Watching Ashley's room i saw her getting upset by what my mom was telling her, Lucy was sat on her left comforting her but it didnt seem to be doing much good, Kyla had arrived too and was sat next to lucy also trying to comfort mom came out of the room and headed towards the nurses desk where i was standing, she handed Ashley's chart over to them and headed towards her other patient from the accident, he was in a really bad way and it didnt look like he was going to make it. i followed her to his room so we could talk about his condition and what is the best way to go with his treatment, he was hooked up to every machine and he couldnt breathe for himself and most likely had brain damage.

I slowly walked out of his room and and headed towards his grlfriend soi could tell her the news, i hated this part of my job but i knew it had to be done. I just tell myself to be more like my mother and i will be able to do it, and i keep a brave face on until i get to the locker room or an on-call room where i just burst into tears.

The girlfriend didnt take it well, and wept uncontrollably, if it wasnt for her family being there i dont think she could of handled the news. It turns out the two had been inlove in high school but had drifted when they went to different colleges, it wasnt until last year that they found eachother again and were supposed to be getting married in a week, i could feel my heart break as she told me their story...all i could think about was that the love of my life was on this ward, was the cause of the accident and she didnt know the pain she had caused tonight.

It had been four hours since Paula told me the news, i still couldnt take it in, Lucy was trying to pretend it was all going to be ok but it wasnt. My right hand had been caught between the bike and the road as it made contact to the car and had been crushed, i would need a few more ops before i would get full function back in it...if any at all. i might never be able to plat guitar again, and one of the nurses told me the guy in accident had died and that the young girl in the car with her were due to get married...to say i felt like shit was an under statement.

To make matters worse i could see Spencer flitting about everywere as she goes about her work, she keeps looking over her and i pretend i dont notice but i do and right now i missed her more than anything. She wouldnt pretend it was all ok, but she would be able to make me feel better just by giving me a smile...not just any smile though a smile that she only has for me. I know all of this is my fault, i caused the worse pain to the young girl in the car, i hurt Spencer so much that she has hated me since i can remember, ive ended my career before i could even reach my potential and my relationship with Lucy isnt as good as we make out it is.

Lying in bed i could see Spencer talking to one of the nurses, they were laughing until Spencer looked through and saw me looking at her. She quickly hurried away in another direction...how could my life have gotten so bad, i took my ipod out and placed my headphones over my ears and put it on random. The music i had on it was so different, i found myself listening to things i never liked in school but now i could feel the emotions in the songs, the artists varied from linkin park to whitney houston, nirvana to celine dion, kon, bonjovi, def leppard my fathers greatest hits and even my own album. As i lay there with my eyes closed i waited for the first song to come on, i turned the music up as one of the songs from my album came on

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

Through out the whole song i couldnt get the thought of Spencer out of my mind, i miss her so much but i didnt know how to tell her and i didnt want to destroy what i have with Lucy because until this incident i had managed to fight my demons and keep them away, with so many thoughts going through my mind i could feel myself falling asleep...with the images of Spencer's smile going through my mind i allowed my body the rest it needed and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

SORRY IT IS SHORT AND IT HAS BEEN A WHILE BUT WORK WAS HECTIC AND THEN I WAS ON HOLIDAY, HOPE YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER...I HAVE LOADS OF IDEAS BUT TRYING TO GET THEM ALL DOWN N MAKE THEM MAKE SENSE ISNT EASY LOL PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND WHERE YOU WOULD LIKE IT TO GO.