowingly drew people to her. It was the boys Theresa and I should be worrying about.
I was shocked that Pan got up to help Hope and Theresa, leaving me with Blushing Dork.
"Hey," I said slowly.
"Hey," he rubbed the back of his neck- a sure sign he was nervous.
"So… when did Hope show up?" I nodded towards her, feeling a small smile wanting to come on as I heard her laughing at Jay trying to hug her.
"Probably with everyone else," Archie replied, "she, uh, pulled me out of those nymphs- while you and, uh, him were…"
Oh. He had seen me and Pan kissing.
"I was under the mistletoe- forgot it was there. Just, looking for you. Better that Pan found me first, you know? Better then the Husband kis- OHMAN!" my shout made Archie jump and the others look over. Hope was about to throw the golden apple Pan was keeping for Jay to fetch.
"HE'S GONE! THE HUSBAND LEFT! HE'S GONE, ARCHIE, GOOONNEEE!" I grabbed Archie's hands and danced in a circle.
"Really? Yes!" Archie cheered.
He'd been suffering too, having to watch my back from two other men, so this meant he only had to watch out for Pan. If he could keep his eyes off of Hope long enough.
Theresa cheered, though she had no idea the extent of my suffering. Jay howled, Hope laughed at our silly antics and Pan smiled for me. And immediately I felt bad about holding Archie's hands. I dropped my face and my dance died a little. Archie seemed to take it the wrong was and pulled away awkwardly.
"That's, uh, good for you. I'm… happy- for you," he stuttered.
I sighed, Okay, now to keep my Dork-Buddy and move onto my GoatFriend as there's no more competition.
"I'm happy you weren't smackeroo'd out of existence. Who would I have insulted then?" I gave him a friendly kidney-jab. He grinned and I felt like things were going to be fine between us again.
Then the gods, or Cronus or even satan started laughing at me because someone kicked the gate down and burned out of the backyard screaming,
"MY WIIIFFEEEEE! THERE IS AN OX WOMAN NEEDING YOUR ATTENTION!"
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Welcome back, ACM.
And Meleager. And Oxy. And welcome Hope!
So can Atlanta chose Pan, or is Archie still going for her heart? Or will meleager steal her all for himself?
And what about Oxy? What does she want? Why is she at the party? What trouble does this mean for Atlanta now?
And will Jay have to be house-trained? How many times a day has he been walked? That's bad animal care! I don't even think they've groomed him once this story!
And I blame Nuuoa for Smexi's character completely.
-Demenior
