Episode 10: Angels in the Outhouse
Daten City, the place that goes under siege of vile scum and emotions of the damned. With that trouble begins the constant watch from the beings above, at least, if they actually cared for the souls of the planet. Some couldn't care less if little Jimmy got his birthday money stolen and instead walk it off with another guilty sin stuck to their soul. Those ones need to grow the hair off their chests and get outside the comfort zone!
When it eventually happens, emotions go everywhere and their ain't no sunshine and lollipops at the end of that rainbow…
Garterbelt didn't drive often, but when he did it was usually for situations like this. The others never thought the afro priest would be into big purple motorhomes until the inevitable reveal. Just how he managed to obtain one was a mystery, but they didn't think about it too long.
"I swear Garter; we always get dragged by our legs to the end and back when any sort of plan gets into your inflated head! I HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW!" Stocking exclaimed from a couch behind him before pulling out an ice cream cone out of nowhere and proceeding to lick it vigorously.
"And I practically own you hoes with my hospitality!" Garterbelt replied back. "So stop incubating those chest bursters and LET ME DRIVE!"
Stocking looked at the priest with distain before turning around to eat her ice cream in silence. Any time she was forced out of her comfort zone would be a death sentence if it wasn't an extremely specific situation, which unfortunately for her was one of those times. She wasn't in the best of moods.
Although she did enjoy the constant voices coming from the bathroom in the back.
"Dammit, get your arm away from my face jackass!"
"Oh man, I got poo water in my…manly place. I could enjoy this!"
"WOAH, SPLASHBACK!"
Stocking cracked a slight smile. Because Panty and her packed so much for the trip ahead, there was no extra room in the motorhome for the other angels and ghost. The only place open left was the single small bathroom, which they were forced to cram inside for the entire driving portion. Amusingly for Stocking, the toilet malfunctioned one quarter up the drive, causing the exchanges of entertaining and sometimes profane dialogue between Brandy and the others. Brandy did ask Stocking to inform Garterbelt of this mishap at one point, which Stocking agreed to do only to do the exact opposite. Unfortunately for them, Garterbelt was too focused on driving to pay attention to the occupants behind him.
As for Panty, she did something on the way up only she could have come up with, much to the pleasure of passing drivers and their occupiers.
"Heck yeah, can't stand the tasty eye candy from up here, eh? I'M FUCKING SEXY AND YOU KNOW IT!"
The drivers up next to the motorhome in their own cars, which ironically were all males, couldn't help but get their eyes glued to the angel atop the roof in her bikini, forgetting the number one rule for the road in an instant. Even with the wind rushing through her hair, Panty still was looking smoking hot. With each new pose, the more the drivers were attached, including some that were just pulling in for the roadside show. One of the drivers even took a hand off the wheel to stiffen his snake down below, but once Panty threw a cute wink his way his face lit up bright pink with imaginary hearts hovering around him. Too bad that the one moment he took his eyes off the road had him met with a comically charged lightning bolt striking his car, sending him into a wormhole to another dimension.
Panty really enjoyed herself distributing her perfect form to the drivers passing by, so much so that she failed to notice Chuck opening the top hatch and getting on the roof with her. He got on the right side as Panty stayed on the left before pulling out a bag of large beef jerky he stole from a local vendor before leaving for the trip. He ripped open the bag before salivating and chowing down on the pieces as much as he could. It moment didn't last long as a right overhead roadway sign smacked Chuck straight in the face, causing the top half of his head to get ripped off and leaving the rest of his body to lie down in a cartoonish way.
"Uuuuuuuuuhhhh…" he said to himself in disappointment, unable to say his name clearly with his top half gone. Like all the other times he got in any sort of pain, nobody cared to notice.
The motorhome continued onward to whatever destination Garterbelt had in store as the angels continued doing their own agendas. It even began to get a bit dark as night rolled in.
Once the motorhome finally stopped at the destination, Stocking was the first to come out holding her Bone Kitten tightly. She frowned at the sights around her as the threesome that were trapped in the bathroom came toppling out into the dirt, completely drenched in toilet water from the trip. Garterbelt followed them outside with Chuck alongside him. Panty jumped off from the roof and joined with the others still in her bikini. Once the angels laid eyes on their surroundings, they were equally as unimpressed as Stocking. Dozens of stereotypical log cabins laid before them with very tall pine trees placed seemingly everywhere around them. The smokestacks the cabins had that were still operating indicated that the angels weren't alone in this certain village, and certain active fire pits near some of the cabins that had pans containing some sort of indistinguishable meat over them gave the angels certain assumptions, very "hillbilly" assumptions.
"Well angels, this spot is where we gonna hear nature's call for one full week!" Garterbelt said. "Enjoy the sights while you can and learn the ways of our ancestors!"
"THIS is your idea of a vacation spot jerkwad?" Stocking said with disbelief, her Bone Kitten mimicking her actions. "Did you get some outdated brochure or something to think that?"
"Way to drag us out of our lives for some redneck bullshit." Panty chimed in. "I don't socialize with two teeth losers."
"Hey, you need some meat on those frail sticks of yours!" Garterbelt replied back. "Protectors of the evil beneath need experience of both city AND nature! If I can handle the experiences ahead, you hoes should too, so get used to going nuts over trees until then!"
"If that is what you are going for boss…" Brandy disgruntledly said as she wrung her hair out of toilet water. "Then why the heck did you have to bring me along? Busting ghosts is all the sisters' doing while I am going after something completely different!"
"You basically do the exact same shit these hoes do, shards or none!" Garterbelt replied. "Even though I don't own you anymore doesn't mean you need different treatments as them. You need as much of nature as these two hoes as does your others!"
Stocking slid up to Brandy with a snarky look after hearing what Garterbelt said.
"Yeah police bitch, as long as you are stuck with us, our fucked shenanigans will be your fucked shenanigans. Mark that down somewhere so I can enjoy that fact after this trip is over, hmm?"
Brandy held her emotions back as she fought the urge to pummel Stocking into the ground, the gothic angel practically dripping poison into her ears. Did another burden just tie itself to her back? It seemed that every single second she was on the planet, the more she had to abide by. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth behind her face Panty went up to Gin and Shadix to try and dry off her soaked fuckdoll, ignoring Shadix like everyone else did.
The mood was broken by Garterbelt speaking.
"Now that I finally driven the facts into those paper skulls, all of you get back inside my shindig before it gets too dark. Don't want to be going after everything until sunlight when nature comes alive, so get yo' asses into my motorhome!"
Garterbelt opened the door to the motorhome before heading inside just as Chuck was just about to head out. Not noticing the plush dog, Garterbelt slammed the door right on the sorry mutt, causing his head to stick out with his body stuck inside the vehicle.
"Chuuuuuuuuck…" he said quietly to himself in pain.
The angels didn't seem to care about Chuck's well-being as Brandy shook herself loose of the toilet water on her.
"Ugh, I feel like I just fell into a pile of swamp ass." she said. "Is there a clean bathtub or some shower I can go in?"
"Have to do it the ol' fashioned way Bandy!" Garterbelt's voice emitted from inside the motorhome. The police angel shivered as she knew what her former boss meant by that, with Panty and Stocking humorously sliding up to her with smiles of amusement. Brandy's pain was their joy.
"Call me if a stray fish swims up that empty cave of yours, for it would make an excellent calendar picture." Panty said with a smirk.
"I can see you being a very juicy leech magnet, police bitch." Stocking chimed in with the same expression. Brandy huffed with irritation before pulling out multiple pieces of bathing supplies before heading off into the woods. Gin, after pulling out more beer and getting drunk once more, began to follow after her before Panty pulled him back.
"Nuh unh fuckdoll, you are too much of a stud to go with the police bitch." Panty said. "I'm going to clean that body of yours MY WAY. Let's have some alone time, hmm?"
"I'M NAKED AND NOW I'M GOING TO POINT OUT ALL OF THE KNOTS IN YOUR FENCE!" Gin exclaimed in drunken nonsense. Panty's eyes glittered at his overall figure as she opened the door, dragging Gin by the shirt, and went into the motorhome to "clean" up Gin, slamming the door on Chuck in the process. Stocking rolled her eyes at her sister's actions as Chuck was still recovering from the pain, only for Stocking to open the door and head inside, inevitably also slamming the door on him. Chuck's head drooped as Shadix, who chose to stay quiet during the whole thing, went up to the stuck out head of the dog with a disappointing face.
"Welcome to my life." the ghost said. Chuck looked up at him before, like the others before, opening the door before going inside and slamming the door on Chuck.
"Chhhhhhuuuuuuckchuckchuck…" Chuck said to himself.
Night time came and went in a flash. Panty called dibs on the motorhome's attic for "private time" with Gin, which existed in the vehicle for some reason, leaving the others to the two beds in the back. Stocking detested the concept of sleeping with Garterbelt in the back so she forced Shadix to transform into a giant wall to separate the two beds, which Shadix did with a disgruntled look. Chuck stayed embedded into the door the entire time since nobody cared to release him while Brandy never came back from her "bathtime" the entire night for some reason.
The alarms never went off when the sun rose, as when the moment arose, Stocking's bed shot upward, launching her out of bed, catching her off guard, and into the front of the motorhome where Garterbelt stood waiting sternly. Shadix also was shot into the front, a bit half asleep in the process, thanks to a floorboard spanking his behind. He landed with his face skidding into the ground. As for the two in the motorhome's attic, Gin got up drowsily from the noise below while looking a bit roughed up from doing it with Panty. He had a stray pair of underwear over his right arm, a condom over his left eye, and a beer bottle situated between his lips. Drinking what was left in the bottle, he stumbled over to the opening to the main floor without thinking that much, causing him to stumble clumsily into it and land right on his face, surprisingly unhurt as he slowly got up to the others. As for Panty, she was still out and counting dicks while near the opening, which Garterbelt didn't seem to care about. Her face could still be seen from the main floor since her head was so close and her left arm hanged down the opening, dangling slightly as she silently snored to herself peacefully.
With a majority of the angels present, and ghost for the matter in Shadix, Garterbelt finally addressed the three of them.
"GOOD MORNING ANGELS! Finally going to become one with Mother Nature today, I presume! You weren't brought here for nothing ya know!"
"Ugh, way to interrupt my sweets dream and wake me from my beauty sleep. You realize that I don't give a fuck about nature and shit?" Stocking said as she yawned and rubbed her eyes from drowsiness.
"I don't want to become a hippie if you are asking me too. They wear pretty tight pants for my liking!" Gin chimed in.
"Now now you two, I'm not expecting you to go that far." Garterbelt replied. "I'm imagining you to go just enough so that you know how important nature can be to our society. It's vital to have balance between both sides and not prioritize one over the other, for things go down if just one percent goes higher than the other."
Shadix shivered at a sudden thought coming into his head as Garterbelt spoke. He kept it to himself out of fear of getting electrocuted, especially if Brandy knew.
"If ol' Bandy can be outside all night long without coming back, all of you can do just as well. Now that I got everything out of the way, GET OUT THERE AND ENJOY THE SIGHTS!"
The door opened, releasing Chuck from his predicament of being stuck in it, but before he could enjoy the moment for what it was, Garterbelt kicked Stocking, Gin, and Shadix out of the motorhome, squishing his plushy self under their bodies. Stocking and the others got up as Chuck stayed embedded into the ground, saying his name in the dirt out of his luck.
As Garterbelt closed and locked the door, Stocking went up to it very furious at what the afro priest did to her.
"OH SURE, LEAVE US TO NATURE WHILE YOU SIT ON THAT ASS OF YOURS LIVING IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL HEAVEN! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO PACK MY SUGAR BAG FOR TODAY!"
"You should have thought about that before you hiked up here! Make something over the fire why don't ya and stop bellyaching!" Garterbelt's voice said from inside the motorhome.
Stocking growled with her Bone kitten doing the same actions. Garterbelt may be joking around with her, but not letting Stocking get to her sweets was their demise waiting to happen. She did keep some small candies with her at all times for emergency purposes, but with her main stash barred away she knew it wouldn't last long. She hoped there was some sort of candy store somewhere in this "nature preserve." As Stocking contemplated ways of getting back at Garterbelt, Gin, being the retarded bum that he was, actually took Garterbelt's words of advice as he quickly got materials to make his own campfire. Shadix watched from the sidelines as the scene went into an Adobe Flash-like state as Gin drank for a bit before pulling out some wooden logs from his pants, surprising Shadix and making him wonder just how screwed up Panty made him during private sessions. Gin then pulled Chuck out of the dirt before pulling out a bottle of volatile hot sauce, also from his pants. Before Chuck could even think about what was going on, Gin shoved the bottle right in Chuck's mouth as the dog was forced to chug it all down. Once that was finished, Chuck wasn't feeling that well as gurgling noises released from his stomach, so Gin shook him a bit before situating the dog like a machine gun with his anus facing the logs. Just as Gin expected a few seconds later, Chuck let loose a big one as gassy fire spurted from his anus and onto the pile of logs, lighting them up as a campfire was made. Chuck's asshole began to smoke slightly from the aftermath as Gin dropped him back to the ground, dazed after what just happened to him.
"Chuuuuckchuuuckchuck…" he said to himself before collapsing to the ground.
The scene went back to normal as Stocking decided to let her rage go for the moment as she turned around and sat next to the newly made campfire with Gin and Shadix.
"I'm only with you now because I'm being forced to. This does NOT mean we are close on any grounds!" Stocking said.
"You're saying that to ME of all things?" Shadix replied. "I'm still going through the motions on a daily basis!"
"Whatever, you're nothing to me." Stocking said before turning her head away. Shadix began to fume up with anger at how Stocking continued to treat him, but before he could speak up, Gin broke the tension by going up to the gothic angel with a cheesy smile.
"Hey Stocking, you horde piles of candy for yourself, so do you got any stored eggs in there?"
He was met with a firm smack alongside the face, making him fall to the ground as Stocking turned around with a mean glare only she knew how to pull off.
"You just assume I keep useless slops along with my beautiful delicacies?! DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME AT ALL?! I WOULD NEVER INFECT THE EVERLASTING SUGARS WITH THE TIDES OF HEALTHY GUNK!"
Shadix took a few steps back as Gin seemed to not understand the message.
"Soooooo, I take that as a no then?"
The male angel was swiftly kicked in the family jewels from a very pissed off Stocking, causing him to fall to the ground in a somewhat fetal position as he cupped his balls in pain.
"HOW IS THAT FOR AN ANSWER BRAIN DEAD FUCKNUT?!"
Gin slowly got up from the strike, with Stocking turning away from him angrily, as Shadix sighed deeply before pulling out a fresh carton of eggs from his ectoplasm, being very disappointed.
"Again, like before, leave it to the ghost to save an angel's ass. I snuck these out of the motorhome earlier."
"Great, now we can eat!" Gin exclaimed. Stocking took a quick glance behind her as Shadix changed into a frying pan while Gin put the eggs on him before grabbing and hoisting him over the fire. She was still extremely pissed at what Gin tried earlier, for he should have known what her interests were at this point. She didn't want to think about for too long for she was straining herself doing so, but she knew she never was this harsh when someone asked her something similar in the past.
She held her Bone Kitten tightly to ease herself a bit only for Gin to speak up as the eggs began to sizzle.
"Gonna need my brain food for the shitshow tonight. I know I'll win first prize at this rate!"
"You speaking out of your ass again drunkard?" Shadix asked as he was still a frying pan.
Gin trudged down the path to the supposed event area after he was done chowing on the eggs, with Shadix trailing behind because he had nothing better to do. Stocking refused to come with the "brain dead fucknut" and went off in another direction once she heard that there was some sort of candy store in this run down town. Taking another swig of beer, Gin took a look around the town as he headed to where the event took place. Most of the sights contained some very stereotypical rednecks and their messed up families, which Gin really didn't pay attention to that much. There was some sort of pig wrestling competition at one point, as he saw a hillbilly keeping a firm grip on one as it tossed and turned in the mud as some onlookers watched with interest. Shadix even got splashed with mud at one point, which Gin took the time to laugh at. Shadix mellowed out a bit before wallowing under his breath, yet another time his afterlife went to the lowest of the low.
Once the two arrived at their destination, they were a bit curious about the visuals. There were countless odd very tall objects scattered about, almost looking like machines used for farming chicken eggs with a tray and what looked to be a potato gun near the bottom. A white line along the grass in front of the machines signaled the distance what appeared to be fifty feet from there to a worn down backdrop of a really bad cardboard shape of a stone castle. Flies could be seen buzzing around the structure even from all the way back, implying that there was actually some pretty big flies roaming around this dump of a civilization. Countless rednecks crowded the area behind the white line as they situated themselves next to one of the egg farming-like objects, two at each one.
Gin put on a stupid grin before taking one big sniff of the area.
"Aaaah, I smell victory incoming!" Gin exclaimed. Even though Shadix didn't have a nose, he still formed some ectoplasm to pinch the middle of his face like he did have one, the fumes causing his eyes to water slightly.
"Or it was more than likely you soiling yourself again." the ghost replied. "Now can you please explain what this com-"
"THERE YOU ARE! LEAVE ME BEHIND WITHOUT AS MUCH AS A SIGN? YOU BETTER HAVE NOT DONE SOME DIDDLING IN MY ABSENSE FUCKDOLL!"
Upon hearing the outburst, Gin and Shadix turned in its direction. Just as they expected, it was none other than the sex driven angel herself, fully awake and surprisingly in different clothes. She wore a pure white t-shirt with a slight collar near the top along with some tight beige shorts. For her feet, she had on a pair of bright yellow sandals that easily showed off her bright red toenails. Gin and Shadix didn't need to think long as to why she was in different clothes, she wanted to keep her signature red dress as spotless as possible, and considering the current environment, it was a wise decision on her part.
Panty marched over to the two slightly ticked off with her hands formed into slight fists.
"Why the FUCK did that brain of yours suddenly decide to waltz off and ditch your most valuable asset?! I was actually worried that you went off with someone better than my smoking hot body, so you better have a good explanation fuckdoll!"
Gin took a sip of the beer bottle he was holding before replying.
"Well I didn't want to disturb you as you kept sleeping, for you DO tend to swing in my direction if I interrupt you in any way. Besides, what I'm competing in right now requires you to get down and dirty, which I know is not in your resume."
Panty calmed down upon hearing that her fuckdoll wasn't doing anything she didn't want, but she got a bit curious as to what competition he was talking about.
"Alright, you dodged one coming fuckdoll, but what competition are we talking about here?"
"Hey, I was just about to ask that!" Shadix spoke up in slight frustration. Gin ignored him as he explained everything he knew.
"They said it is something about flinging stuff against that cardboard all the way in the back there. Not sure what object it is, but whoever wins this gets a new Jet Ski! I'm definitely going to rub it in Brandy's face when I win it!"
"Except you are talking to someone that can become basically anything!" Shadix replied. "Uhhhhh, hello? A master shapeshifter right here dumbass! You do not need to-"
Shadix was interrupted as Panty kicked him on the side as she looked at Gin with intrigued sparkling eyes. Despite being able to order unlimited stuff from heaven, showing her superiority over everyone was something she LOVED doing. Any competition she could get her hands on was guaranteed to get more competitive just from her presence.
"That's it? Just throwing stuff against that cardboard?" Panty said. "Fuckdoll, you are basically speaking to the sexiest sharpshooter there is! I can easily do that with my eyes closed, which you are going to need to win this!"
Gin tilted his head in confusion.
"Does that mean you-"
Panty stopped him mid-sentence by holding his lips together with her right hand. Gin was slightly shocked at the action.
"Yes, I'm joining you in this competition. You may be the greatest sex toy ever, but face it; you NEED me for shit like this. Plus I need some entertainment from this run down place, and you tend to attract situations just by being yourself! That's at least one thing you have over me fuckdoll."
Panty released her grip on Gin lips as the male angel put on a stupid grin.
"Oh man, with you on our side our chances have skyrocketed! Damn, I am going to have to chug some down to celebrate!"
Gin turned around, drinking dozens of beer bottles in the process, and headed to one of the machines with Panty following behind him, eager to win something with her fuckdoll for the first time. Shadix silently followed them without saying much, feeling down that he, once again, was getting completely ignored by everyone.
As the threesome headed over to their respective spots, two familiars were getting ready themselves for the contest ahead a good few stations away.
"Hahahahaha, winning this competition will be the first step for me, the great Fly, to redeem my overpowered self to the superiors of the demons variety! Nobody wins against the great Fly or they will suffer the iron fist of smiting! They go down with no glory and-"
The infamous ghost that was Fly was immediately slapped across the face by a scythe-like appendage from a recognizable plush creature to shut him up, almost causing the ghost's square monocle and stereotypical top hat disguise to fall off. Fly glared at the living plush as it also glared back.
"Fastener!" the living plush that was Fastener retorted.
"Yes, I know that you are my partner in this and the great Fly, that is me, can't do this alone. The great Fly will make an exception for you to be his trusty sidekick this one time, even though the demon superiors sent you to watch over me to make sure I, the great Fly, don't try anything fancy to screw them over."
The two continued to angrily glare at each other for a short time until Fastener caught sight of the angels prepping themselves at a station close by. Pointing one of his appendages to get Fly to notice, Fly rolled his eyes before turning around and noticing them for himself.
"Oh shoot, when did those retarded morons suddenly catch wind of this competition?!" Fly said in disbelief. "My imminent win is as good as squandered if they have their way! I, the great Fly, will need to put things into overdrive!"
Before Fastener could figure out what he meant by that, Fly pulled out a medium sized box out of nowhere containing what looked like high fibered oatmeal according to the label before looking at the plush creature with a slight smile. Fastener began to sweat a little as he had a hunch at what Fly had in mind.
"Fasten…er?" he said under his breath.
About ten minutes would pass since then, with the angels observing and looking at the mechanism wondering just what exactly they needed to do for the competition and Fly and Fastener doing something with the oatmeal Fly got that Fastener didn't want to go down, but nobody cared to watch what was actually happening between them. The other contestants, along with their partners, apparently knew what to do and prepped up their machines before the time was up. A very stereotypical hillbilly popped in front of everyone once it was time to start the event, and he even held onto a microphone for added audibility.
"Helloooooo dad/sons and mother/daughters everywhere!" the announcer exclaimed. "I appreciate y'all coming to the yearly shindig to celebrate going up against all them fancy folk none!"
The announcer looked over to make sure everyone was paying attention to him. Once he knew they were, he continued.
"Y'see, this same spot of mud and filth, where the pigs squeal and chickens fly y'know, was where them fancy-shmancy folk put their chairs down and made one of those royal houses of rocks that had them bendy log bridges over small rivers. Pappy Marley even lost his second leg to those big teethed lizard monsters swimming down there, and we all know what he was known for?"
"BEEF JERKY!" the hillbillies among the spectators and contestants replied aloud. The angels and two ghosts were a bit confused at what they were talking about, but didn't think about it too much as the announcer continued.
"With them royal folk runnin' us out of town, we showed them how we handled scuffles with real class! The Turds of Granny's Behind leapt from the hands of our sticky fingers and smacked the walls of their shiny rocks, and while we may have lost some kinfolk to the lizard monsters down below because of their outrage, we sure made a hella' point to those ingrates! After becoming spooky ghosties, the house collapsed and all of us are now happy as a squealing muddy pig!"
The hillbillies around the area cheered, leaving the ones not like them more confused than last time.
"To celebrate the Turds of Granny's Behind doing small damage to the fancy folk, every year we hold this great hootenanny. Competitors must get and fling their great Turds of Granny's Behind, usin' the contraptions we provided you of course, at that fake rock wall back there, hittin' those bullseyes that pop up now and then until the pig squeals. Whichever one of you groups of good folks splats the most bullseyes until then wins this Ma and Pa signed water speeder!"
Panty stood dumbfounded with small dots for pupils as Gin collapsed from drinking too much. The crowd behind them waited in anticipation as the announcer made his way off the field.
"Uhhhhhh, I zoned out after the first few words of whatever was escaping that idiot. I don't suppose you caught onto the instructions fuckdoll?" Panty asked. All she was met with was the gurgling of a completely wasted angel. Shadix sighed from the sidelines.
"We have to make shit and launch shit with the contraption next to us at targets from what I gathered." he said. "And I thought things could get any shittier than this."
"Pffffft, is that all?" Panty replied. "I snipe ghosts out of the sky practically daily, so this should be a snap!"
"Then explain how we get the ammunition to do so?"
Panty's went blank as she was dumbfounded again.
"Uhhhhhh, what?"
"It means we need to make some shit to launch!" Shadix angrily replied. "Unless we find someone with intense bowel syndrome, we will only have a few shots to let loose!"
Gin's unconscious body next to them rumbled a bit before he began to moan and crack a rat in the process. Panty and Shadix looked at downed angel before Panty made a grin.
"There's the answer I'm looking for!" Panty said.
As Panty began to situate Gin atop their contraption's top, Fly finished whatever he was doing to Fastener. His grinned greatly and his eyes gleamed as he saw a VERY bloated and obese Fastener, easily the size of an adult African elephant, while the plush animal was not too keen on what he just went through. The taste still lingered in his mouth, the bland flat flavor combined with toughness of brittle sandpaper, very horrid for something like him. He lost count of how much he ingested, and he didn't want to find out.
"Excellent! The odds of the great Fly have nearly turned in his favor! With the piles that your behind gives and my master shooting, the prize will be none other than the great Fly's!"
"Fast…en…er…" Fastener struggled to say as his body tired out easily from the excess fat.
"Okay, our prize, but only this once! The great Fly needs his reputation to skyrocket to infinity!" Fly replied. Fastener leered at the ghost as he slowly made it atop their own contraption they were provided. He knew this would have been much easier if Fly actually shut up for once.
The competition was just about to begin until a certain presence arrived on the field. Everyone looked in his direction and most got excited upon seeing who it was. It was a tall middle aged man with a typical straw hat, stylishly covering up one of his eyes, and red checkered shirt that made some of the ladies woo in amazement. A long pair of blue overalls was placed over the shirt with some tall brown boots situated over his feet. A heathy brown rooster laid in his arms like royalty, and to top it all off, he held a single strand of wheat between his teeth like certain stereotypes.
Before anyone could comment, the announcer comically slid in and spoke up first.
"Well well, if it ain't Farmer Dick and his prized cock!" the announcer said. "You're a bit late!"
"Easy there, I'm here now aren't I?" Farmer Dick replied, his voice sounding calm and elderly. "I don't want my streak to now. Besides, little Willy here is itching to win once more, eh little cock?"
The rooster cawed out in agreement. After a few moments of silence, the audience roared with praise in Farmer Dick's direction. While Gin was just snapping awake from the noise and Shadix looking slightly nervous, Panty looked at the new arrival with a bit of "sexy" curiosity. She admitted that he looked pretty hot in that getup and made a note to herself on having some fucks with him later. She wasn't however going to instantly replace him with her everlasting fuckdoll, for there's always a pleasurable "hole" of infinite sex with him than anyone else.
"Uhhhhh, are you two as lost as I am on whom that is?" Shadix said. As if right on cue, a very nerdy looking hillbilly popped in, stepping on Shadix in the process and spitting slightly whenever he spoke.
"That issshh the sssshhhhheven time champion of thisssssssshhhhh game, Farmer Dick and hissssshhhh prizzzzzhhhhhhed cock Willy the rrroossssshhhhhhter! He'sssssssshhhhhh known for hissssssshhh ssssssshhhhhhhhhhttthharp shhhhhhhttthhhooting and Willy givesssssshhhhh great ammo! I passsshhhhhhed a kidney for hisssssssshhhhhh winssssssshhhhhh and got eleven tatoosssssshhhhhh for every time he gave me a-"
Before the hillbilly could finish, a dump truck randomly came in and ran the guy over, sending him to who knows where. Nobody seemed to care about what happened to him.
"Ugh, does anyone here not act like stoned bums who just came out of someone's asshole?" Panty said.
"So that farmer is, errrrrrrr, a big deal here then. Not if my, uhhhhhh, sober self now has anything to say, uhhhhhhhh, about it!" Gin exclaimed, still a bit dizzy from just waking up from a hangover.
"Damn straight fuckdoll!" Panty replied in agreement throwing a fist high in triumph. Shadix merely stayed quiet throughout the ordeal.
"Of course I end up being the sanest one here…" Shadix muttered.
The ones competing took the next five minutes to set up their stations. Panty made extra precautions so Gin wouldn't suddenly fall off and injure his "manhood" while Shadix made sure the modified spud gun wouldn't clog up at any point. Fly accidentally fired off a shot of shit against his face as he was configuring his machine, which caused Fastener to laugh a bit before succumbing to more overweight cramps. Everyone else, including Farmer Dick and his cock Willy, didn't do anything noteworthy while setting up.
Once it was all done, each group of contestants situated themselves to their respective roles. Panty handled the gun as Gin sat atop the machine with his pants down, which Panty couldn't help but throw a few glances his way just to admire his heavenly crotch, while Shadix stood near the back to make sure they had enough ammunition. Fly handled the weapon at his own station as the very bloated Fastener sat at the machine's top, and Farmer Dick's station had the signature farmer at the helm with his cock Willy at the machine's top.
The announcer came onto the field one more time for the countdown.
"Alright youngins, it's finally time to get this shindig started! On count of the third number everybody!"
Panty enjoyably smiled as she eyed the cardboard wall. She wanted to get the first hit in, which she knew she had a good chance of doing thanks to her sharpshooting of Backlace.
"One…"
Fastener smacked Fly with one of his flabs, causing the ghost to quickly shoot him with Fastener's own shit in retaliation. The plush animal was not amused.
"Two…"
Farmer Dick looked at his prized cock Willy as the two nodded in unison.
"Not yet, not yet, NOT YET…THREE!"
The shooting of shit commenced the moment the word was said, causing the announcer to get swamped-assed with stray shit shots. He fell onto his back on the grass unconscious, thinking he shouldn't have counted down on the actual shooting field. The targets came out fast, but Panty was ready, unleashing shot after shot of shit at any she spotted, and because Gin indulged on too much booze beforehand, she had a good amount of ammo to work with. Fly also put in some decent work not being that bad of a shooter after all, although he did "accidentally" hit some of the other anonymous contestants with Fastener's stink, which Fastener himself, due to his current fat nature, wasn't running out of ammunition any time soon. Farmer Dick on the other hand, true to his name, was providing some very stiff competition. His cock Willy may not have been providing the biggest of deposits, but that was all Farmer Dick needed as he mowed down multiple targets, some even simultaneously. This mostly messed with Panty most of all, for even if he had one of the sexiest bodies out there, she was not going to let herself be beaten by him, long lasting streak or not.
A full five minutes passed of nonstop shooting, with Farmer Dick being slightly ahead of the angels and Fly in terms of score, but Panty wasn't going to let that last long. Shadix watched from behind, getting quite bored of the entire shitshow in front of him, slurping up a small tub of pudding he took from Stocking's personal stash while she wasn't paying attention. He kept doing this until he noticed the noticeable drop of ammo numbers.
And Panty took note of it pretty quickly once she saw that she couldn't shoot any more.
"The fuck? Hey fuckdoll, gonna need you to shit a bit more for me to win this!"
"But I'm all empty! The sacks have all completely cleared out!" Gin replied. "Just get Shadix to do it!"
"Sorry drunkard, but no dice." Shadix said after another sip of pudding. "I've not completely mastered that part of the transformation handbook yet! Why do you think Brandy forces objects into my ectoplasm when I need to shoot something?!"
"Dammit, I need to lock and load NOW!" Panty exclaimed. Already Farmer Dick and Fly overtook the angels' current score, and Panty was already getting riled up and NOT wanting to lose when she was this close. In a very desperate measure, Panty got off the gun and thrust a hand into Shadix's body, quickly pulling out a jar with the label "Passin' Thru" and shoved it right in front of Gin's face.
"Drink this sludge fuckdoll, NOW!" Panty demanded, getting antsy to get back into the competition. Gin took one whiff of the jar's smell and reviled back with his hands over his nose.
"BLECH! Are you trying to get me into the emergency section? I can't infect my body that retirement home shit! Do you even know that it was never meant to-"
"I'M NOT LEAVING A LOSER FUCKDOLL, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DRINK!" Panty yelled, shoving the jar right into Gin's open mouth. Gin was stunned as he drank the contents as Panty forced him to, but after he was finished, the results came in quickly. Irregular noises emitted from Gin's bowels as he felt uneasy from sudden shivers. Shadix stood back, thinking "I feel so bloody used…", as Panty went back to her station with the gun. The first batch from Gin's asshole slid down into the gun, and the instant they came up, they immediately shined a brilliant light, forcing Panty to put on some badass shades to shield her eyes.
"Wow, talk about a showstopper on that one!" Panty said before putting on a big grin. "I'm definitely going to put in some work from this!"
Cocking the turret and taking aim, Panty shot each new turd at the newly appearing targets quicker than ever before. Each target hit by these new turds shattered on impact from how powerful the new ammo was, slowly getting Panty caught up to both Farmer Dick and Fly in terms of score. Fly appeared to be the more pissed off one as, upon seeing Panty going haywire with their new ammo, he smacked the very obese Fastener to speed up making more shit for him. Fastener finally couldn't take any more nagging from Fly and slammed his entire fat body onto Fly's sorry head, causing Fly to angrily shout at Fastener from under him, muffled of course, which consequently got Fly out of the competition.
A few more minutes later, after more intense shooting from all sides, a cow mooed over all of the noise. Once he got himself off his feet, the announcer knew what this meant.
"Alright now, show's over folks! Stop your firin'!"
Everyone competing did what the announcer said, lowering their potato guns and getting their "ammo makers" off the top of the machine. Fly was still shouting at Fastener to get off of him as Farmer Dick got his prized cock Willy off expecting another win coming his way. Panty made sure Gin was still in one piece after making him go apeshit with the special drink before quickly giving him an orgy to make sure he still was for her.
"Good news fuckdoll, you still got it." Panty said. "Even after providing the cover fire, the sack of skeet and pleasure still goes infinite. I MAY need to check your hot dick later for the juicy meat if you know what I'm sayin'."
Gin entire body felt like jelly as he slowly got up on his legs looking at Panty. His ass felt almost burned out from the amount of shit he produced.
"That's…good then." He said with some stuttering from his jelly body. "Didn't want to…lose the touch…and retire early!"
"Not when you are always exposed to the hot chick you're not!" Panty replied. Shadix rolled his eyes at the two as he silently continued to slurp up the tub of pudding he stole.
The redneck judges on the sidelines counted the amount of times each team hit a target with their shit. It didn't take long as the judges finished their tallies early, ready for the announcer to exclaim the winner.
"Okay y'all, I got the results all up in here and ready for the sayin'!"
Farmer Dick looked at the announcer with eager eyes as his prized cock Willy clucked in response. Panty did the same as Gin had trouble sitting down with his worn out butt. Fly still was exclaiming stuff from under Fastener, not that anyone cared to notice.
"This year's sharp shooter of the Turds of Granny's Behind is none other than…"
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
"…well ding dong doodles, looks like this year we got ourselves a stalemate! Both Farmer Dick and the angel tied for first place!"
The hillbilly crowd cheered as Farmer Dick's and Panty's jaws nearly hit the floor in astonishment. The prized cock Willy tried to snap Farmer Dick out of it as Gin didn't pay attention and started downing beer excessively. Fastener, finally content with hearing that Fly didn't win, slowly began to waddle off the premises with Fly still stuck somewhere in his excess body fat. He knew once he had his regular shape back, he was definitely going to enjoy Fly getting it from Scanty and Kneesocks.
When the dust settled, Farmer Dick wasn't having it with the results. He got angry as he pointed a finger at the bitch angel.
"No no NO, I cannot accept this bull! I have been undefeated for seven years straight and NEVER had to share a win with some blonde skank! There's no way she could have matched up to me after just ONE DAMN SITTING! She's nothin' but a bad egg with snakes up her cooch!"
Panty wasn't taking his insults lightly and immediately retaliated back.
"Are you saying that I am just an inbred fetus compared to your excuse for shooting? This was number…whatever to what you do for this excuse of a game! Try having over nearly endless amounts of ghosts constantly remind you that you have a Saturday night fuck waiting in the back, and you have to blast EVERY SINGLE ONE! You're nothing but a pretty pretty princess with an eyepatch for aiming!"
Before the two could argue even further, one of the judges looking over the hit targets noticed something a bit peculiar about one of them. He called over the other judges to look at it before telling this information to the announcer.
"Wait wait everyone, it seems there was something wrong with one of Farmer Dick's targets!" The announcer exclaimed. He then proceeded to pull out the mentioned target, and what everyone saw on it was completely liquid brown. The redneck crowd gasped.
"This here target got no turd marks, just this darn stuff! It was hit with the liquid, not the solid!" the announcer said. "It ain't a Turd from Granny's Behind without them solids! Gonna have to remove it off the score of yours Farmer Dick."
Farmer Dick looked at his prized cock Willy with a mean glare. The rooster shrugged its shoulders before pulling out a basket full of cough drops. Farmer Dick was furious at the revelation as he stormed off holding Willy by the neck, nearly holding the prized cock by the neck. The streak was now officially over as the announcer exclaimed.
"Well, because of that mistake on Farmer Dick's part, this year's winner of this here water speeder is none other than the sexy protector of Daten City, Panty Anarchy!"
The crowds around the winners cheered, despite Farmer Dick not winning this year, as Panty was overflowed with bitchy happiness. Some volunteer rednecks brought the wheelbarrow containing the Jet Ski, which surprisingly was able to hold it in one piece, as Panty flipped the bird as Farmer Dick was leaving with both hands while rotating them like they were in Adobe Flash. Afterwards, she said a few words while showing off to the crowd.
"Oh yes, wins that are for me always reach out to the stars of the Milky Way! I always make sure to undo that old dude's belt in space every time you grant me a stellar win! Some say it's for showing off but that's only a fraction of the real deal, your support will always drive me forward!"
The crowds went wild as Gin collapsed onto the Jet Ski just to soothe his aching buttocks as Shadix, knowing what Panty would want him to do, transformed into a giant ectoplasmic hand as he gripped the handle and pulled the wheelbarrow holding the Jet Ski out of the crowd. Panty did a few more slight appeals, including blowing a few kisses and winking in a sexy manner, before walking off after the two. The three of them could hear the announcer just as the crowd was going out of sight.
"That concludes this year's shindig peoples! Next year will surely be WAY better than this one!"
The instant they were out of sight, Panty dropped the façade of sexy appealing back to her regular personality. She let out a gasp of breath as Shadix continued to pull the wheelbarrow.
"Phew, I thought I would never escape that pit of rotting teeth and rivers of filth! That shitfaced Garter better build a monument dedicated to this fucked up stuff I'm going through right now just so I can crush the damn thing with nothing but the biggest dildo bat next to that shitty statue downtown!"
"You mean that statue depicting that Venus lady?" Shadix asked. "I thought you destroyed the clam shells on it after a joy ride with Mr. Sorry Hide back there."
Shadix pointed to the male angel still resting on the Jet Ski on the wheelbarrow.
"Yes, I did bust that whatever it was with my fuckdoll. It was a perfect night too!" Panty replied. "Next time I do that I'll make sure to be completely naked, for that would make it WAY funnier for the trailing cops!"
"Of course, whatever floats with you." Shadix said, rolling his red swirls for eyes. As he continued to pull the wheelbarrow, he pulled out the last remains of the pudding he was snacking on before proceeding to snack on it. He hoped Stocking wouldn't notice the one missing part of her sweets stash.
As Panty and the others hauled away their new Jet Ski, Stocking strayed off somewhere on her own just to get away from everyone else. She didn't want to associate at all with what the police bitch hauled in, and also, although she hated to admit it, she took her sister's advice and stayed away from as many swamped two-teethes as she could. She held on to her Bone Kitten tightly as she immediately noticed what looked like some sort of Ma and Pa shop with a sign overhead saying "John Thomas' Sweets and Treatery." Despite it being in a run-down town of inbred idiots, Stocking was already sold on the "sweets" term as she zipped over to the entrance.
"This better not be a sick joke just to get anyone within a ten foot radius of this…" Stocking thought as she opened the door. The bells around the door rang as she stepped inside, and what she saw caught her a bit by surprise. The room sprawled about twenty feet wide as there were racks and vending machines full of every type of candy and desserts Stocking could think of. There was also a few pieces of merchandise hanging on the walls for people into all kinds of sugary goodness, such as a giant inflatable plastic sponge cake with the phrase "Number One Twinkie Lover" on the side, and a pennant advertising the new movie "Will He Bonk Ya in the Chocolate Factory" with a small Moti-chan symbol in the corner. To top it all off, there were two glass counters in the back displaying a rainbow of different ice cream flavors, complete with waffle cones and plastic bowls to hold them in. Stocking started to salivate just looking at everything around her. She wanted it all, EVERY SINGLE SUGAR DELIGHT was practically begging for Stocking to eat them. The temptation was going into sugar inflated boobs…
…and then she laid eyes on the king.
She thought it was all a myth; there was no way something as perfect would live among the inferiors of the planet. Even in catalogues from heaven the beast never showed face, leaving most to believe that it never graced reality, but there it was, sitting on a display next to the ice cream counters. Stocking shivered as she eyed the dessert with big eyes like she was insane, thinking that she might lose some of her womanhood just from standing in its presence.
Oh wait, she already did.
Delicately picking up the platter holding the sugary goodness, Stocking slowly made her way to the counter, setting it down in front of the clerk. Oddly enough, it had a yellow hood covering its face and its two gloves were floating and separated from the body. Stocking easily overlooked it as she was too into buying the mythical dessert of legends.
She looked at the clerk with desperation all over her face.
"THIS…BUY…NOW!" she exclaimed as she pointed to the dessert. The clerk was a bit flustered at Stocking's attitude, but nevertheless calculated how much it was going to cost.
"Yes yes, that big ol' thing. Hmmmmmm, that will cost two dead squirrels, four beef sticks, and a leech." The clerk replied. Stocking wasn't just angry, but outright PISSED once she found out the currency needed. Without even thinking, she leapt over the table; both Stripes out, and pinned the clerk down with her katanas pointed right at its face. Her eyes were angry looking, she had black lines all over her face in rage, and to top it all off, her teeth were jagged into sharp triangles.
The clerk was scared stiff as Stocking spoke with much toxicity.
"You better grant me the joy of that sugary paradise or I will PERSONALLY burst your piñata of a body with these blades through your dick! Got it loser?!"
Thankfully for the clerk, the moment didn't last long as two dead squirrels, four beef sticks, and a leech suddenly appeared right on the counter just as the bell rang on the entrance door. As if a switch flipped inside her head, Stocking quickly turned her head in curiosity. Noticing the exact amount she needed, Stocking got off of the clerk, her mood going back to normal in one fell swoop, and went over to the object only to notice something she wasn't expecting next to them. Covered in grime, numerous bugs covering everything on the right arm, a dead crocodile completely encompassing the left, clothes nearly shredded to nothing, a horde of porcupines stuck in her hair, and a leg shackle over the left leg with a chain leading outside, the police bitch finally revealed herself after vanishing last night. Her face was full of disgust as Stocking held back a massive amount of laughter, although she did pull out her phone behind her back and took dozens of snapshots of the ruined angel before silently putting it back.
"I take it that you need those to get the dessert over there. Take it; I don't need those bloody things." Brandy said. She sounded very exhausted and disgusted at herself.
Stocking looked away with a scoff.
"Hmph, I could have wrangled all of those myself you know." Stocking replied, not wanting to admit thanks. "And I would look better than that outdoor getup all over that so called slim body of a police angel."
"I got three words for ya sweet tooth." Brandy said. "NATURE…HATES…GINGERS."
With one tug of the shackle over her left leg, the thing binding Brandy slid into the room slamming headfirst into her leg. As if the theme kept reoccurring, it was none other than the geek in the jumpsuit. Seeing this, Stocking had to hold back even more laughter as she took out her phone behind her back and, yet again, took dozens of photos of the two losers before secretly stashing it away before they noticed.
The boy got up looking a bit nervous.
"Oh hey, uhhhhh, nice to suddenly be with you again!" Brief said looking at Brandy's unhappy face. "Sorry about that-"
Brandy backhanded Brief in the face before he could finish as the scene around them, including themselves, went chibi for humorous reasons. Brandy smacked Brief into the air with a rearward kick before he came back down, thanks to the leg brace, before Brandy kicked him back up again and again like an old paddleball, all while it looked like it was animated in Adobe Flash.
"You're making me wish that I was there just to see you get tangled up in all of that shit. Those have to be the only moments I actually enjoy being reminded that you exist." Stocking said.
"Oh really?" Brandy replied still kicking Brief, who was screaming over and over, again and again up in the air. "Gee, the one that gets off her ass doing one activity after another and not doing the same shtick day after day? Hmmmm, I think that slut of yours does a better job for actually experiencing a change in scenery once in a while, and she's the one with the deflated balloons!"
"You have sent so many bad remarks about my boobs that I blocked those out ages ago!" Stocking angrily said back. "How about you, Miss I Wanna Fuck Garter? With that entire cold hearted attitude comes an instant heat stroke once you see that circle of black."
Stocking turned around with a sly grin as Brandy started to get riled up, her face nearly fuming as she started kicking Brief more quicker in the process. The scene changed back to normal, Adobe Flash included, as the gothic angel looked up with a finger over her chin, sarcasm dripping all over.
"What was that name he keeps calling you that pisses you off? You must really have something you don't want to be brought to light to lose all but nonstop rage every time that single name comes up. Maybe you should have diddled him before fucking, or are you not what you crack up to be?"
"I'm warning you, if that name comes out of your goddamn mouth…" Brandy murmured at a decent volume.
"I believe I just need to remove one single letter…" Stocking said in an innocent tone.
"Don't do it you fat fuck."
"Was it Brady? Brand?"
"Shut the fuck up."
"Randy? But the vowel must stay…oh wait, I remember now!"
"Last chance, DON'T SAY IT!"
Stocking turned her face towards Brandy with one of the slyest expressions she could put on.
"It was…"
She got up close to Brandy's furious face before uttering the infamous name in her ear.
"Bandy."
Brandy transformed her wristband into her double sided mace at the speed of light, wanting to immediately smash Stocking's skull in, before doing one final kick to Brief's manhood, sending him through the roof, leaving a hole in the shape of his body, and out of the candy store. However, because she was still shackled to him, Brandy ended up going alongside him, also leaving a familiar shaped hole in the roof as she unintentionally went with Brief somewhere else.
With her temporarily out of the picture, Stocking turned back to the counter where the required objects that Brandy gave her were as the clerk hastily finished calculating everything after seeing what she did to Brandy earlier. He slid the massive dessert over to Stocking once it was finished.
"Errrrrrr, here's your sugary goodness." The clerk stuttered out. "Come again!"
Stocking quickly changed personalities the instant she heard that the king of all sweets was now hers. She slowly picked up the behemoth as she shook from great anticipation. She wanted to sink her teeth into it the instant she had some more alone time, so she carefully exited the store with it in tow making sure nothing other than her fingers set a single mark on the greatest dessert in existence.
Once it made sure that she was gone, the clerk let out a massive sigh.
"Phew, nearly avoided the jaws of death right in front of me! Well, time to skip town again since I'm sure THEY will show up soon."
Pulling out its other four gloved arms from hidden shelves behind the counter before taking off its hood, revealing a somewhat familiar face as it pushed a button under the counter.
"I hate being a damn fugitive." The clerk thought as the floor under it flipped around like in a spy movie as the clerk disappeared under the floorboards, with an amusing big zipper closing up where the clerk disappeared off to.
As Stocking got away from the candy store, she couldn't stop thinking about how the king of desserts tasted. She needed to find a private place where they could be alone so they can have a very special "private time" together. She was so focused on doing nearly everything with the dessert that she failed to notice a weird presence beginning to loom over the candy store she just got out of. It hovered over the building before revealing itself to be a loose pair of ass cheeks, emitting sounds that can only be described as extraterrestrial junk. Before long, the two ass cheeks pulled apart before unleashing an incredible energy beam from the crack that looked very thick and brown. It completely blew apart the establishment in a spectacular manner, throwing Stocking off her feet for a brief moment as it left nothing behind of the candy store. She was able to catch her mythical dessert before it could be soiled even in the slightest. Likewise, she was not amused, so she angrily turned around and looked at the hovering giant buttocks, not intimidated or surprised at it at all.
"DAMMIT, I'M SAVORING A MOMENT HERE! NO DAMN INTERRUPTIONS!" Stocking exclaimed. Right as she was finished speaking, a loud crash came from behind her. Turning around quickly, she saw that Brandy finally arrived back on the ground, landing right on the front of a now arriving wheelbarrow, the same one that Shadix was pulling that held the Jet Ski. Likewise, Panty, who noticed the incident immediately upon it happening, was not happy.
"Hey, you nearly wrecked our new ride retards! Get outta here!" Panty exclaimed. As Brandy and Brief got out of the ground, and consequently Shadix who they also landed on, Brandy's eyes were filled with absolute fury. She still had her mace out, and she eyed Stocking who put on a killjoy smile at the sight.
Too bad Garterbelt appeared to ruin it all.
"As much as I would like you angels to continue experiencing nature, fate and the heavens above have different plans. Get yo' asses back to the motorhome PRONTO!"
"At least give me more chances to speak first!" Brief said, feeling unfortunate that he only said one other thing before this.
The angels were hoarded back to the motorhome with Stocking's huge dessert and the new Jet Ski in tow. Unfortunately for Brandy she didn't get to beat on Stocking like she wanted, while Gin was forced to wake up out of his nap on the Jet Ski only to get back to binge drinking in an instant. Brief also went with the angels, for whatever reason, as he explained that he was in this run down town because of one of his father's business trips, except that nobody cared to recognize the geek as usual. Everyone else was a bit miffed at Garterbelt interrupting yet another moment of their lives, especially Stocking with it delaying the inevitable savoring tastes of her dream sweet, but also slightly relieved to get away from the "nature" that Garterbelt wanted all of them to experience. Everyone was a well distance away from the glutes in the sky as the anomaly began to extend a giant pink tube from its crack into the ground below, seemingly tunneling underground for something. After a few seconds of extending into the ground, the tube suddenly stopped before some very unsettling noises emitted as certain sections bulged out, sometimes multiple, before disappearing into the asshole above. When it just got started doing so, Shadix's senses acted up, indicating another Comet Shard just went active as he scratched his body over and over again.
Garterbelt brought out a chalkboard as the process between the tube and asshole continued. He drew a very cheesy looking image of the giant asshole and tube before arrogantly pointing at the asshole drawing.
"This is a specially crafted spaceship!" Garterbelt explained. "These things LOVE to pop up in cameras meant for the near sighted and superstition wannabes, especially ones like this! Granted these kinds aren't seen as often these days, but they still have some pretty sick defenses in their arsenal! I'm still a bit optimistic right now, but fuck it, ANGELS THIS CAN ONLY BE THE WORK OF A GHOST!"
"Wait, that's supposed to be a drawing of the…whatever it is?" Gin said, pointing at the drawing Garterbelt made. "Looks like a dead rat tied to a blimp."
Panty giggled slightly at the remark only for Stocking to elbow her.
"This is not meant to be Michelangelo angel; I'm just going over the details for this particular operation." Garterbelt replied. "Anyhow, there's one thing keeping all of you from just going up and busting heads as usual."
Using the chalk in his hand, Garterbelt drew a giant circle over the drawing of the cheesy asshole drawing.
"A giant scrotum attached to the back of the blimp?" Gin said after looking at the improved drawing. "How's that supposed to stop us?"
Panty laughed again under her breath at Gin's remark as Brandy this time lightly kicked her side to shut her up. Garterbelt rubbed his forehead in disappointment before continuing.
"No no idiot, it is a giant circling state of matter that vaporizes any sort of living being or beings of light the instant they enter inside! Whatever this ghost is going for it definitely doesn't want any intrusions, so all of you need to find some way of sidestepping past that indistinguishable protection!"
As if right on cue, Chuck waddled up near to the pink tube sticking out of the ground to the asshole spaceship. He looked at it with a stupid grin before he situated himself to the side and lifted one of his back legs up, but before the streams came out, a stray redneck with a rake in his right hand ran in screaming like a giraffe with its dick chopped off, rushing towards the pick tube like he meant it. However, true to what Garterbelt described, before the redneck could collide with the pink tube, he suddenly spontaneously combusted, leaving nothing behind to notify his existence, not even the rake. Chuck stood there stunned with big eyes before sighing deeply, relieved that someone took the fall for him. Just as he felt thankful for not getting injured, he suddenly released his bladder on the pink tube, and like the redneck before him, spontaneously combusted along with his piss. He was completely ignored by the angels as usual.
"Let's just send the police bitch up that spaceship and leave this dump. The sooner the better!" Stocking said.
"Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on that plan." Brandy said, kicking Brief in the crotch for still being shackled to her leg. He yelped in pain before getting into a fetal position on the ground.
"Hey, it's a win/win situation. Ghost goes down and I get the relief, finally going back to how it was before all of this shit happened. I still don't know why you are still required to be among us." Stocking replied.
"Hate to agree with chica here, but we have been all fine and dandy without your constant comet ramblings and junk. Except you fuckdoll, you're great." Panty said.
Gin swayed back and forth as his drunkenness was kicking in again before he fell right into Panty's arms, unconscious yet again from too much drinking. Panty shivered with delight as she held onto her fuckdoll tightly, really wanting to have another fuck with him immediately.
"Excuse me? Did you forget that I'm down here because of that 'fuckdoll' messing around when indulged? I would gladly be anywhere else other-"
Before Brandy could finish, Brief slowly got up off of the ground and back on his feet, which caused a bit of tugging around with Brandy's leg shackle.
"If all of you still want a way to get inside that spacecraft, and I kind of saw this in a sci-fi once, but what all of you became machines? There are no disintegration rules from what I-"
Brandy kicked Brief in the jewels again before he could finish, causing him to yelp and go into a fetal position again. The three girls were about to get into another insult war, with Shadix watching with intrigue, when Garterbelt broke the ice and spoke up.
"The kid there might be on to something. If ya can't go in livin', ya gotta go in mechanical, and I think I know how to make it work."
The three girls looked at Garterbelt like he just snorted some weed.
"You really want to make us into tin cans? Sheesh, just how many tissues did you go through this time, fifty, seventy, or another large ass number?" Panty asked.
"Don't worry about that figure you keep hammering everyone about, despite me getting tired of hearing the same shtick again and again." Garterbelt explained. "The procedure has a temporary lifespan at best, with those unclean shells of yours on the wayside. You skanks will be back in them once you handle that ghost."
Brandy went a bit nervous as she had a feeling she knew what Garterbelt was talking about, and she didn't like it.
"Wait, we're not changing into robots, we're…TRANSFERRING INTO ROBOTS?! Are you sure you are qualified for this?!"
Stocking quickly underwent the same emotions as Brandy upon the revelation.
"If I never let a health doctor near my body for sugar checks, you know I won't let a scalpel wielded under your inexperienced mind anywhere near me bishop idiot." Stocking replied.
"Now now, it won't take all day. Besides, being a priest I know the ins and outs of angel anatomy. Had to undergo the training with nothin' more than a diaper and some duct tape, and if that kiddie game taught me anything, I'm more than right for operations on the heavenly."
Immediately after Garterbelt finished, the ground flipped open like panels as the angels, along with Brief, were suddenly strapped to operating table with electronic appliances and light fixtures placed around them, although since Panty was still having Gin in her arms, the two were strapped together on the same table. While this subdued Panty somewhat, Stocking and Brandy weren't having it as Garterbelt put on some plastic gloves and a doctor's mask.
"YOU ARE NOT PUTTING A MANUFACTURE LABEL ON ME! THIS IS ASSAULT ON MANY RUNGS OF THE LITTLE GIRL LADDER!" Stocking exclaimed.
"WHAT PART OF MAJORITY RULES DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND BOSS?! I'M SURE IT WAS WRITTEN SOMEWHERE BY EMILY DICKENSON, AND SHIT WENT CRAZY THERE!" Brandy exclaimed.
"HEY, I DON'T EVEN FIGHT GHOSTS, AND EVEN IF I COULD I'M NOT AN ANGEL, SO WHY AM I SUDDENLY BEING THROWN INTO THIS?!" Brief exclaimed, still being shackled to Brandy's leg while on his operating table.
"Easy there hoes, just calm your titties as ol' Garter does his thing smoothly." Garterbelt replied. The girls were still riled up as Garterbelt cracked his knuckles before he got on his knees and loomed near their assholes with his arms somewhat open.
"Now y'all, get thrusting as they approach like rabid huskies. I got the arms up and ready for Niagara Falls…"
The angels couldn't help as they suddenly found themselves doing as he said, sweating buckets as their muscles pumped. They didn't want to do it; they really tried to hold back.
It then plunged.
The angels' screams could be heard around the globe.
Brandy looked at herself and if she had the ability to cry in a cartoon fashion, she would be doing it by now. The triangular pointy body was something she didn't like at all, and the two big beefy blue shoulders that pointed up and down weren't helping either. She was held up by two thick, but also a bit lanky at points, long blue metal legs with three thin "toes" at the ends of each one. To top it all off, the two shoulders each had a small metal flap that Brandy could move up and down that looked incredibly stupid when she looked at it. She was easily twice the size of Garterbelt in the new body, along with the others that were also outfitted. In an ironic twist, all five of them were made in exactly the same way, so they looked completely identical to one another. The only way the angels were able to tell themselves apart was by their voices that emitted from their new bodies, which each had a tone that sounded like they were being said over a radio, more than likely the only sound emitter Garterbelt had to outfit the bodies with.
Brandy's pointed herself downward since she didn't have a head to work with.
"Oh man, all of my colleagues in heaven are never going to let this down!" Brandy's voice from the machine emitted. One of the machines went up to the one emitting Brandy's voice.
"You have relations up there police bitch? Why would anyone be close to you after being with us? Our fuckups are your fuckups after all!" Stocking's voice said. As if in instinctual rage, Brandy turned around before kicking the fudge out of the machine that just came up to her. This only amused the ones farther away as the machine on the ground spoke up.
"Hey, this is Brief here, not Stocking! I was going up to comfort you since you looked down!" the machine's voice said that ended up being Brief's. Two of the machines away laughed at the Brandy machine's utter obliviousness as Brandy's voice growled a bit before slowly making her way to the others. Brief followed closely behind, suffering a bit of recoil from Brandy's strike. After hearing the voices of the two robots, Brandy determined that these were Panty and Stocking, which meant Gin was somewhere else. She didn't have to think long about it since the Panty machine brushed away a few trees to see another robot aimlessly blasting away at loose hillbillies, some saying phrases like "It's all over!" and "All is lost, all is lost!", with his signature rocket launcher on the very top of it.
"Hahahaha, quake in fear mortals for I am the robot overlord! I will grind up your bones and make them into bunion soup!" Gin's voice exclaimed from the robot. He would have gone for several more minutes if he didn't overdrive his robot, causing him to get dizzy and nearly fall onto the ground if the Panty robot didn't catch him.
"Now now fuckdoll, this isn't the bad carny game for the retarded. I don't want you wasting yourself until after this washing machine shit is done and over. I like it when you act feisty when I eat that meat of yours!" the Panty robot said. The Gin robot turned around and comically looked downward like an idiot.
"You have every right to be disappointed." the Gin robot replied. Before things could go further, Garterbelt whistled to get the others attention. The five robots looked down at the afro priest, with the Brandy robot shivering at the sight of her actually being taller than him.
"All right angels, you have been outfitted with the state of the art metal straight from heaven, which will surely bypass that prevention barrier around that spaceship. I don't know exactly what lies inside, but your weapons have all been inserted in those robot bodies of yours.
"Yeah that's great and all, but I already hate looking at you with these stupid sensors. This better be quick because I want my sugar coated form back. You better not mess with it!" the Stocking robot said.
"Easy there, your regular bodies are all snugged in and cozy when the time comes." Garterbelt replied. "Now stop delayin' and end that hellspawn!"
The robots may not have any facial features, but some were surely miffed at what they had gone through to get to this point. Four of them slowly walked toward the spaceship ahead, but one was clearly flustered and held back.
"But I don't even have a weapon! How can someone like me manage to-"
The robot was interrupted as another went behind him and started pushing him towards the others, not in the mood for his bullshit.
"Stop being a baby and actually do shit for once!" Panty's voice said.
"That's one way to get your head in the game." Garterbelt replied before valiantly pointing in the spaceship's direction. "ANGELS MOVE OUT!"
The robots easily tore a hole into one of the buttcheeks of the spaceship; making use of a hovering feature with hidden jets equipped in the back of each leg, and made it inside without any issues. The instant they arrived inside was the moment they noticed a vast change in scenery. The room they were in was massive, easily near fifty feet to the ceiling, as it was somewhat dimly lit with occasional green fog. A huge rusty metal door laid a formidable distance away stretching all the way to the ceiling with two wide pillars on both sides outfitted with many searchlights swaying back and forth in an ominous manner. Probably the most obvious feature was the wide trench running all the way from near where the robots were standing to the huge door that contained a black wavy water substance with a pinch of brown sprinkled in. The robots could tell that the liquid smelled horrid even though they didn't have a sense of smell. Thankfully for them, there were two cement walkways about the same width as the pillars along the sides, although they looked a bit wet from the liquid.
One of the robots tilted its body around as it observed the room.
"Woah, a bit spacious on the inside it seems." Brandy's voice commented. Another robot tilted down towards the liquid inside the trench.
"Shit, is this a fuel depot?!" Stocking's voice said. "Great, I can feel the fumes even with no smell. Hey police bitch, why don't you go take a splash in there and never call me?"
"Gee, you come up with the BEST ideas there sugartits." Brandy's voice replied with sarcasm. Yet another robot came between the other two.
"I think we should be going after that ghost, for isn't that why we are here in the first place?" Brief's voice said.
He quickly found himself flailing in the liquid with a sore behind.
The Stocking and Brandy robots preceded forward as two other robots sat in a corner in…questionable positions as one tried the process again and again to no avail. One of them was clearly not pleased.
"Ugh, would it kill that preacher to add a LITTLE genitalia?" Panty's voice said before her robot took a look back. "I didn't say stop fuckdoll, my fatass is going to make this work!"
"But Panty, I tried every single position you told me! I don't think it's possible like this!" Gin's voice replied. "Plus I need a drink STAT!"
"WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THIS WORK FUCKDOLL!" Panty's voice exclaimed. Gin's voice sighed as he tried another position to please Panty. As that went on, a familiar shadow went over to the edge of the trench before forming into a crane and pulling the Brief robot out. It formed back into its regular shape as Brief dripped of the liquid with a few parts now being rusty. He looked down and noticed how small the shadow was to him, no bigger than one of his three toed feet.
"No thanks are needed; I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm nothing but an unneeded safety net at this point." Shadix said. The Brief robot nearly toppled over again upon seeing him.
"What the, how come you're in here and not an unnoticeable spread of dust in the wind?!" Brief's voice exclaimed. Shadix looked up at him with a straight face.
"Well, seeing as how the barrier around this place only detects living beings and angels, at least that's what I heard from Garter anyway, and since lowlifes like me are considered dead, I was able to go through without any issues whatsoever. Pretty convenient huh?"
Before the Brief robot could reply, the ghost's Light Halo activated around which, yet again, caused him to succumb to millions of volts throughout his ectoplasm. The Brief robot stepped back to let Shadix recover as the ghost, covered in burns and char marks, turned around swiftly and angrily to the other side of the trench, where the Stocking and Brandy robots were pointing in their direction.
"Yeah yeah pile of sludge, very convenient. Thankfully my boss embedded the controls to that halo into this trash can in case you did somehow make it in here. I STILL OWN YOU REMEMBER?!" Brandy's voice exclaimed.
"I own him too police bitch. As long as your flat dinner plates are stuck with us, anything you get also gets my ownership." Stocking's voice replied.
The Brandy robot was about to blurt out why that wasn't the case, but just as she was about to speak, one of the spotlights caught her and the Stocking robot in its light. Emergency sirens blared through everyone's hearing as red lights shined everywhere, causing the Brief robot to jump up a bit in surprise. The Panty and Gin robots stopped doing the "maneuvers" a bit once it all went off and multiple guns popped out of the walls, aiming at the intruders before rapidly firing in their direction.
"Looks like being incognito will not be on our resume anytime soon." Brandy's voice said.
"When you're an angel transplanted into a giant washing machine that just broke into a giant asshole, then…aww fuck it, that's way too easy." Stocking's voice replied. The two robots rushed towards the two pillars in the back while dodging as much gunfire as they could as the Brief robot panicked and started running around like a chicken, consequently stepping on Shadix multiple times in the process much to his dismay, and one of the two robots in the corner finally broke off of the other.
"Hey, leave some ass kicking to the badass bitch! I'm practically MADE for stuff like this!" Panty's voice exclaimed, the center point of the robot opening up to reveal Panty's signature gun Backlace.
"Uhhhh, did you just admit to being a bitch? I thought you hated being called that!" Gin's voice replied, his robot's back opening up to reveal Gin's signature rocket launcher as it also situated it at the very top.
"No time fuckdoll, TIME TO TAKE SOME SHOTS!" Panty's voices shouted as her robot rushed up the opposite path that the Brandy and Stocking robots were taking. The Panty robot also dragged the Brief robot behind it for progress as the Gin robot quickly followed it. After recovering, Shadix put on a rather displeased face before tagging along the Gin robot by the back. As the bullets coated the room, the robots fought back. The Stocking robot had more combat experience the Brandy robot, so she hardly had any trouble dodging the bullets coming her way, consequently covering the Brandy robot in the process. The Panty and Gin robots on the other hand wasted no time unleashing the beast on the guns in the walls. Any gun stricken by one of the heavenly ammunitions combusted instantly as they fell to the ground in shatters, although the blast radius of Gin's missiles really helped.
Once all of them reached the end of the room, they quickly took cover inside the pillars thanks to convenient doors at each of their bases. Inside was a very miniscule room with a small control panel on the side. With the Brandy and Stocking robots, the Brandy robot looked at with intrigue.
"Looks like this controls one side of that giant door." Her voice stated. "Not sure how we're going to crack this, but-"
A very thick cord shot out from the middle of her robot and into a circle shaped hole on the underside of the control panel before she could finish. She stood motionless while emitting some mechanical noises as a progress screen appeared on the control panel, slowly filling up as it finally capped off after a few seconds, revealing the words "Process Completed. This Side Now Unlocked." on the screen, before shutting down shortly afterwards. The Brandy robot whirred back to life before turning around towards the Stocking robot who was watching from the sidelines.
"Mention this to anyone and I'll slit your throat." Brandy's voice said as she left the room. The Stocking robot chuckled.
"There are no guarantees when it comes to my life police bitch." Stocking thought before following suite.
With the other robots on the opposite side, the Panty, Gin, and Brief robots also arrived inside the pillar's small room, a nearly identical control panel at the left side. Shadix went up to it before bringing up the security check to open the giant door. It just so happened to be a question involving a certain subject.
"When did Darth Vader get his first boner?"
The Brief robot got all giddy at the sight.
"Oh my gosh, that's such an easy question! Finally, a time where I'm needed for my specific expertise! I'm so happy that I might need a tissue! Ahem, the answer is obviously-"
The Panty robot, being incredibly impatient, hoisted the Brief robot onto her back before tossing the geeky robot right through the control panel, which destroyed it but also slammed the Brief robot into the back wall where a dartboard was for some reason, landing right in the center bullseye. Surprisingly enough, the control panel's destruction sequentially unlocked their side of the door without the need to answer the question.
"Yeah, I don't have time to be lectured about whatever geek boy fantasies you have up in there, so shut the fuck up." Panty's voice said.
With their permission now granted, the giant door paved away and opened up. Behind it was a very winding tunnel, about the same height and width as the room with the giant door, with the trench of weird liquid seemingly stretching all the way through. It was unknown how long the tunnel was from first glance, since it took a hard right, and consequently the ravine of the liquid extending along the middle, a short distance away.
The robots wasted no time rushing in and proceeding to bust everything in their way, including some very buff looking androids that looked like they just took dozens of steroids and were just about to enter a body building competition. They even wore a speedo near the bottom, which the Panty robot adored at first until the Stocking robot busted them up for her. She pouted before being forced to join the fray as Gin screamed bloody murder as he blasted the androids into smithereens. As for the Brandy robot, she handled some security droids that looked like submarines and liked to take shelter in the ravine's liquid. The Brandy robot did care about getting down and dirty and went into the liquid after them. Despite the droids having actual ammunition at their disposal, Brandy couldn't help but chuckle as she stormed through each one without issues. Sometimes she even reflected the shots back at them, which destroyed on impact.
After destroying a fleet of droids and getting back on land, getting a bit smelly and rusty in the process, next to another robot like her, Stocking's voice echoed through her hearing.
"You didn't hit rock bottom there police bitch? How are you going to get those saucers near that oozing black canyon if you keep sinking into the hole? LAND, HOE!"
The Brandy robot got infuriated from that remark, and without thinking that long, swept the closest robot off its legs, forming it into a comically shaped ball, as it bounced down the ravine and into the rotten liquid below, floating above it for a quick second like a beach ball before starting to flail about.
"I'M BRIEF, I'M BRIEF!" Brief's voice emitted as his robot floundered in the water. The Brandy robot scowled a little as it looked to the Stocking robot, and even though it didn't have a face, she could tell that the robot was grinning and laughing under that slab of metal. One of the buff androids even went up to the Stocking robot to strike her while she was distracted by the Brandy robot, but the Stocking robot was more attentive than it thought as she quickly turned around and thrusted her right titanium leg straight under the android's speedo in a massive kick. The android pulled backwards a bit as it put on a rather distraught face.
Two giant bolts fell off with a very long wrench dropping shortly after. The android then exploded.
After Shadix pulled the Brief robot out of the liquid again, it didn't take long before the robots reached the end of the tunnel. It left off in a giant dome room, eerie green lighting included, with the floor covered completely by the sludgy black liquid, not that anyone could see it through the dense color and deepness of it. Countless security guns were situated among the walls, currently inactive from no threats detected. While the other parts of the dome were empty, the most obvious feature was the giant metal flower bud-like structure in the center above the liquid. While it didn't have the greatest height, it didn't even reach half the dome's height, it was excreting some pink fumes into the water while the top continuously shot out a green beam into the ceiling.
Likewise, the Brief robot freaked out.
"Oh my gosh, I think we might have stumbled into the engine room! These definitely match the descriptions like in the movies!"
It didn't go unnoticed by the opposition, as the guns in the walls immediately pointed and fired in the robots' direction as a siren went off. The structure in the middle opened small flaps, two on each side, releasing swarms of small ships, shaped like a blue circular cockpit with bent flaps going inwards around it, into the air as a defense mechanism.
"There's a cease and desist waiting to happen." Shadix thought as he saw the ships. The robots on the other hand, were more ignited by Brief's outburst.
"Geek boy, do you ever explain things and NOT pass a stone in the process?" Panty's voice said.
"Well the security system would have probably turned on anyway." Stocking's voice replied. The robots didn't get to think long as the ships and guns fired upon them quickly. The Panty, Stocking, and Gin robots activated the hover jets under their feet as they took off into the sky to take out as much as they could. The Brandy robot didn't take off just yet, as she beeped a few times before Shadix took another Light Halo voltage.
"DAMN IT, WHAT NOW?!" Shadix shouted after getting charred.
"Find a way to deactivate the security system in this room so we can continue. You can change into anything, so I assume it will be no issue." Brandy's voice said. The Brief robot got flustered as his two metal slabs on each shoulder flapped up and down frantically.
"Hey, handling technology is my forte! These look like something Captain Kirk fought in his sleep, so I can definitely-"
"I'm sorry, who the fuck are you again?" Brandy's voice interrupted as her robot faced Brief's. The Brief robot's cockpit pointed downward as disgust lines went all over it. She still didn't care about him just like the others, as the Brandy robot turned back to Shadix.
"Again, disable the system." She said to the ghost as she finally activated her hover jets to join the fray above. Shadix sighed in disappointment as he approached a nearby monitor before stretching his body and enveloping in completely. He kept it active as he tried out all methods he could think of to override the security.
As the ghost tried to crack the system, the angels took to the skies against the enemy ships. The Stocking and Brandy robots took a more direct approach, with the Stripes and double sided mace sticking out of the respective robot's shoulders, as they narrowly avoided enemy fire before slashing at any incoming ships. They even kicked a few into the sludge below where the ships immediately short circuited before some stray ones shot them in the back. The two quickly grew irritated as they wasted no time chopping those ships into scrap. The Gin robot took a more amusing approach. He hovered around the dome's walls where the guns were situated, and while he did blast away at some, most of the time he baited the guns into shooting each other. He wiggled his robotic behind and even flipped the bird, in his robot body of all things, among other ways to taunt them only to move out of the way as the guns destroyed one of their own again and again.
"Gee, whatever technology this ghost is using is worse than Panty's horniness detector…WITH THE CAP ON!" Gin's voice said to himself before avoiding another laser coming his way.
The Panty robot, pretty reflective of her personality, went more careless than the others with her not wasting any time shooting any ships that came near, some even at point blank range. She was so into it that she almost failed to notice a stray ship coming up from the rear. As she turned around to shoot it, the ship completely misfired and being unable to hit the brakes in time, bashed straight into the Panty robot. Normally it would have been pretty damaging on both ends, but because the ship already proved to be incompetent with the misfire, all it did was sweep the Panty robot out of the air, but not only that, also stuck Panty right on the roof of the ship. The ship desperately tried to shake the Panty robot off, but as she mentioned way earlier, she liked them feisty. She continuously warded being thrown off before ending it with a strong stomp, making the ship come to a standstill. It slowly went inaudible as the Panty robot came up with a hilariously stupid setup. Sticking to the ship like she was fucking it, the Panty robot gave the ship a firm kick near the back. The action caused the ship under her to hastily take off forward, with the Panty robot being able to slightly direct it where she wanted to go by leaning it towards the particular direction. This drew attention to the other ships that went to swarm the Panty robot, only to be shot out of the sky from Backlace. The Panty robot watched as multiple ships completely missed their shots.
"Have any of these fuckers touched a rifle before?" Panty's voice said. "I bet they didn't even grasp a single one, not even someone else's! You can't give a fuck without the magic touch on one!"
As the four robots fought the constantly appearing ships and guns, Shadix clambered over the one monitor in an attempt to shut down the security in the area. He was no technician though, so progress went by slowly as every time he thought he had it cracked, another roadblock appeared to halt progression.
I didn't help that the Brief robot constantly annoyed him about helping out.
"Come on; just let me press only a few buttons! I can totally assist you, and I'm completely rash free and on the verge of adulthood!" the Brief robot exclaimed. The scene went all chibi with an Adobe Flash touch as Shadix kept the robot back as a part of his ghastly body constantly pushed the robot away, the Brief robot's legs fluttering back and forth in a cartoon way as Shadix kept his eyes on the monitor, his swirls for eyes appearing flat with disinterest.
"Can't do that idiot, I'm not that gay and retarded." Shadix replied as he kept his eyes on the screen in another attempt to break the security. "Don't you remember that I'm under strict enslavement and lack the balls? Gee, as if being the punching bag in target practice wasn't hammering the points well enough again and again."
The Brief robot tried to continuously struggle past Shadix's ectoplasm and was about to speak more of his mind in the process, but as if the universe kept hating him, a loose ship strayed off course of the others and plowed straight into the Brief robot, and like the Panty robot, got him stuck to the its roof. Unlike the Panty robot though, the Brief robot didn't know how to control the ship as it zoomed right back up into the sky, rather clumsily in an Adobe Flash kind of way, as the Brief robot screamed like a little bitch among the others.
The scene changed back to normal as Shadix fought to get past the last part to shutting down the area. It was very difficult however, for some parts just didn't seem to fit right, giving the ghost a splitting headache. As if right on cue, the recognizable green plush dog waddled right up next to him, somehow avoiding disintegration upon entry this time, saying his name over and over quietly as he silently observed the struggle Shadix was going through. As the minutes went by with no progress, Shadix felt like one of his blood vessels was about to burst, if he actually had any that is, and Chuck's constant speaking behind him wasn't helping things either. After Chuck cheekily said his name again, the ghost snapped. He grabbed Chuck by the neck before bashing him against the monitor, causing both the plush dog and ghost to suffer thousands of volts through their bodies. In an ironic twist, this managed to bypass the last hurdle Shadix was trying to get through, sequentially shutting down the entire room's security system and causing every ship and gun to turn off and go inactive. The ships that were still in the air plummeted below into the stinky liquid, creating a splash and sinking to the bottom as they began to rust. While the Panty robot managed to dismount her ship in time, the Brief robot wasn't so lucky as he was too late, causing him to splash into the liquid along with the ship that was carrying him. He surfaced as he flailed about to keep himself afloat, which nobody cared to notice. The metallic flower bud structure also lost all of its power as well, the beam it was shooting into the ceiling dissipated away into nothing, leaving a moderate sized opening in it where it was being emitted. As the robots breathed a sigh of relief, the monitor Shadix was working with exploded from too much damage, launching Chuck and Shadix right into the opening. The robots didn't need to wait long as the lights dimmed with a black figure of Chuck slowly emerging from the opening. The right side of his face looked like it was made of metal as his right eye was completely circular and pure red.
The ominous Chuck spoke in a deep and monotone voice.
"Come with me to save your anus."
The lights then turned back on anticlimactically as Chuck shook off the metal slab over his eye in an unintimidating way, revealing it to be a dizzy Shadix. He changed back into his regular shape as he cleared his throat a bit from his deep voice, seemingly because of the explosion.
The Panty robot was the antsiest.
"About time! I was just going to send geek boy your way to get your ass to hurry up!"
"Like he would have got things going by any quicker." Stocking's voice replied. "Let's just end the ghost in charge to get out of this cesspool."
"I can't believe I'm agreeing with you on this." Brandy's voice said.
The four angel robots proceeded into the opening of the metal structure as Shadix had to fish the Brief robot out of the liquid, whether he wanted to or not.
The particular ghost behind everything floated in its capsule of green acid as it watched the progress of his operation from a nearby monitor. Everything in the room was pitch black except for the green acid in its tank and the monitor nearby, hiding the ghost's appearance. The shape of the ghost however would make surgeons shit themselves upon looking, not like anyone would bother to get near the thing.
The ghost shivered as it detected the pink tube obtaining more and more substances. Its voice seemed to be coming from speakers near the capsule.
"Oh yes, continue grabbing as much of those delicious elements into the swamps of my saucer! Enjoy the scrumptious perception and embrace the new life of providing for the guzzlers of the future! Appreciation comes your way when the fumes hit the senses and suddenly you're showered with joy! The greatest mind ever will be one with the rigs!"
"Yeah yeah, and I snort cocaine on a daily basis."
The ghost quickly turned to the source of the new voice as the lights in the room turned on, seemingly from the same source. Right on the opposite end of the room was the five robots, with Shadix sitting nearby, as they noticed the change in scenery. The room sported an empty very wide horizontal space in the shape of a large oval, with very sleek bright silver walls with multiple dark green monitors with illegible bright green symbols on each one being seemingly typed out before quickly getting erased. The floor was made of multiple clean silver sheets of metal welded together with great perfection, hardly any bumps were visible. Multiple odd shaped square stretched all over the ceiling as multiple monitors continuously stretched out, the slab covering its entrance moving over horizontally, on a long metal limb that bended effortlessly and was coated in multiple wires. They showed off different areas of the ship from a set angle for a short time before retracting back to the entrance it came in from with slab of metal sliding back in place to cover its tracks. The main attraction however was the ghost, and the robots were a bit surprised at what it was.
The ghost was a giant pancreas.
"Damn, I'm not feeling empathy towards the guy that snipped THAT." Panty's voice said.
"Well it's not a primary organ. You can remove it without-" Brief's voice spoke up before he was smacked in the front by another robot.
"Nobody's interested in you geek trivia, so shut up." Stocking said. Likewise, the giant pancreas was not amused.
"How dare you insult the ways of hording planet's minerals! This craft has been specially tailored for the ways of the scientifically minded and I will not be interrupted by you intruders!"
"Doesn't look any special to me." Brandy's voice said as her robot looked at the monitor next to the pancreas.
"That's because you don't understand the goal I intend to accomplish with my special tools." The pancreas said before beginning to explain its origin. "I used to be one of the greatest minds in existence to study the properties of fossil fuels until I discovered the lovely pleasure of one of the senses. Too bad I was next to the one furnace of the building that one time when I perished. Now that I made this new ship in this new afterlife, I plan on taking all of this planet's precious fuels and minerals and replace them with some very volatile substitutes, both figuratively…"
The pink tube outside the giant asshole spaceship suddenly began to speed up what it was doing.
"…and literally."
"You must get really bored to look at rocks all your life." Panty's voice replied. "Not like I actually give a fuck about what you are going for, but I was put into this sex toy just to handle you and it's very uncomfortable, so I'm putting an end to your stupid ambition and getting my ass out of here in time for my hourly sex."
"She's going to show me where the bone planet is this time!" Gin's voice chimed in. Shadix just looked at the robot before turning away at its stupidity.
"Ugh, how dare you intend to destroy my afterlife's dream!" the pancreas exclaimed, causing it to shake a little in its capsule. "We guzzlers deserve more representation of our ideals and I will not let the dream ignite and go to waste! Luckily I made these trinkets to blast out rebels of the cause!"
As instantly as the pancreas said, dozens of guns in the shape of what looked like gay gas pumps dropped right from openings in the ceiling while still being attached via long steel poles. Not only that, but two green monitors attached to the wall behind the pancreas suddenly turned on with blue light before shaking and breaking free from the wall, revealing a very distinct shell around them that looked like two giant cybernetic looking left and right hands that still had the sleek silver color of the room's walls. The five long slender ends of both monstrosities even wiggled like fingers. The single monitors in the center of each "palm" formed a picture of an eerie cerulean blue reptile slit that stared at the robots while sometimes the monitors screen went completely dark blue before changing back to the slit.
The robots were unintimidated as the pancreas was now ready.
"Spread those cheeks ladies, for you're about to get a bit of a probe!"
A title card saying "Undra Admin: The Giant Pancreas" appeared for a quick second, with each letter being made up of gas pumps and oil, before quickly disappearing. The guns in the ceiling wasted no time firing upon the five robots as they rushed forward. The Stocking robot basically became a running lawnmower as she swung her arms in mad circles as her Stripes deflected any shots her way, which the Brandy robot took for granted as she stayed behind it. The Panty and Gin robots did only something they could have thought up of. The Panty robot picked up and locked the Gin robot right on its shoulders before running in the fray and unleashing their ammunition on anything that moved, the Panty robot wanting SOME use of their robot behind. The Brief robot slowly trailed behind, doing absolutely nothing to help as he ran around like a pansy dodging any incoming fire.
As the robots approached the pancreas, Shadix, who was riding on the back of the Stocking robot, began to succumb to massive itches once they passed by the giant left artificial hand. He set his sights on a particular spot before realizing what it meant. He directed the Stocking and Brandy robots to look in his direction.
"Detecting the Comet Shard right below the bird!" Shadix said as he pointed in that particular spot.
"That's all you police bitch." Stocking's voice said. "I'll take out the gall bladder and reap the rewards. You don't even need heavens anyway as a police bitch."
"Yeah, how about no?" Brandy's voice replied before going into sarcasm. "I seem to recall a very recognizable sentence coming from those lips of yours. I think it was 'our fucked shenanigans will be your fucked shenanigans' so if I'm fighting for the shard, YOU'RE going to fight for it as well…unless you want to continue sucking on the cord like an undeveloped embryo."
"That remark only goes one way police bitch." Stocking's voice said. Before the Stocking robot could remark further, the giant left artificial hand loomed over them which the two robots got out of the way just as it slammed down on the ground. It got back up just as the Brandy robot got onto its back and slammed her mace right on it. The fingers and palm flailed about as sparks erupted from the damaged spot, causing the tips of the fingers to open up and release multiple energy shots in retaliation. The hand coated itself in a blanket of electricity to get the Brandy robot to fall off, which it successfully did, as it formed into a giant knuckle and launched itself in the Brandy robots direction. Just as it was about to impact, the Stocking robot sidestepped right in front of the Brandy robot before crossing her Stripes and clashing them right into the knuckle. She continued as well as she could pushing the knuckle back as the two struggled to overpower the other.
"As much as I would LOVE to see you get smashed to scraps, your actual body needs to be mangled as well, not as a trash can." Stocking's voice said. "Do NOT take this as an act of generosity; for I still want you out of my life police bitch!"
"Duly noted, not that I needed to be constantly reminded of your hatred." Brandy's voice said. After a few more moments of struggling, the Stocking robot got the upper hand, flipping the hand out of its knuckle and onto its backside, completely open. The Stocking robot shouted with rage as she soared into the air before aiming her Stripes downward. With a very impressive impact, the Stocking robot's Stripes stabbed right through single blue monitor in the palms center. Some sort of technological screech emitted for a bit before the giant hand completely shut down, its fingers going completely limp in the process. The Brandy robot went up to the spot Shadix instructed and pulled out the shard within.
"Nonono, I was going to present that shard to Lord Undra when I was finished!" the pancreas cried out. "I will not let the pride of guzzlers catch fire and burn! ACTIVATE THE SHADOW MECHANISMS!"
With one single click, the whole area began to flash red as a siren went off. The remaining right artificial hand suddenly got coated in intense chromium steel, with the single monitor exposed of course, before angling itself towards the Panty and Gin robots. It formed itself into a shape that showed as a dog on the back wall, a recognizable common shadow puppet, with the shadow speedily coming to life in multiple copies, surrounding the Stocking and Brandy robots. The shadows kept them busy as the Panty and Gin robot continuously fired upon the hand, but the new coat of steel kept their weapons from doing any damage to it. The hand then formed itself into a turkey shape on the back wall, and like beforehand, caused the shadow to come to life in many multiples.
The Panty and Gin robots were understandably annoyed as they were swarmed.
"Damn it, cheap bastards! I can't handle this many like this!" Panty's voice exclaimed, firing Backlace upon another turkey shadow and eliminating it.
"We're gonna need a tactical nuke for these fuckers, there's just too much!" Gin's voice replied. This got the Panty robot into an immediate realization.
"Wait, you DO have an atom bomb in up your arsenal! Fuckdoll, that extra scope from before!"
"Uhhhhh, what?" The Gin robot replied with confusion as cuckoo noises echoed through his mind. Without missing a beat, the Panty robot gave a swift kick to the Gin robot's rocket launcher, revealing the extra scope popping up atop the weapon. Gin looked on with slight amazement as Panty took aim at the remaining giant hand with this new scope.
…only for the Brief robot to run up like a coward in front of them.
"Ohhhhh man, its total chaos in here! I can't handle this like the angels, so how can my-"
Panty accidentally fired upon the Brief robot on accident. As she was just about to shout at the geek boy again for screwing things up, things went by a bit like it came out of a cartoon. The nuke slammed straight into the robot that didn't explode on impact, but caused the Brief robot to ride along it on top of the warhead. The giant hand only got to look on for a split second as the Brief robot covered nuke crashed right into its monitor, exploding the moment it made contact. The Panty and Gin robots watched in awe as the hand was destroyed completely by the clouds of fire, consequently making all of the shadows disappear into nothing.
The pancreas watched, somehow without any eyes, as the robots ripped his defenses to shreds.
"You bastards, YOU INSOLENT BASTARDS! ALL OF THOSE YEARS OF MINERAL STUDIES HAVE BEEN FLUSHED DOWN TO NO RETURN! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR TIME TO KICKS THE TESTICLES OF THE INFERIOR!"
His response was met with a very uninterested Stocking robot appearing in front of him.
"Science is nothing but geek language, which never gets put into the limelight. You never stood a chance with your gas humping, that's a fact for the books.
The pancreas suddenly found himself completely cut into from the Stocking robot's Stripes.
"IT'S GAS GUZZLING!" the pancreas shouted as he exploded. Not that the robots could hear, but the bell of Daten City's chapel rung after the ghost was repented.
The Stocking robot picked up the seven heavens left behind as the other robots went up to her, with Shadix carrying the Brief robot's cockpit, the last part that was still operating after the nuke explosion earlier.
"Ugh, more stupid chump change. I'm getting way too tired of this shit." Stocking's voice said.
"At least you still have your body intact! I feel like I just came back from a forsaken island!" the Brief robot's cockpit replied.
"Shut up, you know you like it." Panty's voice said. Before the Brief cockpit could reply, Brandy's voice came up.
"Okay, so now we have both the Comet Shard and the heavens, can we leave now?"
As if right on cue, lights starting flashing rapidly everywhere with a robotic voice exclaiming "Self-destruct sequence activated. Sixty seconds until detonation."
"Wish granted?" Gin's voice said.
The rednecks still hanging around were in for a rude eye opener as the giant asshole spaceship swayed back and forth in an eerie manner. Of course, since most lacked the brain cells to think clearly, they continued on doing whatever gross and rude thing they could think of. This only lasted for a short time before the spaceship looked like it was about to fall right out of the sky, and soon enough, began plummeting to the ground. The pink tube that was extending out of it snapped right off before the spaceship crashed right into the ground, only to massively explode in fire and shrapnel. It was such a huge blast that the entire hillbilly town and population were wiped away in an instant. It would have made sense for the robots to not survive, but thanks to some more forceful electric shocks, Shadix enveloped the four robots and stray cockpit into a bubble-like barrier surrounded by his transformed body. The transformed ghost took the brunt of the explosion as the robots and one cockpit were completely unharmed.
The group conveniently landed right next to Garterbelt's motorhome, which surprisingly didn't suffer any damage at all, as Shadix uncovered the robots and cockpit before collapsing onto the grass completely charred to bits. Garterbelt came out of his motorhome soon after, looking completely wet in some places and having bits of dried blood under his nose, which nobody really cared about.
"As being the one to build those bodies of yours, I appreciate you using them to end another hellspawn. Congrats." Garterbelt said. The Stocking and Brandy robots stood by as the Panty and Gin robots decided to mess with the Brief robot's severed cockpit by continuously tossing him back and forth in an Adobe Flash manner, much to the Brief robot's dismay as he screamed like a girl during each throw.
"Blah blah blah, more congratulatory shit, GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN ROBOT BODY!" Stocking's voice exclaimed.
"I really think that looks good for you sugartits." Brandy's voice replied sarcastically. "You don't have to worry about weight any time soon, plus I don't have to hear remarks about how your bags are bigger than everyone else's!"
"I said before that I blocked out those insults ages ago." Stocking's voice said.
"Now now, the mission's over so y'all should be more relieved!" Garterbelt replied. "Besides, y'all want to get back into your regular bodies; we gotta do that special process."
All of the electrical equipment that Garterbelt used before suddenly flipped into existence as the surrounding grass flipped underneath. Both the Brandy and Stocking robots already felt the discomfort coming. There was only one word they could use to describe the realization.
"Shit."
The screams of the angels could be heard even in the denseness of space.
Once everyone was back in their normal bodies, with Brief's giving off a certain "manly stink", since there was no more nature to attend to with everything being destroyed by the saucer, Garterbelt had no choice but to call off the trip and take everyone back to Daten City. Brandy and Gin were relegated to the bathroom like the trip up, but since Stocking never told Garterbelt that the toilet was malfunctioning, Brandy and Gin suffered from intense…things on the trip back along with some very "colorful" choice of words. For once, Shadix wasn't stuck with them, but that was only because Stocking wanted to punish him personally for stealing one of her pudding tubs. She carefully stored away the "dessert of the century" she bought at the store earlier to make sure it didn't get tainted at all on the way back before unleashing all sorts of torturous punishments upon the ghost, including watching one of Panty's personal sex tapes. Shadix cried buckets on that one as Chuck stood next to him with a wide grin. As for Panty, she put on her "roadway sideshow" like before, but now she had a Jet Ski strapped upon the top with her to work with. Any horny male that laid eyes on her this time practically wanted to fuck with her immediately, with some unfortunately getting too distracted and crashing into obstacles from not paying attention to the road.
When they arrived back in Daten City, the first thing Panty and Stocking did was put on one of their signature concerts with Panty handling the mike. Gin was of course welcome to be on stage, although he tended to collapse at certain parts from drinking too much, as the crowds around them cheered for the angels to keep going. Brandy and Shadix were the only entities not among everyone.
Although they were kind of in the middle of certain business.
"Goddamn it, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WITH THE DAMN KEY?!"
"It's not that bad, uhhhhhhhh, you have me at least. Isn't that a perk?"
"NO IT ISN'T STUPID GEEK! THAT'S IT; I'M CUTTING THAT LEG OFF!"
"Wait, we can't just take rash decisions now! Aren't we supposed to take things small first?!"
"TOO LATE ASSWIPE THAT LEG HAS GOT TO GO!"
The portable toilet shook as Brandy struggled to cut Brief's leg off, which the geek boy clearly fought against. Even though they were back in their normal bodies, nobody cared to unlock the shackles binding Brandy and Brief by their legs, and since tickets for the concert sold out in just a few seconds, with the exception being a special pass to Gin from Panty, the only place left was a portable toilet backstage, which Stocking decided to be extra bitchy and lock the door, keeping them inside. This didn't mean that Shadix got off the hook from her either, for Stocking forced him to be the floormat for the entire concert, making him get trampled and succumb to many shoe sized bruises for the entire night.
As the night went by, once of Brandy's screams could be heard from the skies above.
"FUCK YOU ANARCHIES!"
