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Chapter 11: Whispers in the Silence
I massaged my temples, heaving a sigh. Sam and I had been trying for another baby for almost six months now. Six months of sex every night and nearly every moment on the weekends. But she still hadn't conceived again. I knew how much it hurt her; after losing the first baby, we both really wanted another one. How could it be fair to torture us like this? Fate must really enjoy tormenting us, or we had someone gotten on her bad side.
Glancing up at the ceiling, I tried to ignore the painful migraine I was tormented with. The best way to describe it would be to say that my brain was trying to chisel its way out of my skull. It was not a pleasant feeling. Sam and I were at a fertility clinic—our second in two months. The first had given us both a clean bill of fertility, saying it was simply Sam's miscarriage making it difficult. Sam had wanted a second opinion so I agreed to once again have my sperm tested. We received the same answer, but this time they had therapy available for Sam so she could conceive again.
While I wasn't actually allowed in the therapy class, Sam begged me to go with her every Wednesday and wait in the lobby for her. So, here I sat with my children's homework on my lap, trying to grade spelling tests with my head throbbing in agony. My doctor had me come in for head scans every three months because of my concussion. He was worried about how it would affect my ears and my ability to regain my sound. I couldn't see how anything could affect my ability to regain my sound; I hadn't yet, and I doubted I ever would.
Fighting back a groan from the agony of my head, I turned my attention back to the spelling tests on my lap. I slowly read through each word, trying to get my brain to concentrate on something else so it wouldn't ache so much. Giving up, I closed the manila folder and pushed it back into my briefcase. Throwing my arm over my eyes, I shielded my aching brain from the light as I tried to will my headache away. A gentle hand rested on my shoulder, and I slowly raised my arm to peek up at Sam.
"You okay?" she asked.
I nodded. "Killer headache. It's like the headache from hell."
Her shoulders shook as she laughed, but she smiled comfortingly and helped me to my feet. "Just keep your eyes closed or covered. I'm sure the light isn't helping."
Nodding, I followed her to the car, keeping my eyes shielded from the sun. It was amazing how the nerves in my eyes could make my headache pulse even more painfully when struck by light. Heaving a sigh, I closed my eyes and leaned back in the chair. I just hoped this headache was gone by tomorrow. I still needed to work.
Thankfully, my headache eased off enough that I could finish grading my students' tests that night. In the morning, though, the headache was back full force. Refusing to take a sick day so early in my career, I popped some pain killers then headed off to work. Sam slept in that morning so I made certain to give her a kiss before I left. The pain killers worked well enough that I could teach through the first half of the day. At lunch, it came back with a vengeance. It felt ten times worse than the one from yesterday even.
Unfortunately, I had agreed to help watch the children at recess that day so I sat on a bench in the shade, gritting my teeth and bearing the pain. A ringing started to develop in my ears, only adding to the agony in my brain and creating an annoying fly-like sound I couldn't get rid of. Then suddenly, as if someone had pressed an "on button" that I hadn't seen, my hearing popped back. Screaming children, teachers shouting out orders, whistles being blown, metal chains on tether balls hitting the tether ball poles, basketballs bouncing on the asphalt. The very wind seemed far too loud in my ears.
Covering them, I gritted my teeth and tried my hardest to bear through the pain. The doctors had never warned me that my ears would be so sensitive whenever I got my hearing back! This was unbearable! I let out a cry of frustration, standing up and shaking my head. Someone touched me—I didn't know who—and I found myself on the ground still covering my ears and shaking my head. The bell rang for the children to go back inside. I didn't know which was more painful: the bell or the vibrations from the bell and the children's running feet.
"Someone get Mrs. Fenton!" I heard someone shout.
It was quieter when the children were gone, but the adults that had come to help me were all talking at once. The agony was still unbearable, and I refused to be moved from my position. There was no way in hell I would be taking my hands down with all of this sound.
"Move!" I heard a voice shout. "Damn it, people, shut up! Can't you see you're hurting him?!"
The voices abruptly stopped. Only the wind and the occasional metal chain bumping against a metal pole could be heard now. A soft hand touched my shoulder; I recognized the feel of Sam's hand, slowly lowering my hands from my ears. My body began to relax as the wind slowly drifted into simple background noise, like a whisper you couldn't quite catch. The sound of metal against metal still made my head ache, but I managed to slowly sit up with Sam's help.
"Danny?" Her voice was soft, almost melodic. I had never imagined her voice would sound like that, so beautiful and sweet.
Slowly opening my eyes, I looked up at her. She was smiling, and her eyes were glittering with tears. "Sam," I croaked out, grimacing at the sound of my own voice. Compared to hers, it sounded harsh and abused from years of misuse and little use.
"Hey, honey," she whispered, gently stroking her hair back from my face. "What happened?"
"I-I don't…. kn-kn-know," I stuttered, finding the words familiar yet hard to say with my voice that had been used so very little. They sounded garbled, the way a child would say them. "My he-headache…" It was gone. Evidently, it was a side-effect of my brain trying to process the sounds it was suddenly being bombarded with. Now that it had figured them out, I was hearing. "Sam…" Very slowly, I wrapped my arms around her, pressing the side of my head against her shoulder as if to block out the sound in one ear at least. "Scared…"
She gently stroked my hair, holding me tightly. "Don't be afraid, sweetheart. I'll take you home. You'll feel better."
We drove home with the windows rolled up in the car and the air conditioning on. Sam didn't like to use it very much because it used up more gas, but as it were, I could still hear every honking horn and skidding tire even through the glass. To a normal person, it may not have been as noticeable, like the wind, but right now, to me, it was like agony. I walked from the car to the house with my hands over my ears. Nothing the doctors had told me or given me to read had prepared me for this.
"Are you hungry?" Sam asked, sitting me down in the living room.
I shook my head, looking up at her. "Sam?"
"Yeah, Danny?" She sat down in front of the coffee table so she could look right into my face.
"I love you." To my absolute shock, "love" sounded like "luff", and I clapped a hand over my mouth and stared at her as if to ask, 'have I always said it like that?'
She smiled, reaching out and taking my hand down from my mouth. "I love you too, Danny. And yes, it's always come out like that."
God, how embarrassing… Shaking my head, I stared down at our clasped hands. "You'll tea-tea-teash me, right?"
"If you want me to, yes." She was still smiling when I glanced back up at her.
This all seemed so strange and unreal. I was exhausted from not sleeping well with my headache, but I was afraid if I went to sleep, I would wake up finding all of this to be a dream. "I'm hungry now."
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For nearly a week now, I had had my hearing. Sometimes I still signed the words I didn't know how to say just yet mainly because I was too embarrassed to say them out loud. Around Sam, though, I spoke as much as I possibly could. We hadn't had sex since I'd gotten my hearing back, though my desire to give Sam a baby had only increased. I had the chance to be a part of everything now, and I really wanted that chance. However, because of how sensitive my hearing was, Sam had suggested we take a break from trying for a bit.
My family had been overjoyed when I told them in stuttered words that I'd gotten my hearing back. Sam and I went to visit them, and I regretted it afterward. Jazz squealed so loud that I actually let out another cry of agony and covered my ears. She felt bad afterward, of course, and Sam explained that everyone should speak lowly and one at a time so as not to overwhelm my sensitive ears. Vlad's voice was probably the most surprising for me since my memory of it as a child was very little. He hadn't started visiting as often until after the accident.
Sam taught me how to say ten new words each day. We limited it because we didn't want to overwhelm my brain with new sounds. The doctors were overjoyed with my recovery and had done hearing tests to find my hearing was perfect in both ears. I had never thought a beeping noise could be as agonizingly loud as it was then. Even the gentlest beeps were louder to me than they were to Sam.
"So, are you feeling confident enough to believe it won't disappear now?" Sam asked, sitting on the counter as I stood in the kitchen making us lunch.
"Hmm, yes," I said, peeling apart lunch meat and setting it on our sandwiches. Glancing up at her, I smiled. "Miss you though."
Her cheeks flushed, and she let out a nervous laugh. She knew I didn't really mean that I missed her, considering she was sitting right in front of me. Any sexual words still sounded funny to me so I avoided saying them very often. "Well, you know, we wouldn't want to overload your ears. You might lose your hearing again or something."
I rolled my eyes. "Sam. The doctor said the con-con," I made a face then signed the word "concussion" before continuing my sentence, "didn't stop me so that won't either."
"Doctors can be wrong," she argued.
"Just try," I said, setting our sandwiches aside and moving so I stood in front of her. "Please? Just a kiss?" I resisted the urge to make a face at my own voice; I still sounded like a little kid sometimes.
She heaved a sigh. "Oh, all right. One kiss can't hurt."
Grinning, I leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. She had expected it to be a gentle, loving kiss, but I forced my tongue between her lips and ravaged her mouth like the night she had wanted to try again for the baby. The sound that left her mouth was electrocuting. Every nerve in my body seemed on edge, and I just had to hear more sounds like that coming from her. She didn't object as I lifted her up off the counter to lay her down on the kitchen floor. A bed would have to be for another time. Right now, I needed her.
Being able to hear every noise she made was far better sex than I had thought it would be. I couldn't believe something as simple as hearing could make something like that so much more enjoyable than it ever had been. Sam was lying beside me, muttering all kinds of things about how we shouldn't have done that then and how it was important to wait to give my ears full time to recover. Rolling over to face her, I clapped my hand over her mouth to stop her mutterings.
"I like hearing you," I said, "when you make noises. But this stuff you're doing now is annoying."
"Muttering," she corrected.
"Muddering," I repeated, and she giggled. I just rolled my eyes then started tickling her.
"No, Danny, stop!" she shrieked, rolling away to escape my hands. To my surprise, she slid right off the side of the bed with a muffled shriek. I snorted, trying hard to keep in my laughter, but she started laughing too. "I told you to stop!" she said, trying to catch her breath.
"Sorry," I said, giving her the most innocent look I could manage.
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A few weeks later, I woke up to the strangest sound I had heard since I'd gotten my hearing back. Sam wasn't beside me, but I found her throwing up in the bathroom. Oh, that's what that sound was. "Sam?"
She managed to turn her head for a moment, giving me a brief smile. "It's okay, Danny. I'm fine. Must've just eaten something weird."
I remembered she'd gotten sick at the party we had for her friends right after our honeymoon. That was just before she'd found out she was pregnant the first time. "You sure?" I asked. "Maybe it's something else."
Again, that strange sound filled my ears as she turned back to the toilet. She turned back to me again, looking tired and not at all well. "I doubt it, Danny. The doctor said it would take a while for my body to respond to the therapy."
"Doctor's can be wrong," I said, using her own argument against her. "It could be a baby." The word pregnancy was something I still couldn't grasp. Too many conflicting sounds or something.
She sighed, slowly getting up from in front of the toilet before moving over to the sink to brush her teeth. "If you want, we can get me tested, but don't get your hopes up, okay?"
I slid out of bed, walking over to her as she finished brushing her teeth. "Come on, back to bed," I said. "Sick or baby, you need rest." She stuck her tongue out at me, but I just grinned and led her back to the bed, tucking her in before climbing in beside her. "Love you, Sam," I whispered, pulling her into my arms. It finally came out sounding normal.
"Hmm, love you too, Danny," she murmured before drifting off to sleep.
When the sun had finally risen, I woke to that odd sound again. Sam was, once again, in the bathroom with her head in the toilet. I walked into the bathroom, kneeling beside her and pulling her hair back from her face while gently rubbing her back. Never in my life had I ever vomited so much; I couldn't imagine what this had to be like for Sam.
"Thanks," she whispered as she finished. I helped her stand up and left her to brush her teeth while I made her a plate of crackers and some apple juice. She walked into the kitchen still looking a little green, but she gave me a bright smile when I handed her the plate and cup. "That's sweet, Danny."
I sat down beside her on the couch, not feeling all that hungry myself. "Can we visit the doctor today?"
"Sure, honey, or we could get a home test."
Seeing the doctor would be more accurate, but Sam didn't seem to be in any condition to go anywhere. "I'll go get one."
She smiled gratefully. I waited until she'd finished her crackers and juice before leading her back to the bedroom and tucking her in. Her eyes were drifting shut when I left. Walking down to the corner store still hurt my sensitive ears a little. It wasn't as bad as when I'd first gotten my hearing, but screeching tires, honking horns, and shouting voices were still far too loud to be comfortable. I reached the corner store in about fifteen minutes, walking inside. I'd only been here a couple of times. The old man that owned it knew sign language and waved when he saw me.
Walking down the aisles, I scanned the items in search of the one I needed. Grinning, I grabbed the item I'd been searching for. Knowing Sam, she would doubt the first two tests so I grabbed two boxes. "How've you been, George?" I asked the man as I walked up to the register.
He jumped, startled by my voice. "You can talk?" he asked.
"Sure, I can. I can hear now too."
He laughed, slapping his hand against the counter. I tried not to cringe at the loud sound it made. "That's wonderful, Mr. Fenton." His gaze then drifted to the items I'd set on the counter. "Boy or girl?"
"Oh, uh… I don't know yet. I want a girl. We don't even know if we have a baby yet." I pulled out a twenty as he rang me up, handing the bill to him and taking the bag he'd put the tests in as I waited for my change.
"Good luck, and a tip for the morning sickness—make her Jell-O. It's the best thing to eat on an upset stomach."
I grinned. "Thanks." I waved then left the store, heading home as quickly as I could.
Sam was in the bathroom again when I walked in, and I set the boxes beside the sink so she could use them. Her gaze was doubtful, but she opened them up, pushing me out of the bathroom. I decided to follow George's advice and headed to the kitchen to make the Jell-O. About five minutes later, Sam walked into the kitchen carrying one of the four tests she'd had. There were tears in her eyes.
"Sam? What's wrong?" I asked, suddenly worried.
But she was smiling. "This is the fourth test." She held it out to me. "It shows a plus sign if you're pregnant."
I glanced at her then turned my attention to the test. There on the little area where the results showed was the plus sign as dark as it looked on the packaging. My eyes widened, and I looked to her for confirmation. "You're—"
She nodded, crying once more, and I lifted her up off the floor as I hugged her. We had finally gotten our second chance!
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Author's Note: So, how many of you think it would end here? Well, it's not. We've got one more chapter! It'll probably be the shortest in the whole story, but I really, really, really want to make it to the baby's birth.
Blanket disclaimer: Chapter 1.
