I was walking back into the Castle, fuming. I think smoke was coming out of my ears. I saw Zephyra standing there, as pale as snow. Concerned, I quickened my pace. She looked like she was about to be sick. "Zephyra," I said, reaching out to her. She looked down at her hands. "Zephyra, what's the matter?"
"I'm a murderer." I stared at her. I think my mind went numb. "I killed a man. But that's not what is so wrong with me."
"Then what's wrong?" I was a little worried.
" I think...oh Axel," she burst into tears at that. "I think he knew who I was in my past."
This had been eating me up since I delivered the Dusk to Xemnas earlier. He looked at it and said 'Well done. However, it seems I misjudged his heart. Send him along with the other Dusks.' I cried into Axel's shoulder after I told him everything. "How could Superior be so unfeeling about this?"
"He can't..." Axel began. I pushed him away.
"OH SHUT UP ALREADY! I KNOW WHY!" Axel looked hurt and shocked, but then he hid his feelings behind a smirk.
"Then don't ask about what you already know...Got it memorized?"
"Axel," I began hotly, "if I hear you say that phrase one more time, I will hit you so hard..."
"I Got it Memorized," he said, extremely cocky. Before I even realized what I was doing, I summoned my weapons and charged at him. He blocked me with ease. I blinked; he couldn't do that before. He just smirked at him. I snarled and set an icicle at him. He sent fire out of his hands and melted it. I screamed like a banshee and then took out my Chinese throwing stars, tossing my cloak off in the process. I threw them at him as I backflipped over him. He blocked them with apparent ease and then I tossed a dagger right behind a Chinese throwing star. I smirked, I didn't think he'd be able to dodge that one. he never could before. I landed on my feet just as felt his arm come around my neck. I squeaked, I know I did and then I thrashed under his arm, but his arm just became tighter around my neck, so much so that eventually I had to stop because he was choking me. "Now I wouldn't suggest you doing that anymore."
"YOU FUCKING..." then his arm tightened and I couldn't speak.
'Such language," he admonished. "Not to mention interrupting a higher ranked than yourself. Shame on you. Now listen to me," his tone became very serious. "None of this is my fault or is it yours. You were under orders. You did what you were sent out to do and you gained favor in Xemnas' eyes. His word is law. You do what he says or you get turned into a Dusk, no questions asked. I'm telling you the way things are around here, because you've been with us for quite a while. You've been around too long to act like this...to ask questions about ow things are done here. You could get in serious trouble. They all seem like cool guys, and they're not. They are ruthless, after one thing...Kingdom hearts. That's what our purpose is. We are servants and slaves to one man's vision; one we all believe in. If actions and orders are questionable at times, but if it gets us Kingdom Hearts, that is what it takes. You get over it and move on. Got it memorized?" He let me go then and I looked at him in shock. I had never heard him speak like that before...EVER. Nor had he ever treated me this way. He looked like a cynical man. I glared back at him with my coldest eyes.
"I DON'T have to accept it if I don't want to. I may not be free...but I have my OWN ideas and my OWN desires. And no Superior will take those away from me. Got THAT memorized," I shot back. He frowned.
"Don't presume to be your own person. You sold yourself to the Superior in exchange to become real. That is our purpose in life. Got it.."
"NO! I DON'T got it memorized! Because news flash Axel, I have always been my own person. Superior may command me, but he does not own me. I did NOT whore myself to do everyone of his whims. I agreed to work for him to get my heart. If you whored yourself to him, it's your prerogative, not mine." I was up against the wall before I could blink. He was looking at me with such rage, for a moment I was scared. But I glared back at him with as much ice as I cold in my state of fear.
I admit it. I was angry at her for taking her sadness out on me by yelling at me. But when she had said I had whored myself out to Xemnas, I cracked. The wall I had built around my own desires and fears and ideas had crumbled like the Berlin wall. It was a pile or rubble in my mind. My mouth began moving, I don't think I realized what I was saying. "Do you HONESTLY think I don't have my OWN ideas? My OWN desires as well? Damn it Zephyra...I DESIRE YOU! I want to go out and find a life of MY OWN! I don't want to be here, but what else is there for incomplete beings? NOTHING! I hide my ideas and desires because I've seen what happens when you defy Superior. Damn it, what do you think happened to Vexen?!" I saw her eyes go wide. "Yes Damn it! I killed him, and if I follow my orders, Zexion will be dead too." For once, I felt wetness on my face. I looked up to see her eyes dry, but her face was blurry. I let her go and touched my face...It was wet. I was CRYING. I felt her arms come around me as I cried in the bitter sweetness in being able to cry finally.
What else was I supposed to do? I put my arms around him and his arms came around me. I made a dark portal and took him to my room. I laid down on the bed, Axel lying half on top of me, half beside me. "Shh...I whispered. "It's alright Axel. It's okay...Everything is gonna be alright...Shh.." His cries quieted down to sobs, and then nothing. He turned his head so his lips were a breath away from my neck.
'I'm sorry Zephyra... I have never lost control like that before."
'It's alright...I shouldn't have taken my anger at Xemnas out on you. I'm sorry too." He nuzzled his face into my neck, not trying to turn me on, just for comfort. I sighed a little bit. His arms came around me, wrapping me in a hug. I turned to look at him and he was asleep. I smiled a little bit. Then I frowned. He had cried. Axel had cried...my wet shoulder told me so. When did he start crying? I knew he couldn't before. Is it something I've done or is it Axel himself? Maybe a mixture of both? I snuggled closer to him. I had a mission to complete, but for now, I could fall asleep in my lover's arms. Yes, I can call him a lover...but could I call him my love? Part of me; I think the part of me I was missing, wishes I could. I opened my eyes. That's it! My purpose is to find my heart and maybe discover what drew me to Axel before I had even met him. This did not seem like a mere coincidence. I think we were Fated to be together. But there was only one way to find that out. I closed my eyes. As I drifted to sleep, I made a promise to myself and Axel. I promised to find our hearts so we could truly be together.
