"What in the bloody hell was that for, ye little-" Jack recovered quickly from the kick to his shin, but he was still royally ticked. As if that experience was any more pleasant for him! He had to sit there, awkwardly holding a little girl on his lap and hear her pitiful little whimpers and she gets mad at them? "All that trouble and she yells at us?"
"Jack," Bill softly chided his captain, being the only one who could get away with it…but only when they were in private. "Easy." Jack whirled on him, scowling fiercely.
"What the hell are you smiling about?" He laughed.
"She kicked ye, Jack, and yelled at us. She trusts us enough to feel safe in testing us." Jack quirked an eyebrow at Bill. What the hell was he on about? Was this another insane bit of child mentality that only the older man would understand?
"Care to explain?"
"Jack, for years she's been beaten and abused until she had no courage to misbehave because she knew they'd hurt her. If she has enough courage to misbehave then it means she trusts us just a tiny bit. If ye go out there angry to yell at her for kickin' ye, you'll lose what tiny bit of trust you've earned."
"What happened to being firm an' havin' rules?" Jack's voice was mocking, unbelieving his friend's advice. "You mean to say I should let her think it's perfectly fine to hit or kick someone else?"
"No, I'm just sayin' ye should calm down before talkin' to her, that's all." Jack scowled and grabbed the bottle of rum, pouring a sizeable amount down his throat as he smiled sarcastically at Bill.
"Why don't you go talk to her since yer so bloody calm? She didn't kick you."
"I wasn't holdin' her."
"It was yer bloody idea!" Bill rolled his eyes.
"She just kicked you so you'd let go of her, Jack. And it is because you are the one she kicked that you should be the one to talk to her. I have to go back to splicin' that rope now, but be sure yer calm…and somewhat sober," he pulled the bottle of rum from his Captain's hands, causing the younger man to pout, "before ye talk to her." He walked out of the cabin, closing the door behind him as Jack continued to pout at his doors.
Leave it to Bill Turner to rob him of the one solace he had. His shin had stopped hurting before he even stood up but Saoirse's words hurt more than anything. They hadn't meant to sound like Beckett when they said it was for her own good that they get the splinters out, but he figured Bill would say that Saoirse wouldn't understand the difference. Pacing the cabin slowly, he thought about the little girl he'd agreed to take across the sea on his way to deliver cargo to Kingston, Jamaica. Pity flooded his heart anytime he saw her flinch at the simple touch of a hand or jump if someone raised their voice even slightly. True, he didn't know much about little children but he knew a little girl should like to be held and comforted instead of trying to break away.
Finding someone to leave her with wasn't going to be easy. It would have to be someone he could trust to look after her with kindness and not hit her when she misbehaved. She was still young and he hoped that would work to her advantage, that with the love of good adoptive parents, little Saoirse could grow up a happy, confident young girl who wasn't scared of being touched anymore.
Feeling calmer now, he pulled open the doors to his quarters and walked out. Several of the crew pointed to where they said Saoirse was, but he shook his head. He wasn't quite ready, not yet, to talk to her. He had to get something first. When he got to the hold, he pulled out his key ring and slid the right key into the door. Lighting a lamp before he walked in, he looked around. To his left were the racks for rum, wine and other spirits. He grinned to see they were nice and full after their restock in London's markets.
Then he saw it, the little box wrapped in white paper they bought in Calais, the one with the fleur de leis stamped on the paper that surrounded the chocolates inside. Jack was willing to bet his whole ship that Saoirse had never had chocolate before. Picking up the package in one hand, he headed out of the hold, closing the door behind him and locking it. Dousing the lamp before hanging it on the nail it hung from usually, he headed back to the deck and to the stairs leading to the fo'castle deck. Saoirse had her knees pulled to her chest with the bear between them and her chest. Her eyes were closed but he could tell from her breathing that she wasn't sleeping.
"Saoirse." He sat on the deck next to her and she looked up, startled. "Don't worry, I ain't here to get upset wiv ye." He knew the drink made him slur a little bit but he didn't care that much. She looked at his legs before looking back at him.
"Did I hurt your leg a lot?" He shook his head and patted the thick leather boots that covered most of his lower leg.
"Nah, that's part o' the charm o' these ol' things."
"Oh. So…so you're not going to punish me?" Rubbing small circles on her back, he smiled and pointed to the bandages on her little hands.
"I think that was bad enough, hmm?" She nodded. "Listen to me, darlin'." She nodded. "I mean look at me and listen." Slowly, shyly, she turned her head to look up at him. "When Mr. Turner said that what we did was for your own good, he didn't mean it the same way yer uncle did, sweetheart."
"How did he mean it?" Jack hesitated, trying to find the words so she'd understand his meaning.
"Well…he actually meant it was for yer own good, because it is. But yer uncle, he just said it to make ye feel like ye deserve what he did to you." The child's little face turned away, looking ashamed of herself as she buried her nose in the bear's fur.
"I did, though! Like the time I drew pictures in my copybook instead of my letters! Or when I was touching a little china cat I wasn't supposed to, but I wanted to see if it would really break like they said they would. It did." Jack tried to suppress a laugh and failed. "What's so funny?"
"Sounds like somethin' I did as a lad, that's all. The temptation to find out for yerself gets too great to bear and ye have to find out, sometimes at the cost of a swat to the behind." Saoirse looked up at him, her arms still tightly around her bear. He wondered if she'd bothered giving it a name yet.
"You got hit too?" He nodded.
"It wasn't that bad, just a pat on the bottom to let me know I did wrong. I'm guessing you got more than a swat to the bottom." She nodded.
"They held me down and Uncle Cutler hit me with his riding crop." Jack shook his head and lifted his hand from her back to her head to affectionately play with the curls until she shied away from him. It saddened him to see her so unused to affection that it made her uncomfortable but puzzled him at the same time that she would feel comfortable enough to kiss his cheek after he was shot. Probably felt guilty, he thought.
Remembering the treat he brought for her, he picked it up and placed in on her knees. She looked at it, then back at him in surprise.
"What is it?" Taking it off her knees, he set to untying the string and unwrapping the white paper from the box, noticing out of the corner of his eyes that the little girl was watching intently. Lifting the cover of the box off and revealing the small chocolate treats inside, he held it out to her.
"It's chocolate." He was surprised that she knew what it was and a little disappointed that he wasn't the first to show this wonderful treat to her.
"So you've had some before?" She shook her head.
"No, they'd let me smell it and look at it and watch them enjoy it but they wouldn't let me so much as touch one." Jack didn't have to ask who she was referring to. Smiling, he held the box out to her.
"Take one." She looked up with shock. "Go on, pick one." Her eyes, today a pretty golden brown, widened with awe and she lifted a hand towards one filled with a strawberry crème but hesitated, her tiny fingers hovering over it as she looked at him.
"Is this one alright?" To assure her that she wouldn't get in trouble, he picked the truffle up himself and held it in front of her lips.
"Open wide." She obeyed and he put in her little mouth, letting it sit on her pink little tongue. "Now close yer mouth…and close yer eyes. Trust me, it makes it even better." She hesitated so he covered her eyes with his hand. When he pulled it away, her eyes were closed and a smile was growing wider and wider across her face until her dimples showed. When it was swallowed, she grabbed another and had helped herself to four before he pulled the box away.
"Why'd you take it away?" Her little lips and fingers were covered in chocolate, making for an irresistibly adorable picture as she stared up at him, confused and hurt.
"You'll get a tummy ache if you eat too many sweets. We'll save it for later. Maybe if yer good and don't kick Captain Jack again, I'll buy ye some candy next time we make port." Taking out a handkerchief, he wiped the chocolate from her mouth and hands. Standing up, he started to head for the helm when he heard a little voice call out.
"Wait! Captain Jack!" He pivoted to see her run to him.
"Walk, love, we don't want anymore splinters, do we?" She shook her head and slowed down her steps, stopping when she stood in front of him.
"Captain Jack, do you still like me? Do you still think I'm an angel?" He looked down at her and smiled as he ruffled her soft hair, quietly delighting in the smile it drew from her. At least one of his signs of affection towards her was appreciated.
"Aye, I still like ye and yer still Captain Jack's li'l angel." He turned to walk to the helm again and was surprised when he felt a little hand seize two of his fingers and looked down to see that Saoirse finally had taken his hand of her own accord as she walked alongside him.
"Captain Jack? What were you going to show me?" He paused, confused until he remembered he was going to show her something before the whole splinter ordeal.
"Oh. Come this way and we'll see if we can't spot it." Turning to head for the bow instead, he led her up the stairs and looked over the rail. "Ah, they're still there." Bending over with his hands on his knees, he looked her in the eyes. "I know you don't like being picked up or held but that's the only way you'll be able to see what I want to show you so will you let me hold you up high enough to see?"
Saoirse seemed to be thinking about it, pouting her cute little lips as she pondered his request. Finally she turned and he thought he'd lost his case but he smiled when he found she was only setting the bear down near the steps.
"Stay there and I'll be right back." Jack had to cover his mouth with his hand to hide the grin that spread across his face at her adorable actions. She came back and lifted her arms to him. It was then that he realized he had no idea how to hold a little girl so she'd be able to see the dolphins dancing along the bow. The only way he knew to hold a child was to cradle them like babes, the way he did a week or so before. "What's the matter? You don't want to show me anymore?"
"That ain't it, darlin', I'm just not sure how to pick ye up so you can see the surprise." Luckily a crew member came up beside him, as though curious about what his captain and the little girl were talking about.
"He can tell you how!" Jack looked at the young man, confused.
"Oh, right, cause I picked her up after you got shot. Here, I'll show you by doing it myself. Come here." Saoirse went to him and held up her little arms. Tommy caught her by the ribs and lifted her easily into his arms, one of them under her bottom with his hand holding her legs securely and the other hand on her side.
"Oh…looks easy enough. Alright, love, come here." Jack held out his arms and she leaned to him, holding out her arms that circled his neck as he arranged her on his left arm with his right against her side. Walking back to the rail on the starboard side, Jack pressed his hand more firmly against her side as he leaned slightly over and nodded towards the water below. He would have pointed but he was afraid to take his hand off her, even for a minute.
The shining grey bodies of the dolphins jumped out of the water and back in, making their happy sounding, high pitched squeaks and clicks as they swam and played along the bow. Saoirse moved one arm from his neck to rest upon the sleeve attached to the hand supporting her waist.
"Wow." Was all she said. "They're so pretty." Her lips widened in a grin as she smiled, lifting a tiny hand to cover her mouth as she giggled. The sound warmed his heart and allowed him to hope that her fragile little spirit could be mended after all.
When she stopped watching them, he moved to put her down, thinking she would have had her fill of being held but to his surprise, she clutched at the lapel of his dark overcoat and tightened her right arm around his shoulders when he tried to set her on her feet.
"You don't want me to put you down?" She shook her head and shifted in his arms when he stood again, to rest her head on his shoulder as she brought her left hand up to play with the buttons of his coat. "How come?" So he couldn't just accept it at face value, so what? His curiosity was too much for him sometimes. Saoirse's eyes fluttered slightly and he could tell she was tired. After all, he had originally gone to fetch her after she'd had her supper and the sun was about to set now. "Ah, yer tired." Saoirse shook her head forcefully.
"I'm not tired!" She exclaimed as she let out a huge yawn, making him laugh. "Maybe a little, but I don't want to go to bed yet!" Jack nodded and headed for the stairs, starting to descend until he heard Saoirse whimper and reach her little arms out to something behind him.
"What is it? You want to see the dolphins again?" She shook her head.
"No, Rogan! We almost left Rogan!"
"Who?" She sighed and placed the flat of one bandaged palm to his cheek and pushed it away, then pushed his head forward a bit. The little brown bear he'd bought her sat on the deck still, near the stairs. Carefully stooping so as to not to drop her, he grabbed the bear by its ear and pulled it up, placing it the child's arms.
"Rogan's the name I gave Mr. Bear." Jack wondered why she picked that name until he realized that if she didn't know the meaning of her name, she wouldn't know the meaning of Rogan (red haired) and therefore the bear must have been named after someone.
"Why'd you pick Rogan?" With one hand on the banister as he walked down to the main deck, he watched her as she played with the bear's ears as her eyes took on a look of sadness again.
"Rogan was Papa's name." Even though she was a little thing, she was getting heavy after being held so long so Jack shifted her around so her weight would be on the other arm. She rested one elbow on his shoulder as she stared at Rogan thoughtfully. "Captain Jack, do you think it's stupid to miss someone you don't remember good?" Jack knew that as a grown up that he should correct her grammar but figured it wasn't that important when compared with her question.
"I don't think it's stupid, darlin'," he reassured her as he pushed some of her hair behind her little ear. "And I think if it makes you feel better to name your bear after yer Papa, then you don't need to feel embarrassed, savvy?"
"What does 'savvy' mean, Captain Jack?"
"It means, do you understand?"
"Oh." She nodded, not saying anything else as he carried her below towards her room. "I said I'm not tired!" He fixed her with a look.
"You're not foolin' me, lass." She pouted preciously and tugged on his jacket again.
"Captain Jack I don't want to go to bed. I want to stay up and see what everyone does when I go to bed." Jack chuckled but continued to carry her down towards the cabin. Opening the door, he set her on her feet.
"How about a story after we change ye for bed, aye?" She nodded.
"Aye!" Smirking, he set to undressing her and getting her ready for bed. The marks on her back were scabbed over now and she fidgeted quite a bit as he helped her dress. "My back itches!" She whined when he asked why she fidgeted so much.
"It's the scabs, love."
"I know, but it still itches!" With her nightgown on, he lifted her into bed and tucked her in. "I thought you were going to read me a story!" He nodded.
"I am, give me a minute. I just want to make sure you're comfortable in case ye fall asleep while I'm readin' to ye."
"I won't fall asleep!" Sure, he thought; she'll be asleep by the time he was half way through the book. Picking up the story of Cinderella, Jack brought it back to her bedside and sat next to her in bed. He hadn't expected her to lean against him so he was surprised when she crawled out from under the sheets to do so.
'All comfy?" She nodded. "Alright. Once upon a time there was a girl who loved her father very much. She had the loveliest red hair-"
"Captain Jack, her hair is yellow!" He patted her head, now covered with the nightcap.
"Yes, I know her hair is blonde but I'm changing it because we want her to be even prettier, right?" Saoirse blushed as she smiled up at him. "Alright no more interruptions. "One day when the girl was eight, her father remarried to a baroness with two lovely daughters. When the man died suddenly and left his darling girl with her stepmother and stepsisters, they made her a servant in her own home and started calling her Cinderella. One day, the King proclaimed that every young, unmarried lady should attend a ball he was throwing. Cinderella wanted to go but she didn't finish her chores in time so her stepmother and stepsisters left without her. She was upset but her fairy godmother came and with a magic wand and a spell, made her a lovely gown." Jack idly played with Saoirse's hair as he read.
"Isn't her dress lovely, Saoirse?" No answer. "Saoirse?" The child's head was bent forward and he heard soft snores coming from her little nose. Gently dropping the book to the floor, he settled the girl down and tucked her in again. "Night, lass." Just as he was about to walk out, he heard her say something. "What was that?"
"You forgot to kiss Rogan." Oh brother.
"Rogan's a boy. I don't kiss boys, darlin'."
"Please?" Damn, he couldn't help but give in to that pitiful little whimper.
"Alright, where is it?" She held the bear up and he hesitantly bent to kiss the bear's fuzzy head and turned to leave but she stopped him again.
"Captain Jack? Can I-I mean may I have a hug goodnight, if you don't mind?" Leaning over, he hugged the girl as best as he could as she was lying down. Before she could ask, he pressed his lips to her forehead in a gentle kiss. "Thank you. I think Mama and Papa would have liked you." Jack smiled as he smoothed her red curls that had escaped from the cap.
"Why would you say that?"
"Cause I like you." Suddenly, she shyly giggled and grabbed Rogan, turning onto her side to sleep. "Good night Captain Jack." He patted her back gently, mindful of her scars, and left her alone, taking care not to close the door the whole way.
"She forgave ye?" Bill must have been listening into the last bit.
"Aye. I think it's safe to assume she forgives you as well. She even let me hold her."
"I told ye she was testing us. Looks like we passed with flying colors. The men are above playing Liar's dice, Captain. Shall we join them?" Jack nodded and headed up after taking a few bottles of rum from the hold. It would be nice to relax and forget the role of guardian for a few hours.
