She locked the door behind me which immediately told me something was up. I stood in the corner not liking the idea of sitting at the moment. We looked at each other clearly both in evaluation; she did not sit either, simply stood behind her desk. "What did you want to talk about?" I asked breaking the silence.
"About what happened to me last year," she said. "It is not what you think, well truth be told I don't know what you think but I can guess what you have heard," she began.
"So what is the real story then, it is clear you are scared of Four and don't seem to be scared of Eric in the slightest. This seems to be the exact opposite of how everyone else feels."
"You don't seem to be scared of Four or Eric," she countered. "If fact you seem very close to both of them which is very interesting." I did not like what she was insinuating, that I was involved with both of them, though I couldn't completely deny I wasn't somewhere in the middle.
"It is not like that," I warned her.
"I didn't say it was, but for someone so interested in why I am not scared or intimidated by Eric you find yourself in the same position."
"It is just complicated."
"With them it always is you really have no idea what you are in the middle of."
"Enlighten me," I asked.
"3 years ago me Eric, and Four were all in the same initiate class, back then Dauntless born and transfers trained together because there weren't enough transfer to train separately."
"Wait who is a transfer?" I interrupted.
"You don't know?" she asked. I shook my head and she seemed even more confused. "You didn't recognize Four when you first met him?"
"Recognize him from where?" I asked.
"Four was a transfer from Abnegation… like you." She spoke plain as day but I did not comprehend. I immediately began to search my memory for someone who could have been Four but I never would have forgotten someone like him there was no way, especially in a plain place like Abnegation.
"He never told me that," was all I could come up with as a response.
"I assumed you two knew each other and that is why you bonded so quickly with him."
"That means Four is probably not his real name do you know what it is?" I asked her, hoping a name would help me place him.
She thought for a long moment but shrugged in the end, "I can't remember what it was, something simple though like Tim or TJ, pretty sure it started with a T," she told me. "You know why they call him Four don't you?" I shook my head feeling like a moron for knowing nothing about the man I had been spending all this time with. How could I never have asked where the name came from it was clearly a nickname that had just stuck, I mean no one names their child Four, even in Dauntless. "When he took his first fear landscape we all talked about it and he told us he only had 4 fears, so people started calling him that, a lot of us didn't believe him but once the final came around we all saw it was true, he is only scared of 4 things," she explained.
"Do you remember what they are?" I asked, very intrigued.
"That was way too long ago you will have to ask him," she said.
"So what about you?" I asked putting all my sidetracked questions to the side for now.
"So when we were going through initiation together the 3 of us were actually pretty good friends, until the capture the flag outing."
"Eric told me Four took the barbed wire from around his flag and got it around his arm so he could win."
"That is true, Four and Eric had competed very closely in the physical rounds but Eric had taken first ranking and Four had taken second. So when we did this outing they ended up being team captains. Four wanted to take first ranking so he did what it took to win."
"You weren't there though right? I mean no one was so no one saw what happened."
"You are right it was just the two of them, but Eric had barbed wire around his arm and Four had bloody hands that were cut by something, it wasn't too hard for me to believe."
"If it was so obvious how come no one else believed Eric?" I asked.
"Eric is a sore loser and an ass, Four is easy to like and the story was a bit extreme I believed Eric because I was one of the few people who actually bothered to get to know him. His bark is much worse than his bite," she laughed. "After that though Eric and Four became more and more competitive with each other and then it turned vicious, clear the friendship could not recover once Four revealed the darker side of himself. With the divide of the friendship I ended up picking and choosing who I spent time with and it was usually Eric. I had grown up with him in Dauntless and truth be told he needed my friendship more than Four."
"How come I never see you guys together then?" The more she talked the more questions I had.
"Just wait," she told me. I agreed and went back to listening. "Four didn't want to be a leader but he still participated in leadership activities, but he worked in the control room with me and trained the initiates when that time came. So our friendship grew stronger and I began to fall for him a bit. He even helped me get on the leadership path with him."
"Doesn't sound so bad," I noted.
"It wasn't," she agreed. "Four is hard not to fall for; he is charming and attractive and wants to take care of you." She moved and sat down in her chair, I sensed the story I had been waiting for was about to come, I joined her and sat across from her desk. "So things were all good and one night Eric and I were catching up drinking in the Pit, he was obviously very excited at the idea of me joining him as a leader, and I got a little drunk and decided I wanted to go up to see Four, I was feeling bold and decided to act on my little crush."
It was hard not to feel like she was describing my drunken night in the Pit where I had wondered up to his apartment with the desire to see him. My cheeks burned slightly at the memory of it all. Though our stories were similar it sounded like bad judgment on our parts and not Four's not like he prayed on me when I was drunk, I went to his room and banged on his door, and it sounded like that is what Susan did as well.
"Well Eric wasn't a fan of the idea because he still didn't trust Four, which I understood, but I wasn't thinking clearly and even if I hadn't been drunk I did like Four and he had been helping me and been nothing but kind to me, so Eric walked me up to his apartment because as you know they live right next to each other."
"Yeah how did that happen?" I couldn't help the interruption.
"It's the leaders flat all the leaders live there, though Four is not technically a leader Max placed him there, he thinks the competition between Eric and Four is good, just dumb boys being boys if you ask me," she said rolling her eyes at the thought.
"Okay go on," I replied feeling satisfied.
"Once I got there Eric went inside his apartment and I knocked on Fours door, he invited me in and we talked and eventually became physical, he was gentle at first but very controlling, telling me what to do, I was teasing him that we was being too gentle that I wanted him to be aggressive and be rough, I told him he needed to act Dauntless if he ever wanted to be with me, joking of course but Four didn't think it was so funny." I could tell the story was getting harder for her to tell the longer she spoke. "He had, had enough of my jokes and became very angry and started being aggressive like I said but he ended up hurting me and so I told him to stop but he didn't, he wrapped his hand around my neck and wouldn't let go, telling me he was in charge and that I was embarrassing myself; that he was Dauntless and never to say otherwise, it got to the point that I could hardly breath and I couldn't even talk to tell him to stop, his strength was over powering to me, I was helpless and it was clear to me that was the point, Four needs to be in control and will take it away from you if he as to." She exhaled a deep breath and pushed a few tears away from her eyes.
"I am so sorry," I whispered.
"When he finally let go, I was terrified of him, so shocked by the switch in the personality I didn't know what to expect, he just told me to get dressed and leave and to keep my mouth shut, so that is what I did. I had a friend who was a nurse down here she came and checked me out, nothing was too damaging, I couldn't talk for a few days I hid out, explaining I was sick, but there was no way to hid the bruise it took so long to heal everyone saw it, and asked what happened."
"So did he force you to …" I wasn't sure how to ask if Four had assaulted her sexually.
"No, it was nothing like that," she assured me.
"So what did you say when people asked about the bruise?"
"I told people I had slept with someone and that it got rough which was what I wanted, that it was consensual and to leave me alone. I couldn't stand to see Four after that so I dropped out of the leadership classes and moved to medical care, something I knew would keep me away from him."
"So why does everyone think Eric did it?"
"I wouldn't tell anyone who I was with and people had seen me and Eric leave together and everyone knew we were friends. Once I quit leadership it only made the rumors worse, no one would ever suspect Four of something like that, and Eric has a reputation of being rough with girls, all girls who wanted it but it didn't help the cause." That shocked me to hear though I knew Eric was rough and aggressive, I mean he told me that flat out, but he also made it very clear I could stop it at any point I wanted.
"Has anything like that ever happened to anyone else?"
"Not that I know of, Four keeps it pretty under control, like I said he just slips and goes crazy sometimes, he is a control freak and he is in charge, you should be careful," she warned me.
"You told him to be rough though right?" I didn't mean the question to come out as it did and it was clear I had insulted her. "I didn't mean it like that," I said instantly.
"It is okay, you are right I did tell him to be rough, but he knew he was hurting me… he meant to," she answered.
"Of course, I didn't doubt you." There was a long awkward pause that followed, I wanted to break the silence but wasn't sure what to say.
"Did he tell you not to give me pain medication when I was in here?"
She put her hands up, "ask him, I have nothing to say on that one." Even after telling her story it was clear she was scared of Four and always would be, and sounds like she had every right to be. My head was spinning; it was almost too hard to believe.
"Well since you work with medicine and stuff I have a medical question." She looked at me hesitantly but nodded. "Does the body heal faster when it has no drugs in its system?" I saw the skepticism in her eyes.
"Medically speaking, yes the body is the best healer for itself and medication such as pain meds masks the pain which makes the body think it is not as injured as it really is so the recovery process does take longer… to an extent of course, each case is different," she answered. I took the answer without pushing my luck, but maybe Four was really just trying to help me, you can paint anyone as a monster if you try to. Eric had broken my ribs called me weak, pushed me around, it did sound like Four was trying to help me even if it didn't appear that way at first, these two men are much more complicated than anyone could have guessed.
"Can I ask you about Eric?"
"Depends."
"You said you guys were such close friends what did he do, he must have known it was Four who hurt you and known it was on purpose."
"He put Four in the hospital, beat him so bad, almost cost him his leadership position, but Four told Max he started it, he barely touched Eric because he jumped him but I told him to let it go, it wasn't worth his title for someone so pathetic."
"How come I never see you guys together?"
"Every time we would be seen together I could just hear the whispers and I saw how much it bothered Eric, so we naturally just spent less and less time together. But we are still friends we talk once in a while; when you were in here he came to visit so I got to catch up with him."
"He visited?" I asked. "I never saw him."
"That is because you were only looking for Four." I understood what she meant.
"Did Eric say anything about me?" I asked.
She laughed slightly. "Talk to Eric, if you want to know what he thinks about you just ask him, he isn't the bad guy everyone makes him out to be."
"He makes himself out to be a bad guy," I added.
"He does, it is easier that way. It is tough having no friends and no one like you, he refuses to be weak."
"Are the rumors about him and initiates true?" I asked.
"Ask him," she laughed again. I nodded understanding she would only share her story with me because it was hers, she would not speak on behalf of Eric or Four, they were not her stories to tell and I respected her for it.
"Why did you tell me this story?"
She smirked slightly to herself before looking up at me. "Eric likes you, and it is clear Four does too, I am not sure what is in your head or your heart and the story is not meant to sway your feelings I am not trying to convince you of anything I just know the truth can be hard to come by so I thought you deserved to know." She paused for a moment before continuing, "Eric would never tell you and I don't know what Four would say if you asked him so I figured you should know."
"Has Eric or Four ever had a girlfriend before? Like outwardly been with the same girl for any length of time?"
"Not to my knowledge, they are both pretty work crazy, not like girls aren't always throwing themselves at them for their looks or power or whatever reason but they hardly ever reciprocate at least publically." I nodded not surprised by the answer. "Don't let Eric fool you though, he does have feelings, buried way down deep under all his bullshit," she laughed.
"Yeah I can tell, it is clear he has been hurt before by people he was close to… Thanks for sharing with me, I know I wasn't easy." I got up and prepared to leave, she cleared her throat and it caused me to pause.
"Tris, I don't like to involve myself with other people's lives but Eric is my friend and if he thinks you have chosen Four or if you do end up with Four there will be no going back… and vice versa, unknowingly you walked right into the middle of a war and you can only choose one side."
"Thanks." I walked out and closed the door behind me. My head was spinning, I walked out of the recovery wing and was headed to grab a quick breakfast, and I crossed paths with Eric. "Hey I was going to grab some food do you want to come with me?" I asked.
"I have to check on Four, make sure he doesn't die," he grumbled. "Have you seen him?" I could tell it was a trap question.
"Yeah I just came from there he is asleep." Eric started walking without another word. "Hey don't be like that," I said, reaching for his arm.
"You hold his hand and make sure he is all better?" he asked sarcastically.
"I asked him about the pain meds, he told me he told Susan not to give them to me."
"I am sure he had a reason, just looking out for your best interest."
"I also talked to Susan, she told me what happened last year…"
"You believe her?" he asked.
"Yeah… I do. I would have believed you if you had told me yourself."
"I don't want to convince you to spend time with me; I shouldn't have to talk you out of spending time with Four."
"It isn't like that."
"I have a faction to lead, I don't have time for this, I will report Four is alive and recovering well, thanks for saving me the trip." He brushed past me and headed around the corner. He was so frustrating sometime I wish I could actually hurt him. I headed to the dormitory to prepare for my first and final practice attempt at my full fear landscape.
"Hey you are scheduled for tomorrow," Christina said when she saw me as though she had read my mind. Some people took so long in their fear landscape and there were so many initiates we couldn't all go on the same day.
"When are you going?" I asked her.
"Tomorrow too, we have a 3 hour class on combat today though."
"Since when? I thought we were done getting beaten up," I joked.
"They just announced it I don't think we will ever stop getting beaten up," she laughed. "How is Four?"
"He is doing okay, said he will be back for the final evaluation."
"Well that is good, I am sure you were happy to see him."
"Yeah of course, happy he is doing well," I said simply. "Do you know who is teaching the combat class?"
"I think Eric."
"Great…"
"Come on he probably won't break any bones this time," she teased.
"Well let me change and we can go."
A/N Had to update ASAP because I am so excited about all the feedback and getting to the drama of the story! Thanks, thanks again for all the love, I really enjoy peoples take on the story, gives me great insight.
