Dont own South Park Bewitched, Miley Cyrus or anything that goes on in this fic..
Enjoyy! (:
Craig's POV:
Well I dont really have the words to describe it... School was just real intense today.. It was like something off of Grand Theft Auto just casually exploding in the school cafeteria...
I mean this town has been through some crazy shit but the whole Miley Cyrus scenario has just really taken it to another level.. I just had to get out of there... I mean I could not be putting up with the drama of it all. I should have took Tweek with me but he was just too entranced by the crazy shit going on to even get a word through to him...
Mom and Dad were both very drunk when I got in and told me to go to my room until they were sober enough to cook dinner. I sometimes wonder why two people who hate each other so much remain married... I mean I have a constant fear that im gonna wake up one day and one of them is dead... Like maybe my mom loses it or he loses it because they are both extremely vicious when one annoys the other... I mean if i felt that much hate towards someone I couldnt stand to live in the same house as them.. Like if me and Tweek ended up like my parents I would just be really put out on the whole thing...
I was sat listening to some Judas Priest, yeaah whatever man im flipping you off you aint got taste in music.. I was quite lost in the whole vibe when suddenly that big tuft of strawy hair just appeared in my room.. "SHIT! Tweek you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!" I yelped, gasping for breath.. I hate it when people catch me off guard.. It just sucks so much it is really inconceivable..
"You just left me there Craig! NNGH! You really are an asshole! You just left me there..." Tweek cried, pointing his finger at my accusingly.. He looked real upset and I didnt plan for none of that to happen.. It reminded us of when we were kids and I really hated seeing him upset.. It was the one thing that could really tug on my heart and make me all emotional..
"Look dude I couldn't be dealing with that crazy bitch throwing herself around like that." I snapped back, I knew I shouldn't have been so hasty with my reply but I am way too honest for my own good..
"Well Craig I have a l-little plan." Tweek giggled, that mischevious expression of his present.. Oh here we go.. He's surely gonna send Miley to Mars with only Red Bull to drink...
"Well spit it out then.. I'm quite intrigued.." Cant believe I just said that but oh well.. Guess you gotta keep your head present in the moment...
"I-i'm gonna turn her into a real nice girl... Like how she used to be you know?" He suggested, yeah his plan was well thought out.. But the controversial Miley Cyrus was making everyone on the East and West coast a whole lot of money...
"Tweekers you cant do that babe.. She is worth a lot of money behaving like that... Just like Britney Spears and that GaGa chick." I replied...
"Lady Gaga for your information.. And she aint actually come to this town so let's not badmouth her." Tweek corrected me, adding a little clerical wisdom to his otherwise plaintive reply.
"Well you watch me Craig! I-i'm gonna turn Miley into a real respectable girl.. The type of girl you can take home to your Mom." Tweek said with a matter of factness..
"God I hope Linda Stotch doesn't catch wind of this." I thought aloud, God only knows what the Stotch woman would do if she heard of Tweek's plan..
Tweek held out his hand. I knew now from instinct just to take his hand and dont ask questions. When the bright light faded I saw we were in the teacher's lounge. Albeit behind the coathook but yeah...
"Look Daddy please send some money! I need to come home! These people just dont agree with what I'm doing!" Miley sobbed into her iPhone...
"Please daddy! I need to come home these fucking hicks are gonna have me shot or something! And this really creepy gay guy wants to rape me!" Miley begged...
With that she threw her phone against the wall and put her head in her hands... I was starting to feel real sorry for that girl.. It was starting to show how Hollywood could slowly wear the person down until they are nothing but the product they represent...
But before I could voice my disaproval Tweek snapped his fingers.. And before my eyes Miley now had the long auburn hair and conservative style we were all used to...
"Shit you really don't have no reserves about this hocus pocus do ya?" I silently joked.. Tweek just flashed me a look and before I knew it we were back in my bedroom...
"Well that's a second chance for Miley Cyrus i guess." Tweek silently mused, I cant help but find his apathy over the stuff he does rather disturbing..
"Dude change her back... Miley needs a friend not a blast to the past makeover." I angrily protested. Shit Craig since when did you care so much?
"Fine!" Tweek huffed, once again he snapped his fingers and sat down on the bed... "She was way better like that!" He added moodily...
The next day at school we were all quite shocked to see that Miley was sat at Mr Garrison's desk on his lap! And we all thought Mr Garrison was gay...
And Miley seemed pretty unsure of his advances the previous day.. But I cant speak for all the Hollywood types...
"Children I have a great announcement to make!" Mr Garrison smiled, Miley also had her perfect vaneers on show...
"Ohh here we go.. He thinks there's aliens in his backyard or something." Kenny mumbled...
"ME AND MILEY ARE GETTING MARRIED!" Mr Garrison sang with glee...
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
I thought Garrison was gay! But hey he was a lesbian so I dont know maybe he's just bisexual now or something...
"Herb you gotta stop believing that Scientologist shit.. It puts me off." Miley smiled at him.. Ok really beginning to wish I let Tweek just do that spell now...
"Sure thing Miles, Those bastards aint like NAMBLA at all anyway.." Garrison replied, his usual depression not in his voice..
"NAMBLA?" Miley queried, obviously not sure about what he was talking about. Mind you if i had $10,0000 at 11 years old I doubt i would either
"North America Loves Miley's Big Legs And Ass!" Garrison quickly mumbled.. Damn the ammount of weirdos in South Park man...
Like I'm sure this is the only town in America, the world that lets a registered sex offender be a teacher...
"OH MY GOD! I knew Middle America loved me!" Miley screeched with glee... "Time for weed Herbie." She added in a sing song voice...
"Ohh Miles you're terrible. Children just play on your phones." Garrison quickly muttered, nowhere near interested in our education...
I mean our teacher is casually smoking marijuana with a former child star? The absoloute farcical nature of the situation could never be more evident.
"Oh my god Herb! You're so sensuall." Miley groaned, licking his face with that infamous tongue...
"Jesus Christ! We cant do it here honey!" Garrison yelped, aware all of us were watching this perverse display...
"My Bugati is outside honey let's go." Miley whispered, taking Garrison's hand and practically dragging him from the room..
"She has real bad taste in guys.." Wendy thought aloud.. This time most of the girls seemed to agree with her.. I mean who would actually be sexually attracted to Mr Garrison?
I mean that man has commited every deadly sin and got the t-shirt!
The rest of the day was the usual.. Except for at lunch Miley was sat on Garrison's lap as everyone stared at them...
Then all of a sudden Papparazi came bursting into the cafeteria..
"MILEY! MILEY! MILEY!" The men screamed.. All of them eager to get the first shot.. They all clicked their cameras.. Desperate to make her look disgusting for an easy buck..
"IS THIS YOUR NEW MAN MILEY! ARE YOU GONNA SELL YOUR STORY TO VANITY FAIR?!" Two of them bellowed.. Seriously? What school would allow this?
They mind if we take sex education but they dont mind if a complete sellout has her media circus parading though the school?
"Oh my god! Herb let me go I gotta pose for pics!" Miley screeched anxiously. She wanted to give the paparazzi wanted, an uncensored bad taste performance...
Then all of a sudden the tongue came out and she started bending over.. A thousand cameras were clicking away.. Principal Victoria had especially hired the Mexicans to act as bouncers to keep the press out but that obviously wasnt working...
It was just another day of Miley Cyrus being herself, In real bad taste of course
A:N/ Miley and Garrison? Who'd have thought it? Will the kids see the nuptials of Marrison? Or is it just another of Miley's sex scandals? Any thoughts, reviews, ideas or criticism would be good
Loveeee,
Saalyy
