11. Quidditch.

"I promise you, Severus, that you will lose."

"I never knew that you could be so competitive, Minerva."

"I think that even Filius could become much more motivated if it meant that he could avoid your scathing remarks for the weeks after, heaven forbid, you ever happen to win."

"Perhaps that is what motivated him to join my team," Severus replied smugly. "I hear that he was quite a formidable seeker in his youth. I doubt that even your precious Potter could ever have beaten him."

"And James," Minerva countered, "has recent practice on his side."

"So you admit that age is a hindrance?" Severus asked pointedly. "In that case, I believe that your so-called star chaser is not quite up to standard."

Minerva bristled instantly – a sight which Severus found he enjoyed immensely. "And I wonder if your equally star chaser shall be able to accurately throw the Quaffle with all of that abominable hair in his face."

Severus snorted. "Better hair getting in the way than misplaced glasses – I believe that most of your team is missing theirs. Perhaps the anticipation of the match has given them the misguided notion of having youthful eyesight."

"You shall regret your harsh words, Severus, when my team thoroughly beats yours."

"Because Trelawney as keeper is such a formidable opponent," he scoffed.

"What?"

Severus rolled his eyes at the utterly clueless woman and turned his attention back to Minerva. "As you can see, she can barely catch an insult. Merlin knows how she will react when she sees Lily and I both advancing on her."

"I have every faith in Sy-"

"Perhaps you should stop talking before you say something you regret," Severus advised dryly. "I would never want you to say something idiotic."

"I knew it was a mistake for them to be on different teams," Lily muttered to Filius. "We won't hear the end of this for weeks."

"Both must be team Captain," Trelawney said mystically, "for both to fulfil their purpose. One cannot submit while the other thrives-"

"Think carefully about how you word your predictions in future," Severus growled, "or that'll be the last one you ever make."

"For once I think she got it spot on," Poppy muttered.

"And the crowd is getting impatient," a voice boomed, making itself heard with difficulty over the rising pandemonium. "Bets are being left unfulfilled, voices are being lost from shouting…and I think there's a group duel going on between some Gryffindors and Slytherins – nothing out of the ordinary, really, but Dumbledore manages to finish it…"

"Take care not to fall off your broom, Snape, like you did in fifth year."

Severus scowled, remembering the hex that Potter had sent his way during the match in question. He had been unconscious for two days and forbidden from playing for the rest of the Quidditch Cup. Gryffindor had won thanks to that dirty trick – not that anyone had ever really punished him for it.

"Then perhaps this time you won't fly straight into the hoops, Potter."

Of course, he had not let the incident go without getting his revenge the following year.

"- and Dumbledore is making his way to the middle of the pitch, which can only mean one thing-"

The roaring of the crowd doubled as the two teams finally took their place on the pitch, Albus standing between them to serve as referee.

Severus found himself opposite Minerva, eyes narrowed and hand clenched tightly around his broom. Behind Minerva, he could see Lupin and Potter standing poised, Trelawney looking dazed and slightly tipsy, Arthur Weasley and Sinistra looking wary, while Poppy was gazing wistfully at the sidelines.

Behind him, Severus knew, Black was attempting to keep Pettigrew from fleeing, Charity and Irma were looking supremely unenthusiastic, and Lily and Filius were running over strategies.

The crowd was still going wild, enjoying the idea of this novelty Quidditch match. Albus had organised the entire event for two official reasons: to take the students' minds off the raging war, and to raise money for the aforementioned conflict. The third and unofficial reason was to make the majority of the Hogwarts staff look stupid. He could see even now those who had refused to play, sitting in the stands and looking smug, even as outside volunteers took their places in order to fill the teams. Hagrid of course looked disappointed, but even he seemed to recognise the impossibility of trying to fly a broom not even half his size.

"Minerva, Severus, I expect you to keep your teams in line and your tactics clean. This is, after all, a charity event."

"Of course, Albus."

At a pointed look from his colleagues, Severus nodded his head tersely. "With regret, Albus."

The older wizard chuckled before mounting his broom with a grace that should not belong to a man of his age. "Then you may begin."

Carnage immediately broke loose.

Severus and Lily simultaneously mounted their brooms, both heading for the Quaffle before realising that Minerva would get there first.

"And Snape and Snape – Merlin, this is so confusing," the voice complained, "can I call her Evans? No? Fine, we'll all be confused…"

In the time that it had taken for the commentator to voice his objections, Severus and Lily had dropped back into defensive positions, marking the two chasers within reach, while Charity Burbage sent a Bludger careering towards the other, forcing them out of the action. Black went hurtling towards Minerva-

"Black, you incompetent mongrel, stick to our plan!"

-And Minerva dodged him easily. Severus barely heard the answering insult that Black spat over his shoulder as he shot to the other end of the pitch, trying frantically to turn around before he crashed into Trelawney.

"Weasley sends a Bludger towards Pettigrew, who seems a bit lost-"

"For Merlin's sake," Severus spat.

"-and the Bludger misses by a hair's breadth! Pettigrew closes in slowly on McGonagall from the front while Black approaches from behind-"

So now Black was following instructions.

"Snape and Snape continue to block all available chasers – Black swoops in, McGonagall dives but drops the Quaffle, Snape – the female one – catches it and hurtles towards Trelawney, who is facing the wrong way-"

"SYBILL!"

Severus smirked at Minerva's ungodly screech as Sybill continued to stare out at the podium.

"SYBILL!"

"And – wait, what are the team names? One and two? Well that's not very original…I'll just make some up, shall I?"

"Don't you dare," Severus muttered under his breath, knowing that he was doomed.

"SNAPE SMASHERS SCORE!"

Severus groaned and Black mock wretched, looking repulsed at being lumbered with a team name bearing any allusion to Severus.

"Play resumes – Potter is diving-"

Severus looked up, alarmed, at the far away figure frantically chasing a falling black dot.

"-no, false alarm, it seems that he had dropped his glasses-"

Severus snorted at that, feeling a smug sensation fill his chest as he caught a badly thrown Quaffle at the same time as dodging a particularly vicious Bludger.

"-and that was a particularly surprising manoeuvre from Snape – the greasy one – although it really shouldn't be because bats are known for flying well…"

Severus vowed to give that student detention until his grandchildren enrolled at Hogwarts.

"-and he's flying – looking furious – towards a petrified looking Trelawney, who is now facing the right way…"

There were several murmurs of sympathy from the stands.

"- and Snape Smashers score!"

The Quaffle went flying into the stands of students, who screamed and scrambled for cover. Severus grinned quietly to himself – even he had never known that he could throw so hard.

"Flitwick and Potter continue to circle the stands," the voice continued as Severus pursued Minerva, who was in possession of the Quaffle again. "Neither seem to have spotted anything…"

"Pettigrew!" Severs roared. "Get the Quaffle!"

Pettigrew continued to sit there, blinking. Minerva was gaining on Irma Pince, who looked rather like she wanted to run screaming back to the library.

"Cut her off!"

Black sent a Bludger hurtling towards Minerva while Charity sent one whizzing towards Pettigrew, despite being on the same team, in an effort to spur him into action. Black's Quaffle missed Minerva by mere inches and hit Severus cruelly in the side before he could even think to avoid it.

Yelling out in surprise and pain, Severus found his world spinning until he ended up flying upside down, clinging to his broom with desperate fingers.

"Pettigrew finally leaps into action and flies towards Snape-"

"I'm fine, go and get the bloody Quaffle!"

"-who bellows at him, from the looks of it. Pettigrew is going after McGonagall and the Bludger that had been aimed at him is now flying towards Snape-"

Severus spun his head round to see that a Bludger was, indeed, heading towards his face.

"-might knock that nose of his back in-"

"FINCH!"

"Sorry, Professor."

"With an almighty heave, Severus managed to pull himself back onto his broom, the Bludger passing harmlessly below him.

"And Snape misses the Bludger by mere millimetres just as McGonagall scores, bringing – uh… McGonagall's Monsters?"

Severus rolled his eyes. That child had an alliteration fetish.

"- closer to Snape Smashers."

…And it was annoying, not to mention ridiculous.

Acutely aware of a pain in his ribcage (how hard did Black need to hit that thing, anyway?), Severus leaned forwards and flew alongside Lily, signalling that he was available for backup.

"Snape passes to Snape…who passes back to Snape again – please can I call her Evans? Fine. Snape keeps the Quaffle and increases speed, but gets tackled by Lupin-"

Severus shot a brief glance at Lily to check that she was alright before setting off in pursuit of the flying werewolf.

"Both Snapes chasing Lupin who dodges a badly aimed Bludger-"

"You're supposed to hit him, Black!"

"I'm not attacking my friends, Snape!"

Severus growled in frustration. It seemed the mangy mutt was absolutely determined to make this as difficult as possible.

"Lupin passes to McGonagall, He-Snape closes in, McGonagall passes back to Lupin, She-Snape-"

There was a brief muttering over the microphone before the commentator came back on again. "…Stops them getting confused, Professor…Lupin passes to Pomfrey, who gets tackled by He-Snape-"

Severus could not help a gasp of pain as he jarred his ribcage, and just had the time to see Poppy's eyes narrow before he turned abruptly and headed towards Trelawney.

"-yet another Bludger, the man is a magnet for these things…no, Professor, magnet…"

Severus ducked and felt the Bludger go whistling over his head, his hair blowing in the breeze it created.

"…No, it's not an – it's a Muggle thing…"

"Are you trying to kill me, Black?"

"I wasn't aiming for you, I was aiming for McGonagall!"

Severus glanced behind him to see that Minerva was indeed following him, and then glared at Black, who was still flying nearby.

"Then aim properly!"

"I didn't ask to be in your team, you greasy git, so stop giving me orders!"

"Then prove to me," Severus spat back, sailing straight over an attacking Lupin, "that you have enough intelligence to actually play properly!"

"McGonagall is alongside He-Snape, they're wrestling for the Quaffle-"

Minerva was pressing against him now, and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying out in pain as his ribs found themselves under pressure.

"-still struggling, and heading straight for Trelawney – who will let go first-"

Severus reluctantly let go of the Quaffle and circled around, ready to attack again.

"-good thing too, otherwise there would have been a pile up – Potter and Flitwick are diving, neither seems to be pulling ahead, but the snitch is around there somewhere-"

Despite his confident words earlier, Severus had not actually expected Filius to be as fast as he evidently was.

"-off course by a stray Bludger, the snitch has fluttered out of sight and the two seekers resume their search…"

Well, Severus reflected, at least now they knew that Filius was perfectly capable of winning them the game, as long as they could keep the Bludgers away from him.

"Pettigrew slowly potters along after McGonagall-"

"Faster, Peter!" Black shouted.

"Black whizzes past Pettigrew to pursue McGonagall himself, He-Snape joins him-"

"I can get this myself."

"Don't be stupid, you can't even hit a Bludger in the right direction."

"I've got it, Snape."

"I'm the chaser, Black. You need to protect Filius from Bludgers – this time without hitting anyone from your own team!"

"You can't order me around like some-"

"I believe being captain gives me the authority," Severus snapped. "Just do it!"

"Black and He-Snape continue to follow McGonagall while She-Snape joins them from the other side. Pince readies herself for the throw and – so close-"

Severus tried very hard to ignore Minerva's smug look and the cheering from the Gryffindor stand in support of their Head of House.

"Some captain you are, Snape, if you can't even keep our team in the lead!"

"Idiots like you, Black, render even the best plans a redundant mess. How can you possibly hope to win while you meander around like an amnesia inflicted mountain troll? Then again, with your family's notorious inbreeding, I suppose that is the norm."

"Black charges at Snape with his bat raised, Snape dodges to the side, right into the path of yet another stray Bludger-"

Damn, that had hurt, Severus thought as he clutched his abused chest, his vision narrowing.

"Black turns around and charges back to Snape, who seems to be in some trouble because the bat is being raised again and he isn't even moving out the way-"

Every breath hurt, as though something sharp was being jabbed repeatedly into his lungs. Trying to keep his breaths shallow, Severus could dimly see Black aiming at him, both hands on the bat for maximum impact even as he balanced precariously on his broom-

"-And the bat flies out of Black's hands with a single flick of the wand from Dumbledore-"

"We shall discuss this later, Sirius-"

"And Flitwick dives, Potter close behind-"

Dimly, Severus was aware of the fact that Dumbledore was bodily keeping him on his broom, too occupied with an argumentative Black and injured Potions Master to even temporarily halt the game.

"Later, Sirius," Albus said firmly, tightening his grip on Severus' torso.

Severus gasped as the pain flared even more acutely than before, and felt Albus shift his arms so as to avoid hurting him further.

"Severus?"

There was a faint buzzing in his ears and he felt like he couldn't get enough oxygen into his screaming lungs.

"Potter catches the snitch, just ahead of Flitwick, and it's game for-"

"Severus?"

The roaring in the crowd was quieter now and the day seemed to be getting darker. The pain remained the same until his feet impacted with something, jolting his entire body.

"-Pomfrey is on the scene… looks like those two deadly Bludgers have finally caught up with him," the commentator mumbled over the roaring in Severus' ears.

Barely aware of the surprisingly strong arms holding him in a standing position, Severus saw Lily leap off her broom and sprint over to him, mouth moving silently. Poppy suddenly loomed in front of him, pointing brusquely at the changing rooms, and Severus weakly tried to tell her to get out of Lily's way.

Obviously the words had not come out properly, because he saw Poppy's facial expression turn into confusion even as Albus began pulling him towards the changing rooms. A second pair of arms joined in and Severus looked around to see Lupin staring anxiously down at him.

The roaring continued even when they were off the pitch and Severus' legs finally stopped working, dropping him into darkness.