Hotel Lez

Chapter 11

Aveline: Hotel Lez is filmed and written in front of a live studio audience

*rock music*

Supergirl:

It's astounding

Time is fleeting

Madness…

Takes its toll

But listen closely

Alex:

Not for very much longer

Supergirl:

I've got to keep control

I REMEMBER

DOING THE TIME WARP

DRINKING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN

THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME

AND THE VOID WOULD BE CALLING

Chorus:

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

Helga:

It's just a jump to the left

Chorus:

AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT

Helga:

Put your hands on your hips

Chorus:

BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT

BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST

THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

Alex:

It's so dreamy

Oh, fantasy free me

So you can't see me

No, not at all

In another dimension

With voyeuristic intention

Well secluded, I see all

Supergirl:

With a bit of a mind flip…

Alex:

You're into the time slip

And nothing can ever be the same

You're spaced out on sensation

Supergirl & Alex:

LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDATION

Chorus:

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

Helga:

It's just a jump to the left

Chorus:

AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT

Helga:

With your hands on your hips

Chorus:

YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT

BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST

THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

Zatanna:

Well I was walkin down the street

Just having a think

When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink

He shook me up and took me by surprise

He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes

He stared at me and I felt a change

Time meant nothin, never would again

Chorus:

LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

*Zatanna does tap dance*

Chorus:

LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

Helga:

ITS JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT

Chorus:

AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT

Helga:

WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS

Helga and Chorus:

YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT

BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST

THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

One RHPS musical number later…

"What the hell was that?" Alex said

"and cue intro" Supergirl announced

"wait, what?" Alex said

Cue Full House like intro with really cheesy 80s music

HOTEL LEZ

Starring KELLY CHAMBERS

*Kelly gives a smile at the camera*

SUPERGIRL

*Supergirl turns and winks at the camera*

LIVEWIRE

*Livewire blows a kiss at the camera*

MAYA

*Maya grins proudly at the camera*

LILITH

*Lilith is doing laundry and smiles at the camera*

WESTMORELAND AND CAMPBELL

*both are at the receptionist desk and wave at the camera*

ALEX DANVERS

*Alex smiles and blows a kiss at the camera*

ODETTE

*Odette does a curtsy*

EVADORA

*Evadora waves hi at the camera*

JEAN GREY

*Jean winks at the camera*

NYSSA AL GHUL

*Nyssa smiles at the camera*

CRYSTA

*Crysta opens the door and smiles at the camera*

THUMBELINA

*Thumbelina waves hi*

CHLOE DANCER

*Chloe opens the door and says hi*

POTEMA THE WOLF QUEEN

*Potema gives the camera a bow*

The HOTEL LEZ GANG

With ERIS THE GODDESS OF CHAOS

*Eris gives a shushing sound to the camera*

And HELGA SINCLAIR

*Helga smiles and winks at the camera*

Created by MR. BRAM STOKER

Today's Episode: "RANDOM EPISODE"

"guys? Don't you think it's weird we're all being filmed live on national television?" Alex asked, saying her first line

"hi Mom, hi Dad! I'm on TV! Winn, tell Cat she owes me $30 for getting the main cast bit" Supergirl shouted to the camera

"Kara, sweetie, can you settle down?" Helga said calmly just before Livewire appeared

"BOOMMM! Shakalaka" Livewire exclaimed, the audience cheering loudly, doing a standing ovation

"you like me? You really, really like me? I wanna thank everyone at , I wanna think my BFF Demi Lovato for capturing and voicing my likeness, ooh I also wanna thank my BFF Lori Petty for doing me in the animated series oh yeah and you guys at CBS- you all can kiss my great all-American meta ass! Thank you, thank you so very much" Livewire said, accepting praise from everyone

"…what is she babbling about?" Helga asked

"Helga, don't you get it? We're all in a major TV show. We're filmed live across the entire USA" Crysta explained as everyone looked at the camera

"…oh my goodness. I'm on TV. I'm…I'm…" Helga stammered before fainting with a smile on her face

"You ok, boss?" Livewire asked, giving Helga CPR

"GAAAAAHHH" Helga yelled, bolting right up, her hair frizzled

"Thanks Leslie, I needed that" Helga said, not missing a beat

"Eh, it's what I'm here for, I'm the comic relief provider in this series. Also the funny one to your straight woman. The George Costanza to your Seinfeld. The Barney Fife to your Andy Griffith. The Bart to your Homer. The Fonzie to your Richie, the Debra to your…" Livewire went on

"Ok, ok Leslie, we get it" Aveline interrupted

"Damn it, you messed up my first monologue" Livewire growled

"So what's the plot for today's episode?" Alex asked

"According to the script, a lot of random things happen" Supergirl said

"if by random you mean that really cute intro?" Alex asked

"yup" Livewire answered, taking a sip of her root beer

"Leslie! You shouldn't have caffeine for breakfast" Supergirl scolded, giggling

"oh come on Kara, a girl's gotta get her energy somehow" Livewire remarked

"what does that mean, big sis?" Supergirl asked Alex

"I'll tell you when you're a big girl, buttercup. Now…I think it's time for you to take a nap" Alex said, scooping up Kara in her arms

"KK" Kara said innocently, kissing Alex's cheek

"isn't that cute?" Chloe asked

"it sure is" Susan commented

Later…

"wow, talk about chilly out there! One minute its springtime, next minute it's ice cold again" Livewire complained

"oh hello! You must be Livewire, a pleasure to meet you" Sara said nicely, shaking Livewire's hand

"what the? Oh my sweet Stoker, you're those two hot babes from CSI" Livewire gasped

"yup, that's right. I'm Sara, this is my wife Catherine" Sara said, introducing her broad, butch, masculine wife

"a pleasure. Helga Sinclair, I'm the owner, manager and proprietor of this fabulous hotel" Helga said quickly

"oh thank you. And who is this… unusual lady?" Catherine asked, looking at Livewire

"oh! This is Livewire, she's one of the many, many, MANY guests in this hotel" Helga explained

"oh I see now; you're in that rock band Shock and Burn aren't you?" Sara asked

"you got it" Livewire grinned

"Marvelous! My lover and I have been to your concerts" Sara exclaimed

"ooh look at how lovely this is Sam" Alex said, walking in with her lovers Clover and Sam

"ooh new residents" Helga squealed excitedly

"no, no, let me guess; you're the former Totally Spies, right?" Daphne asked

"well, we USED to be. Now we're totally *censored*" Alex said

"what was that?" Helga asked confused

"Censoring, boss. Apparently Mr. Stoker has decided to censor all our fanfics" Livewire piped up

"now who the heck is THIS?" Rikke asked as a brunette dressed in odd out of place clothing came in

"ok, let me guess… you're from New Orleans, right?" Kelly asked

"yes, that's right. I'm Lena, a pleasure to meet you" Lena said in her sexy Southern twang

"uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison, apparently recalling the very… odd history of their new guest

"Um…Kelly, would you come here for a minute?" Livewire said, dragging Kelly off to the hall

"what the heck's the matter with YOU?" Kelly asked

"Kelly! Don't you get it! She's that were-cat from that Zombie Island movie" Livewire hissed

"oh Pfft, that was in 1998" Kelly scoffed

"Hey you look familiar, Ms. Lena. Didn't I see you in that zombie island movie?" Jean asked

"Why yes, yes I was. I was doing an acting job" Lena said, everyone freezing and looking at her

"wait a minute… are you telling me you and that creepy old lady you co-starred with are actresses?" Livewire asked

"yes ma'am. Miss Simone died of leukemia recently" Lena said

"oh my, I'm so sorry. You have all our sympathies" Kelly said, giving Lena a comforting hug

"what the? Who the hey are YOU?" Jean asked as a vampire woman came in

"I'm Sibella" Sibella said, showing her gorgeous animated body

"Oh…my…God, you're you-know-who's daughter" Livewire gasped

"You don't mean…" Kelly said

"mm-hmm" Sibella said

"Count…something?" Helga asked nervously

"Dracula" Sibella answered

"uh…" Helga stammered nervously, sweat dripping from her head as Sibella gazed hungrily at Helga's neck

"oh don't be silly, you're too old for me" Sibella said

"WHAT?" Helga said, shocked

"easy, honey, easy, we don't wanna scare away the new customers" Rikke said comfortingly

"well Batman won after all. Pay up" Maya said, Livewire grumbling something under her breath as she gave Maya $30 credits

"aw nuts" Batwoman snarled in frustration, snapping her fingers

"mmm… morning" Supergirl yawned

"there you are! We thought you were in a coma" Aurora gasped

"it's ok ladies, I was able to wake her up" Alex chimed in

"so… what else is new?" Nyssa asked

"well tonight's the final March Madness game unfortunately" Livewire moaned

"yeah? And what else?" Supergirl asked curiously

"and my bookie Amazing Grace got arrested so I'm comin' up with a plan to bust her out" Livewire added

"how exciting!" Supergirl exclaimed cheerfully, not knowing the odd looks everyone was giving her

"what?" Supergirl asked