Our Armageddon
Chapter 11

AuthorNote: Yo. I've been having some 'writer blockage.' Here's chapter 11. I'm workin' on Chapter 12 as we speak. Dude, this shit's getting intense. I'm also kinda weird about writing. Because - and I might have already said this in a previous A/N but - I tend to write and then reread EVERYTHING from the beginning. For consistency reasons.

I'M ALSO TIRED AS FUCK. I DON'T THINK I SLEEP. I SIMPLY GO UNCONSCIOUS AND THEN WAKE UP AND THEN CONTINUE TO BE TIRED FOR THE REMAINDER OF ETERNITY.

But I digress.

THANKS READERS AND PEEPS.

ALSO WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS THEMES OF SUICIDAL BEHAVIOR/ATTEMPT. So...I dunno. Just warning you, I guess? Read at your own discretion?

I dunno. Have fun, I guess?


Celty tossed another piece of fallen cement aside before she stood back to look more clearly at what she was trying to accomplish. She stared at the pile of rubble, which was in place of where Shooter used to be. She'd been digging for a while, trying to clear away the debris. But now that she had reduced the substantial heap to a mere fraction of what it had been, Celty started to doubt she'd find anything at all underneath the remaining bits of what was once a ceiling.

"Celty! Good! You are here after all!" Erika chirped and jogged the remaining distance to the dullahan. When Celty tilted her head at Erika and then turned her gaze to Anri once she caught up, Erika continued, "We were feeling a bit...stir crazy."

The dullahan gave a nod to the other two.

Anri looked past Celty to the rubble heap. "Celty-san…is Shooter…um…Is he under that?" She asked carefully while pointing to the spot Celty had been working on uncovering.

Celty didn't motion to write anything in her notebook. She only looked curiously to the place where she had last seen her motorcycle. Anri watched Celty's body language carefully, how she fidgeted with the zipper on her suit or how she would shift her weight from hip to hip, and then walked over to the remaining debris. Celty tilted her head at the young woman.

Anri, with her uninjured arm, began to push away more of the rubble. The girl had noticed the haphazard, artificially built piles of rock and broken metal pipes near the edges of the room. She understood almost instantly what Celty had been doing alone.

Erika skipped over to help. She was a bit faster in picking and tossing, due to both her arms still being in functional condition. The strange woman also started to hum an unrecognizable song that echoed, seemingly throughout the entire building.


Shizuo wasn't having any more luck in finding Kasuka than he had on previous occasions. He had long since lost track of time but, if he had to guess, he would assume it was now around noon. He'd been out searching since dawn. It'd been hours and he was starting to lose more than just the time of day.

He could feel his mind slipping into dark places. Shizuo watched his breath float away in the cold before vanishing soon after.

'Vanishing.'

"Kasuka…where are you?" Shizuo heard his own broken, quiet voice.

'I'm afraid I'm going to disappear. I'm going to vanish.'

He shook his head to rid his mind of his thoughts of Izaya right now. He needed to focus on his brother right now. He couldn't worry about Izaya right now. He couldn't…

'It feels like I'm going to stop existing…'

Shizuo felt his heart clench painfully. He started fidgeting and then ruffled his hair as if that would stop certain thoughts or memories from coming. When that didn't work, not like he was expecting it to, Shizuo flipped open his cell phone. The battery icon was flashing red…and empty. So, he hurriedly searched for a particular text message he had received a while ago.

"[Onii-san, it's Kasuka. I'm borrowing someone's mobile right now to tell you I'm alright. My phone is broken. Don't worry about me.]"

Shizuo read it aloud several times. Trying to engrain the look and feel of the words into his head as if saying the words Kasuka had written would guarantee that his brother was still alive.

Halfway through reading the text a last time, his phone finally ran out of charge and went through the process of shutting itself down. When it was off entirely, Shizuo was left staring at the dark, black…empty screen.

A moment more of looking at his now useless phone and he snapped it shut. He could feel the shadows creeping back into his mind and no matter how hard he tried to keep them at bay; Shizuo was unable to chase them out.

Needing a moment of solitude, Shizuo felt himself unconsciously sitting on the cold, cracked pavement, staring but only seeing the scenes that repeated to play in his head.

'Shizu-chan...help. Help me…!'

'Don't let me die…please…Shizu-chan…I don't want to die.'

'I don't…want to die…'


"Izaya! Open the door!" Shinra's voice was getting louder and more frantic and Izaya could feel, with his back pressed against the door, that he was pounding harder as well. "Open the door!" He pounded on the door some more, which was also locked and not just shut by the weight of the raven, and it was accompanied by a few muttered curses. "I'm worried about you…Let me in. Please!"

The raven-haired man heard Shinra sigh and then say something quietly to either Kyohei or Walker, who he assumed were both still there with Shinra. He didn't know where Simon was and was sure he had heard the Russian leave not too long after Kida and Mikado had left. Izaya tried to listen more carefully by pressing his ear to the door. It sounded like they were discussing something about him…or maybe Shizuo?

They were hard to understand but Izaya continued to try and listen to their conversation.

"I'll go…" Walker said. "Except I have no idea where he could be…"

Kyohei grumbled. "Let's not be stupid about this. I'll go look for him with Walker. We probably shouldn't have let Shizuo go out to look for his brother alone anyway."

Izaya's breath hitched at Kyohei's last sentence.

"We're wasting time! Just go find him!" Shinra's voice was breaking almost as if he was close to tears, "Go find Shizuo…Now!"

Receding footsteps signaled to Izaya that Walker and Kyohei had left and in a hurry. Shinra was trying to talk to him again, pleading and begging for him to open the door and let the doctor…his friend in.

His cries were falling on deaf ears though and Izaya started feeling worse and worse. His chest was getting tight again. It hurt…it really did hurt. It hurt so much and he didn't know why or what to do about it.

"Why don't you do us all a favor…"

Izaya's head tilted up and he looked around the room. He could hear humming from somewhere else in the building but he also heard Kida's words repeating around him, taunting him.

"Do us all a favor and kill yourself."

His eyes were darting around and he was searching for something, unsure exactly what it was.

"All a favor…"

He saw something shiny…something metallic…sticking out from one of the supply boxes. He stood up and gradually made his way towards the shiny object, almost as if he was hypnotized by it.

"Kill yourself."

His fingers caressed the metallic, sharp object that he now could identify as a pair of scissors.

"…us a favor."

They were in his hand now. So shiny…so sharp and beautiful.

"Do us a favor."

"I'll do you all a favor…" Izaya spoke.

"Izaya?" Shinra's voice called from the other side of the door. "Open the door!"

"I'll do you all a favor."

"Do us all a favor."

"What are you doing? Tell me you're okay!" Shinra was banging on the door again. "Izaya!"

"I'm doing you a favor."

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

"Kill yourself."

"Myself."

"Kill…"

"I'll kill…" Izaya played with the scissors, smoothing the exposed blades against his skin. At first it was just at his fingertips, which continued to caress the blades and that were eventually sliced open.

"IZAYA!"

"Kill…"

"Kill."

"IZAYA! OPEN THE DOOR!" Shinra kept banging on the door and the humming of a song continued to grow louder in Izaya's ears.

"Kill yourself."

"Kill myself…for all of you." He lifted up the scissors so the sharp edge of one of the two blades was calling to his skin.

"Izaya…Please!"


Kyohei and Walker had put on their coats as fast as humanly possible and rushed out of the apartment. They passed Mikado consoling Masaomi as they ran from the building. Both were certain one of the two Raira students had tried to ask them a question but neither man paid any mind to what was asked or who had asked it.

They were running and calling out Shizuo's name hoping either they'd see him or that he'd be able to hear them yelling for him.

Both, on several occasions, had tripped and fallen over themselves. They each received at least a few bruises, scrapes and or cuts, which went unnoticed by either of them because no physical pain could reach their consciousness at the moment.

Their lungs were burning from running in the cold air. Their legs screamed at them. They were dizzy and tired and…scared. They were scared they wouldn't find Shizuo in time or that they'd return with him too late.

Shinra had been close to crying. Neither of them had ever seen him in that state. Walker's anxiety grew out of not knowing or completely understanding, a reaction to Shinra's reaction to the situation with Izaya. Kyohei's fear grew out of knowing too much. He remembered his discussion with Shinra, right after the 'switchblade incident' when Izaya had cut his hand open. Whether it had been on purpose or by accident, he suspected the injury had been an accident, Kyohei understood that Shinra was correct. Izaya was unpredictable. What was worse was that Izaya was also unstable…and at times – inconsolable.

The doctor hadn't actually said what he was thinking, why he was so worried, why his panic kept rising, or why he kept pleading with Izaya from the other side of the locked door.

But Kyohei could guess why.

"Kyohei!" Walker called from a short distance away. "I see him! He's over here!"

Kyohei's eyes focused on the blond seated on the cold pavement. "Shizuo!" Kyohei yelled his name just as Shizuo turned his head to look at them. "Shizuo…hurry!" The two van gang members reached the former bartender.

Shizuo's eyebrows creased. "…Why? What's going on?"

Kyohei panted as Walker took over relaying the message, "It's Izaya! He-"

"Izaya…?" Shizuo's heart dropped. He didn't even stay to hear what else the two other men had to say. He jolted to his feet and sprinted off towards home base.


Celty, Erika, and Anri were staring at the now cleared spot on the floor. All the rubble had been removed and there was no sign whatsoever of Shooter. Not a wrecked mess, or a part, or even a clue as to what had happened. There was nothing. Shooter was gone without a trace.

The dullahan lowered her head and put a hand to her helmet, near where her forehead would be if she had had one.

Neither of the other girls said anything. Erika and Anri were trying to read the dullahan yet seemed to be unsuccessful and therefore at a loss for words to comfort Celty.

Eventually without warning, Celty turned and started walking back towards the apartment. She still did not reach for her notebook or pencil.

"Celty-san…" Anri spoke. Celty turned slightly to see the young woman. "I'm sorry…" Celty turned around completely as to face Anri, "I'm so sorry…You are always so kind and helpful…and I…" Anri unconsciously motioned to her broken arm by touching it with her left hand.

Erika rushed over and put her hands on her shoulders and tried to comfort the younger woman with a small, forced smile. "Heh…Anri-chan…we tried our best…!" Erika looked at Celty with a hopeful, pleading expression.

Anri's downcast eyes were watering and tears slowly began to slide down her cheeks. She clenched her jaw as if trying to keep back sobs or to prevent the tears from growing in number. Celty approached her and put her black-gloved hand on Anri's head, stroking her hair. She couldn't hold back anymore at that point. Her crying amplified and her tears flowed freely down her face, blurring her vision.

Choked sobs and shaky breaths were muffled when Celty pulled her into an embrace.


Shizuo busted through the front door and went to find Shinra who was still screaming and pleading with someone in the seemingly locked room. "Shinra…!" Shizuo knelt down on the floor next to the shocked doctor who was by this time incapable of rational thought.

"Shizuo…help him!" Shinra switched to pleading with Shizuo instead, "Please, Shizuo. He's my friend…and I can't…I can't…"

"Shinra!" the blond shook the young doctor, trying to get him out of his own panic-induced trance. "Where's Izaya?! What's happening? Walker and Kyohei-"

"He's in there…He locked himself in there…I can't-"

Shizuo didn't wait any longer for Shinra to calm down or tell him what was happening. He carefully moved him away from the door and Shizuo took a few steps back and then kicked down the barrier.

He rushed in but continued onward with caution. The air was frigid but not just because of the temperature or lack of sufficient heating. Shizuo swallowed the lump in his throat and looked around until his eyes settled on a crouched, huddled figure that was facing away from him at the far end of the room. He took a few steps forward.

"Izaya?" Shizuo almost didn't recognize his own voice.

"For all of you…" the raven was talking to himself, "I'll do it for all of you…"

Shizuo treaded lightly as he got closer to the other man, who he now could not deny his growing feelings for. He could see Izaya clutching something, which was reflecting what little light was in the room, and holding it in an odd way against his left wrist.

"I'll do it for all of you," He said again but with a bit more resolve in his voice this time. "I'll kill myself for all of you."

Before anything else could happen, Shizuo was embracing Izaya from behind and at the same time holding onto the hand Izaya had gripped around the scissors. "That's enough…" Shizuo was gently retrieving the object of Izaya's fascination out of the smaller man's trembling hand. When it was completely out of the raven's grasp, he handed it to Shinra who had entered the room a few moments prior. Shinra held onto it, securely hidden in his jacket pocket, out of sight. He still didn't leave the room though, for which Shizuo was glad. He was also glad that Shinra had regained the majority of his senses in such a short amount of time.

"Shizu…Sh-Shi…Shizu-chan. Don't hate me…" Izaya whimpered. "You don't really hate me…do you?" The last half of the question sounded more emotionless than anything else.

Shizuo tensed at the unexpected question, "No, I don't hate you, Izaya." He observed the blood on Izaya's hands and left forearm, smeared from open wounds – the one on his wrist had been started with the intention of forming a vertical downward path, towards his upper arm, but remained significantly incomplete. From the looks of it, Izaya really had been too close to going though with…it - with killing himself… Shizuo was both embracing the other man and consciously preventing anything else from happening by keeping his grip firm on Izaya's wrists.

Shinra excused himself from the room, mentioning briefly about getting something after putting the scissors away and then coming right back.

Shizuo's warm breath crawled around Izaya's collarbone. He was resting his chin on the other's shoulder and as the blond shifted his position he noticed the bruises on Izaya's neck. Deep purple, almost reddish, blemishes were painted there and formed the general shapes of someone's palms and spindly fingers.

His eyes widened only for a second but his frown remained plastered on his face for much longer.

"Shizu-chan…I'm sorry about your brother. It's my fault." Izaya's voice still seemed to hold very little emotion in it. Shizuo noticeably tensed. "I didn't know. You hadn't told me."

Shizuo's confusion expanded but he decided not to indulge in his curiosity. "…It's not your fault." He whispered. "Besides," he tried to smile but was failing miserably. "I still haven't found him so it's okay. He's okay."

Izaya didn't say anything else and Shinra soon entered the room with a small med kit and kneeled beside the other two. Shizuo was still gripping onto Izaya's arms for which Shinra thanked him, as it was easier to treat the raven's wounds when he was being held still. Shizuo was certain there was at least one other hidden meaning behind his expression of gratitude but he didn't specify more and Shizuo didn't feel the need to ask.

Once Izaya's cuts were all cleaned and wrapped up with bandages, Shinra held out a couple pills and a cup of green tea. Shizuo had been hesitant to let go of Izaya's wrists but did so nonetheless realizing they couldn't stay like this forever. Izaya looked questioningly at the pills and seemed to be trying to ask a question but was having great difficulty.

"They're just antibiotics, Izaya," Shinra tiredly smiled. "To lower the risk of your c..." Shinra stumbled over his words for a moment before trying again while rewording his statement. "To lower the risk of your injuries becoming infected."

Shinra placed the pills in Izaya's palm and the raven motioned to put them in his mouth but stopped short and looked up at Shinra. "Tha…" Izaya started but discontinued what he was going to say. Then after a moment he popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed them with some of the tea he was handed.

The three sat quietly in the room for a while longer. After a few minutes Izaya started rubbing his eyes and yawning every-so-often. He started getting wobbly and drowsy and Shizuo caught him and held him when he started falling over. Shizuo looked up at Shinra who was biting his lip yet remaining relatively unconcerned then he looked back at Izaya.

"Those weren't antibiotics, were they?" Shizuo asked for confirmation.

"One of the pills was. The other, you're right. It was not," Shinra's forehead creased.

"Well…what was it?" Shizuo asked moderately concerned.

Shinra looked up, slightly surprised. "Eh? Oh…it was just…something to…reduce anxiety. It also doubles as a sleep aid." He sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

Izaya groaned and nuzzled deeper into Shizuo's embrace. Upon that, and in addition to seeing Izaya's sleeping face, Shizuo's face started burning red-hot again. And it didn't go unnoticed this time either by Shinra who smiled.

"Please take care of him…in the ways I can't." Shinra requested and then stood.

"Shinra…" Shizuo spoke the doctor's name even though he was already out of the room. He felt another flutter in his chest when Izaya squirmed in his arms, making Shizuo hold him tighter.


AuthorNote: Review if ya want. I'm working on chapter 12 like I said. Jeezuz, I even have an entire document devoted to NOTES for this story so I can remember things and stuff.