So Wednesdayshearts has saved my ass from the deadly disease known as writers block, and has given me a brilliantly insane idea, so she get to be a character as promised, and since she's so insane she'll probably be reappearing now and again. This basic outline is hers. She has kindly asked to be put in as a red fish.
Jake pops out of nowhere, ya know, same old same old, but this time he doesn't do crap dancing, this time he leaps on to an unsuspecting Bella, and starts making out with her, and Bella, overcome with her teenage hormones, and the lack of a psychical relationship with Edward, kisses Jake back. Except its really bad kissing, it looked like the kissing scene between that really hideous chick and tall awkward guy at the end of DodgeBall.
Edward: WTF?!?! What is going on? I'm so mad I could throw something at you two! Hmmm, this fridge full of ice pops seems will do.
Then he throws a fridge and the disgusting pair of love birds. Bella and Jake are smashed in to smithereens.
Edward: NOOOOOOOO!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?! BELLA I WAS JUST KIDDING!!!! WAKE UP!!!!
Edward tries to put Bella back together again, but not Jake because no one really cares, but his attempts are useless. Bella is dead…or is she? A red fish and Emmett appear out of nowhere.
Red Fish: I am the mystical Red Fish, and this is my sidekick Emmett the Hippie.
Emmett: Duuuuuuuuude.
Edward: Why are his eyebrows so long?
Red Fish: That is not important. I'll put you're friends back together again.
The mystical Red Fish puts Bella back together no problemo. However she puts Jake back together weird, and all he does is blink and flop on the ground like a fish.
Jake: Nadjhfuirehamckjsehfla!!!!
Edward: What's wrong with him?
Red Fish: Eh, who cares?
Emmett: The universe is ours to share dude.
Everyone: ???
Bella: I feel sick. BLEGH!
Edward: Ewwww! Why did she throw up purple?
Emmett: Purple is the color of loooooove dude.
Edward: Ooooook then….
Jasper: OME! It's the Cullens! Quick Alice throw me the camera so I can take a picture!
P.S. Jasper is wearing tourist attire, white socks folded over, sneakers, tucked in polo, high waist jean shorts, fanny pack…the works.
Alice: Um helloooooo Jasper, you live here, whats with the tourist getup anyways?
Jasper: I don't get out much.
Alice: OOOO! Jazzy! I've had a fabulous vision! We're going on an epic journey to find matching hot pick high heeled flaming flamingo shoes!
Jasper: Someone save me!
Emmett: Jasper, be one with the universe duuuuude.
Rosalie: Emmett, sometimes you are tooooo weird, and how did you get your eyebrows so long?
Emmett: I bought fake eyebrows and braided them together to make them longer.
Alice: OME! They make fake eyebrows!?!?! Jasper, add that to the shopping list!
Emmett: Now lets be at one with nature and have a love-in.
Rose: Hey Emmett, I have an idea, why don't you go to the movies. I'll sell you tickets for $286,383,574,643,762,347,084.
Emmett: Wow, that's such a bargain! I'll take them!
Edward goes skipping off to go see the movies sing kum-bay-ah or whatever its called.
Edward: So what movie is he going to see?
Rose: Mary Poppins.
Edward: Sometimes Rose, you are a genius.
Rose: I know.
Then Bella and Jake start making out again.
Edward: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Then Edward and Rose start making out. Think Dodgeball scene again.
I hope I did you proud Wednesdayshearts!
