Charlie: (watching Narra dance) Why? Are you trying to blind us?

Ai: ...

Narra: You don't have a beta! You'll never have a beta! I'm all by myself! Yippee!

Ai: (picks up a medicine bottle) He is not well in the head.

Narra: (trips and fall head on onto the floor) ZZZZZZZ!

Charlie: True that.

Riddles:

"A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains."

"This runs fore to aft on one side of a ship, and aft to fore on the other. What is it?"

"I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet they can unlock your soul. What am I?"

"What turns everything around, but does not move?"

"While walking across a bridge I saw a boat full of people. Yet on the boat there wasn't a single person. Why?"

"If your sock drawer has 6 black socks, 4 brown socks, 8 white socks, and 2 tan socks, how many socks would you have to pull out in the dark to be sure you had a matching pair?"

"Food can help me survive, but water will kill me. What am I?"

"What is broken every time it's spoken?"


Thou Shalt Not Kill

By Charlie

Chapter Eleven: My Quest


They were all there with an I Love Sasuke t-shirt. There were other factors which I will not list. Those girls are worse than psychos in the ward (never been there…this year). Sakura wasn't among them. Why would she? I only sent out the fake invitations to the members, not the officer.

I walk out from behind the Sasuke poster. It was big enough to hide an elephant…and its herd. The thing must've cost a fortune. Ah, but it wasn't a problem for our rich fangirls. Once they saw me, it wasn't noises of excitement. It was growling.

I was dress in a ridiculous costume covering my entire body. I even wore platform combat boots so they don't know how tall I really am. I also can imitate my voice really well when needed.

"Tuck in your claws, ladies, I have an offer." Okay…they were closing in on me, but it's alright. I pull out the picture I took of Sasuke. Only one though. I needed insurance. And then out comes the lighter. I start it up and put it not too close to the picture. They were looking admirably and sort of angry at the same time. It takes talent to pull off an expression like that. "Hear me out?"

They back away and let me have some space. "I am here to make an offer…as I have said." They were paying attention. Oh that's a knife. Maybe I need to talk faster. They weren't exactly looking at me. "I need you girls to trash Sakura's party tonight." At the mention of Sakura's name, their eyes literally glowed with malice. "And I'll give you all of Sasuke's pictures, but that's only after the job is done."

The leader of the pack stepped forward and held up a hand. They all reverted back to human beings, thankfully. "Where did you get those?" she asked suspiciously.

Might as well tell the truth. "I bribed him." Dear, they're getting ready to attack. "Don't you want more pictures of him?"

"We have pictures," said the leader.

I shook my head. "Yes, you do, but seventy percent of them don't come out right and you don't have these kinds of arts." I gesture to the topless form in the picture. They thought about it and quickly huddled up in a group. When they were ready, the leader stepped forward.

"You…" her voice was uncertain. "Can get us those?" I nodded. "You swear?" Again I nodded. "Sasuke can't be involved in this."

"Whatever." I didn't roll my eyes because I like to keep them and they're my only pair. "I have a few suggestions that I think you'll like." I pass them a thick folder. The one without my fingerprints, handwriting, or any known evidence that they can trace. "I would love it if Ino could be involved too. So…this will not leave us?" I want to get out as quick as possible because this place is being air-conditioned by perfume and littered with lots of arousing drawings of Sasuke.

"It will not."

I held out the goods but before she can grab it, I pull back. "Remember that we have an agreement. If you do not do as I ask, there will be punishment." I heard their gasps of fear, but ignored it.

I place the picture on the floor and quickly left. I'll admit I was afraid, but if you actually saw their hungry, drooling eyes and razor teeth, you would think differently. Definitely. I trust them with it. Truth is they hate Sakura…down to the core. Hello, it's a Sasuke fanclub and Sakura's currently dating Sasuke (news travel fast especially if you're stalking Sasuke). Not a very good totalitarian plan. I prefer Naru-litarian.


Now then, my next plan…is place-behind-the-cafeteria-which-has-no-name, also the place where Hinata had her accident. Ino is there wait-ing for me. She looked anxious too. Well as far as I can tell through this peephole I'm using. I went in and her anxious look turned cautious. Wow, it was almost identical to that of the fangirls. Is it the costume?

"I'm guessing you know it wasn't Sasuke who sent you that note." Get down to business, Naruto. Take a deep breath and…go! "IcansetyouupwiththeoneyoureallyloveandIknowwhoitisbutyouhavetogivemeinformationaboutSai."

And that folks is translated as, "I can set you up with the one you really love and I know who it is, but you have to give me information about Sai."

"What the f-?"

"Alright I'll repeat it-."

"No, that's not what I meant." She was definitely smirking at me. "You're really confident."

"Of course," I stated obviously. Why else was I standing here? This place isn't exactly paradise.

"Tell me who I like then."

I shrug and said the name out loud. I grin at her expression. "I'm a bit curious though. Why didn't you go after him or is it because of her?"

"She doesn't control me!" Ino snapped.

"It's hard to tell. You're a very good actor after all." She didn't respond; don't know if it was a compliment or an insult. I opened up my box of opportunity. "I can help you."

She smirks mockingly at me and walk passes me towards the door. "You don't know anything."

I stood there till she left. I know a lot more than you give me credit for. But I can still use a bit more convincing skill. It's very hard to work in this place. Oh, look. A school newspaper. I picked it up, half reading and half wondering how it got down here. I took it and left.


First class was so…booooring! The beginning wasn't. The blackboard, which had been clean since a few days ago, is now ruined with black and white paints. The message on the board consisted of three sentences.

Congratulations, Shikamaru! You got the answer right! Santa Claus does live at the North Pole!

There were gasps of confusion and those who were too shock to speak. Kiba, being the bubbly idiot that he was, waltz over to Shikamaru with the same confusion.

"Shikamaru, what's going on?"

The lazy boy sighed heavily and looked as if he wanted to say something, but chose not to since it'll only waste his breath and won't benefit him in the least. He grumbled something and stayed quiet. I see it as a good sign.

……………..

Kakashi won't let us talk to other people, no different assignment. He just wants us to sit and talk with our partner. The whole entire period. Just to get to know their sorry ass. He even gave us a few sample questions. My conversation with Sasuke was short. Real short.

"What's your favorite food?" asked Sasuke.

"Anything," said I. "You?"

"Anything. What's your hobby?"

Planning world domination. "Planning my career. You?"

"Same. What would you like to become?"

Satan or Dark Vader but without the nasty burns. "A business manager. You?"

"Assist my brother in the Uchiha business."

"No, you don't," I said.

"What?"

So I was going to make him hate me and this kinda came up randomly, but I'm not going to let it go. Whatever opportunities come up, you need to take it. Or steal it. Whichever way work for you. "I'm saying you don't want to assist your brother. It goes both way though. Your brother probably works best flying solo. I mean come on, have you seen his showcase? You live with him after all."

Sasuke looked uncomfortably by my outward speech. I am speaking proud and true. What better way to make someone angry than devalue them?

"He probably can do a lot of things in seven day. Like God. That would be cool. He is Uchiha Itachi after all. With a name like that, what can't he do?" Sasuke is really starting to get angry. "Oh, but I'm sure you will do great things too," I said while making it obvious I didn't mean it. That isn't entirely true. If Sasuke focus more on himself then he'll probably—where the hell was he looking? I turn around and saw Kakashi's face looking right at me.

"Having fun?"

I turn away. "Aren't you shameless, sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, Kakashi."

"Kakashi-sensei," he corrected. "I was just looking to see if you two were making any progress." Hmph, so Sasuke called you over. If he can't stand a little insult then to hell with him! I don't know why I'm angry, but I am, ok?

I slam my hand down on the table and stood up. It may seem like I'm picking a fight, but I'm not. "I'm going to the restroom," I declared and stomp off before Kakashi or Sasuke can say anything. Having trouble, eh? I'll show you trouble! Looking around the place, I saw that it was empty. Such a rich school and no guards. Those brats must've paid off the guards so they can go do whatever the hell they got to do. I must say, it is kind of smart. What was I going to do?

Oh, that's right.


Boom! Boom! Boom!

The three most wonderful sounds a child can ever hear.

I was safely up in the tree, grinning as the sound of gushing water exploded through the front doors of the school. Wet students and grumpy teachers ran out, bulldozing over each other for a way out. Once they were facing the school with disbelief, I ran over and stood behind them with the same faces.

Kiba popped outta nowhere and looked me up and down. "Hey, why aren't you wet?"

"I was already outside. About to skip school," I lied.

He accepted my answer right away. Naïve, but to my advantage. "Wow, can you believe the bastard that did this? The whole school's flooded!"

I turn to him with confusion. "There's not going to be any school. I thought you of all people would be happy."

"Yeah, but I won't be able to see Hinata and our room will smell like detergent and piss for the whole week!"

"I'm not too sure about the whole piss smelling thing but I get your point." I nudge him in the ribs. He glared at me with no effect. "You like Hinata, don't you?" Wow I've never seen such a red face human before. Is that even possible?

"H-How-w y-y-you-?"

"How did I know? The part where you said 'I won't be able to see Hinata'." I grab him around the shoulders. "You know…a wise person once told me, "Someone rarely gets what they desire and it satisfy to only be near them, but sometime, that isn't enough." It made him think about his love life. I can see it swirling all around his tiny little brain.

"And I'm guessing that wise person was you?"

I thought about that and saw no harm. "…yes, yes I am." It's not like the old man's publishing a book any time soon. A little plagiarizing won't hurt him…or me. "You keep that in mind and only in your mind." I don't want it getting back to me.

"Ok, no problem. But…can you….uh…?"

"Can I not tell Hinata that you like her?" His hand covered my mouth in alarmed.

"Shh, don't say it so loud."

I peeled his hand off and said close by his ear. "I was whispering."

"Oh."

I place his hand by his side and said begrudgingly, "But hey…" I look around and drag him to a secluded place. "I have some juicy gossip for you. See, Sakura and Ino…"


Charlie: Hey, Ai, don't you have clients?

Ai: I have lots of clients.

Charlie: (enjoying Ai's deadpan face) How come you haven't gone to see them?

Ai: I do. At night. You were asleep.

Charlie: That's...creepy. Very cool. So do you believe in heaven?

Ai: I have yet to see it.

Charlie: ...is that a no?

Riddles:

"What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?"

Answer: Umbrella

"What seven letters did Old Mother Hubbard say when she opened her cupboard?"

Answer: O I C U R M T

"What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?"

Answer: Silence

"How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride out on Friday?"

Answer: The horse is named Friday.

"A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?"

Answer: He said, "You'll sentence me to six years in prison." If it was true, then the judge would have to make it false by sentencing him to four years. If it was false, then he would have to give him six years, which would make it true. Rather than contradict his own word, the judge set the man free.

"How many letters are in the alphabet? (if you say 24, you are wrong)"

Answer: There are eleven letters in "the alphabet."

"What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?"

Answer: The letter M

"The more you take the more you leave behind."

Answer: Footsteps