Chapter 11: Stephanie's POV
My Catholic guilt, even though I'm not really Catholic anymore, was really working on me. I was worried about what my family and friends must be thinking. I'd missed them all but I wasn't yet ready to go home again. Tom Wolfe wrote that "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood" and I think he was right.
Yeah, that's right. I quote Thomas Wolfe now. Like I said, lots of time for reading. Also, I'm living in the mountains of North Carolina, which is where Thomas Wolfe grew up. I've read more these last nine months than in my whole life before combined. I learned that I like reading. Who'd have thought that I, Stephanie Plum, would turn into a big reader?
Even so, despite my time spent reading, I was really missing my friends. I didn't know how to have two-way communication with them, though. The cards thing would only work for me to send messages to them. It would help me to chat with them. I read the Trenton newspaper online and kept up with the major news stories but the newspaper didn't tell me who got married, who was divorced, and all the usual gossip. I knew that Joe had worked lots of homicide cases and Rangeman had brought in lots of would-be robbers. There was no specific mention of Ranger, which I guess was good news. If he'd been hurt, there would have been a ton of stuff in the papers like when Scrog shot him.
Tina and her spy novels came up with a plan again. The next time she went to Philadelphia, I'd go with her. The part-time employees we hired for spring and summer were pretty smart, and we'd be reachable by phone the whole time. So on our last day in Philly, I'd buy a cheap pre-paid cell phone with cash and I could use it to call my family and friends. After I'd finished my calls, I'd simply throw the phone away and we'd head back to North Carolina. No one would be able to trace me.
It was a cool idea and I was getting really tired of snow-covered mountains. A city girl like me can only take so much nature time, you know? Plus I still had that lovely walk-in closet that was half empty. Yay, shopping! There also weren't a whole lot of opportunities to wear my sexy club clothes since I wasn't helping Ranger with distractions. So I needed to wear some of my pretty stuff and get my groove on at a club.
Tina planned to drive to Philly in late March and I was going with her!
The weeks took forever, but finally March 25th dawned and we loaded up Tina's Subaru and headed to Philly. We took turns driving and we made it in one exhausting day. She spent the next couple of days with her family, celebrating her mom's 60th birthday, and I spent lots of time at the mall. Ah, heaven.
I knew most everyone's phone numbers, but I was a little foggy on some of them. What? How many numbers do you truly know? I bet you're just like me, you just use your speed dial or your cell phone's phone book. So I looked up a couple of phone numbers just in case.
My tummy was full of butterflies. I felt sick and Tina had to convince me to go through with my plans and make the calls. I saw the black spots dancing in my field of vision but a couple of deep breaths pushed down the panic.
I called my parents first. My mom answered. "Hello, Plum residence."
"Hi mom."
"Stephanie? Oh my God, Stephanie!" I could hear my mom crying and the 'Burg guilt came crashing down.
"Yeah, mom. It's me."
My grandma picked up the phone. "Stephanie, is that you?"
"Hi grandma."
"Have you been dating any hotties?" She cackled.
I rolled my eyes. "No, grandma, no hotties. How about you? Got a honey yet?"
"Working on it, I'm working on it."
Silence, then my mom was back on the phone. "Stephanie, this is your mother. Where are you?"
Shit, I really didn't want to answer that. "I'm in Philadelphia now but I'm only here visiting. I'm leaving today."
"Why?" she cried.
Oh God, the guilt, it burns. I squirmed in my chair. "Mom, I need some time to figure some things out."
"You couldn't do that here?"
Sigh. "No, mom, I couldn't. It was just…" I trailed out. "I just couldn't be there. I'm sorry."
More silence. "But I wanted to see how things are doing with you and check in with you."
And more silence. Holy crap, the guilt was making me feel sick again. "We're fine." I guess mom realized that I wasn't coming home yet and that I wasn't ready to share so she started telling me all the gossip from the last nine months.
After nearly an hour, she finally wound down. I'd spent the time mostly saying "mm hmm" and "really?" while she spoke. She tried to bribe me home with pineapple upside down cake but I managed to stay strong. But we'd definitely be stopping for dessert on the drive back to North Carolina!
At the end, she told me that both Joe and Ranger were still looking for me. I was shocked when she told me that Ranger had come over for dinner several times since I'd left. Batman voluntarily ate with the crazy Plum family? Holy Gotham City.
I told her that I'd call her again as soon as I could and to please not worry about me. I was doing fine, I had a good job that didn't involve bounty hunting and I lived in a really nice apartment. Rex was doing fine. I missed them all and I loved them all.
After that conversation, I felt like I needed a couple of beers to call anyone else. After a few minutes of panic, I took a deep breath and called Mary Lou. She was ecstatic to hear from me and nearly burst my eardrum screaming once she realized it was me. I didn't know her voice could go so high!
Then I spoke to Connie and Lula at the bonds office. Luckily, Vinnie was out of town so I didn't have to listen to his snide remarks. They were both really happy to hear from me, and I told them the full story of the fight with Morelli and the non-relationship conversation with Ranger. There was a full minute of silence after I finished.
"Damn, girl," Lula said, "I guess I understand why you had to leave then."
"Yeah, thanks. Please don't tell other people about this." I wasn't above begging if necessary.
We chatted for a while longer and they caught me up on all the 'Burg gossip that my mom hadn't already covered.
"Have you called Office Hottie and Batman?" Lula wanted to know.
"Not yet, but soon." Let's save that panic attack for a few more minutes.
"They've both been apeshit looking for you, girl." Trust Lula to cut to the heart of the matter.
"I've heard."
"Don't you dare go this long without calling again! Or I'll bust a cap in your ass the next time I do see you!"
I had to laugh. If Joe Morelli with Trenton PD and Batman couldn't find me, I wasn't betting a lot of money that Lula could track me down. I promised to call again as soon as I could and we hung up.
I drank another bottle of water and dialed Joe.
"What?" he snapped into the phone.
"Well, hello to you too."
Silence. "Who is this?" he asked suspiciously.
"Who do you think it is, Joe?" More silence. This part was actually kind of fun. I was fighting the urge to giggle.
"HOLY SHIT! Stephanie? Is that you? Oh shit, where are you?"
I laughed. "Hey, Joe. Yeah, it's me. And I'm not telling you where I am."
"Cupcake, please. You don't know how worried I've been." I could hear the strain in his voice. "I even worked with Ranger to try to find you."
"That's really sweet, Joe. Thanks. I'm sorry I worried you but I just had to get out of Trenton. I just needed to be somewhere where my reputation did not precede me. I'm sorry."
"Why did you leave, Cupcake."
The hard question again. "Joe, you know why I left. I wasn't happy. It's not just about you, it's everything. I was tired of rolling in the garbage chasing skips, I was tired of fighting with you, my mom, everyone. I was tired of being the butt of every joke."
"Cupcake."
"I just had to get away, Joe. I just needed to get away."
"Are you sure everything is okay?"
"Yeah, Detective Morelli, everything is fine. Now. Or at least it's getting closer to being fine."
"When are you coming home? Bob misses you."
Smile. Ah Bob, the canine vacuum cleaner. "I don't know yet. I'm not ready to do that just yet. Please try to understand."
"I think I do, Steph. But I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, Joe. But I'm moving past all of that and I really, truly hope you are too."
The silence became strained. "I'm trying."
"That's all I can ask. I've gotta go now. I'll call again when I can, okay?"
"Cupcake, please don't go. Tell me where you're at and I'll come and we'll talk."
"Sorry, Joe. Not yet. Bye."
I could hear him talking when I hung up the phone.
Okay, only one left. I could do this. Just breathe. Okay, so breathing was not as easy as I though. Last one, you can do it.
"Yo." I felt a rush when I heard his voice.
"Yo yourself."
"Stephanie?"
"Yep."
Silence. I could almost see him trying to gain control of his emotions. "Babe, are you okay?" He didn't sound so in control.
"Yeah, Ranger, I'm fine. How are you?"
Now I knew he wasn't in control. "How do you think I am? You've been gone for NINE MONTHS!"
Eek. Angry Ranger, not good. "Please don't. You know why I needed to get away. I just reached my limit that day and I couldn't take anything more. So I did the only thing I could and just left."
"Disappeared." Still very angry. Uh oh.
"Yes, I disappeared. But I did leave notes and I did send Christmas cards." A pause. He wasn't here to kill me so I might as well ask. "Did you like your two?"
I could hear a slight smile in his voice. "Yeah. Hector really appreciated the one to the men."
At that, I did giggle. "I'm sure! I certainly enjoyed picking it out!"
"Stephanie, where are you?" Why was everyone hung up on my location? Yeesh.
"Currently, in Philadelphia. That's not where I'm living now, so please don't try to track me. I have learned a few things as a bounty hunter and I don't want to be found. Not yet."
"Babe, you've apparently learned a lot. I've had men tracking you since the moment I heard you were gone and we haven't found you yet. I'd be proud of you if you weren't hiding from me too."
I got all warm and squishy at the proud of you part. Ah, who am I kidding, I pretty much always get warm and squishy when I talk to Ranger.
"Thanks. I think."
"When are you coming back?" And there's the other hard question to answer.
I signed. "I don't know. I'm not ready to face everything yet."
"Babe, if it's about us…"
"Stop," I interrupted. "I'm not ready to discuss that with you either."
"Babe."
"Please don't make me hang up on you." I warned him. It's easy to be brave with Batman when he's miles away and doesn't know where you live!
A pause and then a sign. Lots of emotion from Ranger. "Okay."
"So, how are things?" I asked brightly.
He actually growled when I said that. I tried not to giggle, but I'm sure he heard me. Don't bats have excellent hearing or something? And he is Batman.
"Are you laughing at me?" I could hear the disbelief in his voice.
"Yep."
"Babe."
You know, this wasn't going as bad as I thought it might. I mean, I'm sure he'll start tracking my location any moment, if he hasn't already, but I was packed up and ready to go as soon as I hung up the phone with him. I was also wearing a hat to hide my hair and sunglasses to help me blend in. With my bulky sweater, I was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to spot me unless he were right on top of me. I was going to retreat to live another day.
"Please, Stephanie. Come home, please." Oh, God, he was playing dirty with two pleases. Not fair.
"Sorry, I can't. Not yet. I may not move back ever, but definitely not yet."
"Maybe not ever?" Was that panic in Ranger's voice?
"I like where I'm living now. I have a good job that I'm actually good at, money in the bank, a nice apartment, good friends. It's really nice."
"You don't have any money in the bank under your name."
"Nope. Not under my name." Why was I pulling the tiger's tail? Eventually, I'd get eaten. Okay, don't think about Ranger eating anything on me! Makes me all tingly.
"Babe."
"Look, I know you're going to try to trace this call, but don't bother, please. It's a burn phone and I'm in a public place. You'll never be able to track me. Please don't try."
"Burn phone, babe? Been watching 'Burn Notice' again?" There was definitely humor in his voice now.
"I love Michael Weston."
"Babe." He really does use that word a lot. "Babe, I just want you to know, I do love you."
Oh, so this is what a heart attack feels like. Yeah, not fun. "I know, I know, in your own way. Unfortunately, it's not the way that I need or deserve." I continued on without giving him a chance to speak. "I gotta go now. Tell the Merry Men hi and don't get shot. Take care of yourself, Ranger. I'll talk to you again when I can. Bye."
I could hear him staying something but I jabbed the end button with enough vehemence to break a nail. Ah, crap. I hung up on him. I hung up on Batman! I was so dead if he ever saw me again, no one hangs up on him.
I turned off the phone and tossed it in the trash can at the mall. Tina and I had both been careful to only use cash for purchases and to not be seen together. I pulled out my other cell phone, my real one from North Carolina, and texted Tina that I was done. I grabbed my purse and met her at the car. We were on the road less than five minutes after I hung up on Ranger.
I told Tina about my conversations, saving Ranger for last.
"So, how do you feel about that?" she asked. I gave her the 'Burg death glare.
"Watching Dr. Phil again?"
"Yep," she answered with a grin.
