Two months later
When Ianto rang Jack during the day to confirm dinner, he noticed that the man was in a particularly bad mood. He knew he didn't have any pressing deadlines, so he had a pretty good idea what it was about, even if he couldn't be sure. He decided to take to heart the 'Just do whatever you want' that Jack had ended their conversation with, and kept the plan of going to his place for dinner. Except he would cook it at home and take everything with him, so he didn't have to bother the other man in any way. He didn't want anything to get in the way of the conversation he'd been meaning to have with him for so long. He was really grateful that this was one of the few days when he could actually leave the clinic at closing time, so he'd have time to do everything.
At 8 o'clock sharp, he was ringing the bell at Jack's house, carrying full meal, wine and dessert with him. The man who opened the door looked despondent, irritated and basically a total mess. But Ianto didn't miss the other thing that appeared in his eyes when he saw who was at the door. Apology.
'I honestly didn't expect you to come after the way I talked to you today.' He said, looking a bit at a loss, struggling to find the next words to say.
Ianto just took a step forward, placed a kiss on Jack's forehead and then hugged him tight, after placing everything he was carrying on the floor. 'It's okay, Cariad. You're allowed to have a bad day. And I'm not about to leave you alone when that happens.' He smiled one of his warmest smiles, and he could actually see Jack melting a little. 'Now, why don't you go take a bath and relax a little, while I finish dinner preparations.'
Jack just nodded, moving a little so Ianto could get in. Ianto saw that Jack looked a bit dazed, so he left everything in the kitchen, prepared the bath for him, and came back to take him by the hand and get him to the bathroom. He hadn't moved from the same spot, having only regained focus long enough to close the door. After Jack was settled, he went back to the kitchen to finish the last details of the meal. Half an hour later, a much better looking Jack came to the living room, looking refreshed, and even a bit more cheerful.
'Wow, it smells great in here.' He said, coming to hug Ianto and placing a soft kiss on his neck. 'Thank you, sweetheart.' He murmured, his head still nuzzling Ianto's neck.
'You're most welcome. But I'm not even half done yet.'
Jack raised an eyebrow at that, but Ianto didn't say anything, just motioned for Jack to sit at the table, which was already set. Ianto brought the food soon after. They ate mostly in silence, Ianto just breaking it every once in a while to tell Jack something interesting or funny from his day, to help distract him. He also stopped eating from time to time, to take Jack's hand and brush his thumb over his knuckles, and sometimes even place a soft kiss on them. Even though he knew that Jack was still very disturbed, he could see him visibly relaxing. When they finished eating, Ianto pulled Jack from the table by his hand, and took him to the sofa. He sat very close to him, and eased Jack so he would lay his head on his shoulder. Ianto placed soft kisses on Jack's head, and stroked his fingers up and down his arm, trying to soothe him. A while later, Ianto decided he'd done as much as he could do to relax Jack, and finally started the conversation he'd been planning for a while.
'You know, Cariad, we've never really talked about why I started doing so well in my job.'
Jack gave Ianto a puzzled look, not knowing where this was coming from, but replied nonetheless. 'I always thought it was your way with the patients and your organizational skills.'
'Yes, but we've never discussed what this 'way with the patients' is.'
Jack just looked at him, asking the question with his eyes.
'You see,' Ianto continued, 'I didn't really know about this, but it turns out I'm not quite like other people.'
'Oh, I know that.' Jack interrupted. 'You're more wonderful and amazing and beautiful and gorgeous than anyone I've ever met before.' He said, displaying his characteristic grin for the first time that night.
'Oh, Jack.' Ianto replied, blushing furiously, but unable to keep the huge smile from forming on his face. 'You know that's not what I meant.'
'Okay,' Jack said, still chuckling. 'What did you mean?'
'Well, I only found out about it when I started at the clinic. A while after people started noticing what I was able to do with the patients, one of the therapists came to talk to me. He asked me if I'd ever heard anything about empaths, and then he explained it to me. Turns out, there are some people who are sort of open to other people's emotions. They can actually feel what others are feeling, without a single word. He also said that I was very lucky, because it's usually very hard for empaths to control this, and they usually get very overwhelmed by it all, which he thought I didn't, otherwise I never would've been able to keep that job. Which I have to agree with. This is something that never bothered me at all, I hadn't even realised I could do that until then. And he also said that what made me even more different, is that I knew what to do about what I sensed. Not only I felt what the other person was feeling, but I was, most of the time, able to figure out what to do about it. And I never even tried, it's always been just gut instinct.'
'Okay, this is all really interesting, don't get me wrong, but why are you telling me this now?'
'I've been watching you struggle for two months now.' He purposefully avoided mentioning why. 'I never say anything, because I've been waiting for you to ask for my help, figuring you weren't ready to share that with me yet. But for one thing, I can't stand seeing you in pain any more. And another thing, I realised that you might not be asking for help because you have no idea that there's a very good possibility that I actually can help.' He paused for a while, choosing his next words. 'Even if I'm not entirely sure about it myself, I still think there's something I could try.'
'What exactly do you mean?' Jack asked, intrigued now, albeit looking slightly suspicious.
'Well, usually I just do what I've been doing all night. I sense what people need, and take care of them. That's what I do at work. I know you are stressed, so I've been doing everything I could to help you relax. I never have the opportunity to do anything more because, well, that's not really my job, that's what the therapists are for.' Ianto looked intently at Jack, trying to feel if he would be open to try what he wanted to offer. 'But I've been reading a lot about it, about a lot of things, actually, and I think I might be able to do more. What I'm trying to say is that I think that if we could go deeper on the problem, maybe I could be more helpful, in different ways...' He took a deep breath. 'But I think the other reason I never talked about that before is that I'm not sure you'd be willing to try it.'
'What would I have to do?'
'Something that I know is really hard for you, that we've only done once. We would have to actually talk about the problem.'
Jack swallowed hard. Ianto knew this would be incredibly hard for him. After that first time when he'd trusted Ianto enough to tell him about the book, he'd never mentioned it again once, and Ianto knew that it wasn't for lack of trust, it was because he was terrified of talking about it. Ianto had been really afraid of mentioning it, he never wanted to push Jack, but now after reading so much, he'd started to believe that he really could help, but he wouldn't be able to do it alone.
'Cariad, you know how much I love you, and you know I only want what's best for you. I understand if you don't want to do it, but I needed you to know that when I say I'm here for you, I really mean it. You don't have to struggle alone.'
Jack had clearly tensed up again, and his eyes no longer met Ianto's. 'I'm not even sure I'd know how to do it. I just know it's been getting harder and harder, and I see no way out. And I'm scared of what I might find if I actually stop to look at it.'
'You won't be alone. I'll be with you every step of the way. No matter what we find, we'll deal with it. Together.'
'What exactly would I have to do?'
'We'd start slow. You'd start talking about the book, why you wanted to write it. What you feel when you're trying to write. And I would start asking questions, based on what I sense from you. And slowly we'd start to understand what's blocking you.' Ianto was running his fingers through Jack's hair, kissing the top of his head, talking as softly as he could, trying to be reassuring. 'Now, I'm very confident I can do that. I have no doubt that we can get closer to the reason you're blocked. Now the leap of faith comes in believing I'll know what to do when we get there. I believe I will, but I'll need you to trust me. Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can trust me?'
Jack looked up again, staring straight into Ianto's eyes. He looked at him for a really long time. Ianto never looked away, and he kept stroking his hair, and the back of his neck. 'I don't think I've ever trusted anyone more in my life. I'd trust you with my life. I believe in you more than I believe in myself.'
'And that's what we want to change.' Ianto smiled brightly, placing a kiss on Jack's forehead.
They decided that they shouldn't start that day, Jack was already drained from fighting with his block all day. But they agreed to do it next Saturday, when both of them would be free and relaxed.
