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At five months, it finally felt like things were finally coming together for George and I.
After enduring his "repeater" status for a month or two, the other interns relaized what kind of resource they were looking at. George really was the man. That man with answers, the kow how, the skills. His nerves had already hardened. He could answer questions for them that they felt silly asking residents and, like it or not, he could go solo and have more slack to do so than your average intern.
Callie, hadn't really come around by any means. She certainly wasn't knitting booties and rubbing my belly, but she was leaving me to the clinic for the most part. I was okay with that. The clinic was probably best in the long run because it was easier on the baby and my body.
Our friends came too. One at time, they warmed in their own way. Derek one day showed up at the house with an essay on the neurological development of the fetus, and a set of pacifiers that he swore helped his sisters survive their children. Mark brought me a hot cup of cider and wished me lots of luck with my two children-George and the baby. He even let me in on a facial reconstruction that was unbelievable. Of all the surprises, even Addison had called with congratulations and an offer to be on call if I needed her.
And me you ask?
I was living a happy, hungry life with my ever growing belly. I couldn't stay away from those pregnancy sites where you could check the daily development of your baby. At night I was consumed by baby name books until George would kiss me goodnight and take them away for a nights sleep.
That's the reason I never saw it coming.
One day I was clicking happily away to a few of my favorite sites when a bubble popped up announcing a new email. No problem, right?
Wrong.
It was Hannah.
Not that Hannah is bad. Hannah is good. I just didn't expect what I found inside.
Dear Izzie,
It is Izzie, right? That's what my mom and dad told me your name was at least. I wanted you to know I did get your card the day of my surgery. I guess you know since I am writing you now.
I guess I should say that I am sorry for not seeing you. Mom said that I should be thankful for you everyday. Thankful for my life, thankful for giving me away to my parents, thankful for the bone marrow. But if I am honest, I'm not.
Everytime I watch one of those Lifetime Movies, the mother can't give her baby away. So how could you? Why did you not want to be my mother?
When Dr. O'Malley came in the next day to check my vitals, he mentioned something about me being so much like this friend of his. He smiled at me and told me about her eyes, and lips, and how she liked to bake brownies. He told me her name was Izzie, and she was the best person he had ever met. I wonder what he would think if he knew the truth? That is if you are the Izzie he mentioned.
I don't mean to be mean, but I guess I just don't get it.
Mom said that it would be nice of me to visit you just once. I will be at Seattle Grace Hospital tomorrow at 10 a.m. if you want to meet me. I think I am ready now, if you are.
Hannah
I didn't even know what to say.
She was so young, but she seemed so wise, even bitter in her own way.
DId I do this to her?
I was biting my lip in concentration as Bailey came up behind me.
"Are you wasting even more of this hospital's time on these ridiculous baby sites? Let me help you. It is a baby. It grows. Does something different everyday. Give it another month or so and you will e wishing that your child never learned to move."
"Bailey, Hannah wrote me."
She softened ever so slightly.
"What did she have to say?"
"Thanks, she guesses, but that she doesn't get why I didn't keep her. It sounds like her mother coerced her into inviting me to meet her tomorrow."
"Are you going?"
"I don't know."
"So you don't know that she deserves to hear answers from her mother?"
"She seems so upset with me. What if my answers aren't enough?"
"What if? What if! What if you never get another chance? Snap out of this Stevens. You've been able to handle yourself like a grown woman for months now. Why the babbling intern act? You need to make peace with this baby before you give birth to the one inside of you."
She huffed away, convinced I was an idiot once again. Just like the old days.
I forwarded the message to George, and then replied to Hannah.
I'll be there.
Withing a few minutes, George appeared in the clinic.
"So that was Hannah? Really, really Hannah?"
"I guess so."
"You said yes right?"
"Yeah."
"Then why so down?"
"Read between the lines George. She is not happy with me."
"But at least she is giving you something."
"True."
"Do you want me to come with you? I think she and I had a rapport. Mother like daughter. Neither can resist me!"
After an extreme bout of laughter, which I am sure he didn't appreciate, I asked the one question I had been dying to know.
"Why didn't you tell me you had gone to see Hannah?"
"I didn't know if you would want me to, but I was compelled to. There she was, this tiny little Izzie, and I just had to know her. She wouldn't see you, but I wanted her to know you too. She makes it seem like I was just blathering with overshare, but she asked questions too. Hannah wanted to know about my Izzie's hair, and favorite pizza, just anything. I even showed her a picture you. I figured she knew, but didn't want me to know. Are you mad?"
"No, but I wish I had known."
"So, me and you? Tomorrow at ten in Oncology Room Five?"
"You checked the schedule?"
"Had to. She wasn't very concise."
"George, I am scared."
"I know, but it'll be okay."
